Outspoken
by mo.texas55
Summary: Leo's got a choice to make. Donnie's got some stuff to make. And everyone else is just a complication! (Sequel to Unspoken Affection)...Don't you just love vague summaries :)
1. Chapter 1

**"Ask and you shall receive" :)**

**Hello, my lovely readers! You wanted a sequel; you got it! Uh yes, I'll repeat that once more. THIS IS A SEQUEL. If you haven't read Unspoken Affection, my advice to you is to open up a new tab and start there instead. There is backstory and information there that you will be missing if you bypass Part 1. Just click on my name and you'll find it :)**

**Anywho, a couple of housekeeping things of course. I feel like I must warn you that there are triangles (or more like webs) all over this thing. Expect pairings on top of pairings on top of pairings - dunno how deep I'll go into all of them, but I'm letting you know now this story is not just about Raph and Leo, though it _is_ majorly centered around that.**

**Errm, as far as updates go I'm not sure how consistent I'll be; it's probably going to fluctuate so bear with me. **

**Disclaimer: Five-finger discount...Uhhh just kidding, they're borrowed. Not my characters!**

**Anything else I'm forgetting I'm sure I'll mention later. So proceed, read, enjoy and as always, let me know what you think!**

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They were sitting on the step above the pit, each pair of knees innocently leaning into the same space. Despite still being slightly pale in hue, Donnie had that false-modesty puff to his chest, occasionally stretching his arms behind his head and doing a poor job of biting back a proud smile as April examined the crack in his shell which was healing well and no longer needed bandaging.

"Does it still hurt?" she asked, delicately tracing her finger along the length of it.

Donnie's head shook. "Nah, not so much. I think maybe in another month or so it will have completely regenerated, though there's a ninety-seven point six percent chance there will still be a visible scar left."

She nodded and her next comment was lost beneath Casey's cackle and Mikey's defeated whine as the young turtle lost more life points on Atomic Robo-X across the room. Leo hardly spared a glance for them, he watched instead as April and Donnie both smiled and shared a soft chuckle, gazing at one another in a way they probably weren't aware of.

The eldest turtle was sitting on the opposite side of the pit with his chin on his fist and his elbow on his knee. _Super Robo Mecha Force Five_ was playing, as it always seemed to be, its pixilated colors flashing in blues and reds across his face, but in his consideration it had no precedence.

He wondered what it must be like for Donnie when April smiled at him like that.

Leo sometimes caught the blush in his brother's cheeks whenever Donnie realized how very close he was in proximity to April, or if she noticed him staring at her. And occasionally the blue-banded terrapin shook his head whenever his younger brother let slip something he hadn't meant to say and then stumbled over his words and acted intensely awkward around her.

Leo wished he wouldn't. He knew Donnie would have a much better shot with April if he just relaxed, if he didn't worry so much about what she thought of him. Don could be a thoroughly remarkable turtle when he was simply being himself and not purposely trying to come off as "cool," in which case, most times, he failed epically and blossomed into the most klutzy, ineloquent ninja the world of martial arts had ever seen. Playing cool worked for Mikey and Raph, and even Leo himself sometimes, but it was most unfortunate that Donnie was lacking in that aspect.

"Kinda sad isn't it?"

Leo glanced up as Raph lowered himself beside him and flashed half a smile.

Despite the little flutter of nerves that suddenly tickled his stomach, the turtle in blue returned a gentle smirk and shook his head.

"Nah. He's cute."

Raph snapped his gaze up with a furrowed brow and an instant heat flared up in the older turtle's cheeks.

Leo cleared his throat. "I mean in a dorky kind of way, just because you can tell he's trying so hard…She does like him though."

Raph's expression smoothed out a bit and he looked back across the room. "She tell you that or somethin'?"

Leo shrugged, leaning back on his palms. "No, but… It's not like she understands him any better than we do. Why else would she talk to him so much?"

"Because he's a stalker and won't leave her alone."

Leo's smirk returned and he bumped his brother's knee with his own. "Oh come on, Donnie's not that bad. Look how she's smiling at him."

They both tilted their heads over their shoulders, crowns leaning innocently into the same space as they observed April and Donnie's interaction in a not-so-discreet manner of staring.

It was heart-warming, while also terribly frustrating. Sometimes Leo wished he couldn't see so much of himself in his younger brother. Sometimes he wished Donnie's utter and complete fascination with April didn't mirror how he knew he'd once been about Karai. And, what was more, he wished he could think of Karai without feeling a hollow ache in his chest, which now only twisted and tightened into a guilty knot whenever Raph was near.

His shoulders dropped and he glanced toward his red-banded brother out of the corner of his eye, trying not to make the motion obvious. But Raph was already peeking at him too, and upon catching one another in the act they both looked away quickly.

Raph shifted and cleared his throat but said nothing as Leo stared now at the floor with warm cheeks and a shudder that rippled through his arms and made his fingers flex against the cold cement beneath them. Silence drifted between them like a sardonic thread tying a knot around them, forcing them together to occupy the same space without their willingness to do so.

It was awkward and Leo hated that. Things had never been awkward between him and Raph. Difficult sure, frustrating yes, fun even, absolutely…but awkward? It didn't seem right. They were brothers. There wasn't supposed to be awkwardness there. That was something reserved for blushing adolescents who spent their time avoiding the very same space that they wanted to fill—like Donnie and April, who apparently were never going to admit that they were hopelessly smitten with one another. Raph and Leo weren't like Donnie and April…They weren't.

Raph cleared his throat again. "So…" he said slowly, staring down at his fingers. "It's been about two weeks now. Are we just gonna ignore it?"

"Ignore what?" Leo asked, staring as innocently as he could.

Raph met his gaze and his eyes turned hard, glazing over with that infamous glint of nerve. The two brothers regarded one another for a long while, both fully aware of what Raphael was talking about. But Leo said nothing to let that on, and those green eyes before him succumbed to a pitiable kind of anger.

Raph shook his head. "Classy, Leo," he grumbled, pressing his palms against his knees to stand.

Leo's heart skipped an odd beat and he snatched his brother's wrist to pull him back down. "Raph…"

His eyes fell on the hand he had on his brother's arm, and he was suddenly all too aware of how firm and mature the muscles under Raph's skin had become as they coiled and shifted the slightest bit beneath his palm. He immediately took his hand away, bringing it back into his own bubble—a dying universe that actually made sense.

He watched his fingers flex and curl and took in a large breath. "I—"

A dual bellow cut him off, charging up from behind them like a freight train, and Raphael was suddenly gone from his side in a blur of green, orange, and black. He reappeared again under a pile of limbs on the floor of the pit as Mikey and Casey double-teamed and tackled him to the ground.

Leo dropped his head to the side with a chest-deflating sigh and unenthused frown, watching as Raph's temper sky-rocketed within a five-second time span. Mikey and Casey's laughter was quickly suffocated as the red-banded rebel plunged his knees and fists into very sensitive places to shake them loose and then proceeded to beat them into the ground until they choked for mercy.

"The shell's the matter with you two?!" he shouted over their groaning as he pushed himself to his feet and stepped away from them.

"Dude," Mikey whined, sitting up and nursing his already welting jaw.

"We were just playin' around," Casey groaned, pressing a palm to his nose and then taking it away again to observe the blood smearing his skin. "What's your deal?"

Raph glared at them and said nothing, muscles so tight that Leo could see his veins pressing against his skin.

He seemed to notice he was under watch and his bright green eyes shot up at Donnie and April who both looked quickly away as though afraid he'd pummel them too. Leo heard him growl under his breath before he turned stiffly and climbed out of the pit.

And the blue-banded turtle was aware of the exact moment that those hot, green eyes fell upon him, but he did not meet them. Instead, he stared straight ahead with an expressionless face and waited for Raph to stomp off and slam himself in his room before releasing his breath through his nose and letting his head rock forward on his neck.

"What's withhim?" Casey asked, pulling Mikey to his feet.

"Oh he gets like this occasionally. Probably had a run-in with a cockroach or somethin'," Mikey said.

Despite their blossoming bruises, they chuckled. Leo shot a glare up at them.

"You don't know _what's_ going on with Raph," he snapped. "Leave him alone."

They blinked.

"Sorry, Leo," Mikey responded, his mask creased on his brow, voice turning up at the end as though his response was more of a question.

Casey turned up his palms as though to assert their innocence. "We just thought that—"

"It doesn't matter," Leo said getting to his feet to walk away from the common area. "I'll go talk to him."

He felt the tension leaving with him, as though it was attached to his shell like a spool of thread, unraveling the further he walked. Only it seemed the spool had a pretty endless supply of strain on its spine. He didn't feel any more relieved when he reached Raph's door and he knew once he crossed the threshold to his brother's room any hope of being pacified with where he and his brother stood would quickly become a childish fantasy.

So he hesitated for a moment and distinctly heard Casey's voice say, "So what's up with _him_?"

"Sunk if I know, dude," Mikey replied.

Leo sighed. He leaned his forehead against the cool steel door and closed his eyes, counting to himself, pausing for a flimsy moment of meditation—like that was going to help. Even without this "thing" hanging over him and his brother he'd always known that the best way to approach Raphael with anything was by using the temperamental turtle's own method of eradicating problems. Leo would just have to force his way through it, no preparation necessary—at least none that would help.

So he lifted his head and knocked.

The door opened before he could even drop his fist.

"Took you ten more seconds than it should have," Raph snapped, turning away immediately.

Leo let himself in and closed the door behind him.

He stood just inside the threshold, not daring to go any further, and watched his brother throw himself down on his bed and chuck a shuriken at the ceiling where it joined a nest of them just above the place where Raph's head went. Leo shuddered. He didn't know how Raph slept through the night like that. It was like he didn't give a flip that he might be impaled by a dozen steel star tips at any moment. Then again, Raph cared little for the danger he often put himself through.

"What were you going to say?" the red-clad turtle demanded, now concentrating on balancing his sai on his finger directly over his face.

"Nothing," Leo mumbled, looking away at a dirty towel hanging from one of the cymbals on the old drum set Raph never played.

Why did he even have that thing?

"Alright," Raph said with a tone that seemed forcibly detached. "Then fuck off."

Leo closed his eyes tiredly for a moment then pushed himself away from the door and walked over to sit on the end of his brother's bed. "What do you _want_ me to say, Raph?"

"It's not about what I _want_ you to say, Fearless."

"Then what _do_ you want?"

Raph tossed up his sai, watched it turn to dive back for his face, and caught it by the tine just before it could poke him in the nose. "I want you to stop ignoring me," he grumbled.

Leo sighed. "I'm not ignoring you."

"No, you're just acting like nothing happened, and it's stupid. It's not like I'm acting any different."

Leo scoffed under his breath. "No," he agreed—to the most extreme degree. If anything over the past couple of weeks, Raph had been even more pissy than usual.

He sat up. "But _you_ are. I mean, come on Leo, why d'you have to make this all weird?"

"Because it _is_ weird," Leo exclaimed, widening his eyes on his brother. "It's weird, Raph."

Raphael's cheeks burned a dim shade of red. "That's not what I meant," he growled, stuffing his arms across his plastron. "I mean, we're still brothers, Leo…Right?"

Leonardo looked away, suddenly unsure how to answer that question.

"_Right_?" Raph insisted, slapping his arm hard enough to leave a sting on his skin.

Leo hardly blinked an eye at it. He brought his shoulders up. "Yeah," he said, trying to sound as though it was obvious as he looked back at the turtle in red.

"Okay." Raph nodded once, as though he'd just proven a point. "Then we've always got that. Everything else…" His green eyes glazed and he went quiet, the rest of his sentence hanging in the space between them like a tether ball waiting to be served.

He pulled his knees up to his chest and looked toward the wall.

Leo bit the inside of his lip and looked down at Raph's rumpled sheets. "Maybe we should start over," he mumbled.

He could feel it when his brother's eyes turned back on him. "You watch too much goddamned TV."

Leo coughed a laugh that died quickly. He shrugged again. "What do you want to do then?"

When he looked back at his brother, Raph's gaze was already steady on him.

He shook his red-banded head. "Let's just…forget it."

Leo frowned. "But you just said—"

"I just said let's forget it," Raph snapped, eyes turning hot.

"Raph…"

"Leo, I'm serious. Forget it. It doesn't matter."

"Of course it matters!"

"To _you_?" Raph challenged.

"Yes!" Leo exclaimed, offended that his brother would think anything less of him. "I'm not that shallow, hot-head."

Raphael narrowed his eyes. "Fine then. We'll just…"

"Put it to the side." Leo shrugged.

Raph raised a brow. "Are you waiting for something?"

Leo grimaced, eyes automatically shifting everywhere else around the room. He shouldn't have felt like he'd been caught under a spotlight with a jar of stolen cookies in his hands. And yet when he responded he himself could hear the waver in his voice.

"No." He kept his eyes averted and rubbed the back of his neck.

He hated how tangible his brother's gaze was, that he could_ feel_ Raph's eyes tightening on him. "This is about Karai isn't it?"

Leo scoffed and looked at his brother as guiltlessly as he could. "No!"

"Bull freaking shit."

Leo pursed his lips and dropped his gaze again. That was the one thing he'd always hated about Raph. He was the one person that always seemed to see right through him—with those bright green eyes of his. Why _were_ they green? For some reason that seemed weird.

"Alright Fearless, I'll tell you what. Since you want to play undecided, I'll give you until we get Karai back to make up your mind about where you want to be in this little triangle here."

The heat returned to Leo's cheeks like someone was switching a light switch on and off. He gazed at his brother with perfectly round eyes. Even after sixteen _long_ years of putting up with him, sometimes Leo was astounded by Raph's inherent boldness. But then again, that was Raph—any and everything that made him uncomfortable was something to take a swing at. He never allowed himself to be pushed backward. He'd keep stomping forward whether Leo was with him or not.

"So…" Leo began slowly, leaning his palms back on the bed. "You're actually _letting_ me decide?"

Raph cocked a brow and slightly stuck up his nose as though none of this really mattered to him. "Ball's in your court, bro. I did my play."

The blue-banded turtle tilted his head skeptically. "And you're not going to argue?"

Raph scoffed and turned his face away, bottom lip poking out slightly. But when Leo didn't say anything else he narrowed those greens eyes back on his leader and turned up his palms. "What else do you want, Fearless?"

"I thought this was about what _you_ wanted."

The younger turtle snorted. "I dunno what universe _you_ live in Chief, but where I'm at I'm pretty sure it isn't…Least it doesn't look that way."

Raph dropped his eyes to the side and didn't look back at his older brother anymore, which gave Leo an inch of freedom to watch the side of his face, though this hurt more than he expected it to.

In the moment, Raph didn't look like Raph—not the stubborn, iron-fisted, fire-breathing, smug Raphael that_ Leo_ knew. Rather, he looked more like an aged man, disappointed with the life he'd been leading all these years, only now realizing that what he wanted was too far to reach for, too late. It tied a knot in the leader's stomach to see his rebel this way—a warrior backing away from a fight he was too afraid to lose. Leo didn't want that. That wasn't the kind of spirit he knew his immediate younger brother to have. As much grief as that rebellious, hard-headed essence had given him all this time, Leo would've rather Raph had that spirit back right about now.


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry lovies. I posted Chapter 2 and then realized only half the chapter was up so I had to take it back down and fix the problem. Grr...But anywho, the good news is you get more story :D So read, enjoy, blah blah blah let me know what you think, and all that jazz.**

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"Are they alright?" April asked, peeking to Donnie with a half concerned, half curious furrow to her brow.

"Leo and Raph?" Donnie shrugged. "They've been acting…odd, but I suppose Leo's still uptight about Karai, and you can always count on Raph to be umm…unpredictable, to say the least—especially where Leo's concerned."

"But they _are_ acting odd?" April pressed, as though determined to know someone else was seeing what she was seeing.

Donnie nodded slowly. "Yes…Yes they are."

April hummed curiously and leaned back on her palms, her shoulder lightly brushing against Donnie's arm. His cheeks became inflamed and he looked away from her, eyes landing on Mikey and Casey in the pit, both of whom were pointing at each other's faces and laughing at the injuries Raph had given them. Resilient those two were—not to mention oblivious. Life was one big playground to them.

"Do you know why?"

Donnie blinked and shook his head again. "Not specifically. I mean—I have theories I suppose, but that's all they are."

April's lips turned up in an interested smile and she nudged him encouragingly. "Well let's hear 'em."

Donnie's eyes widened on her, as though all of his secret thoughts had been compromised; he coughed nervously. "It's nothing really," he stammered. "I'd rather not assume…I mean, if it's not that…I could…" He shrugged. "It's nothing."

April rolled her eyes with a complacent smirk. "Alright Donnie."

A soft silence settled between them and he allowed himself to watch her as she watched Mikey and Casey. There was a loose strand of red-gold hair trailing the length of her face and his fingers itched to tuck it back behind her ear, the way she normally did it. But he refrained. Sometimes even sitting directly next to her she could seem so far away, detached from him, out of his reach. Trying to reel her in was like carrying an undeterred determination to one day _be_ that person to lasso the moon. But it seemed such a fantastic concept. What if you _could_ lasso the moon? What if he _could_ get April to like him? What would happen then?

He bit his bottom lip uncertainly, allowing himself a tender smile when she laughed at something Mikey was doing. He'd bet the Shellraiser _and_ the T-Sub that no one on earth laughed the way April did.

He opened his mouth to speak, to ask her if she wanted to go for a walk through the tunnels, get some fresh air, or whatever kind of air was available in the sewers. Not for any real specific reason other than that he wanted to be alone with her. But he was cut off before the question came out as Casey jumped between them, elbowing Donnie in the plastron—whether accidentally or on purpose seemed to work either way for the puck head—and managed to nudge his way into sitting smack in between Donnie and April, his back to Donnie as he leaned into April's personal bubble.

Donnie curled a fist and growled.

"So Red, wanna check out this burger joint that just opened up a few blocks from my place?" Casey asked, stretching a cool grin.

The turtle's jaw dropped and a bubble of irritation tightened in his chest, burning to scream a _Foul!_ But he puffed up his cheeks and held his breath instead. It wasn't supposed to be a game. But still…That wasn't fair and Jones knew it.

April giggled and Donnie's chest deflated. "Sure Casey," she said with a coy eye roll.

"Dudes," Mikey piped up. "I thought you were gonna eat with _us_."

_Thank you Mikey_, Donnie praised. "Yeah," he added. "Mikey's making…What are you making?" He turned his eyes on his little brother hopefully.

Mikey propped his hands on his hips and leaned his head back with a cocky grin. "Just a little dish I like to call Leftover Take Down," he exclaimed, punching a fist into the air.

April squinted dubiously. "What's that?" she asked, as though slightly fearful of the response.

"Well, it's when I take all the leftover pizza and takeout and make it into something totally awesome."

"_Like_…"

The orange-banded turtle's eyes popped as though he'd been caught off guard. "Uh…I haven't really decided yet."

April gave him a polite, sisterly smile. "As…endearing as that sounds Mikey, I'm gonna have to pass." She pushed herself to her feet. "Besides, hanging around you guys, I've had enough pizza to last me centuries—_whatever_ form it comes in."

While she brushed off her shorts, Donnie watched with a disappointed frown tugging at his lips. He caught Casey's self-satisfied smirk out of the corner of his eye and gritted his teeth as his blood steamed in his veins, but he kept his rage quiet and fixed his frown into a casual grin.

He popped up from his seat and took one elongated step over to April's side to drape an arm around her shoulders as he walked with her toward the exit.

"I completely understand," he said. "So when you come back tomorrow would you like to trade tips on weapons? Sensei says it's important to be practiced in every form of weaponry. I can teach you how to use a bo staff—_my_ bo staff."

April smiled up at him graciously. "Sure Donnie."

"Or…" said Casey, throwing an arm around the terrapin's shoulders and yanking him into his side, forcing Donnie's hold to slip away from April. "_I_ could teach her to use my hockey stick and there'd be no need for twirling your staff."

Donnie bared his teeth and shoved Casey away from him. "_Hockey_ _sticks_," he began tersely, "are for sport, _not_ combat. There is no 'teaching her how to use it.' The bo staff, on the other-hand, is one of the most traditional Japanese weapons used in martial arts—_art_, here a term implying elegance and _discipline_. It takes a lot more than just waving around a stick and becoming a sad excuse for a vigilante."

Casey raised an uninterested brow. "I take that very personal-like, Donatello."

"Personal_ly_," the purple-banded turtle corrected.

Casey smirked and tucked a thumb inside his pocket. "Like it makes a difference."

"It _does_!"

Jones ignored this and draped an arm around April's shoulders where Donnie's had just been a moment ago. April rolled her eyes but allowed it and then smiled back at the two turtles.

"Tell Leo and Raph I said bye and I hope they loosen up. See you guys tomorrow."

"See ya, April. See ya, Casey!" Mikey called, waving after them with a wide smile as Donnie pouted, watching as his April was practically dragged out of sight by the likes of another…"man."

He scoffed under his breath once they were gone. "Can you believe him?"

"I know right?" Mikey chimed. "He's so cool."

Donnie wrinkled his beak and smacked the back of his brother's head.

"Ouch! Geez, is _everyone_ in a bad mood today?"

The older turtle softened and gave his brother a sorrowful glance as Mikey rubbed his head. "Sorry, Mikey. It's just…Ugh, he does that on purpose."

"Who Casey? Does what?"

"'Wanna check out this burger joint?'" Donnie mocked in his most idiotic interpretation of Casey's voice. "He knows _we _can't do that kind of stuff. He just takes advantage of the fact that he's the only one that can actually take April out places."

Mikey pursed his lips as though actually thoughtful. "But isn't that the point?"

Donnie sneezed and then blinked the dizziness away that came with it. "What?"

The turtle in orange shrugged. "Well if _we_ can't take her anywhere, isn't it a good thing that Casey _can_? I mean would you rather she not go anywhere at all? I dunno about you dude, but I'm pretty sure April hates not being able to hang out with us in places like that."

The muscles in Donnie's face loosened and his eyes fell to the floor, a faint touch of embarrassed rouge coming up in his cheeks. He hated it when Mikey, of all people, made a point that he'd overlooked—and was _right_.

The click of a door closing interrupted Donnie's astonishment and he and Mikey both glanced across the room as Leo reappeared with a distracted look to his eyes.

"You guys done?" Mikey asked with a jeering note to his tone. "You just missed April and Casey."

"Huh?" Leo blinked his blue eyes over to where the younger two were standing, as though he hadn't caught a word of that. "Oh. That's fine Mikey," he mumbled generically.

Mikey and Donnie watched their eldest brother stare at the floor for a moment before he switched his gaze back to them, this time looking directly at his brother in purple, his brow furrowed with uncertainty. He fidgeted with the strap across his plastron.

"Donnie, would you…Do you want to come meditate with me?" he asked, jerking a thumb over his shoulder toward the dojo.

Donnie blinked. Leo never _asked_ any of them to meditate with him. He normally didn't think it worth his time to try and get them to sit still for something like that, and truthfully, Leo was the only one who actually _liked_ meditating. Mikey was way too distractible, and Raph was just as equally impatient. Donnie did it when he had to, but he normally had far better things he could think of to fill up his time—projects to finish, equations to solve, discoveries to make—meditating was something he never volunteered himself for. But there was a distinct tone of pleading in Leo's voice that told the intelligent turtle meditating was in fact not the first thing on the leader's mind at the moment.

"Okay," Donnie agreed. Though skeptical, he followed his brother toward the dojo anyway, glancing once over his shoulder toward Mikey who shrugged, stretched a beaming smile, and waved enthusiastically.

* * *

The dojo was empty when they entered and Leonardo immediately strode over to Splinter's room, gently pushing back one of the shojis to peek in on their sensei. Donnie pressed the back of his hand to his nose to stifle another sneeze as a strong waft of incense tickled his nostrils. He stole a peek over Leo's head and caught a glimpse of their father sitting on his knees, eyes closed in concentration, surrounded by flickering candles. His expression was at its most emotionless, a good indicator of how deeply he was settled in his own meditation.

Splinter did not acknowledge their presence. So Leo silently slid the door closed and then walked across the dojo to place himself directly beneath the full-grown tree. Donnie followed and sat next to his brother, crossing his legs and straightening his back. He rested his arms loosely on his knees, took in a long, calming breath and for a moment simply stared across the room, allowing the silence to speak, concentrating on his brother's aura and what it might tell him. But he had never really been good at that kind of thing—at least not without physical observation—so he simply looked over to Leo after a while and took in his older brother's slouch and the frown in the corner of his mouth.

"So I'm going to assume you didn't actually bring me in here to mediate," Donnie spoke, his voice awkwardly loud in the emptiness of the dojo. "What did you want to talk about?"

Leo grimaced at the floor and glanced almost timidly in Donnie's direction. "I…" He sighed heavily. "I dunno. I'm just…I need advice I guess."

"Advice about what?" Donnie prompted.

Leo's cheeks flushed and he looked away, eyes darting around the dojo hesitantly. The younger turtle glanced down and watched his brother's fists curl on his knees.

He looked back up. "You can tell me, Leo."

Leonardo bit his bottom lip and shifted. "It…It's Raph," he mumbled.

"What about Raph?"

Leo shrugged, scratching at his knee pads. "Well…Did he tell you—why he was so mad at you? Why he threw that rock?"

The blue-banded turtle finally looked back at Donnie who shook his head, ignoring the small knot of discomfort in his chest. It had been a solid week or two since any one of them had brought that up.

"Not necessarily," he answered. "I mean, one can only guess he wasn't particularly fond of me at the moment…To be honest, Leo, I didn't really give him a chance to tell me. From what I actually listened to, he sounded kind of…jealous." He shrugged, suddenly aware of a fair heat reaching his own cheeks.

Leo simply stared.

"I don't understand why he would be though," Donnie continued. "There's nothing to be jealous of me for."

"There's plenty, Donnie," Leo mumbled, though he went on before Donatello could comment. "He didn't like that we'd been spending so much time together."

The purple-banded turtle raised a brow. "You and me?"

Leo nodded.

"But…" Donnie's mask creased down the middle. He thought for a moment, his knuckle on his chin, mulling back through the past few months, Leo's driven focus toward getting Karai back, Raph's increasing frustration which he'd seemed content releasing on Donatello up until it had almost gotten him and Leo killed. He had a theory, yes...Was he about to voice it? That was a question all on its own.

He looked to his older brother, at the desperation swirling in Leo's blue irises. His gaze drifted to the scars across Leo's cheek, still so uncomfortably new. He tried not to grimace before he looked back into his brother's eyes.

"Why would that bother him?" he finally asked, gazing at his leader as though he didn't already know the answer.

Leo sighed, turning his eyes away again.

When he spoke next it was as though he was directing his voice to the rugs beneath them. "Don't ever tell Raph about this okay?" he said quietly.

Donnie nodded and kept silent—waiting.

Leo took a large shuddering breath. "He loves me," he mumbled, a nice bright shade of red taking over his cheeks.

Donnie continued to stare, continued to wait—in silence—until Leo finally looked back at him with a glaze of anxiety, as though Donatello's lack of response unnerved him. But Donnie nodded, slowly at first, until he gathered what he was going to respond with.

"It—doesn't surprise me," he said factually.

Leo's brow furrowed. "You know what I mean don't you?"

"Yeah." He nodded. "Not that it's obvious, but Raph isn't all that good at hiding how he feels and he's pretty easy to figure out, once one takes the time to notice all the signs. He denies anything he knows he wants but can't have." He shrugged. "Sour grapes."

"Sour what?"

"Sour grapes," Donnie repeated. "It's a phrase referring to the negative attitude a person will take to something they can't have. I don't imagine this is anything new, just something Raph's been denying all this time because it reveals an emotion other than anger in him. If he's…wanted you all this time then that would explain his determination to oppose you so much. To him you're not something he should want so he tried to push you away—that is, until he realized it was actually working."

Leo dropped his eyes thoughtfully and straightened his back. "So…Raph's been picking fights with me this whole time because he doesn't want to—_want_ me?"

Donnie nodded simply. He'd slipped into his non-judgmental psychiatrist mode—if he had to call it anything—the turtle with the answers to all of his brothers' questions. It was his job to help them with things like this. However truly odd the thought of Raph "wanting" Leo was, Donnie couldn't allow himself to make a big deal of it. If he did, then Leo would and if Leo did, then Raph would actually have a reason to hate his life.

"And this makes sense to you?" Leo asked.

Donnie offered him a small smile. "Psychology."

"Right," said the older brother, looking uncertain. "So…What should I do?"

"Well," Donnie sighed, allowing his shoulders to fall. "Seeing as we're past the sour grapes and he's comfortable enough with, at the very least, letting you know how he feels, I guess the question now would be: How do _you_ feel?"

Leo's eyes grew wide and he jerked as though Donnie had poked him in the plastron with his naginata blade. "I…" His cheeks turned red again. "I…I don't have sour grapes."

Donnie nodded patiently. "Noted. What_ do_ you have?"

"I have…" The older turtle's blue eyes shifted restlessly. "I have feelings for Karai," he blurted out.

Donnie nodded again, admittedly a little charmed by Leo's uncharacteristic flustering. "I know. But do you have feelings for _Raph_?"

Leo looked horror-stricken. "Donnie…"

"You can have both, Leo," the younger turtle provided gently. "That's perfectly okay. It just means you're in the bicurious, bisexual realm of orientation."

Leo grimaced, as though Donatello had just diagnosed him with a ghastly terminal disease. "Raph…Raph's my brother."

"True." Donnie nodded yet again. "But is that all he is to you?"

Leo swallowed, looking to his purple-banded brother as though he was going to provide the answer. For Leo's sake Donnie wished that he could, but that was one question he did _not_ know the answer to. It was easy to share his perspective on Raph's sour grapes, to shrug and nod at the fact that it wasn't all that surprising learning that Raph was in love with Leo, but to tell Leo that Donnie believed his eldest brother might be in love with Raph too was an entirely different set of cards to deal with. Leo had never been the most eager to let his emotions seep to the outside and every year that he practiced masking himself, he became harder and harder to read. This was one time Donnie could not clarify his brother's confusion.

"You don't have to answer that now, Leo. Just think about it for a while. Raph may not be the most patient turtle on the face of the planet, but he'll wait for you…He's been doing it this long."

Leo grimaced again, shoulders sinking. "He's giving me until we get Karai back."

Donnie raised a brow. "Why until then?"

"He knows how I feel about her."

Donnie pursed his lips thoughtfully and nodded. "So, either we get her back and you decide you love _her_, or we get her back and you decide you love _him_."

Leo squinted uncertainly. "Or we get her back and I'm more hopelessly confused than ever. Or we just don't get her back _at all_." At this the blue-banded leader dropped his head, as though tossing his weapons in surrender, as though he was giving up on it all.

Donatello reached out and placed a comforting hand on his brother's shoulder. "We _will_ get her back Leo; that I can promise you."

Leonardo peeked up at him with young blue eyes, glazed with a sense of dependence and a need for solidity, for something to be sure of. It was as though he'd aged backward five or ten years and was just a kid sitting on a rug lost and unsure about himself. Donnie pursed his lips sympathetically and then forced on a smile for his older brother.

"Should we meditate now?" he asked tenderly.

Leo almost cracked a smile. "You don't have to Don," he said shaking his head. "I just didn't want Mikey nosing in on the conversation."

Donatello watched his brother for a moment, despite all of Leo's confusion, admiring his courage. He straightened his back again and replaced his arms on his knees, tilting his chin up slightly and closing his eyes.

He peeked with one eye at his brother who smiled and followed his lead. Donnie reclosed his eye and began to monitor his breathing as he sat in a meditative silence with his older brother.


	3. Chapter 3

**I know, this chapter is significantly shorter than the first two. But, it is a necessary springboard for upcoming...events...  
**

* * *

There it was again.

That scent.

So faint, like a single strand of thread that seemed to have no beginning but always led _somewhere_.

She followed it, practically pressing her snout to the ground. She kept her eyes closed in concentration. The scent was always difficult to hold onto, for it was always enveloped in a stronger aroma, one vaguely familiar but that didn't quite make her as curious as the smaller scent.

In fact, the smaller scent frustrated her. She'd been following it all over the city, losing and finding it in the most random places, only occasionally catching it without its foil of the stronger scent which smelled of dampness and some kind of polish—a metal polish—though she wasn't sure how she knew that. Sometimes there would be other scents surrounding this one, scents of salty foods, perspiration and dirt, and something metallic and oily, like machinery. These three scents were also always laced with the smell of damp. Sometimes she occasionally caught the fainter scent within these other three definitive smells as well, but this only frustrated her more, made her feel as though there were more paths to follow, though all of these scents were often grouped together in the same places.

For the most part she discovered them on rooftops and in the shadows of Chinatown, and most especially in alleyways around manhole covers. So far however, she had dared not follow them into the underbelly of the city; she was already lost as it was, roaming around in circles day after day, picking up the scents and then losing them only to find them a few blocks over the next day.

These things, whatever they were, moved around a lot. Though, for the most part, they cropped up in general areas of vacancy, which suited her. She found it best to avoid the many humans that traversed the streets night and day of every day. If ever one of these fleshy ones on two legs managed to spot her they always made a shrieking noise she had quickly decided she did not like very much. Though there was something about these humans that intrigued her.

First, for instance, that she knew they were humans. She didn't know why she knew they were called that; it just seemed the correct term, as did multiple things she'd come across during her circular wanderings. The polish for instance, noodles, food carts, cars, billboards, sewers. She knew she was in the city, and she often felt, for some odd reason, that she should be a part of it, the urban essence, the business, the noodles and polish.

She often found herself racking her brain for knowledge beyond all of this. She couldn't remember _why_ she was in the city, what she was supposed to be doing there, if anything. Why this scent was so important. Where she'd come from. How she'd gotten there in the first place. _What _she was even—though that mattered surprisingly very little most times. But she could never _force_ the answers to these questions. If ever they came, it was haphazard and random and she'd sometimes forget just as quickly as she remembered.

Though, she _was_ overcome by strange visions sometimes, visions of herself in a different form, of one of those fleshy humans on two legs with short hair and red streaks over her eyes. Sometimes if the smell of polish was particularly strong she could very clearly imagine herself using that polish, or at least one with a similar scent to it, sliding a cloth along the sharp, gleaming blade of a sword a—juji-ken was what it was called. And she could see her reflection in the metal of the blade and, though it always looked familiar to her, she could never claim that reflection as her own.

She had other visions too, visions that most often came with those four strong scents that were always clustered together, as if she should know what they were.

Green and damp with shells, also on two legs with impressive speed and strength. They were not humans.

She had seen them a couple of times, crossed paths with them—run _away_ from them even. But she couldn't ever remember why she did. Sometimes it seemed she couldn't hold herself accountable for what she was doing. Things just seemed to happen and her body always moved on its own, and then before she knew it she'd been alone again, trying to remember what had just occurred, why she'd felt the need to run, who or _what_ exactly it was she was running from—or "slithering" from. That was probably a more accurate term.

Who…or what.

The green things.

There was one with blue, a cloth striping his face, as though marking him, making him distinguishable from the others.

It was a _him_—she knew. And he was the one that smelled of polish, the one that usually enveloped the fainter scent, the scent that reminded her of a past, _her_ past—that she might actually have one. It was a scent of warmth and wisdom—if wisdom had a smell. It held an aroma of incense and tea, and also had that interwoven stamp of dampness to it.

She was desperate to find the source of this scent. Maybe who or whatever it belonged to could tell her where she was, _why _she was…if she had a name.

And it was here now, around the ring of this manhole cover that she was circling, muffled by the blue one's scent of polish, a tiny thread of hope. She decided - she would follow it this time. She was tired of roaming, tired of skipping across the same areas of the city and being too afraid to go down. She would go down today, and she would follow those scents, and she would finally figure out where she belonged.


	4. Chapter 4

**I blame the lateness of this chapter on the holidays. Hope you're all enjoying yours!**

* * *

No matter how many times he punched it, kicked it, willed a hole to burn through its head with the flames of his glower, it never seemed to be enough.

The stupid dummy. Sometimes he wished it had a heartbeat, muscles, real skin and nerves that carried real blood rather than fabric and stitches weighed down like a beer-bellied man with a mixture of dry sand and cotton.

A little bloodthirsty? So maybe he was, but clobbering something real, something that had the power to fight back and bare its own teeth, always gave him a sense of dominance that seemed essential to his sanity. He'd lose his head otherwise. He had to be in control of _something_ or else he'd be forever subjected to following everyone else's rules, everyone else's orders. He didn't work like that. And yet this left him with a problem—a _major _problem…Not only because Leo had been _named_ his leader, but because he could _feel_ himself practically bending down on one knee in submission every time Leo's blue-eyed gaze met his now. And why? Because he had an unfortunate attraction to the guy? (And he _meant_ unfortunate—like being born with a third arm sprouting out of his shell or having an addiction to cake.)

The muscles around his mouth tensed as he pressed his lips together and paused, breathing heavily through his nose while the dummy swung on its chain in that mocking way it always did.

It didn't have a smile—or any inkling of a mouth to speak of—but sometimes he could easily imagine that he heard it laughing at him, giggles all resonating and demonic, the kind that find hilarity in the worst of pains…But then that also could've been Mikey whooping at the arcade game across the room.

Back to the root of all misfortunes, however, Mikey wasn't the only other mutant turtle occupying the common area.

Raph narrowed his eyes and brushed them slowly to the side, glancing over his shoulder toward the pit where his older brother was practicing katas in front of the television.

Leo's movements, as always, were well-articulated and smooth, seamless…Dare he think captivating? There was certainly an air of grace and flawless intention to the way the turtle in blue always moved. Even when he lowered his katana to his side and paused to breathe, there lived an air of sophisticated presentation to his straightened spine and rolling shoulders. It was like every stride, bend, sweep, and flex of his muscles was a crucial step in the lethal ballet he was always performing, even in the moments he thought no one was watching.

But Raph _was_ watching, most times now a lot more closely than he meant to. And it pulled at his stomach with lurches of either dread, excitement, anger, humiliation, or longing…He could never decide which. He only knew that it always locked his teeth and made his skin crawl with a heat he found both pleasant and suffocating.

He growled under his breath and looked away from his new-found distraction to punt the stupid dummy in the crouch.

"Just fall over already," he grunted through his teeth as he slammed a fist into its chest and then swung a heel at its head. It shuddered and swayed and rocked but in the aftermath remained upright.

He wrinkled his beak, snatched a sai from his belt and drove it clean through the dummy's face with a ruthless growl. It didn't so much as leak out a drop of its insides. He exhaled hotly through his nose.

"Congratulations, Raph. You killed it."

The red-banded turtle snapped his gaze on his older brother who walked up with a guise of indifference and yanked the sai out of the dummy's head, releasing a thin stream of sand that peppered the floor by their feet.

"Now what?" Leo said, holding out Raph's weapon with his palm open.

Raphael stared up at his older brother through a slightly narrowed gaze. God did he hate the way Leo was looking at him, those blue eyes solid and unblinking, reproving and deductive…handsome. It was stupid. _Infuriating_, to say the least.

He snatched his sai back and looked away. "Now I start over again," he grumbled.

The shift in Leo's strategically-paced breathing did not go unnoticed, but Raph chose to overlook it as the older turtle turned the hitch into a sigh and reached up to free the dummy from its hook. He cradled the back of its head in his palm to keep the innards from leaking out as he hauled it to the lab the way one would carry a lifeless body to a medical center.

Raph followed. Not on purpose—more because he wanted to snatch his opponent back as soon as it was resurrected so that he could whip its butt again.

"What exactly are you hoping to accomplish, Raph?" Leo muttered as he laid the dummy on the table like it was a patient in need of an operation. He dug around in Donnie's drawers for a needle and thread and began sewing up the hole Raph had created.

The red-banded turtle stuffed his arms across his plastron. "What d'you mean?"

"I _mean_, why are you always so aggressive?"

Raph scoffed. "Why are _you_ always such a square?"

Leo glanced up at him once, his eyes shifting so faintly that Raph couldn't rightly call it a searching gaze because it wasn't half a second later that he returned to sewing.

Even the way he impaled the dummy's face with a needle and pulled the thread through its forehead held its own sense of poise…Damn.

"Are you mad?" he asked quietly, directing his voice more toward his patient.

Raph felt his face tic and he turned his shell on his brother, leaning back against the table. "Psh…I'm always mad."

"At me?"

The red-banded terrapin pursed his lips, glad now that he had removed the option of looking back at Leo's face. "No," he said shortly, his voice ringing through the spacious lab with a note of falsity that was hard to ignore.

Leo didn't respond and it made the younger turtle's muscles tighten. It was as though he could resist the urge to look back all he wanted, but his eyes were going to do whatever they pleased…How ironic.

He ended up glancing back over his shoulder and found Leo grimacing at the dummy, cheekbones nudging his eyes into a soft squint and forming a crease on his brow.

For a moment Raph said nothing. He watched his brother struggle to recompose a flat countenance, and unwillingly let his eyes follow the scars along Leo's cheek. The curve of each streak moved with the stretch of skin along his throat as he swallowed, and a knot settled itself in the pit of Raph's stomach. The way the scars conformed to Leo's minutest motion only made them more real, more definitive and sickening.

He shouldn't have been mad at Leo. It was a wonder Leo wasn't still mad at _him_ for everything that had happened.

He didn't even know why he _was_ mad at Leo. Maybe it was just instinctive. Maybe he was so used to embracing rage while his older brother stared him down that now it happened on its own for no reason. Or, maybe it wasn't Leo he was mad at. Maybe he was angry with himself for having allowed his older brother in so deep and now being stuck in a state of limbo. He couldn't fight his way out. He couldn't force his way out. He couldn't even talk his way out. He just had to sit there and wait while his esteemed leader attempted to make up his mind about something that would most likely leave Raphael hanging and shuddering on a chain just like the dummy. It was just a matter of time—that was all. They'd find Karai eventually. Leo would take one look back at Raph, stab him in the chest and then walk away.

_Stupid Raph…Stupid, stupid Raph. Why did you have to go and get all soft?_

"I'm not mad at you, Leo," Raph said firmly this time, tightening his arms over his chest. "I just want my dummy back."

Leo glanced up at him again, a bit longer this time, exhibiting eyes now painted with a thin film of rejection that made Raph's jaw tighten. But the turtle in blue said nothing. He flipped the dummy over to close up the hole on the other side and then broke the thread with a callous tug and took a step back.

Raph lifted the dummy up by its arm and heaved it over his shoulder. He made sure not to glance back at his brother as he walked out of the lab and put his inanimate opponent back in place. He immediately returned to pelting the thing with furious punches and didn't pause to watch as Leo passed him and jumped back down into the pit. Though he was sensitive to the moment that Leo withdrew his katana and resumed practicing katas with his shell to his brother.

Raph pulled in a long breath through his nose and closed his eyes.

"Casey Jones is entering the premises. Everybody brace for awesomeness so awesome that your face will probably melt."

Raph, Leo and Mikey all glanced toward the turnstiles where Casey slid his way through with a bump of his hip and a confident smirk stuck to his face.

Raph shook his head with a scoff. "If my face melts, it's because of your B.O."

"Psh, you're one to talk," Casey said, gliding over on his skated shoes and leaning his elbow against the dummy's shoulder. "You live in the sewers, dude. This place is so rank."

Raph allowed himself a small smirk. "And yet, you fit right in."

Casey shrugged his shoulders coolly, stuffing his hands in his pockets. "Casey Jones fits in anywhere he wants to."

"Casey Jones is going to get sent back home if he doesn't stop speaking in third person," Leo said without breaking his form.

"Is that what we're doin'?" Mikey said. "In that case, Michelangelo is totally about to beat Casey's highest level, bro."

"No way!" Casey exclaimed, skating across the room to peer at the screen. "Aw, you little leaf muncher! That's no fair. You're not supposed to start without me."

"Too late," Mikey sang, bouncing on his toes as he jabbed furiously at one of the buttons.

In the next second, the small turtle was bathed in flashes of orange and red light, and a vintage, video game jingle jumped in blips and trills around the lair.

"Booyakasha! Take that son!" he exclaimed, poking Casey in the chest.

Casey pursed his lips with a great lack of amusement and planted a palm on Mikey's cheek to shove him to the side.

Raph cocked a grin and automatically glanced toward Leo who, for the briefest of moments, met his gaze with a smirk. It was such a normal gesture, an exchange of silent agreement through smiles so practiced that it might've gone unnoticed if they'd simply let it pass. But within the very next second Leo seemed to realize what he was doing and immediately dropped his grin and turned away again.

Raphael felt the muscle behind his plastron shudder under a breeze of dismissal and he turned away too, resuming his bloodthirsty attack on the dummy with a frown.


	5. Chapter 5

**It's going a little slow, I know. But if you read Unspoken Affection, you know things will start picking up pretty soon here ;) **

* * *

_*In the dojo*_

"So you want to keep your hands close to the center of the staff, without having them actually meet…Yeah, just like that. Keep your elbows here when you're twirling; you want to stay nice and centered or else you might as well just be swinging around a stick."

He caught April's tantalizing smirk over her shoulder as he corrected the positions of her hands on his favorite weapon.

"I thought I _was_ just swinging around a stick," she teased.

"Ha, ha, ha," he said dryly, trying not to think of how that comment sounded very Casey-esque. "Alright, give it a whirl."

He stepped back to observe her as she squinted her eyes in concentration and slowly began spinning the bo. It scraped the rug a couple of times and he encouraged her to raise it higher. She did so without comment, pursing her lips. The hand positions he'd shown her a moment ago became confused, and rather than turning in a straight arc, the staff tilted at an angle and hit her in the shin. She automatically leapt back a step.

"Don't move your stance," he directed, pinching the end of the weapon to put its motion on pause. "That comes later. You've got to get twirling down first."

She exhaled with an impatient whine as he fixed her grip again. "How do you get it to go so fast?"

He chuckled, subconsciously taking note of the way her hands felt under his own. They were so small.

"Eleven years, one month, and three days of practice, that's how. I've had the benefit of training under a grand master of ninjutsu since I was five—three and a half if you count curiosity. Trust me, it doesn't happen overnight, and that's okay."

"But you make it look so easy."

"It is," he said.

She raised a brow at him and he smiled, still vaguely aware that her hands were still enveloped in his own.

"Once you get used to it." He shrugged. "Then it just becomes second nature. You're thinking about it too much right now."

She scoffed. "What a funny thing for _you_ to say, Donnie."

"Yeah, yeah." He rolled his eyes, the warmth now finally growing in his cheeks. "Alright, try again, but this time don't concentrate so hard on how to move your hands, just let it happen."

He stepped back again and she proceeded to twirl the bo, moving at a painstakingly slow pace that he knew she minded more than he did. He smiled as he watched her nose wrinkle, the dusting of freckles on her cheeks moving with her skin.

His eyes traveled to her hands, observing the still awkward positioning of them as they clutched and released the staff in the wrong spots, twisting weirdly at the wrists in between. He didn't stop her though, didn't say anything. Instead, he found his gaze moving back up her arms and then down the curve of her back to her waist, down around her boots and back up again, noticing the bend in her knees, the space between each foot, the sheer curvature of her. She'd always been beautiful to him, but somehow the extent of her femininity had escaped him for a while.

"Am I doing this right?"

He didn't answer. In fact, he'd hardly heard. Her voice, while sweet and endearing, seemed somewhere far away, echoing through the back of his mind as un-urgent at the moment. He simply continued his mesmerized staring, the sound of his own heart growing oppositely louder.

"Donnie," she called. "How do I look?"

"Beautiful," he mumbled.

It didn't register until she glanced over at him and a flush of heat blossomed over the entirety of his face.

"I mean your form…The way you…Your um…You-you get it," he stammered, waving a passive hand, though his stomach had somehow found its way to his throat.

"Yeah," she said, a tiny smirk hidden in the corner of her lips. She'd stopped twirling the bo by now and was clutching its middle with one hand. "My form," she repeated.

His eyes became the size of saucers as he realized she'd, yet again, caught him in the act of staring. "The way you were standing—I mean twirling…the staff. I mean your hand positions—placements, could still use some work. But I was talking about your form, is—_was_ beautiful…Not that you're not…But…"

He groaned to himself and tugged at the tails of his mask, turning his face away as he looked over his shoulder and took a breath. "What's next?" he said loudly, looking back to her.

She smiled, leaning casually against his staff with her hip popped to the side. He vaguely wondered if she did that on purpose—if she _knew _how enticing she was.

"You're the teacher, Donnie."

"Yeah…Right…Of course." He cleared his throat and tugged on the ends of his mask again before letting them fall across his shoulder. "So we went over blocking and striking. The twirling will get there with practice. But for now, how about some sparring?" He shrugged, forcing himself to play it cool as he fixed a casual grin to his cheeks.

She narrowed her eyes on him, that smirk still concealed beneath her freckles. "I thought Sensei said you were on temporary sparring leave for another week or so."

Donnie shrugged. He leisurely—and yet very consciously—strolled closer to her, gripping the top end of the staff and leaning against the opposite side. "What, are you afraid I'll beat you?"

She scoffed. "You know I'm not. And you also know that, any other day, I'd take you up on that challenge in a second," she said poking a finger at his plastron. Her daring smile softened. "But I don't want to get in trouble with Sensei, and I don't want you being sick any longer than you have to be."

His smile dropped at one corner. "I'm not…_sick_. It's just taking my body a while to—_rejuvenate_."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Remember two days ago during training?"

He looked toward the ceiling as though trying to recall.

"You passed out, Donnie."

"For like five seconds." He shrugged.

"More like five minutes." Her smile turned sympathetic and she rested her palm against his plastron now, withdrawing an intensified beat from his chest, as though his heart was desperate to get as close to her hand as possible. "You only have to wait it out a little longer, D. Do it for me will you? I _want_ you to be okay again."

His chest deflated with a faint sigh, but he rested his hand on top of hers and smiled fondly. "I _am_ okay."

The corners of her lips turned up tenderly, and he hadn't realized until that moment, how far he'd leaned forward.

"Know how to twirl a baton yet, Red?"

Donnie and April both jumped and snapped their gazes toward the entrance to the dojo where Casey was strutting in with his hands behind his head, a mischievous grin to his lips.

Donnie growled under his breath.

April propped her hands on her hips. "You know, you and Donnie's weapons aren't so different. Maybe you could learn a few things from him too."

"Except Casey's hockey stick isn't a weapon," Donnie grumbled.

Neither of them seemed to hear because Casey was already responding with, "Nah, defense isn't really my style."

The turtle twitched. "_Defense_?"

Casey smiled at him with that irksome smirk that said so obviously he only ever opened his mouth for the strict purpose of getting under people's skin—people being Donatello. "Don't take it the wrong way buddy. You're not exactly wielding a threat over there."

Donnie's back teeth clenched and he allowed the grip he had on his staff to tighten and release the naginata blade. But no sooner had Casey cocked an eyebrow across the room then the three of them were encased in a blanket of darkness.

Donnie's muscles uncoiled.

"Donnie!" came a chorus of irritated voices.

"It wasn't _me_!" he shouted back defensively.

He blinked as a small white light popped on across the room. Casey waved his phone and Donnie and April followed him out of the dojo where they joined the congregation of his brothers and Splinter in the common room.

"Man, I was just about to beat the game," Mikey whined from over by the arcade game. He was staring somberly at the blackened screen, his face lit up by the pale light of his T-phone. He placed his palm on it lovingly. "Three hours of my undivided attention. Three hours of no pizza. And it's all a waste!" He fell against the game dramatically and moaned.

Casey snickered. "That sucks, bro."

Mikey popped up with a glare, rounding his cell light on Jones. "It was you wasn't it?! I knew it! You just couldn't let it be could you?"

Casey shook his head. "I promise you Mikey, I had nothing to do with this blackout. Though I can't say I'm complaining."

"So what was it this time, Donnie?" Leo asked, disregarding Mikey's next comment as the little orange-banded turtle flew at Casey like a wrecking ball and they began to tussle at Leo's feet, both smirking daringly like children.

Donnie turned his gaze away from them too and noticed all other eyes gazing at him expectantly through the shadows.

He tapped his chin with his knuckle thoughtfully, stepping over Casey and Mikey as they rolled past him. "Can't have been a short," he muttered. "I just checked the breaker box yesterday. Something must've tampered with the cables in the east tunnel, probably a rat, or maybe the rubber jacket around the current was worn someplace and there was a leak. I haven't been down there in a while to assess the conditions. I'll go check it out."

There was a stiff shift from the shadows to his right and Splinter took his wooden gaze away from the two wrestlers to flash glinting eyes on Donatello. It seemed one moment he was standing a good ten feet away and the next he had a hand on Donnie's shoulder.

"Take your brother with you, my son," he said, nodding toward Leo.

Donnie sighed—a little worn by his sensei's recent spike in over-protection—but he bowed his head respectfully. "Hai Sensei."

He and his older brother exchanged glances, and it did not go unnoticed when Leo's eyes made the quickest glance in Raph's direction. But Donatello pretended not to notice and took the moment to sheathe his staff instead. Then he and his brother silently broke away from the group to gather a couple of flash lights and exit through the turnstiles.


	6. Chapter 6

They walked in silence for a while, something that wasn't necessarily a strain for them. Unlike either of Leo's other brothers, Donnie was easy to be quiet with, which made moments like these comfortable.

They listened for a while to the mundane hum of the sewers, the trickling of water through pipes and down the brick walls of the tunnels, the squeak and patter of rats moving through the shadows, the rumbling of subway cars in the distance. As Donnie followed the cables along the wall with his flashlight, squinting in concentration, looking for the glitch, Leo strolled next to him, occasionally glancing toward the beam of light moving along the wall, but mostly watching the shadows for movement outside of their own.

He kept to his own thoughts for a while, vaguely wondering what tone the atmosphere might've obtained if Raph had joined them on this little stroll. He rubbed the back of his hand across his cheek, forgetting until then the scars blemishing his face. He sighed to himself, suddenly deciding thinking probably_ wasn't _the best.

"So…" said Donnie's voice slowly.

Leo's muscles tightened, already aware what his brother was going to ask.

"Have you given it anymore thought?"

The turtle in blue pursed his lips, keeping his eyes on the trail in front of them. "I don't exactly have your thought process, Don. I'm going to need more time than that."

Donnie exhaled a faint chuckle. "I know. I was just checking your progress."

Leo bit the inside of his lip, quiet for a minute as a slow heat blossomed on his cheeks. He rubbed the back of his neck and when he spoke next his voice was just barely audible.

"Since we're on the subject, can I ask you something?"

Donnie shrugged. "That's what I'm here for right?"

Leo just barely allowed a gracious smile. This was what he liked about Donnie, the only one of his brothers that cared more about listening than imposing his own arguments. Sure when he got into talking he tended to ramble and his vernacular liked to roam into realms of factual intelligence that was hard to follow, but when he wasn't being asked a specific question, Donnie had a particular talent for paying attention. And this was Donatello—Mr. Extra-Sometimes-Unnecessarily-Thorough. He didn't_ just_ listen; he made it his duty to try and understand, which only made asking him questions that much easier.

Leo pulled in a soothing breath. "Do you…Do you think it's weird?"

It was only now that he turned his eyes toward his younger brother. Rather than watching the wall, Donatello was now gazing at Leo with soft brown eyes. He didn't smile or frown but pressed his lips in a thoughtful kind of way, turning his eyes around the tunnel as he contemplated an answer. He sucked in a breath and then exhaled confidently.

"No," he said finally.

This did more to intensify the heat in his cheeks than to cool it. He wasn't sure what response he'd expected, but it wasn't that. "_No_?"

Donnie nodded. "Do _you _think it's weird?"

Leo faltered, eyes shifting again. "Well I…I mean—Raph's my _brother_."

"He is…Do you want to hear my thoughts?"

Leo nodded. He didn't tell his younger brother that his thoughts were exactly the thing he was desperate for.

"Well...We are our own species of sentient beings. We never have and never really will fit into human society. So we've always lived by our own rules, our own sense of culture. I wouldn't say that human ideals necessarily apply to us. What's weird to you is an idea that the humans say is unacceptable according to their principle beliefs. Love, both between same sex and siblings is neither encouraged nor really accepted, but the last time I checked, neither was the existence of mutants living in the sewers and lurking around the city at night."

He smiled softly and Leo's shoulders leveled.

"You realize we got lucky," Donnie went on, "with Casey and April? And how many more enemies do we have than friends? We're all we really have, Leo. And for fifteen years, we were all the company we ever grew up knowing. In a situation like ours, there was already a solid eighty-six point seven percent chance that _something_ was going to blossom between at least two of us. Even without that, we love each other anyway, and there's nothing wrong with that."

Leo pursed his lips to the side. "What about—Master Splinter?"

"What about him?"

"He was human once. All of those rules applied to him at some point. Wouldn't they get passed to us?"

Donnie glanced away again as he considered this, but the resolution in his gaze never faded. "Well, if you're worried about Sensei's approval—that's something you have to take up with him," he said with a slow shrug. "But even Master Splinter said that the human world isn't something he's a part of anymore, and I've got the distinct feeling that he'd understand, Leo. Heck, he might even know already. It is _Splinter_."

Leo's stomach squirmed. He didn't want to think about that.

"You know," Donnie continued, his voice slightly lowered, "April and I wouldn't necessarily be socially acceptable either—if we were ever anything more than just friends. Same thing with you and Karai."

Leonardo looked toward his younger brother who now had eyes on the mucky sewer floor. There was a distant hopelessness to his gaze that made Leo's chest tighten and his brow crease sympathetically.

"But…would you let that stop you?" Donnie asked, turning his eyes back on his older brother.

Leo shook his head in silence.

"Neither would I."

They shared an understanding smile and from there continued to walk on in a space of comfort.

"How _is_ that going by the way?" Leo asked.

Donnie rolled his eyes. "It would be going great if _Casey_ had never entered the picture," he said bitterly.

Leo tried not to let his grin get out of hand. He was supposed to be sympathetic. But the strength that Donatello carried in the way he felt for April was undeniably adorable. "I thought you just said we were lucky to have met him?"

Donnie scoffed. "Yes, we _as a unit _are lucky. I never said that meant I actually _like_ having him around."

Leo shook his head to himself, still smiling. "You know, Donnie, you should try _letting_ April like you sometime."

Donnie paused, completely stopping in the middle of the tunnel as though he'd hit a barrier. He raised a brow at his older brother. "What?"

Leo shrugged and walked on slowly. "You always try so hard to _get_ her to like you, to look cool in front of her, and make her see why you think you're worthy—but the truth is, I don't think you really need to do that." He glanced over his shoulder. "I'm pretty sure if you'd just relax and _allow_ her to see you for who you really are, you'd have a better shot with her. Because…well, to be honest Don, you're a pretty extraordinary guy."

Donatello blinked, and even through the shadows Leo could make out a faint blush under the green tint of his skin. "Y-…Yeah?"

Leo nodded.

Donnie smiled softly to himself and shined his flashlight back on the cables, beginning to walk again. "You know, since you told me about Raph confessing his feelings for you. I've been wondering—maybe I should tell April?"

Leo shrugged and faced forward again, walking slightly ahead. His initial response was to note that he was one-hundred percent sure April was already well aware, but he wasn't sure how this would affect his younger brother's confidence. So he gave a general, "It couldn't hurt."

"But that's just it. It _could_. There are all kinds of variables to consider, not to mention that there's about twenty-three ways she could respond. And on top of that, a countless number of ways I could say it, but what if she—"

"Shh." Leo stopped and threw a hand out behind him.

"What?"

"Did you hear that?" Leo asked, tilting his head right and straining his ears.

He wasn't sure what he was listening for. He wasn't even sure what he'd heard the first time.

After a moment of silence, Donnie decided to wave his light toward the cables again. Leo saw him moving closer to the wall out of the corner of his eye, as though he'd spotted something, but the leader did not move. His blue eyes stared down the darkness of the tunnel at the point where his beam of light vanished into a wall of shadows. An icy foreboding started to creep up his spine and made goose bumps rise on his arms.

The atmosphere had shifted a moment ago. He hadn't noticed until he'd stopped walking. But it was definitely different, heavy, more crowded. Something was lurking in the shadows somewhere—close.

He slowly closed a hand around the hilt of one of his katana, but did not withdraw it yet.

"Leo."

Leonardo's eyes shifted cautiously away from the darkness and toward his brother who was gesturing toward the fat cords hooked to the sewer wall. Leo drew closer and peered down at one of the cables where two holes had punctured the rubber jacket and frayed the wires.

He furrowed his brow. "They're—"

"Bite marks," Donnie provided with a faint nod.

Something shifted in the shadows behind them and Leo whirled around, whipping his flashlight out as though it was one of his swords.

"But they've got to be about two point three—two point four centimeters in diameter…"

Leo, pulse stuttering in his chest, slowly began arching the beam of his flashlight up the wall, waiting for the moment that it'd land on the thing that was hiding.

"…Maybe five and a half centimeters long—and the circular contour—they've got to be fangs. It's reptilian…"

Leo could feel his eyes growing as his chest tightened, like the oxygen was getting squeezed out of his lungs and stuffed into his head.

The light had found it—on the ceiling, reflecting the beams back at him from white, silvery-purple scales.

He backed slowly toward the wall until his shell hit his brother's and he could go no further. "Donnie."

"What?"

Donatello turned and his inhale echoed throughout the tunnel as he caught sight of it too. The beam of his flashlight joined Leo's on the pipes above and illuminated the mutant's entire figure, thick coils wrapped tightly around the pipes, bigger and longer than he remembered. Then again, he'd never been so close to her, at least not while she was so still.

His eyes followed her form from her tail all the way over to her head which was rising now, bright green eyes glaring at them fluorescently.

A low, threatening hiss reverberated off the walls of the tunnel and her whole body began to move, slowly uncoiling, loosening its vise around the pipe as she lowered herself to the floor, torso first. Her tail followed, thumping the cement with a heavy splash. She raised herself up, and both boys backed away until their carapaces met the wall.

Donnie's beam of light began to quiver. Leo stretched an arm out across his brother's plastron protectively as Karai slithered closer, leaning forward so that her face was level with theirs and Leo could see each individual scale rippling with iridescence across her snout.

She opened her mouth, revealing those long, pointed fangs and strings of glittering saliva. She hissed, sharp and loud, and Donnie's flashlight hit the ground, flickered out and rolled into the sewage. Leo felt Donnie's hands close around his forearm.

"Leo," he squeaked.

"Don't move," the leader whispered in response, his voice calm and level. He kept his countenance flat and undisturbed, but truthfully it was frightening staring down a ten to fifteen foot snake whose fangs were mere inches from his face—no matter if it was Karai or not.

She hissed again and then closed her mouth and leaned closer. Donnie's grip tightened, but Leo remained still. He closed his eyes and held his breath as her snout grazed against his skin, moving from his face to his neck and then his shoulder, as though she was searching for something.

He only let out his breath and opened his eyes when she followed his arm with her nose and began to sniff Donnie who trembled and whimpered, craning his face away from her with his eyes squeezed shut too.

Leo watched and felt his chest rising and falling quickly, though he kept his breathlessness silent. He forced himself to keep calm even when she flashed her fangs again centimeters from Donnie's neck as she hissed angrily.

"Karai," he called as solidly as he could.

She did not acknowledge his voice. There was a flash of white and a splash of unsettled sewage as her tail whipped around and began winding around Donnie's legs.

Donatello's panic was not so contained now. "Leo," he cried, squeezing his arm so hard that Leo's fingers started turning cold with the lack of blood flow.

"Don't move," he repeated, to which Donnie moaned. Karai's tail was already up to his waist.

"Karai," Leo called again, this time allowing the desperation to filter through his voice.

Her scales brushed by his arm, smooth with sharp ridges, blanketing pure muscle that snatched a strangled gasp from Donatello as she squeezed his torso.

Leo gritted his teeth and reached for the hilt of his katana again, shifting into a ready stance, his right arm now trapped both in Donnie's clutches and Karai's coils. "Karai, don't."

"Leo," Donnie rasped, the very end of her tail now curling around his throat. "She doesn't know who she is. You have to—"

His voice was cut off by a choke and Leo yanked out his sword, positioning the tip of the blade threateningly toward her tail.

"Karai!" he shouted, his grip tight and trembling. "Let him go…Miwa!"

She jerked, as though someone had thrown something at her. Her hissing quieted and she snapped her gaze to Leo, luminous green eyes softening as though with surprise. His heart stuttered, and he drew back slightly with his katana.

"Miwa," he repeated.

She gave one curt hiss and then immediately began to uncoil. Donnie gasped.

"You remember," Leo said, slowly returning his sword to its sheath without looking away from her. "That's your real name. That's the name your father gave you—Splinter…Hamato Yoshi."

A high-pitched screech speared his ears and she lunged for him faster than he could grab for his sword again.

"Leo!" Donnie cried as the blue-banded leader was pinned to the wall and Karai's snake head hands wrapped around his neck.

He gasped and panted, failing now in containing his panic. "Karai," he choked, abandoning his weapons and tugging at her arms. "It's—me. It's Leo!"

He glanced around her and saw Donnie rushing up with his bo staff drawn.

"No! No—Donnie, don't."

Donatello froze, arms raised over his head, ready to strike, eyes wide with a halting fear.

"I can…" Leo's muscles tensed as Karai's coils tightened. "Miwa," he rasped, looking back into Karai's glowering green eyes. "We can—take you to him, to Splinter…"

Her mouth opened until it was wide enough to fit his head inside. He turned away as she shrieked again, serpent slaver spraying his face.

He opened his mouth to speak, but his voice was completely severed by her grip and became nothing more than a choke. Black rings started to form in his vision and he could feel his pulse in his brain.

Her teeth dove for his face, mouth agape, and he squeezed his eyes shut.

There was a cry and a heavy thunk, and immediately Leo could breathe again, the cool sewer air rushing down his throat and into his lungs. He opened his eyes and watched Karai's coils lose their vigor and her eyes roll back into her head. Her snake-head hands slid away from him and she fell to the floor like a tree toppling stiffly to the ground, quivering the floor under her weight.

Leo's knees shook and he sank against the wall, staring down at her in pain until he looked over at his brother who was watching him with wide eyes, clutching his staff close to his plastron.

"I'm sorry," he said breathlessly. "I didn't want to watch her eat you."

Leo nodded and reached out a hand. Donnie took it and pulled him upright, steadying him on his feet.

The water rippled beneath them, and they both looked back down at Karai whose body shuddered and arched, shrinking and darkening. Her tail split in two and became legs. The snake-head hands shrank into human hands, and short hair protruded from her head which then acquired a human face.

"By Darwin's beard," Donnie mumbled, gaping as they watched Karai transfigure back into Karai and then go still again, lying on her back in the sewage, head to the side.

"But…But…" Donnie stuttered. "But how—"

"She's not human yet," Leo said, moving closer to her. He picked up her arm and draped it around his neck then scooped her carefully off the floor. "We need to get her back to the lair…Preferably before she comes to."

Donnie, though obviously stunned, set his jaw and nodded.


	7. Chapter 7

**So spring semester is starting to kick everyone in the pants now - the holidays are over :( I'm taking two writing classes and three literature classes so I'm most definitely going to be up to my eyeballs in reading and writing assignments. To give you a fair warning: updates _will_ be sparse. *sigh* But I will do my best to post new chapters when I can. **

**Yep...That's all I really have as far as housekeeping goes. Umm...Splinter is a very contemplative person. Enjoy a little walk through his train of thought :)**

* * *

He tightened his grip on the head of his jaded staff as he stood patiently, silently—for the most part, tuning out the voices and the drips and the shifts of movement around him.

It had been a solid hour since his two sons had departed the safety of the lair and he would be the first to admit to himself that he was more than worried. He knew he ought not to be—that stress was an easy catalyst for disfiguring his composure. And he needed to remain composed, or else become the over-bearing, over-protective, over-stressing parent his sons hated. He'd seen it in Donatello's eyes just before they'd left. The I-can-walk-on-my-own-two-feet look when Splinter had suggested that Leonardo go too. But even to send Donatello away to fix a simple technical problem had taken an intense amount of faith on the old rat's part. How could he_ not_ have ordered his eldest son to accompany him?

It wasn't necessarily that he believed Donatello specifically incapable of going out to excavate the problem and coming right back, for he knew the young teenager was more than capable. He would've assigned a tag-along to accompany _anyone_ that had to leave the lair, that was simply how he worked and his sons knew that. The thought of any of them wandering around alone outside of their home gave him itches of anxiety that crawled through his fur like fleas, especially taking into account their uncanny talent of running into trouble wherever they went. Sometimes he wondered if his life since over a year ago might've turned out a little less nerve-racking had he never allowed his boys to traverse to the surface in the first place.

So maybe he _was_ over-protective, but did he not have every right to be? He'd been keeping a close eye on both Donatello and Leonardo since the dire effects of their last mission weeks ago. And while Leonardo seemed right on his feet again, Donatello still showed signs of a slow recovery. He was getting better, definitely. He didn't seem nearly as fatigued as he had a week ago, though that mostly depended on how much he exerted himself and pushed the boundaries of sleep and wakefulness, though Splinter wasn't at all ashamed of interfering with this. And the young terrapin hadn't vomited for at least a few days, which was good Splinter supposed. But he knew it would take a long time for Donatello's body to effectively heal from an illness like that, and to send him into infested waters and disease-covered walls so willing, just made the great rat cringe.

And it wasn't just that. Any number of enemies or mutants or regular sewer excavators could crop up in those tunnels at any moment and he was sure his intelligent son could not make the run back home just yet. Maybe _he_ should have been the one to accompany him.

He thought, very frequently, about why it was so hard to watch his boys leave the lair time and again without him. He knew they were getting older. He knew they were starving for a kind of freedom they would never know. And he knew the more he kept them from what little freedom they _could _find only made them squirm and whine and feel even more alienated. But even as much as they'd grown over the years, they were still just children, and in his eyes he was sure they probably always would be—not for the lack of maturity they might occasionally display or that he thought himself superior to them at all, but because he simply _wanted_ them to remain those wide-eyed and innocent little turtles he'd found himself with on the day of their mutation. Innocent, healthy, and _alive_. And it sickened him to know that there was a fair number of adversaries crawling around the surface just over their heads that had full intentions of ridding the world of his sons well before it could rightly be called their time. He didn't understand how they could be so black-hearted, grown men who had, on numerous occasions, given their best to the attempt of murdering four children—_his_ four children.

The world was such a twisted place, and it only seemed to grow more warped and grotesque as the days went by. He felt bad for the little ones that had to grow up in it these days. But it also scared _him_, as a grown man—or rat, he supposed. And maybe that was really why he let his sons go on without him into that world. Maybe he was just too afraid to face it. But how cowardly and hypocritical of him to teach his sons of bravery and sacrifice and yet not to uphold these qualities himself?

He closed his eyes and bowed his head. He'd lost so much in his life. To lose anything ever again—any_one_ ever again…He wasn't sure how well he could convince himself to accept it.

He took in a long breath and opened his eyes again, glancing over at the four teenagers currently in his presence.

He allowed himself a small smile as he observed Michelangelo and April for a moment. They were turned toward each other, sitting on the step above the pit. April's legs were crossed and Mikey had one foot dangling over the bench and the other tucked under his thigh. It seemed they were playing a hand game of sorts—or at least they were trying to. They kept stopping to giggle because Michelangelo's hands were so much bigger than April's and he couldn't perform the motions as swiftly or as gracefully as she could.

Slightly soothed, Splinter shifted his gaze toward Raphael and Casey Jones who were lounging on the bench on the opposite side of the pit. Casey was speaking about something with much animation, waving his hands around and his phone with it, creating circles of light that never stayed still. He seemed content, even despite the obvious fact that Raphael was paying him no mind whatsoever.

Splinter studied his second-eldest for a moment, taking in his posture—his arms spread out like wings across the step, one leg stretched in front of him, head leaning all the way back. And the rat noted, with an interesting curiosity, the glaze of a drifting mind in Raphael's eyes as he stared unblinkingly at the ceiling.

He knew the past few weeks—or he should say the past couple of months—had been particularly difficult on Raphael and it pained him to keep his distance, but his temperamental son had a very specific way of expressing himself that the sensei knew better than to challenge. While he always made it perfectly clear that his sons were free to share their opinions and feelings of all varieties with him, he knew this was the most difficult for Raphael to do. And he didn't necessarily take it personally. It was simply not in Raphael's list of natural habits to verbally express his feelings in general. While the young turtle did not do well to conceal his emotions—especially the more negative ones—he was only willing to share his thoughts if they accented his strengths, never his weaknesses. And Splinter knew that to attempt to coax his son into sharing things he did not wish to admit—and to his father of all people—would only cause his son to draw further inward and turn him away from freely expressing himself to _anyone_.

So he had to watch from the sidelines and simply hope that Raphael would humble up enough to come to him one day—if he pleased. He would never force it, but of course he was not without his subtle indirect attempts sometimes.

There was something between Leonardo and Raphael that he had never truly understood, though he spent most of their lives observing them and trying to figure it out. He knew if he was going to get through to Raphael at all, it would have to be through Leonardo, which was why he had unashamedly given his eldest son the task of uncovering his brother's secrets weeks ago…Only now he wondered if that had been the right decision. It seemed Leonardo had learned something that put an odd kink in his and his brother's relationship - not that it hadn't been strained before. Now it was just simply a different kind of strain—a very complex one that had them constantly seeking out one another only to turn away and act like they didn't recognize the other's presence. Very peculiar indeed, especially since it reminded him of…

His ear twitched at the sound of voices and his quiet pondering was immediately stifled.

"Would you forget that please? We've kind of got a limited time frame right now."

"I kinda to need to see what I'm doing, Leo."

Splinter and the teenagers with him all ceased their previous activities and peered through the darkness of the lair toward the entrance where the sounds of Donatello and Leonardo shuffling past the turnstiles signaled their return.

"Did you find the problem?" April asked immediately as Donnie came through first, the light of her phone illuminating his slightly flushed skin. His eyes shifted and he didn't stop his half-walk half-trot toward his lab.

"Uh…You could say that."

It was then that Leonardo shifted into the light, carrying a limp body.

Splinter tensed, eyes flashing, and everyone else jumped up from where they'd been sitting.

"Is that Karai?!" Mikey exclaimed. April gasped with her fingertips to her lips.

Splinter's fur shuddered; he wasn't sure what with. An interesting mixture of emotions began to turn in his stomach as he gazed upon what indeed was his daughter cradled against his eldest son's chest. He found himself unable to breathe for a moment and ignored the way that the fur rose on the back of his neck like it only did when an ominous sensation took over him.

He had to put it to the side though—all of it. And at the moment it was quite easy to do this.

"Long story that we don't really have time for right now," Leo said breathlessly, hastening after Donnie for the lab.

The rest of them followed hurriedly behind them, crowding around the lab table where Leonardo carefully laid Karai.

Splinter gazed down at her—his daughter—in bewilderment. And he was sure he wasn't the only one, but at the moment, he lost his normally careful practice of being fully aware of every breathing entity in the room. For a moment he hardly recognized any other presence.

_How could this be?_ he was wondering as his eyes roamed the perfectly porcelain face of his teenage daughter who looked so intensely like her mother that it almost frightened him. But she wasn't supposed to have this appearance. The last time he'd seen her she was a serpentine mutant the size of a python, glossy and white with silvery purple plates. The last time he'd seen her she'd nearly squeezed the life out of him, but all he could do then too was stare—stare and mourn and yet hope with just as much intensity that his daughter wasn't completely lost, that she was still there somehow. He hadn't known how correct he'd been in hoping so—at least not until her eyes had softened upon him calling her name, the one he'd given her, and she'd loosened her grip on him and slithered off within the next blink of an eye, not to be seen by his eyes again until now, months later, in a seemingly human form. Though, something was definitely off about this state of her, something that made that fur on the back of his neck ripple with tingles of warning.

He narrowed his eyes and leaned closer, his nose twitching at her scent. And he could've sworn her nose did the same too—right before her luminous green eyes popped open and glared at him.


	8. Chapter 8

**Lucky ducks...I know I didn't give you much in the last chapter so here, have another.**

* * *

The moment she opened her eyes, Leo pounced.

She was already lunging for Splinter, halfway up and across the table, when he threw his arms around her to yank her back. She bit him.

Her fangs burrowed and locked onto his forearm, spearing him with a pain that shot up to his shoulder and drew a yelp from his throat.

A chorus of voices shouted his name, a couple shouted at Karai, and then there were hands on them both.

His sensei, who for a moment had intuitively taken a leap back from the threat, was now somehow both gently and forcefully trying to pry Karai's jaw apart saying, "No, my daughter, we are not your enemies! Release him."

Mikey and April were trying to hold her down as her body thrashed and writhed, trembling as though it wanted to shift back into its serpent form but didn't. Casey had taken a step back and was staring with wide, unblinking eyes. And Leo was pretty sure the arms encasing him now were Raph's, ready to pull him away the moment Karai's teeth were removed. He was also the stronghold keeping Leo on his feet, though the older turtle wasn't sure if Raph actually knew how close he was to fainting.

A stream of raw heat slithered through his veins, slowly crawling its way up his arm as though there were microscopic mutant parasites scuttling beneath his skin. His stomach lurched with an intense wave of nausea; he found himself opening his mouth and nearly puking out Donnie's name. His knees quaked, and the cluster of chaos surrounding him went out of focus for a moment. He felt Raph's brawny arm lock more firmly around his torso.

His purple-banded brother responded by rushing forward with something in his hand and turning his back to Leo who just caught a glint of silver as Donnie made a swift stab toward Karai. Only a few seconds passed, during which Leo was sure he'd hurl all over Raphael, before he could feel every centimeter of Karai's fangs drawing out of his arm and then the gush of blood that followed it.

He and Raph stumbled backward with the release, and when he blinked next he was on the ground, shivering in his brother's embrace and breathing shortly.

He was vaguely aware of Raph's short-tempered voice shouting at people, and then of Donnie appearing with a determined concentration to his eyes and beads of sweat rolling down his forehead as he yanked off Leo's mask and tied it so tightly around his bicep that his fingers immediately went cold and he could faintly hear himself groaning. The pain that had been rippling through his body now seemed intensely confined to his left arm and it throbbed with a hot ferocity that made him quiver and blink slowly and caused his stomach to heave again. He wasn't sure if anything came out of him this time, but he guessed it must have because Raph suddenly forced him on his side.

When his stomach stopped convulsing, he let his cheek fall against Raph's arm, grateful for the coolness of his brother's skin. He couldn't hear what anyone was saying, yet it seemed the whole room had erupted in disarray. But it soon seemed not to matter as he glanced up to where Karai was laying, miles away it seemed, and his eyes slid close.

* * *

When he blinked himself awake, for a few seconds everything was a blur. His stomach was tense and felt as dense as a rock. His left arm felt just as heavy, so much so in fact that he was surprised it hadn't fallen through whatever he was laying on. The lab table, he decided after closing his eyes for a moment and noting the flatness of the surface and the way it neither conformed to his body nor his temperature. It was cold and smooth and hard beneath him, like a block of ice that wouldn't melt. He was lying on his side with a pillow beneath his head and his left arm stretched out in front of him, wrapped tightly in a coil of gauze. Essentially he was glad, lying on his shell on hard surfaces normally didn't amount to very much comfort, and this way he felt like he didn't have to move himself too quickly.

"Leo?"

Warm, slender fingers stroked his cheek and he opened his eyes again, this time letting his gaze focus on the red-headed girl crouching in front of him.

April smiled when he was looking directly at her, and she shook her head. "Leonardo, you are the luckiest turtle on the face of this planet," she laughed.

He didn't see what was funny, especially since his head was too full to process what had just happened.

But his brother's voice cut off his attempt at trying to remember. "He awake?"

April looked up over Leo's shoulder and nodded. He heard the sound of stool legs scraping against the cement and soon Raphael came into focus. One of his rough hands rested itself on his shoulder with a surprising amount of gentleness and Raph's bright green eyes peered down at him as though assessing whether or not Leo was fully conscious. When Leonardo neither spoke nor blinked Raph scoffed under his breath, a release of air that sounded peculiarly relieved, and the red-banded turtle punched his shoulder.

"Jackass," Raph said under his breath, a faint grin hiding in the corner of his mouth. "How many times d'you gotta pass out before you realize being heroic has consequences? This ain't a TV show, bro."

"What happened?" Leo mumbled.

This was when Donnie appeared, nearly shoving Raph out of the way in his hurry to answer the question. He was rubbing his hands with a cloth, skin frighteningly pale and glossy, but smiling like he'd just made the discovery of the century.

"Leo, either you're an absolute genius or this is the greatest ray of serendipity since the discovery of penicillin!"

"What are you talking about, Donnie?" Leo groaned, beginning to close his eyes again.

In his moment of temporary blindness he heard Raph growl something and probably push Donnie to the side which would've been the reason why Donatello stumbled against the edge of the table and why April said something about Raph holding his temper for five minutes.

Leo allowed himself to rest for a minute, taking an odd bit of comfort from the argument that followed and all too soon someone was shaking his shoulder and he opened his eyes to Donatello this time who was now sitting directly before him, still smiling.

He looked exhausted, and Leo immediately worried. Donnie knew he wasn't supposed to be straining himself, yet he looked almost as terrible as he had in the days preceding his bout of septic shock. If it wasn't for the light of excitement glittering in his eyes, Leo might've found his condition alarming enough to switch places with him.

"Donnie, how long have you been awake?"

"Something happened during Karai's mutation," Donnie said in that quick, breathless and enthusiastic tone he got when he was talking about science. He completely disregarded Leo's question.

"My hypothesis is that Stockman mixed a small dose of a faulty retro-mutagen compound into the mutagen that he had already infused with serpent DNA. It had to have been accidental, because I don't think that the Shredder would have wanted his mutant to phase between a human and mutant form, knowing that he'd never intended to mutate Karai in the first place. This little fluke is what allowed Karai to change in between forms."

Leo furrowed his brow. "What does this have to do with me?"

Donnie's smile widened. "You were the one that discovered this, Leo! Or well, technically I did, but if you hadn't jumped between Splinter and Karai and gotten bitten then I would've tried the retro-mutagen I'd made weeks ago on her and it would've failed!"

Leo blinked and immediately began to push himself up. His arms trembled, holding up his weight, and Donnie took hold of his good arm and pulled him into a sitting position before hopping up next to him on the table. They were the only two in the lab now, though the door was open and he could hear Raph and April talking just outside it.

The older turtle looked back to his brother who hadn't yet lost his enthusiasm. "Are you saying the retro-mutagen you made won't work on Karai?"

He didn't understand why this made Donnie smile even wider. "It _wouldn't _have worked," he said pointedly, holding up at finger. "But when you got bit, Karai injected you with her venom. I was able to tie off the circulation in your arm before it could spread to the rest of your body, but I had to get it out of your system somehow or I would've had to chop your arm off!"

Leo blinked a few times, leaning a little away from his brother who was still grinning like this was the best day of his life.

Donnie waved a hand nonchalantly. "Long story short, I was able to extract all the venom from your blood and I decided to study it for good measure—and I'm glad I did because I was able to break down its components and figure out how she was able to transform back and forth from human to mutant."

He hopped down from the table in a sprightly kind of way and walked over to the adjoining desk that was littered with beakers and vials and papers of notes next to his computer. He shuffled around for a specific sheet of paper and held it up for Leo to see, but all the older turtle perceived was a confused mass of random letters, numbers and equations.

"I was able to take the genetic makeup of Karai's specific mutation and reconfigure her DNA to modify the retro-mutagen I'd already made!"

Leo blinked again, not sure if he was completely lost or if his brain was just taking a while to catch up. "So…" he said slowly. "You changed her back?"

This was when Donnie's smile faltered. The paper in his hand found its way back on the table and was replaced by a small vial of bright blue liquid. "Not yet," he said, gazing at the new retro-mutagen for a moment before smiling softly at Leo again. "You woke up just in time though. I just finished testing it on a sample of Karai's current strain of DNA. It works…We just haven't used it on her yet."

Leo furrowed his brow, still feeling intensely sluggish. "How long did all of this take you?"

"Not long at all. Hardly a week!"

Leo's heart skipped. "A week?! I've been out for that long—_again_?"

Donnie bit his lip but there was no containing the laughter that escaped from his nose. "I'm sorry," he burst, allowing a full-bellied laugh. "I just wanted to see your face."

He straightened up and cleared his throat. "Hardly, Leo. It was a joke. It's only been about fifteen hours and you've been waking up at least every three hours and seventeen minutes to vomit." He shrugged. "Side effect of the venom, I suppose."

Leo stared for a moment, allowing his pulse to calm and withdraw the heat from his cheeks, then he lowered his eyes to his feet hanging over the cement floor. His fingers curled around the edge of the table on either side of his hips. Then he thought of something that made his head pop up again.

"If you haven't changed her back then where is she?" he asked, jumping to his feet before he realized he was doing so. Donnie rushed over and helped him steady himself before he could stumble and fall flat on his face.

"Take it easy, Leo. Your muscles have to readjust to moving around."

Leo clutched his head to ward off the dizziness for a moment and then held up a hand to signal his brother that he was fine. Once he'd regained his balance, he looked back at Donnie.

"What did you do with her?"

At this Donatello finally looked appropriately less animated. His eyes shifted for a moment before he glanced at Leo. "I'll take you to her," he said before giving his brow a pleading furrow and gazing at Leo with those large brown eyes of his. "But you have to let me give you a look over first. The side effects of mutant venom could be just as unpredictable as mutagen itself."

Leo sighed, softening quickly under that doe-eyed gaze. He pulled himself back up on the table. "Fine, but be quick about it."

Donnie's smile this time was as gossamer as an abandoned feather. He took Leo's wrist in his hand, pressing his thumb firmly against his veins and counted beneath his breath. Then he checked his reflexes, searched his eyes with a flashlight, took his temperature, and asked him a number of questions that Leo recited the answers to like he was a contestant in a spelling bee.

The blue-banded turtle hated check-ups as much as the next person, but he would've been lying to himself if he denied that there was a certain appeal to Donnie's meticulous nursing disposition—though, it was an appeal coated with irony when Donatello paused to keep himself upright and focused, squeezing his eyes shut and drawing in a long breath before returning to fuss over Leo.

The older turtle knew this pause all too well by now and wondered when this cycle would end. Being ninjas, he and his brothers were always procuring injuries—occasionally illnesses—but lately it seemed that Leo and Donnie had both drawn one end of the shortest straw and were left to cling to one another in infirmities. Leo swore he could actually _feel_ Donnie's exhaustion.

"Your blood pressure is a little low and it doesn't take a genius to guess that you're blood sugar is probably lacking too. But this is to be expected. Eat something, drink some juice, don't move around too much for the next twenty-four hours...You won't die."

Leo smiled. "Thanks Doc…And how are you?"

"Hm?"

Leo tilted his head to the side expectantly. He said nothing and he knew his brother was aware of the message he was trying to send. But Donnie simply stowed his medical supplies away and started for the door.

"I'll take you to Karai now."

Leo sighed internally and slid off the table to follow him out. April and Raph were still standing just outside the door, no longer talking now and they both straightened their backs as Leo and Donnie emerged.

"He wants to see her," Donnie said to April's questioning look and her expression took upon just as much discomfort as Donnie's had when Leo had asked where they were keeping the new mutant. This made his stomach turn, and rendered him less aware of the look Raph had fixed him with.

The four of them crossed the lair, Donnie in the lead. And Leo said nothing as he was guided past the turnstiles and they all headed through the scape of tunnels, though he did become instantly anxious. He trusted his family to take care of Karai—especially Splinter—but in her state, he knew there was little they could do that would be comfortable for everybody. He wondered what they'd done with her, how they were keeping her from escaping, how they were keeping her nourished, though this part made him shudder. He had no doubts as to what Karai's diet most likely consisted of now and he didn't want to think about it.

He nearly got lost in the twists and turns they took throughout the tunnels even with as much experience as he had traversing the very same maze. It took a long time, during which the four of them hardly spoke and he was starting to notice Raph's gaze adhering to the side of his face, though every time he glanced back, those green eyes were carefully staring off to the side. Leo said nothing about this either and allowed Donnie to finally lead them to a small alcove that was barred off at the entrance they walked up to.

There was warm yellow light filling up the archway and the first thing Leo noticed was his sensei kneeling peacefully, close to the left-hand wall, eyes closed, hands on his knees, though Leo could tell he was not so much meditating as he was waiting and trying not to acknowledge the sounds that echoed under the domed ceiling. Mikey and Casey were sitting by the opposite wall. Casey had his back slouched with his shoulders against the wall and his hood over his head, playing a game on his phone that partly contributed to the noisiness of the tunnel. Mikey was leaning over his shoulder, watching, a lumpy cloth bag sitting on his opposite side.

_Rats_, Leo informed himself with a twist to his stomach.

The little turtle in orange looked up as the four of them approached and he immediately popped up with a bright smile. "Leo!" he exclaimed, nearly knocking his eldest brother over as he ran up and threw his arms around him.

Raph had pried him off and shoved him to the side within the next second, but Mikey seemed unfazed by this.

"You're okay," he said, beaming up at his leader.

Splinter was standing by now and walked over to rest a hand on Leo's shoulder, a faint but real smile concealed beneath his fur. "It is good to see you on your feet, my son."

Leo blinked at the indecipherable flash of emotion that had just crossed his sensei's eyes. "It's—good to see you too Sensei."

"Please tell me you've got that retro-mutagen figured out now, Don," Casey said, pushing himself to his feet and pocketing his phone. "If I've got to even look at another rat, I swear I'm gonna hurl. No offense Master Splinter," he added quickly, his eyes flashing to the giant rat in the tunnel.

Splinter nodded his head forgivingly. "I understand your discomfort, Mr. Jones."

Leo glanced toward the bars in the archway as the other noise he'd been hearing grew closer and more alarming. He jumped back and nearly stumbled into Raph as Karai's serpent form slammed into the bars and then writhed quickly back into the shadows, her vicious hiss still thick in the air.

Leo frowned and found himself breaking away from the group as his feet carried him closer to the archway. His fingers curled around the bars and he pressed his face against them to peer into the space beyond.

It was a small and empty chamber with two other outlets, both of which had been sealed off. The ceiling was high and there was very little light save the lantern on the floor near his feet that cast a bar of golden light across the floor of the chamber. Flashes of white streaked by once and then twice, and it took him a moment to realize what she was doing.

She was trying to find a way out—an escape—throwing herself against the walls, slithering from one end to the other and back. Her hisses and shrieks were venomous and full of raw anger, and somehow he knew she hadn't stopped doing this since she'd been put there…She was a caged animal.

His shoulders dropped and he felt an ache of guilt in his gut as he continued to watch her, knowing that he was part of the reason she'd been locked up.

He felt a hand on his left shoulder and looked up at his sensei who was staring through the bars as well. There was a faint glint to his eyes that told Leo he felt the same way.

"She will not be in here much longer," the old rat said quietly.

Leo nodded once, looked back at Karai, and then turned to his brother in purple. "How fast can we get this done, Donnie?"

* * *

**I'm about as anxious as you are to see Karai get changed back, believe me. I have to admit I've been partially stalling, though not completely consciously. So my sincerest apologies for making you wait, but the story will do what it does, I just write this stuff down. Anyway, obviously you're not going to be waiting much longer and the ball will start rolling fairly quickly :) I'm excited. **


	9. Chapter 9

**Nice loooong chapter for you, since it'll probably be a minute till the next one.**

**And - this has nothing to do with the story whatsoever, I just have to put it out there because none of my friends or family care. But as an obvious follower of the 2k12 series, I'm saying this: I. Miss. Master Splinter! *Sigh* Soooo ready for him AND Karai to get back in there. Somehow, seeing his spirit in "Vision Quest" just wasn't enough o.o Though I did like the episode :)**

**Anyway, that's enough of that. Read on!**

* * *

"Make sure you've got a good hold on her. Previous experience says she's not going to stay very still, and the sedative should be wearing off right about now. Be ready in case she wakes up before the mutation's complete."

Everybody nodded once, practically digging their heels into the floor—if only they could. Leo glanced down at Karai's currently unconscious "human" form—or at least it might've been easy to call her human if it weren't for the scales. He hadn't paid much attention to it before. Every other time he'd seen her like this the situation was high-pressured and there was no time to fuss over details, but now that they were in the newly restored brightness of Donnie's lab and Leo had one hand on her shoulder and the other firmly—but not excessively so—clutched around her wrist, the scales were so obviously there that he was surprised he'd been so neglectful of this little feature before. Her entire suit was made up of them, glossy black and silver scales that occasionally shimmered purple and green. There were thousands of them, just as smooth and sharp around the edges as they were in her serpent form, protecting a figure of pure muscle that moved and breathed beneath his fingers.

He was on her right side; Splinter was on her left—just as they'd been before, only now it was Casey and Raph that anchored her legs to the table, waiting tensely. Leo might've noticed the way Raphael keep glancing up at him, watching his eyes and where they looked, probably noticing how intensely the blue-banded turtle was examining every inch of Karai's figure, but he chose not to acknowledge it. This wasn't about Raph…and it wasn't about him either.

Donnie stood over Karai's head with a dropper he'd filled with the revised retro-mutagen. He glanced around the room at all of them, including Mikey and April who stood farther back, and nodded when he felt they were all ready.

With a sharp breath that he held back behind his puffing cheeks, Donnie positioned the dropper right over Karai's forehead and squeezed out a single drop.

Leo's throat immediately went dry and he tensed, watched too with baited breath as the iridescent blue droplet stole a large span of anticipated time to free fall, slicing through the thickness of the atmosphere as simply as a raindrop on a humid day. And then it contacted its intended surface.

Karai's skin absorbed the chemical like a sponge and the effects were so immediate, it nearly took Leo by surprise.

She thrashed wildly, her back arching against the table, fists curling, muscles jerking beneath his own. He leaned farther over her, pressing his full weight against her arm and gritting his teeth. Raph, Casey, and even Splinter, did the same. Leo grimaced as his ears rang with the inhuman screech that erupted from her chest and he tried not to watch her face. Instead he let his eyes drift to the scales covering her body and noticed them shivering like chimes in a resilient breeze.

His brow furrowed, and he forced himself to remember his job and not let go when the scales lining her neck started falling away and revealing pale, soft, peachy human skin underneath. They trickled to the table and then the floor, bouncing around his feet and filling the lab with a sound like thousands of coins being dropped to the ground in a waterfall effect.

His heart caught in his throat when they started shedding away even more rapidly, peeling from her body to now reveal the entirety of her collarbone.

"Eyes!" he shouted, immediately squeezing his own shut and looking away.

He trusted the rest of them to do the same, and yet wasn't all that surprised when Mikey gave an audible gasp from across the room. But April seemed to cover Raph's job of smacking him over the head and he squeaked out an apology.

Leo waited, listening to the cascade of scales hitting the floor and the tapering of Karai's screams that turned from ear-piercing screeches to very human-sounding gasps and moans of pain, before she quieted the very same instance that she became still and no longer struggled against them.

He was so tempted, so _very_ tempted to look—just to make sure she was still there, still breathing, but the tender consistency of warm skin just beneath his own confirmed both, so he squeezed his eyes shut even tighter.

"April, retrieve a blanket please, quickly," Splinter said in a voice that gave no indication to his state of composure at the moment. He sounded just as cool, calm, and collected as ever.

The motion of April leaving the room was very obvious and she was back almost just as quickly. Leo made sure not to crack an eyelid until she was done fussing with the blanket and it was lying still over Karai's entire figure. Slowly, he opened his eyes and then immediately glanced toward her face, leaning closer to her than he probably meant to, his father and purple-banded brother doing the exact same.

She certainly _looked_ completely normal, no scales whatsoever now. He was tempted to take a peek at her teeth, fairly wary that there might still be fangs hiding behind her lips. But even more so than that, he wished she would open her eyes. But he was far too cautious and trapped in awe to risk waking her and he wasn't sure if Donnie's sedative _had _worn off yet or not. And anyway, in this exact moment, with her lying so completely still and him not having to worry about her gazing back, he felt not at all hurried to turn his eyes away. Her appearance—somehow fierce, bold and tender all at the same time—was just as mystic and alluring as it had been the day they'd met. And he was just as perplexed and speechless as ever. And he realized…

He'd missed her.

Leo blinked when Splinter's hand entered the picture and gingerly plucked a strand of hair from her face and tucked it to the side.

"Do you believe it worked as it fully should have?" he asked, replacing both hands behind his back and glancing up at Donatello who looked very tempted to start poking and prodding and peeking beneath her eyelids with a flashlight.

He shrugged. "So far so good." His eyes glanced over at the clock on the wall. "If I calculated it correctly she should be waking up about—"

His voice was cut off by a gasp that made the lot of them jump back as Karai's eyes shot open and she sat bolt upright.

Leo reacted instinctively, catching the blanket before it could fall away from her chest. For a moment she seemed too engrossed in breathing heavily and whipping her head around to notice. She curled in on herself a little bit, muscles tensing defensively.

"It is alright my child," Splinter said softly, attracting the snap of her gaze.

"F-Father?" she stammered, her voice breathless and wispy, as though she hadn't spoken in months, which…wasn't a far cry from the truth.

Her breathing began to taper to something more mediated, but she continued to switch her gaze, eyes resting on each wide-eyed individual that simply gawked back, until her eyes landed on Leo.

It took a fierce amount of restraint not to tackle her, to throw his arms around her in a protective embrace that might actually assure him twice over that this wasn't a dream—she was really there, really solid, really human. He never thought he'd be so_ happy_ that she was human. And he never knew how much he truly thought her sharp golden eyes were so beautiful.

She just barely glanced away, for the briefest of moments, dropping her eyes a fraction, and then her hands took the edge of the blanket from him, holding it protectively to her own chest.

He blinked, still unable to speak, and took half a step back, an embarrassing heat breaking out over the entirety of his face. His eyes shifted around until they glanced over Casey, April, Mikey and Raph who were all still standing there practically with their mouths open.

He felt it then, the initiative beginning to return, the instinct to be in command of the situation. He rolled back his shoulders and straightened his spine. "Out," he said.

All four of them blinked at him.

"_Now_."

April, Mikey, and Casey obediently turned away, not at all eager to argue, given the current situation. Only Raph hesitated to follow his order.

Leo narrowed his eyes on his brother firmly, and while Raphael responded with a glare of his own, he did no less than follow the others out within the next passing moment.

Leo glanced back at his sensei who nodded once to affirm his doubts, and then the turtle began to back away, eyes automatically falling on Karai who stared back at him with a gaze he couldn't interpret.

"W-We'll go find you something to wear," he assured her. "Master Splinter will explain…Donnie will make sure you're okay."

She only blinked at him, and it took all the self-control he had to leave her there, waves of confusion and complete oblivion passing in quick succession across her face. He had to bite his tongue against whole spreadsheets of explanations and apologies and questions and emotions he'd been dying to admit to her for what seemed like so long, but he couldn't—not now. So he didn't, and he left the lab, and he closed the door, and he turned only to find his brother facing him, their noses inches apart.

For a moment he and Raph just stared each other down, participating in a silent argument that only made Leo curl his hands into fists. He said absolutely nothing to his brother and those persistent, unrelenting green eyes, and turned his gaze on April, who was very unashamedly watching them.

"April, do you think you have something that Karai could wear?"

She blinked herself out of a thought and then nodded. "Yeah, of course."

"Could you run and grab it please?"

She nodded once and started to leave, but he held up a hand to hold her at bay, having to say nothing more. She waited and he turned his eyes back on his brother.

"Go with her, Raph."

Raphael narrowed his eyes. "Why me? Why not Mikey or Casey?"

"Because I said so." Leo turned away before his brother could respond and started for the kitchen.

"You serious?" Raph said to his back. "That's _really_ how this is going to be, Fearless?"

Leo set his jaw but didn't look back. "Just go, Raph," he said before pushing his way past the curtain that would separate him from his brother.

He yanked out the tea kettle from the cabinet and filled it with water then set it on the stove and turned on the eye. He stood nearly stock still then, in a cold silence, counting in his head until he was positive they were gone. Only then did he poke a hand through the curtain and slowly lift it back to peek into the common room. All he could see was Mikey standing by the pit, staring off into the distance as he twisted his fingers together.

Leo sighed, closing his eyes for a moment as he let his pulse make whatever stutters and stops seemed necessary. Something settled in the bottom of his stomach, something heavy and yet altogether hollow. He didn't know what it was, but he didn't necessarily want to think about it either. So he stepped out of the kitchen and ventured over to where Mikey stood.

Michelangelo turned at the sound of him approaching, but he didn't immediately crack his usual smile. "What was that about?" he asked, gazing up at his older brother with innocently round blue eyes.

Leo only allowed himself a glance in his direction. "Nothing. Where's Casey?"

"He went with Raph and April, said he was gonna go home. I think he'd had enough for today."

Leo nodded, but said nothing in return. An uncertain silence hung between them for a few passing beats, which was odd. Normally, silence was a rarely visited concept when it came to being in Mikey's presence. However, it didn't last long before the orange-banded turtle glanced toward the lab with a faintly thoughtful gaze.

"You think she's okay?"

Leo gazed toward the lab too, but let nothing on about the unsettled churning of his stomach. "She _seemed_ okay…Just a little shaken maybe. If anything's wrong, Donnie will figure it out," he added confidently.

Mikey hummed. "So d'you think she'll stay this time?"

Leo blinked, turning his eyes on his youngest brother, brow furrowed. He thought about it for a moment and then said, very seriously, "She doesn't have a choice."

Mikey raised a brow. "You gonna hold her against her will or somethin'?"

"No. She can go wherever she wants to. She'll just have to get used to me going with her. I'm not going to let this happen again…I _refuse_ to let it happen again."

Mikey gazed at him strangely for a moment and then nodded as though he understood. "So…" he said slowly. "I guess it's official then."

"What is?"

Mikey shrugged. "We have a sister."

Leo pursed his lips, mulling over this sentence and the way it settled awkwardly in the back of his mind. Maybe to Mikey she would be—some type of sister, if one at all. Maybe to Donnie she _could_ be, if he ever decided to look at her that way. To Raph…Leo was sure she was nothing more than an obstacle—something that stood in his way. And to Leo…He'd never thought of her as a sister, and he never would. At the least she was his friend, but maybe—maybe he could do better than that one day.

But this was Mikey he was talking to, and as much as the blue-banded turtle knew confiding in his brothers made for better results than keeping secrets—Mikey simply didn't need to know. Mikey was too innocent, too _simple_ to know. So he nodded.

"We have a sister."

* * *

They had resorted to paper football and drinking tea. Leo had found he was too distracted even to practice katas, let alone meditate, and since he and Mikey were the only ones in the common room, he had to entertain his little brother somehow.

They were sitting in the very center of the pit, flicking the folded paper at one another until the lab door finally opened after about half an hour and Donnie stepped out.

Leo stood immediately, not even waiting for Mikey to finish his turn, and he was standing anxiously at the edge of the pit before he even realized his feet had moved.

"How is she?"

Donnie adjusted the knot of his mask and then quickly rubbed his eyes. "Embarrassed," he mumbled, "and exhausted, but otherwise perfectly fine. Except…"

Leo frowned. "Except, what?"

Donnie turned his brown eyes on his brother with a glaze of severity. "It's just like what happened with April's dad. She hardly remembers anything about being a mutant. She said the last thing she remembered clearly was falling—into the mutagen, and that's it. But…" Donnie sighed, scratching at the back of his head with a yawn. "She's not just embarrassed, Leo; she's mortified. I wouldn't ask her too many questions about it, or bombard her at all about it. Physically she may be fine, but stress in any form can take its toll, and she's gone through enough."

For a moment, Leo could've sworn he was talking to his sensei, the way Donatello was speaking. He watched his purple-banded younger brother sigh heavily, his shoulders sagging, arms hanging loosely by his sides, eyelids drooping.

Leo pursed his lips. "Go to sleep, Donnie."

Donatello blinked up at him and cleared his throat, faintly shaking his head. "I want to check her vitals again in the next hour or so, just to make sure she's not—"

"Dude," Mikey interrupted, brow furrowed with a hint of concern.

"Donnie," Leo said again. "Go to sleep. It wasn't a suggestion."

"But—"

"Come on, bro." Mikey climbed out of the pit and held out his hand.

Donnie's shoulders sagged even more, lips puckering with a sense of distaste.

"You've done enough, Donnie," Leo said. "In fact, you've done _more_ than enough. Get some rest, _please_."

"For us bro," Mikey insisted, shaking his empty palm adamantly.

Donnie groaned but put his hand in Mikey's and allowed himself to be tugged to his room.

Leo patted his shell as they passed, making sure his brother heard him when he said thank you. Donnie smiled tiredly, glancing once over his shoulder and then he and Mikey were gone around the corner.

It was hardly thirty seconds after this that April and Raph returned.

"Is she still in the lab?" April asked, walking briskly and toting a bulging duffle bag.

Leo nodded, watching her. "Splinter's with her."

April sashayed up to the lab door, knocked and then walked straight in when Splinter opened the door for her. It was closed again, just as quickly, leaving a heavy echo that solidified itself as a second wall between him and Karai.

He sighed, then stiffened when he felt the sensation of a gaze on his neck. He looked over at Raph who was glaring at him with his arms folded.

"What?" Leo demanded.

"Any particular reason you sent _me _away?"

Leo scrunched up his nose and turned away. "No." He plopped down on the bench and folded his legs on top of it. If it weren't for the fact that Karai was in the lab and likely to emerge fairly soon, he'd be putting all his effort into escaping his brother who placed himself directly next to him—eyes still unrelenting.

"What do you want, Raph?"

"Nothing—at the moment…Seems a little weird don't you think?"

Leo didn't take his eyes off the floor. "What does?"

"That she would so conveniently show up on our doorstep when we've been searching for her for months."

"So?"

Raph stiffened. "That doesn't bother you?"

"No."

"Not even the fact that she cut off _our_ power?"

"She didn't know what she was doing."

Leo felt his brother's eyes narrow with that deadpan glare that was so infamous of him. "Right—the way she didn't know what she was doing when she bit you."

The older turtle curled his fists. "She only bit me because I got in the way."

"Yeah, you got in the way of her trying to _eat _Splinter."

He finally snapped his gaze on his younger brother. "Why don't we mutate _you_ into a giant snake and see how you act around Splinter," he said shortly. "Donnie said she doesn't remember anything. She didn't do it on purpose, Raph. You're just paranoid because you didn't think we'd get her back so soon, and you don't want her in the way."

Raph blinked, shrinking back as though he hadn't expected this retort—as though he'd gotten punched in the chest. A faintly hurt frown slipped down to the corner of his mouth. He looked away, shoulders hunched, and didn't respond.

Leo felt his own rigidity melt away. He frowned and looked back down at the floor. He knew how to handle Raph, and the best way to do it was by being as bluntly honest as the turtle in red often was himself.

"You're suffocating me," Leo said, clearly but not meanly.

Raph's shoulders sank, but he still said nothing.

"I know we—had a deal, but she's hardly been back for a whole day, and not even as her normal self. _I_ haven't even been conscious the whole time. Give me a minute to breathe before you start looking at me like you expect something from me…Can you do that?"

He finally turned his eyes back on his brother. Raph's gaze remained far off to the side, sharp, heavy, and frustrated. It took a long weighted moment before he finally looked back at Leo. They stared at each other for a while—a while in which Raph's gaze seemed to soften, if a little reluctantly. He let out a dense sigh.

"How can you trust her so easily?"

Leo furrowed a brow, not having expected this. "It…_isn't_ easy. I'd call it faith more than trust. Why don't you try to get to know her? You'll have the time now. Maybe you'll realize you actually like her."

Raph grimaced, almost as though disgusted by the thought.

Leo rolled his eyes to the side. "Give her a chance, Raph…_Please_."

He watched Raph's jaw flutter before those bright green eyes flickered back on him. "Fine. But you have to answer a question for me."

Leonardo grimaced warily. "What?"

"What do you see in her?"

He blinked, again caught off guard by Raph's choice in question. What did he see in Karai? What _did_ he see in Karai? He forced himself not to release a haughty snort. What _didn't_ he see in Karai, was a more accurate query. He shrugged and pressed his palms into the bench.

"I dunno…What do you see in _me_?"

He gazed at his brother solidly, but Raph could not match his stare for more than five seconds before dropping his gaze again, this time with a slightly resentful crease to his brow. He didn't respond, but this could've been credited to the familiar clatter of the lab door sliding open. Both boys glanced up—Leo automatically standing.

Splinter emerged alone, closing the door behind him. He paused on the step and took in the presence of his two sons before speaking.

"Where is Donatello?"

"I sent him to bed," Leo said.

Splinter nodded as though this was the most relieving news he'd heard all day—which was ironic. "Good…And Michelangelo?"

"He went to make sure Donnie got there."

His sensei nodded again and then let his amber gaze flicker between the two boys and the way they purposely avoided looking at one another though in proximity there was still only a few inches of open air between them, even with Leo now standing.

"Is something wrong?" the great rat asked.

Leo and Raph just barely exchanged glances and both responded with a quick, "No."

Splinter regarded them with a faint glaze of suspicion, but said nothing about it. Instead he turned stiffly, hands behind his back, and started for the kitchen. Leo took a step after him, not entirely on purpose.

"Sensei?"

Splinter immediately looked back, eyes glinting with an emotion that the eldest turtle could not read. "I know you are anxious, my son," he said—almost as though it were routine. "But I must insist that you do not approach Karai tonight. She is in great need of rest and does not wish to be bothered."

Leo's back teeth locked. He said nothing.

"Promise me you will do this my son."

The blue-banded turtle swallowed back a knot of protest and bowed his head. "Hai Sensei."

* * *

He rolled over in his bed, further twisting the sheets around his legs, and sighed at the wall of shadows across from him. He repeated that promise to himself, allowing his obedient and ever-loyal conscience to forbid him from submitting to the yank of his gut.

_Stay in bed, Leo. Don't get up, Leo. You told Master Splinter you wouldn't bother her. You _promised_ him you wouldn't bother her. You looked him straight in the eye, you gave him your word, he gave you an order. _

He closed his eyes and groaned to himself, folding his arms around his torso and digging his fingers into his skin where it was exposed beneath his arms and above the bridge of his shell. The contrast of temperatures between his icy fingers and the searing skin stretched over his ribs made him shiver. He grimaced, then opened his eyes and peered at the wall, repeating his conscience's weakening persuasion: _Don't get up. You promised_…

He turned over again, now helplessly entangled in his sheets and so impossibly far from sleep that he could've jumped up right then and easily sprinted a lap around the city. His stomach clenched impatiently and he pulled his knees up to his chest, practically curled into a ball on his side now.

He glanced at the clock and his insides tightened even further. It wasn't even midnight.

He could feel her presence, like an overcast sky that refused to rain but instead hovered there hour after hour, day after day, providing neither water nor sunshine. And it left a dense haze of imminence that was never fulfilled, an unyielding impatience and aimlessness. He sat up and threw his pillow to the floor then yanked his legs out of the sheets and tossed those too. Then he just sat there, breathing, waiting, suffering for what felt like years.

They'd been waiting so long for this. _He'd_ been waiting so long—just for her to be where she was right now, a few strides away, separated only by concrete walls. And now all he wanted to do was talk to her, look at her, hear her voice. He had to be _absolutely_ sure he wasn't dreaming, that this was real, that everything they'd been struggling over for months had finally paid off. She was safe, but was she _okay_? Was she relieved? Happy? Scared? Maybe as anxious as he was?

He looked at the clock again. It had only been two minutes.

He gritted his teeth, clenched his fists, and then shook his head to himself before sliding out of bed. He tied on his mask - for the sole reason that there wasn't much else to don that would make him feel any less naked - and then slipped out of his room.

The lair was quiet and still—dark. If it had been a normal day, Donnie would still be awake, tinkering away in his lab, but when Leo paused in front of his door he heard the satisfying whistle of his younger brother deep in much needed sleep.

He didn't dare check on Raph. Who knew how long the rebel normally laid in bed staring at the ceiling before finally allowing himself to fall asleep? And there was no need to peek in on Mikey. As high-wired and full of relentless energy that Mikey was when he was awake, simply telling the little turtle to sleep could get him effortlessly there in seconds, no matter how much he might argue that he wasn't tired.

Leo crept silently across the common room, also not daring to go anywhere near the dojo and Splinter's room where he knew his father would emerge the moment he detected the faintest whisper of movement. Leo hardly even dared to breathe as he tiptoed over to the dividers that Karai was supposedly sleeping behind.

He paused in front of them, listening for her specific indicator of sleep—though he wasn't sure what that sounded like yet. He supposed he'd learn fairly soon, but right now, having her here and here to _stay_ was a brand new experience entirely. There was nothing familiar about it.

When he heard nothing, he placed he hand on the edge of the divider, checked over his shoulder, then took a breath and gently pulled it back a few inches.

A small golden flicker of light glanced around the walls of the little space she now claimed as her own. There wasn't much to it yet. They'd eventually acquire more furniture and homely possessions for her to keep as the days passed. For now all she had was candles, a mat, and a sufficient amount of blankets and pillows to make herself comfortable with. She wasn't sleeping.

She was sitting up, legs crossed, back straight, eyes closed, her face expressionless and surprisingly clean. He had never seen her without thick black, pointed lines of make-up framing her eyes, and it was astonishingly appealing. She seemed much more tender, much more—approachable, not only because she'd cleared the maquillage away, but because she no longer donned her usual armored getup. Instead she seemed perfectly comfortable in a pair of sweatpants tied at the waist and a white tank top. It was as though all the accessories that had shielded and solidified her before had been stripped away as easily as the scales had fallen from her skin, leaving behind something natural, soft, and true to what actually lay beneath all the protective covering. And for a moment, he was not only _content_ to simply stare at her, but didn't _realize_ that he was doing so…Until she opened her eyes.

His heart jumped up to his throat and he tensed but didn't move. There was no point. She was staring straight at him, and from the look in her eyes she'd known the exact moment that he'd left his own room.

"I was wondering when you were going to break your promise," she said serenely, all the usual tones of control and mischief attached to her voice.

He hesitated for another moment and then allowed himself to cross the threshold and replace the screen behind him.

"You were listening?" he said, allowing the sound of his voice to cover his movement as he strolled closer and took a seat in front of her, close enough to clearly make her out through the pale light and heavy shadows, but far enough not to invade any kind of bubble she might have made.

"Of course," she said casually. "I've been training and developing my senses as long as you have—longer in fact. I know how to listen in on conversations from the next room."

He didn't smile—but it was intensely hard not to. "How did you know I wouldn't keep my promise?"

She raised a brow. "Did you actually think that you _could_? You might think you're more respectful of Splinter's orders than your brothers are, but to anyone looking in from the outside it's pretty obvious you can easily be just as defiant as they are."

"I'm not _defiant_," he argued. "Just—anxious…It's been a long time, Karai. Can you blame me?"

The bare hint of a smile formed at the corners of her lips. "No. I was counting on it." The smile flickered away just as quickly as it had come and he watched her eyes turn away from his and graze across his face.

She was quiet for a long time and he allowed her to be, saying nothing to break the silence. The compromise he'd made for disturbing her so late was not to ask any questions or be the first to mention anything about what had taken place during the long months of her absence.

"What happened?" she asked, indicating the scars on his face that, until that moment, he'd completely forgotten about.

He frowned and refrained from touching his cheek. "Tigerclaw."

She nodded once in complete understanding before a flash of uneasiness fluttered across her expression—so faint, he almost didn't catch it. "Splinter said you guys did your best to bring me back sooner. But he didn't go into detail about it—said it wasn't important."

She looked directly at him again, with a gaze so heavy and stern that he stopped breathing for a moment. "I have to know though…what I did…"

Leo shook his head, stomach tightening. "You didn't _do_ anything," he said firmly. "You were fast," he added with a faint smile. "You made it hard to keep up. But there's nothing to blame you for."

Her gaze did not relent in the slightest. "Nothing except for biting you."

He tried not to give anything away in his expression, but he couldn't stop himself from automatically laying a hand over the gauze around his forearm, as though to cover it up. "I don't blame you."

"That's nice," she said dryly. "Doesn't mean no one else does."

He grimaced when he realize she'd heard his conversation with Raph too. "That doesn't matter. _I_ was the one you bit, and it was only because I got in your way. I don't blame you."

She stared for a moment as though thinking it through in the back of her mind, but not wishing to expose any truths or suspicions. "You were trying to get me back weren't you—when Tigerclaw did that to you?"

He swallowed. "I _don't_ blame you," he said again, as firmly as he could muster. "And anyway, even if I did there's nothing you could do about it now. It happened and it's done. There's no taking it back. Tigerclaw left a mark, end of story. It's not like he wouldn't have done the same thing under different circumstances. He's just not a nice cat." He shrugged.

At this she finally released something reminiscent of a real smile and it caused a reaction in his stomach, like dropping Mentos in Coke and watching the bottle explode with a sweet and bubbling foam—or the words that he spoke without meaning to.

"I missed you, Karai."

He kicked himself immediately for saying it, but it wasn't like he had never given him and his blushing self away before. It was embarrassing how easily she could do that to him, but—at the same time—he might occasionally choose not to fight it. Not that he particularly enjoyed the way she made his stomach squirm, even though actually…he did.

Her expression, on the other hand, gave away nothing. "I _almost_ wish I could say the same," she said with a smirk.

He smiled, despite the subject, and then completely forgot that he'd promised he wouldn't ask any questions about it. "So you really don't remember _anything_?"

The corner of her lips dropped and he immediately regretted it, but she spoke before he could take the question back, her eyes gazing hazily off to the side.

"Since I woke up, I've been getting flashes—visions of things, but only quick snippets. And nothing more than…"

She stopped, her nose crinkling slightly, and she looked back at him, her eyes taking in his entire presence as he leaned over his own knees without realizing he was doing so. Her brow furrowed and she pushed herself to her knees, brazenly crawling closer to him.

He stiffened and leaned away, his heart beating hard against his plastron as she stopped, her face hovering dangerously close, eyes now closed with a concentrated look to her face. He wasn't sure how long this lasted, but when she finally sat back, he felt like he hadn't breathed in years.

She stared at him through eyes that looked both cautious and intrigued. "You smell like polish."

He blinked—hesitating, mulling this over—and then turned his head ever so slightly over his shoulder to get a whiff of his own scent. There was nothing different about it, and to him it didn't really smell like anything—though he was partly grateful he, at the very least, didn't smell _bad_. He looked forward again, brow furrowed apprehensively.

"Do I?"

She simply blinked. "You know what's funny?"

He shook his head.

"You're just as gullible as you were before all of this."

It took a moment for this to settle in the back of his mind, but when she cracked another grin, he smiled back and they both laughed.


	10. Chapter 10

Mikey squealed as Raph yanked him by the wrist, pulled his arm across his chest and forced him to the floor with all the finesse of a WWE wrestler. He pinned his little brother beneath him, using his elbow to trap Mikey's neck between his arm and plastron, then glanced again across the dojo.

They were smiling—_both_ of them. And it wasn't even smiling really, so much as it was provocative smirking, but in that obviously flirty kind of way. He'd been watching them throughout the whole training session and rarely had they taken their eyes off one another for more than a handful of seconds. Now, locked in nimble sparring it was like they were communicating with one another only in silent combat. And what _was_ with the way they were fighting? He wasn't sure if he'd actually even _call_ it that. It was more like they were performing some toxic form of dance, constantly stepping around each other and diving into the same space at regular intervals, using one another's momentum to keep the overall movement flowing as though it had been previously rehearsed in this exact sequence. Who the shell they thought they were performing for—he had no idea. But he was sure ready to throttle the both of them. Instead, he had to settle for Mikey.

"Raph," the little turtle whined, voice muffled from having his cheek pressed firmly into the rug. He flailed the limbs he could move, but that hardly did him any good. "You're crushing me!"

Raphael didn't answer. He wasn't even paying any attention. His eyes glanced toward the far corner where Splinter was attempting to refine Casey's raw aggression, and then to April and Donnie who were playing with one another much the same way Leo and Karai were, only without the fluidity and seductive undercurrent.

So this was how it was going to be huh? No wonder people sneered, and sighed, and looked the other way when they saw couples holding hands on the street. Love was completely nauseating.

"Raaaaaaaaaph!" Mikey howled. "I can't—breathe!"

Raphael scowled and lifted his weight from his brother only to flip him around, yank him to his feet, land a series of punches on him and then kick him across the room where he collided with Leo and Karai. Their dance was abruptly interrupted, and the three of them hit the floor.

Everyone else stopped to glance over at the heap of limbs as they slowly recovered.

"Ughhh…Sensei? Can we _please_ switch partners?" Mikey groaned, swaying dizzily as he sat up.

Raph stuffed his arms over his plastron and turned his scowl away the moment that Leo's eyes moved to glare at him.

"Raphael," Splinter called, his tone one of warning.

"What? It's not _my_ fault he's got a soft shell."

"I do not!"

"_Jūbun'na_," Splinter interrupted, snipping the bud of an argument like a professional. "Michelangelo, you may work with April and Casey. Leonardo, you take Donatello. Raphael, you may face Karai."

Raph stiffened. His eyes slowly found their way back across the room. Karai had already steadied herself back on her feet and now strolled toward him, not without an air of threatening, though she smiled as though they were about to go out to a movie. Raph's eye twitched and he couldn't help but glance toward Leo who, to say the least, looked slightly devastated. His blue eyes met Raph's, and the leader shifted his gaze in silent communication—_begging_. His expression quite clearly read: Dear Raphael, please don't be an ass.

Raph sneered and looked away, readying himself with his fists up and his stance springy. Karai took the same position as she faced him and continued to smile. They didn't bow to each other as the others did. The last thing Raph was about to give Karai was his respect.

"Hajime!" Splinter called, this time kneeling to watch.

Raph had barely gathered a hint of momentum before Karai sprang forward, darting at him like a shuriken. He just barely avoided a punch to the jaw as he jumped to the side. Gritting his teeth, he rounded on her with a punch of his own, which she ducked effortlessly, coming up from under his arm to nail him solidly in the neck with her forearm and shove him against a wall. He swept a foot beneath her open stance and forced her into a split, backing away as she turned falling backward into a roll, pushed herself up practically in a handstand, and then landed firmly on her feet, fists drawn and at the ready again. She was still smirking, and that only burned a brighter fire in his gut.

He charged first this time, swinging wildly, practically throwing his whole body into every punch, only to be nearly thrown off balance as she quickly and seamlessly dodged each blow.

"You must focus your strikes, Raphael," said Splinter's voice.

Raph's jaw ached with frustrated pressure, but rather than listening, his punches and kicks only became more haphazard and careless, like a blinded child swinging at a piñata. He wouldn't let her hit him either though. Her tactic seemed to be trying to force him to the ground and he wouldn't subject himself to that. Not to say she wasn't doing a fair job trying.

She crouched and swung out one of her long legs. He leapt over it and landed a kick to her shoulder. She was thrown off balance but used this to her advantage by shoving him in the shell with her heel. He toppled forward, and she was on his back within seconds with a successful sleeper hold around his neck. He pulled on her arm, teeth bared, but she only tightened her grip—though not tight enough yet to render him breathless. He tried to buck her off—so tempted to simply flip over and crush her beneath his shell, though something told him a few people would disapprove. But she held on despite, even as he stood…It was like trying to rip a leech from his shell.

"Is it just me," she said in his ear, warm breath skating across his skin, "or am I picking up some negative vibes?"

His growl came out more as a snarky scoff. "Negative vibes? Toward _you_? Never."

He threw his elbow into her stomach, and the hold around his neck immediately vanished as she grunted and stumbled back. He whipped around, fist raised, aiming straight for her pretty little face.

"Yame!"

He froze, panting slightly, and immediately began to shift through his mental book of defenses and arguments, sure that the fight had been stopped on account of a foul or two. But when he turned around, he found that wasn't necessary.

Donatello was kneeling on the floor vomiting and shaking his head to an apologetic Leo. April rushed to kneel beside him and patted his shell, speaking so softly that Raph didn't catch it.

"Just got…a little dizzy," Donnie managed to gasp before heaving again.

"That is enough for today," Splinter said. He shot an order to Mikey in Japanese, insisting that he run off for a bucket, which Mikey hardly hesitated to obey.

Donatello mumbled an apology and Splinter laid a hand on his shoulder. "You must give yourself time to recover, my son. There is no apology necessary. You are improving, but to move too quickly into your old habits will only set you back. Rest for now."

Mikey came back with the bucket and April and Leo pulled Donnie to his feet and kept him supported as they walked slowly out of the dojo. Mikey led the way walking backward, holding out the bucket beneath Donnie's chin. Splinter followed and Casey was right behind them.

Karai began to leave as well, but the moment she moved Raph shot out an arm to block her path, nearly punching the wall next to them with the force he used to cut her off. She stopped, glancing down at his arm which ran parallel with her shoulders. Then she turned her attentive golden eyes on him.

"Let's get one thing straight right now," he said, his eyes tight on her. "You've made yourself a nice little reputation putting my family through all kinds of shit, and just because you've switched sides, doesn't mean I'm just gonna drop everything that's happened and pretend like you're my friend. I don't trust you. Fair?"

She nodded once but said nothing. He could've sworn he saw the smallest glimmer of a smile on her lips. Even if not, she was entirely too serene and composed in the face to be at all threatened by him. This made him bristle.

"I'm watching you, alright princess?" He dropped his arm and stepped closer, practically putting his face in hers. She didn't twitch a single muscle.

"And listen, if you do anything—_anything_ at all to manipulate or hurt Leo in any way…I'm coming after you. Got it?"

She finally blinked once upon him mentioning his older brother, but once the threat was out it was succeeded by a faint smile and a curt nod. "Understood."

He narrowed his eyes. "You think this is a game, don't you?"

"It's certainly entertaining," she said openly. Soon after this, however, she dropped her smile and looked him straight in the eye. "I'm not going to hurt Leo, Raphael. Not after everything he's done for me. On that I give you my word."

He hesitated, staring her down, half fearful that for a moment it looked like she actually meant it. "Pain isn't always physical," he said flatly. And with that he turned away and left the dojo.

* * *

Leo was staring down at the ground as he made his way back into the dojo with a bucket of hot water and carpet cleaner—a rag slung over his shoulder—but his eyes automatically glanced up upon passing Raph in the doorway. Their eyes met for the briefest of seconds, during which Raph's narrowed gaze stung like a burn from a magnifying glass. They didn't speak to one another and the second was gone just as quickly as it had come, but only Leo hesitated, watching his brother storm off before he turned away himself and proceeded into the dojo.

Karai was still there, arms folded loosely over her torso, eyes cast to the side as though in thought.

Leo's throat went dry as he tried not to think of infinities of undesirable mishaps that might occur in a room in which Raph and Karai were left alone. Instead he smiled at her when she glanced up and advanced to kneel and clean up Donnie's mess.

"So not the cleanest training session," he said with a conversational shrug, "but he's been getting better. Last time we sparred we were hardly fifteen minutes in before he flat out passed out."

He continued to scrub the floor but watched discreetly out of the corner of his eye as Karai wandered toward him and stood only a few feet away, staring down at the floor.

"He'll be okay?" she said distantly—awkwardly—like she'd never asked a question of concern before.

Leo flashed her a comforting smile. "He's a tough nut. It may not seem as much at first glance, but Donnie can fight his way through anything."

A moment of silence stretched between them in which Karai said nothing. In fact, she appeared as though she hadn't really heard, or else didn't care to respond. But just before he could pause and ask her what was up she dropped her arms.

"Your brother doesn't like me," she said in a tone that was almost uncomfortably matter-of-fact.

He glanced up at her, a ripple of chills cascading down his arms as his stomach quite oppositely burned. He tried not to let his frustration in his brother show on his face. "Which one?" he asked coyly, though he knew very well who she was talking about.

"Raphael."

He forced a reassuring grin to the corner of his mouth. "I wouldn't worry about it," he said, returning to scrubbing the floor. "Raph can be a bit stand-offish until you really get to know him…And even then sometimes it's hard to tell whether or not he really tolerates anybody. If it makes you feel any better—he doesn't like me either."

She raised a brow but didn't comment.

When after a while he could still feel a sense of disturbance about her, he dropped the rag in the murky bucket water and sat back on his heels.

"Seriously, Karai, don't let it bother you. It's just Raph."

She turned her golden eyes down on him and scoffed as though half amused. "It's not _him_ that bothers me. He's the only one here that makes me feel normal. Everyone else has been so nice—and it's weird. I don't really know how to respond…The little one made me breakfast this morning."

Leo laughed. "That's just the way Mikey is. He's insanely hospitable, and even more so forgiving. He'd probably sit down for a pizza with the Kraang if they offered."

This only made her grimace more intense, more confused. She sat down, crossing her legs, leaning slightly forward with an air of intention. "And Donatello? I know that he spent all that time making the retro-mutagen for me…Why would he do that?"

Leo blinked, his smile falling. This really _did_ bother her. "Because…" He hesitated, eyes shifting. "Because it's _Donnie_." He shrugged. "That's what he does. He helps people."

"He keeps giving me check-ups to make sure my heart's beating like it's supposed to," she said, as though this was the most bizarre habit she'd ever happened upon.

Leo had to admit, in a way it was kind of cute. "He's also thorough. It gets annoying sometimes, but it's a good quality to have. He likes knowing that he's done his job right."

She pursed her lips, still not entirely convinced. "And you?"

He gave an involuntary chuckle, dragging a finger around the rim of the bucket. "I've always liked you, Karai."

His grin dropped the moment her name left his lips and he glanced away, a rosy heat skating across his cheeks. "I mean…We've—you know…It's just…" He rubbed the back of his neck and smiled nervously.

The smallest of grins hid beneath her cheeks and she looked away toward the full-grown tree as though pondering its presence. He felt himself breathe a little easier and refrained from fanning the heat from his face.

"So…What did he say to you?" he asked cautiously.

She looked back at him and shrugged. "He just let me know he doesn't trust me."

The fire immediately rekindled in his stomach, but he didn't react to it. He nodded instead. "It's not just you. He has trust issues in general."

Her smile became more prominent. "I admire his ferocity," she said. "He's really determined to protect you guys."

The flame burned out like a snuffed candle upon hearing this, and he furrowed his brow. He wouldn't have gone the route of considering that Raph simply wanted to protect him—_them_. It was…an interesting way to put it. So maybe that red-banded hot-head wasn't a _complete_ jerk…At least not all the time.

"Well that's—Raph." He smiled, a genuine smile now, and returned to scrubbing the carpet.

* * *

Later on that night, Leo volunteered to check on Donnie, bringing the tea and medication Splinter insisted enter the room with him.

He found his younger brother curled up against a wall of pillows on one corner of his bed, wrapped snugly in a navy comforter with a physics book in his hands. He'd pulled his mask down around his neck and left his gear in a neat pile on the floor. Somehow, it seemed even if Donnie were to throw a sheaf of loose notebook paper on the ground, the mess would still feel organized in some way.

"Sorry about earlier, Leo," said the young terrapin, looking up from his book. "Didn't mean to make you clean up after me."

Leo set down the items he'd brought and took a seat on the edge of his brother's bed, smiling softly. "Don't worry about it. You feeling better?"

Donnie nodded and glanced back down, flipping a page. "I'm fine." He sighed. "Splinter's probably going to make me stay in bed for the next ten years, but I suppose I'll live."

Leo patted a hill in the blanket that was his brother's knee.

"How are _you_?" Donnie asked, looking away from his text again.

The older turtle sighed and scooted further toward the center of the bed, leaning against his brother's legs as he stared at the wall. "Raph's putting up a fight."

Don smiled. "Well it is Raph."

"But that's just it. He's not fighting with _me_, he's fighting with Karai—subtly, but I can't imagine it'll be much longer before he really lets loose on her."

"She's competition. You know how Raph gets when he has competition."

Leo groaned and rested his chin on Donnie's knee, looking over at his younger brother now. They stared at one another quietly for a moment, a moment in which no time and all time seemed to pass at the same time. And then Leo sighed, frowning. "What if she doesn't like me?"

Donnie tilted his head. "Why wouldn't she?"

Leo raised a brow and waved his hand, wiggling his fingers.

"I mean besides that."

"That's all the reason she needs, Don. But what if I don't get anywhere with her? What if I _do_ decide I like Raph, but by that time he hates me so much he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore? What then? I'd have to live the rest of my life with those two turning their backs to me, and I wouldn't be able to escape it."

He grimaced and then continued in a whisper, "What if I end up alone, Donnie?"

Donatello's smile was soft, generous—patient. "That's the last thing that would happen, Leo."

Leo couldn't help the pucker that came to his bottom lip and he buried his nose against the fabric covering Donnie's knees, still peeking over at him.

His genius-of-a-brother chuckled and laid his book face down, sitting up straight now. "Well…What if we _both_ get rejected?"

Leo furrowed his brow. "Yeah?"

Donnie's brown eyes hovered on him for a moment then fell to the side and shifted around before coming back to him with a faint glaze of timidity. "I'll still be here for you—if you're still here for _me_. Like a plan B," he shrugged. "That way we're guaranteed never to be alone."

Leo dropped his gaze for a second, thoughtfully, then looked back up to his younger brother and mumbled, "Promise?"

Donnie smiled—the kind of smile that was so adorably unique to him. "I promise."

A surge of affection swelled up in Leo's chest and he sat up and pulled his brother close, burying his nose in his shoulder. It was comforting, knowing that at least _something_ was certain and solid in this world. He never had to guess with Donnie, and that was more relieving than he ever thought it could be.

He sighed against his brother's skin, smiling when Donnie returned the embrace with tender arms. "Don't ever go anywhere, Donnie."

Donatello chuckled. "Of course not…But you might want to try making your move on Karai, _and then_ get cold-shouldered by Raph before you go committing yourself to me. Though, for what it's worth, it is rather flattering."

Leo picked up his head and faced his brother with a smile.


	11. Chapter 11

**Funny, that the moment I decided I'd update, FFN decided to lock the door on everyone's accounts. *shrug* This is why I carry a distaste for technology and all its imperfections. Also...turtle luck :P But anyhow, we're all back, the world still turns, and you get two chapters this time :) Have fun! And let me know what you think.**

* * *

It could have been perfect.

It could have been a change that brought true betterment to their family, tied them closer together, encouraged them to open their minds to more possibilities than living their entire lives cooped up in the sewers with only the four of them and their sensei. It could have been fun. It could have been a change that brought him real peace and contentment for the first time in months. But no…And why?

Because Raphael could never allow anything to be easy.

They were going on weeks now that Karai had made herself comfortable in their home and Raph still went as stiff as a board when she walked into the room. He still removed himself from the equation when they tried to eat together, or watch a movie together, or play a game together. Anything that wasn't training and might've involved both him and Karai, he bowed out of. Instead of kicking Mikey out of his seat at the table, he took his plate to his room. Rather than nearly decapitating everyone with pillows to force his right to pick the movie, he curled in on himself in the darkest corner of the common room and pretended none of them were there. And forget about him rolling those green eyes of his in that exasperated, yet secretly interested, way he did when one of his brothers suggested a board game. The last time they'd volunteered Mikey to try to persuade him to join in on _Scene It!_ Raph had completely turned a cold shoulder on him.

Leo wanted to enjoy the fact that Karai was with them, that she was a part of the family, that she was safe and happy and could finally enjoy herself—honestly he did. But that stubborn, tantrum-throwing, wall-building, red-banded, antisocial child that he called a brother was ruining everything.

And it wasn't that Raph ever followed up on directly reiterating to Karai that he didn't like her. In fact, as far as Leo knew, he hadn't said another word to her—nor to Leo himself for that matter, and this pissed him off even more. So much so in fact that he found himself spending less and less time bothering with Raph and more time ranting to Donnie every moment that he could—pacing, whining, and kicking things around so often that Donnie had started to leave empty cardboard boxes lying in very convenient spots around the lab.

"It's completely unfair," Leo exclaimed after punting a box nearly clear across the room. "He's acting like he's ten years old or something. I mean, what does he expect her to do? Do we have to ask her to pack up her stuff and take a hike because he's _uncomfortable_?"

Donnie said nothing for a moment. He seemed far too enveloped in his repairs on the Patrol Buggy. But of course Leo knew better than to assume Donnie wasn't listening. Donnie always listened. It was simply a matter of stealing a greater percentage of his attention away from his current project.

"Can you hand me the torque wrench?" he said from the floor, blindly reaching out a grease-smeared hand as he kept the other under the belly of the buggy and continued to tug at its parts with a concentrated furrow to his brow, tongue poking out.

Leo strolled closer and crouched by the toolbox that had made it about two feet out of Donnie's reach. He plucked out the first instrument that he thought might've been some form of a wrench. "This one?"

Donnie glanced at it quickly. "Exactly—but smaller."

Leo pursed his lips and dug around before pulling out a smaller version of the first tool and slapped it in his brother's open palm. Don muttered a thanks and twisted his face into a grimace of determination as he worked to loosen something beneath the buggy.

"Are you sure this is about Karai?" he grunted after a moment.

Leo blinked and shot a bewildered gaze at his brother who completely missed it. "What do you mean?"

"Well," Donnie sighed, successfully yanking free a bolt and setting it on the floor next to him. "I think—and I'm speaking mostly from observational knowledge of certain habitual tendencies—you and Raph have a very particular way of reacting to one another."

Leo furrowed a brow, watching his brother's muscles tense again as he attacked another bolt. "You're gonna have to elaborate, Don."

Donnie tugged the second bolt free much quicker this time and sat up to lean his shell back against the buggy. He picked up a grimy rag and one of the bolts and began wiping it down. "What I mean is that you and Raph share a—symbiotic bond, of sorts. So, say everything's running smoothly, everything's going great—you're happy. Ninety-seven percent probability says, Raph's going to be happy too. And, quite oppositely, if something is rubbing Raph the wrong way—like in this particular instance—of course you're going to be struggling to find a sense of peace. I genuinely think, right now…you simply miss his smile."

Leo blinked. "I'm sorry?"

Donnie gave a nonchalant shrug. "You want Raph to like Karai right?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

Leo's gaze shifted as he mulled this over, but when he remained silent, Donnie filled in the gap.

"Is it because you think she deserves to be liked? Or because you want Raph to be at ease with her around?"

Leo blinked and looked back at his brother with a slightly troubled gaze. Donatello smiled and said nothing as he returned to his work.

It was a puzzle—and an infuriating one at that, so much so that he decided to just forget it. Forget Raph and his attitude and his refusal to be nice for once. Leo didn't have to feel guilty. He didn't have to feel tied down. He had a choice and Raph himself had given him that choice—_promising_ that he wouldn't put up a fight. So why shouldn't Leo do what he wanted? On the forefront, he couldn't see a reason. So he pried his red-banded brother away from his focus the way one might rip a price tag off of a gift. And instead he resolved to focus on the thing he _should_ have been paying attention to.

* * *

"There are vending machines _everywhere_. As long as you've got money on you, you'll never starve and you'll never go thirsty. And there are the standard ones that spit out sodas, or waters, or chips, but there are also some you can get alcohol from. And there was one right around the corner from where I lived that had eggs."

"You're kidding."

"I'm not. Oh, and I've still yet to have sushi here that even compares to what they have in Japan. I've had better sushi from a convenience store there than I've had at some of the nicer restaurants like a block away."

He chuckled. "Well that's a given."

"The bullet train is way faster than subways and feels a lot more convenient, to be honest. There are power lines everywhere, but you kind of get used to them and after a while they're almost unnoticeable. But the temples and castles are amazing. My favorite is the Osu Kannon temple in Nagoya, mostly because of the color. There are festivals for everything. There's at least one every month. And I haven't decided whether or not I like it best in the fall or spring. The colors of the leaves in autumn are beautiful, especially set against the mountains. But when the cherry blossoms bloom in the spring…there's just nothing to compare it to."

He smiled, staring up at the ceiling as he painted a picture of all of this. They were in her room, lying on their backs shoulder to shoulder, Leo with one hand behind his head on the pillow they were sharing. He wasn't sure what time it was, only that he knew it was late and they'd already been talking for a good two hours. He couldn't believe all the places she'd been, but had to admit to himself so far Japan sounded like the most compelling place to be. Though, he wasn't sure how much influence his sensei had already had on his opinion.

"Do you miss it?" he asked.

"Sometimes," she admitted with a shrug. "There are things about the country and the culture itself that I miss, but I had nothing there to leave behind. And it's interesting here."

He smirked. "Interesting?"

"Well, I didn't exactly run into mutants and aliens on a day-to-day basis when I was in Japan. Though, I won't lie, there were some pretty off-the-wall people. I think you'd love it."

He nodded. "I'm sure I would."

They were silent for a moment before she spoke again. "What else do you want to do?" she asked, turning her face toward him. "Like if you could do anything or go anywhere you wanted to, what would you do and where would you go?"

A small smile crept up on the corner of his mouth, but he shook his head against the thought. "It's embarrassing."

She scoffed. "You couldn't possibly be any more embarrassed than you should be every morning you wake up," she teased. "Come on, tell me."

He sighed and pressed his lips together, then closed his eyes. "Don't laugh okay?"

"You have my word."

"Okay. I've always wanted…" He stopped, sighed again, and turned to look at her. "It's stupid."

"Leo, come on. If you don't cough it up, I'll beat it out of you."

"Is that a threat or a promise?"

Her grin turned up, but she said nothing.

"Times Square."

She raised a brow.

"I want to go to Times Square, in the middle of the day…and just stand there." He turned his gaze back toward the ceiling, aware of her eyes on the side of his face. "And fly—in an airplane. And I do want to go to Japan, to see where Splinter grew up. I want to know what cherry blossoms smell like. And I want to go to a supermarket—"

"A supermarket?" she interrupted. "What the hell for?"

"I've heard there's many ways to entertain yourself at a Walmart."

She snorted. "Yeah, only because people have nothing better to do with their lives."

He continued to smile. "But it'd be nice to have that choice in a moment of boredom, you know? When we get bored here during the day there's nothing to do except get on each other's nerves. At least in a Walmart you can walk around and annoy other people."

"I never took you for the type that enjoys pushing buttons."

"Well no." He shrugged. "But Raph and Mikey would enjoy it, I think."

"Yeah. What else?"

He shifted, making himself more comfortable. "I want to live in a house, like with windows and a porch or something. And wear shoes…" He peeked down at his feet and the stained, frayed wrappings encasing them. He waved them back and forth a couple of times as though to greet himself, then looked back at the ceiling. "Just so I can take them off before I walk into a room…" He took a breath, but then went quiet again.

"What?"

He could feel the familiar sensation of warm blood rushing to his cheeks. It burned his skin, while somehow simultaneously making the air either too thick or too thin to breathe normally. "Well…It'd be nice if…"

"If what?"

He sighed. "If I met someone that, I dunno…" He shrugged. "Someone that could maybe overlook what I am and _possibly_…love me." With this he glanced at her, but she was still staring at the ceiling, her expression perfectly composed and serene.

"All of that is so simple."

His stomach dropped, but he nodded, turning his gaze straight again.

"Kind of ironic," she went on. "With all the stuff you get to do—fighting aliens and chasing down mutants and running around New York City every night leaping off of buildings - and you just want to wear shoes and stand in the middle of Times Square."

The corner of his lips pulled downward and he could feel himself automatically trying to shrink into his shell. "I told you it was stupid."

"It's not," she said matter-of-factly. "In fact, it's sensible. So much so that, to be honest, it's a little sad."

He nodded. "Freedom is a limited concept."

She was silent for a moment, as though thinking about this. "You know what's funny though?"

"What?"

"All that time I spent with the Foot Clan, basically going wherever I wanted and doing whatever I wanted so long as it didn't get in my—in the Shredder's way, and/or so long as it benefited his whole vendetta thing…I never had as much fun as I've had here with you and your brothers."

A tiny smile lifted in the very corner of his mouth, one he didn't recognize in his own expression. "One is a lonely number."

However, that very same smile dropped as his own words repeated themselves in his mind. He shifted his gaze sideways, glancing at her out of the corner of his eye. She was still staring at the ceiling. "Can I ask you a personal question?"

Her tawny eyes turned toward him and she cocked a grin. "Go for it."

He could feel the blush blooming in full across his cheeks and hoped she wouldn't notice through the shadows. "Well…I was wondering—I mean, I was just kind of curious, if you…if you've ever had—a boyfriend."

She laughed, a very natural, very uncensored laugh that made his throat tighten.

"I'm sorry." She giggled. "I just had a thought. Could you imagine me bringing home a boy and introducing him to the Shredder?" She laughed some more and then wiped joyous tears from her eyes with a sigh. "The answer is no, I haven't."

His brow perked up. "Really?"

She shrugged. "I was never really the type of girl to form relationships. I mean, look at the man who raised me."

"Shredder loved Tang Shen," he pointed out, almost sickened by the fact that in some twisted context he was defending his father's sworn enemy.

"He was also a psychopath and the one that killed her."

Leo pressed his lips together to keep from saying anything else potentially stupid.

"I mean, Splinter loved my mother too, but neither of them got what they wanted in the end so what's the point of it?" She turned her head to face him directly, honest indifference shimmering in her eyes.

His insides knotted. "Well," he stuttered. "I mean, Splinter did get _you_ out of it. They both did, in a way."

She stared at him, her expression unreadable but not quite satisfied.

Leo took a shaky breath and continued. "Sensei says that love is the thing that holds us together, gives us something to fight for, and without it we would have no purpose."

At this her eyes finally shifted, as though truly in contemplation of this idea. A tiny flicker of hope began to spark in the center of his chest just beneath his plastron. He decided to reach out into the fog, and hope that he caught something.

"Maybe that's why you were—unsatisfied when you were with the Shredder."

"Maybe," she mumbled, eyes glazed over and unseeing.

He watched her as she stared off to the side for a while. Then his eyes traveled across her face to her peach-colored lips, remembering how they used to be red, ogling over the shape of them, her upper lip thinner than her bottom one, and the way they so blatantly stood out on her face just above her chin. They looked soft, inviting, especially whenever they curled up into that taunting smirk of hers. He wondered briefly if she'd ever spent time practicing that smirk or if it just came to her naturally—or whether or not she was aware of the way it looked on her. He wondered what she tasted like. _Was_ there a taste to humans when they were kissed? He thought back over all the TV shows and romantic comedies he'd ever watched and tried to recall whether or not at least one of them mentioned the taste.

His heart beat a little faster.

"Were you lonely?" he asked suddenly, as though his voice and brain were somehow working out of sync.

She looked back at him with a whole nexus of complexities behind the very first layer of her hazel irises, complexities he feared he'd never understand. "No."

"BS."

She cocked an eyebrow and smirked but said nothing.

"You don't have to be anymore, you know," he said, trying not to allow the nerves to escape through his voice. "Lonely, I mean."

She hiccuped a chuckle. "I'm aware. Pretty much everyone here has made that almost painfully clear."

"Sorry. They can be overwhelming at the worst of times."

She shook her head. "I don't mind it as much as you'd think."

He couldn't speak anymore; he had no idea what to say. So he only lay there on his side now, staring at her as she stared back at him, both with eyes unblinking. And he was amazed that she couldn't hear his heart beating.

Her nose twitched, just the slightest bit—a motion hardly even noticeable. But it was suddenly intensely endearing for some reason. And he felt his muscles move before he could really stop to consider how many lines he was crossing. He simply wasn't thinking this time when he pushed himself forward and pressed his lips against hers. But he certainly wished he had been.

She pulled away immediately, hardly even giving him a moment to process what a kiss really even felt like. And the half-astonished, half-repulsed look on her face made him regret it instantly.

They turned away from each other at the same time, both sitting up and facing the opposite direction, both speaking over one another in a fluster of words.

"Leo…"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean…"

"I like you. I do, but…"

"…wasn't thinking…"

"I just don't think that…"

"I mean, I kind of like…"

"…because it's just…"

"…since we met and it's…"

"Weird."

He blinked, stopping midsentence, and turned to stare at her.

They had somehow gotten to standing now, a considerable distance away from one another, Karai with her arms loosely wrapped around her torso and her eyes heavy on him, with maybe a hint of remorse. The kind of look people give when they feel bad that their decision has stolen something, yet they're sure they won't change their mind.

His heart, still beating quickly, now felt like an iron ball hitting his plastron from the inside. And a shard of it had managed to get lodged in his throat.

"Weird?" he croaked, shuffling a step back as tingling waves of rejection rippled through his skin with a fine heat. He felt his hand clench in a fist and was hyperaware of it hovering over his stomach—three-fingers, cold sweat and all.

Karai sighed, now gazing at him out of flat pity. His stomach turned.

"Leo, I told you. I'm not that type of girl. And…" She glanced down once and when she looked back she never took her eyes from him again. "I know I've probably led you on a few times in the past. And I'm sorry for that."

He grimaced and looked away, but she continued.

"It's just—I mean, it was really easy, Leo. And at the time there were things I needed from you. I was just doing what I was taught…" She broke off for a brief moment as a wave of sorrow cut through her voice. But she seemed to swallow it back down effortlessly and went on. "Really, Leo, I am sorry. And I don't want you to think I don't care about you, because I do. You're extremely important to me. It's just that…I mean you're…"

He looked back at her finally, breath shortened, but at this point he wasn't trying to reel it back in either. He furrowed his brow at her. She was gesturing to him…That was all he needed to understand.

An immediate sting came to his eyes and he backed away, his fist unfurling to cover the spot on his plastron were his heart resided just beneath, as though protecting him from any more blows that might befall it.

"A mutant," he whispered, finishing her sentence, though he hadn't meant to think so verbally.

Her head shook. "No, Leo, that's not what I meant. I mean…It's not that—"

He realized very suddenly that he didn't want to hear the rest, that none of it mattered because it wouldn't erase away the look she'd just give him. So he cut her off with a stiff bow, arms anchored by his sides.

"I apologize," he said formally, ripping all emotion from his voice for this brief moment. "I did not mean to take advantage of you in any way. I'll leave now."

"Leo…"

He'd already straightened his spine and turned and was closing the divider behind him before she could call out his name again.

She didn't follow him out and he was glad. But he walked swiftly across the lair and into the shadows of the archway leading to his and his brothers' rooms before he stopped and looked back, allowing the breath he'd been holding to escape him in a particularly loud and pained kind of gasp. He cupped a hand over his mouth and squinted through his blurred vision, trying not to feel how heavy his pulse still was, now having traveled up to his ears.

He turned away from the direction of Karai's room and skirted back through the common room toward Donnie's lab, wasting no time in closing himself in the room and then turning to find his younger brother asleep slouched over his desk, his cheek pressed against a scatter of marked papers and a pencil lying slack in his half-opened hand.

Leo swallowed, slightly subdued for a moment by the scene of his sleeping brother. He couldn't wake Donnie up. Donnie deserved sleep and it was a rare thing to find him like this.

He crossed the lab, knees trembling beneath him. They always kept extra blankets stashed away in the lab for occasions such as these. Leo dug one out and draped it over his brother's shoulders, tucking the corners around him to make sure it wouldn't slide off his shell if he moved. He brushed a hand across the top of his brother's head and then left before the blur could overwhelm his vision.


	12. Chapter 12

He was going to go to his room, bury himself beneath his blankets and make himself fall asleep before the emotions could engulf him. It was a good plan. It would work. He'd probably feel more alone than ever but whatever. He'd be fine in the morning right? Sure, he'd be fine in the morning. She was just a girl, just a tease, just a destroyer of hope that was all.

He stopped halfway down the hall to his room and found himself staring at Raph's door. He couldn't recall telling himself to pause here. He couldn't recall telling himself to knock either. And he had no idea what was compelling him to wait as an irritated, sleep-filled groan ensued from inside the room. It was followed by a crash of cymbals and a muffled curse, and the door flung open, mask-less Raph leaning all of his weight against the frame as though he'd stumbled into it.

He squinted, staring for a moment as though he wasn't processing what he was looking at. Then he scoffed when he seemed to realize it was Leo standing in his doorway. He rolled his eyes and leaned with his shoulder now.

"You really are fearless," he said, rubbing his eyes. "There'd better be a good reason for this."

"I kissed Karai," Leo blurted out before he could stop himself. Why this, why now, why to _Raphael_ of all people, he had no earthly idea. Wasn't this the guy he could've sworn he was full-heartedly against ten minutes ago?

Raph stared at him, now looking considerably awake. He said nothing for the longest time as his bright green eyes adhered themselves quite strongly to the blue-banded turtle's face but with no emotion behind them whatsoever. After an unbreathable moment came and passed, he stood up straight, poked his head farther out into the hallway and glanced down both ends. He must've been satisfied with what he either did or didn't find because in the next second he snatched Leo by the ridge of his plastron and yanked him into the room, closing the door tightly behind them to lock them in a box of near darkness.

Leo stumbled as Raph almost brutally shoved him across the room, and the older turtle flinched when his brother marched up to him, pointed at the edge of the bed and said, "Sit."

Leonardo obeyed, though he couldn't explain to himself why.

"What was that you said?" Raph asked, leaning close with his ear angled just right.

Leo pulled in a breath. "I kissed Kar—"

He was cut off, not only by the deafening sound of a slap but by the sting of one too. He gazed over his brother's shoulder with a grimace as the pinpricks of pain burned like microscopic flames spreading across his cheek.

Even with the ringing in his ears he could hear Raph shouting, "Who in God's great and glorious name told you that was okay?"

Leo turned his eyes on his brother and said nothing. Not that Raph really gave him the chance to.

"Dammit…I knew that you were gonna be a little slow catching up, but I didn't think you'd be this stupid! I mean what—?" He stopped, mouth open but without the accompaniment of sound. He clenched his teeth and growled, turning away to pace in a circle and drag his hand over his head. "Oh my god," he groaned, leaning his head back toward the ceiling before he snapped back at Leo. "Why did you do it?"

Leo's head shook on its own. "I don't know," he heard himself mumble.

"She didn't take it well did she?"

His head shook again as mortified chills rushed up his arms.

"Leo, you just…"

Raph crouched for a moment, burying his face in his hands, and then he stood again just as quickly and gestured dramatically toward the door. "_What_ were you expecting to accomplish? Did you think she'd confess her love to you or something? This is Karai we're talking about. _Karai._ I'm surprised you're not bleeding out of your ears. Hell, I'm surprised she didn't break your ass in half!"

He paused, fuming even in his silence, hands on his hips. Then he lashed out with a second slap twice as forceful as the first. "What were you thinking!"

Leo bared his teeth, ignoring the sting. "I wasn't!" he shouted back, fists now curled on his thighs. "I _wasn't_ thinking okay? It just happened!" He shot up a hand just as Raph's flinched. "Slap me again. I dare you."

Raph's jaw rippled, but he stepped back, now crossing his arms over his chest, staring down his nose.

Leo looked away, squinting his eyes to keep the angry blur from spreading. His body shook but he refused to relax. He felt if he loosened his muscles, a bevy of very unwanted emotions would tumble out of him in an avalanche. He gripped the edge of the bed now, clenching the already rumpled sheets tightly. He bunched his jaw and focused all of his energy on holding his tears back. And yet somewhere in his sense of awareness he could feel Raph softening, green eyes still watching him.

And then he heard his sigh. "What did she say to you?"

Leo sucked in a calming breath, forcing the knot back down in his throat, and let it out slowly before he answered. "She said…" He grimaced. "She said she's not the type of girl to bother with relationships, and that it's—weird because I'm…a freak and she was only leading me on before when she needed to because that was the way she was raised, and I feel like an idiot!" He dropped his face in his hands and shuddered.

Raph said nothing for a while, so Leo took this as a nod to continue speaking. "I feel like…I just…I feel—_used_."

When he picked up his head and realized his palms were wet, he curled his fingers over them.

He looked up at his brother desperately, as though hoping he might understand, and yet still in the back of his mind he wondered why Raph.

Raphael's gaze was troubled but not yet soft.

"I mean, is that what we are, Raph?" Leo questioned, now ignoring the tears that rolled down his cheeks. "Just freaks to be used as pawns in other people's games?"

Raph's brow creased even further and it seemed he was back in front of Leo in one long stride, kneeling and taking Leo's wrists to pull his hands away from rubbing his face. They gazed at each other for a long time. Raph's eyes were strong—fiery.

"No," he said. Leo searched his gaze and found no waver to it. "I'm not a pawn. And neither are you. That's bullshit. And so what if we are freaks?" He shrugged. "You can't get any better, in my opinion. Freak is the highest honor. We're mutant turtles, man—_ninja_ turtles. Own up to it!"

He gently scraped a knuckle under Leo's chin, tilting it up. The smallest of smiles broke out on Leo's cheeks. Raph grinned back.

"I'm so tired of you guys thinkin' that being mutants is a bad thing. Dude, it's the best thing we could possibly be! It's the best thing _anyone_ could possibly be. And you know what, I feel sorry for everyone who isn't. So suck it up, Fearless. You're just gonna have to deal with people who can't measure up."

Leo's smile grew more prominent and he wiped the rest of his tears away. "Don't I already do that?"

"Jackass," Raph said over a chuckle, pounding a fist on Leo's knee. It didn't hurt like the slaps. There was a difference in the force behind it - just a Raphael-esque show of affection.

Raph stood and Leo followed his lead, allowing his brother to pat his shoulder. "And listen, Leo, I hate to have to be the one to tell you this and probably ruin an image, but I'll try to forgive myself for it later. Girls are devious; they're manipulative; they scheme. That's just what happens. Sometimes they can't even help it, and we certainly can't either. They're like cats." He made an act of shuddering and Leo grinned. "Give 'em an inch and they'll knock your freakin' knees out and cement you to the floor."

"That's very vivid."

"Well, they're masters at this stuff; you just gotta know it." He yawned and turned away, slapping Leo's shoulder one more time as he did so. "No more kissing girls alright?"

Leo's brow furrowed automatically but he said nothing about this as he watched his brother crawl under his sheets and hug his pillow to his face with a sigh.

"Now if we're all done bein' pansies here, it's the middle of the night and I'd like to get back to dreamin' about serving Fishface with a side of fries."

Leo's grin perked up just before it fell, and he simply stood there as Raph closed his eyes and feigned sleep.

He could've left - Leo. In fact he should have. He was now exhausted and felt entitled to at least a few hours of uninterrupted dreams. But while Raph's blunt humor had dried his tears, there was still an aching throb in his chest where he knew he'd never be able to look at Karai the same again, never be able to look at _himself_ the same again. It was as though he'd been sprinting forward for the past few weeks at incredible speeds and then without warning was stopped by a brick wall that nearly shattered his bones as he smacked into it…and it _hurt_. And he was pretty positive that hurt wouldn't go away for a good while. And amazingly, the only thing that frightened him more than being hurt, was facing that hurt alone.

"Raph?"

"Mmm?"

Leo opened his mouth only to close it again, unable to form the words. Raphael opened one eye and peeked at him through the shadows. "What d'you want?"

Leo pursed his lips. "It's more what I don't want."

Raph sighed as though exasperated, but Leo knew better. The Raph on the surface was not the same as the one beneath it. "What _don't _you want then?"

Leo's eyes shifted a moment before landing back on his brother. "To be alone," he answered quietly.

Raph stared at him for a moment, expression unreadable. It felt like a good handful of heartbeats had gone by before he gave an exaggerated groan and rolled over, snuggling closer to the wall. "Fine," he mumbled. "But if I get pushed up against the wall, I'm kicking your ass off the bed."

Leo didn't notice himself smiling or, what was more, that it was a smile of gratitude laced with a thread of affection. He pulled off his gear and climbed in bed next to his brother, yanking his mask off last before curling up under the blankets and lying with his shell against Raph's.

He closed his eyes, completely oblivious to the smile Raph hid beneath the hem of the sheets.


	13. Chapter 13

_No hesitation. No arguing. As soon as his suspicions were confirmed, what for a brief moment had been the barest inkling of an idea became a full-fledged plan in a matter of seconds. They didn't have time to talk this over—and this was what he'd been assigned to do, born to do. A leader was someone who in a time of crisis acted quickly, arranged and rearranged strategies in the very midst of chaos. He'd learned to hone this craft into an instinct so that he knew when he had to make a quick decision and when that decision was the right one. _

_With a crease of determination to his brow and a resolute frown, he glared at his brothers firmly and swiped a katana from its sheath. "Go!" he ordered._

_All three of them gave him wide-eyed expressions of panic. They didn't move._

"_Whoa, Leo," Donnie said. "You're not thinking what I think you're thinking," he pleaded._

_Leonardo said nothing. Instead his response was to turn swiftly on his heel and take off at a sprint, trusting his brothers to obey his command._

"_He's thinking it!" he heard Donnie shout in alarm. Nevertheless, when Leo glanced briefly over his shoulder, he saw the three of them high-tailing it for the exit._

_A small burst of relief spread throughout his chest, calming his heartbeat, clearing his mind. He was suddenly hypersensitive to every facet of his surroundings—the Kraang, Traag, the portal, and his target: the power cell. _

_With a focus narrowed to the sharpness of a needle, he sliced his way cleanly through three Kraang bots and sped at a blurring speed around the energy-spewing portal, avoiding every hot-pink laser fired in his direction. He leapt with a flip onto the ledge where he ceased one Kraang's assault then sprung to the adjacent staircase to dismember yet another. _

_The moment the Kraang's defenses were down he turned, tightened a committed grip on his katana and propelled himself forward without another thought. Diving toward the floor with a battle cry, the glass dome surrounding the power cell gave a satisfying shatter as his sword speared the portal's energy source. A high-pitched charge gave out the briefest of warnings before a blast of pure energy burst from the power cell and knocked the wind out of everything in the room. _

_Leo used the torrent to boost himself straight up just as the base of the portal erupted with smoke. He managed to leap high enough to kick off of one of the portal's three generators, then a platform, using the succession of blasts to thrust himself higher with scarcely enough seconds in between to avoid being scorched. _

_His hand locked around a metal rafter and, in keeping with the build of momentum, he swung himself around to spring off of it and straight through a window. The glass shattered effortlessly, spitting him and hundreds of shards out into the dark, open air mere seconds before the entire TCRI building groaned and erupted once and then a final time with a deafening, earth-shaking explosion that engulfed him in darkness._

_The next time he blinked his eyes open, he was falling—at a gut-wrenching speed. He felt his heart kick into gear again, as though suddenly aware of the hazardous corner he'd backed himself into. It jumped up to his throat with a stunned beat and clung to his Adam's apple for dear life as he stared unblinkingly down hundreds of feet at the black pavement he was plummeting straight for._

_He clawed and kicked at the air, as though by flailing his limbs enough he might make himself fly, might prolong the end. But his arms and legs cut through the cold air with so little effort that it was like the god of fate was laughing at his pathetic attempt to live. _

_Wracked with a violent shiver of fear, he tore his gaze away from his fast-approaching end and threw an arm across his face to blind himself. If he was going to die, he didn't want to see it coming, lest he go out with a heart attack first. Or maybe he just didn't want to believe it was his death awaiting him with dark, menacing arms that wouldn't catch him but allow him to come to a halt so abrupt that it would shatter his shell to pieces and splatter the rest of him across the street in a mess of organs and blood. _

_Sure, when he'd left the lair only hours earlier he'd been prepared—if not ready—to quite possibly meet a very early end, and in the back of his mind he was glad he'd be leaving the world in a version of the heroic, blaze-of-glory type of way he'd wanted to. But falling quickly became a manipulator of the soul and all its deepest desires, shoving the things he'd neglected to do in life up to the forefront and hitting him with a breathtaking realization. He did not want to die. Not yet. He was only fifteen! He had a father waiting on him to return home. He had brothers he hadn't said goodbye to. And there was so much more he was willing to contribute to this city, as far as heroics went._

_A sting of tears attacked his eyes, but he kept them squeezed shut and held his breath, waiting—however reluctantly for the end of this endless fall._

_But…just as he swore he could feel the ground coming closer, he grunted as something plowed into him from behind. Strong hands locked themselves around his biceps, pulling his arms away from his face. He saw the ground glare at him hardly inches from his face as his whole body dipped with a rush of wind and adrenaline just before he was pulled back up. His stomach dropped, and he imagined if he'd ever get the chance to ride a roller coaster he'd already know the exact feeling. _

_His lungs burst with a gasp of both relief and surprise and he continued to stare down at the shrinking street in bewilderment until he heard his brother's voice shout triumphantly._

"_Whoo! In your face gravity!"_

_Leo, heart undergoing ballistic palpitations behind his plastron, looked up at Raph's smiling face with wide eyes. He felt his breath catch again for the briefest of moments as the sight of Raphael had never been so astonishing. It took a moment for his brain to catch up with the whir of emotions spinning in his head. But he felt Raph's grip tighten around his arms. His hands were strong, confident, albeit a little sweaty, but hell Leo wasn't going to complain. Under Raph's confident smirk, in Raph's secured embrace he was safe, he was alive, and he felt the nauseating tension in his muscles whisk away like a flame being blown out, and with it came a sigh._

"_Thanks, Raph," he said. He meant it to come out passive and unfazed, as though he hadn't been the least bit worried, but his voice betrayed him with a breathless waver. _

_Raph glanced down at him with victorious green eyes. "Anytime, buddy."_

* * *

He opened his eyes, drawing in a long stabilizing breath as he did so, attempting to shake the trembles of adrenaline and relief while at the same time dragging himself dizzily back into reality where his cheek was pressed against something warm and muscly.

He blinked at the plastron situated mere centimeters from his nose, for a moment quietly—but comfortably—disoriented. The arm cushioning his head twitched, and Leo glanced up with baited breath as Raph's arm curled definitively around him before relaxing again and draping over his neck, his fingers brushing Leo's cheek. The older turtle watched his brother's head fall sleepily to the side, his face now in full view and only inches above his head. Raph gave a soft snore indicating that, if he'd been disturbed at all, he was now well settled back in his own dream.

Leo stared.

He'd seen Raph sleep plenty of times, but never quite this close. It was astonishing really, how relaxed his expression was—all traces of anger, irritation, and the normal grimace of distaste gone from his brow and cheeks. Leo could've sworn Raph's usually frowning lips were even tilted with the slightest of smiles, though that could've been the way he was angled. Whatever the case, Raphael was completely at peace, and it was a moment so sacred Leo almost thought he should look away…But he couldn't.

Had his brother always looked like this? Had he always had this face? Had his jaw always been this strong, this masculine? Had his skin always been this shade of green? Had his nose always curved up like that? Had his bottom lip always been more prominent? Because if it had, Leo didn't understand how it had escaped him that Raphael was an oddly handsome being. Maybe it was just Raph's state of unconsciousness. Maybe it was because his sleep wiped away all glares and grimaces and left his face clean, pure, and natural. Leo's stomach twisted, a delayed reaction to what should have been an earlier realization.

His brow furrowed. He lifted a hand, intending to move Raph's hand away from his face, but only found himself lying his own hand on top of his brother's and leaving it there, his fingers automatically curling softly around Raph's. A warm shudder shook his shell as he dipped back into his dream for a moment and recalled the solid way in which Raph's hands had once and probably always would hold him. And he was overcome by that release of tension again, that feeling of safety and security, of life.

He wanted to thank him. The incident with the Kraang invasion had happened months ago and yet he felt as though Raph and just saved his life all over again. Of course…it wasn't exactly an uncommon thing to happen. Leo and his brothers saved each other's shells all the time. He didn't know why he'd dreamt of that moment in particular. He just knew he was grateful and slightly ashamed for not continuously acknowledging that his brother would always have his back, always keep him safe, always stop him from falling.

He pressed himself closer and nuzzled his face in the crook of Raph's neck between his chin and plastron. Still gripping his brother's hand, he nudged his nose against Raph's skin. He smelled just like that—skin—a slightly salty, moist scent, a very natural musk that Leo didn't mind at all.

He closed his eyes, listening to the faint rhythm of his brother's heartbeat, and drifted back to sleep.


	14. Chapter 14

**Drama...That's all I really have to say. Emotions can be so undecided. **

* * *

The next time he woke, the atmosphere was different.

He didn't open his eyes right away, but he could feel that something was missing. He curled his fingers and realized his hand was empty. The scent that had lulled him to sleep was far less prominent and there was so much room in front of him that he had to catch himself with a jerk as his head tilted forward. A little stunned, he blinked his eyes open and found the space next him was vacant.

He turned to look over his shoulder as something shifted behind him and found Raph shuffling through a crate of reading material, one hand clutching the crust of a pizza slice as his bulging cheeks harbored the rest. Leo watched him pick between two magazines then stuff the rest of the pizza in his mouth before turning back toward the bed and meeting Leo's gaze. He tilted up his chin in greeting then crawled over Leo to reclaim his spot on the bed, sitting up with his shell against the wall and his ankles crossed. He used the back of his hand to brush crumbs from his mouth, licked his thumb and then opened the magazine and began reading.

Leo blinked up at him, lost for a moment in this image and remembering why and how he'd ended up staying the night before. He glanced up at the ceiling toward the nest of shuriken still embedded in the cement and felt no fear of being impaled. In fact, he'd completely forgotten they were there. His eyes traveled around the room and took in the crack of light beneath the door.

"What time is it?" he asked, staring across the room.

"I dunno. It was ten-thirty the last time I checked, but that was a while ago."

_Ten-thirty?_ He felt he should have been alarmed at this—he rarely ever slept in so late—but at the moment he couldn't bring himself to fuss about it. Instead, he simply turned his gaze back on his brother. "Why didn't you wake me up?"

"Why would I?" Raph responded. "It's Saturday. It's like the only day we have off."

"I don't like sleeping in."

Raph snorted. "I do."

Leo rolled his eyes and finally convinced himself to sit up. "That's great Raph, except I'm not you. It's a waste of daylight."

"Psh, daylight. Dunno if you've notice, Fearless—no windows."

"Doesn't mean the sun hasn't come up."

Raph gave his magazine a flourish. "The universe waits for no one," he murmured.

"Did you just read that out of your magazine?"

Raph pursed his lips. "No."

Leo shook his head with a small smirk and threw his legs over the side of the bed, commencing with the routine donning-of-the-gear.

"Wanna know something?" Raph asked. Though his voice was quiet, Leo could picture his eyes still staring down at the pages in his hands, only now unblinkingly so.

"What?"

"You're cute when you sleep."

Leo paused—and he'd never admit, not even to himself, that his heart gave a very peculiar skip at these words. He stared over at the drum set across from him before gathering enough courage to slowly peek over his shoulder. Raph wasn't looking at him.

Leo turned back to the front again and continued pulling on his kneepads.

"Well, you're not exactly the snarling sewer monster Mikey always said you were either, Raphie."

"Pfft...that little gremlin."

Leo found himself smiling yet again but this time caught it before it could grow beyond his control. He reeled it back in quickly and set his face to one of indifference before allowing himself to turn and peek under the pillows and sheets.

"What are you doing?"

"Where's my mask?"

Raph's eyes stared down at him now, level and completely separated from his magazine.

"It's Saturday," he said.

Leo furrowed a brow. "You said that."

"Our day off."

"Yeah?"

"Are you going somewhere?"

Leo glanced up only long enough to catch the glint in Raph's eyes before he continued ruffling up the bedding with his search. "No."

"Why do you need your mask?"

Leo's nose twitched. "Why are you wearing yours?"

Raph pursed his lips and let a beat go by before slowly reaching over to flick Leo in the throat. The older turtle flinched but then reached up to feel the fabric hanging around his neck like a scarf. His cheeks accumulated a soft burn and he tried not to lose control of the muscles in his face as he reached back to loosen the knot.

Raph shook his head to himself and looked back down at the magazine. "Karai and Mikey are watching TV," he said in what would have been a passive voice if not for the faint note of implication.

Leo frowned, glancing quickly toward the door as he pulled the knot around where he could see it and continued to fumble with it. He said nothing.

"You can hang out in here if you want," Raph continued.

Leo grimaced, a bubble of restlessness now tightening in his stomach. The knot was too tight. "I spent the whole night in here," he mumbled.

"Really? I hadn't noticed. You mean you were here the whole time? Why didn't you say nothin'?"

"Funny."

"I'm not laughing," Raph grumbled, still not looking back at his older brother.

Leo narrowed his eyes slightly, a rising heat of annoyance at the stubbornness of this knot now burning in his chest. "Would it be so terrible to step out of the room for five minutes?"

"Depends on how you look at it." The younger turtle shrugged. "You really want to deal with the duchess right now?"

Leo's teeth came together. "I can handle her."

"Oh, you mean the way you did last night? Good times. Remember when you busted down my door and started crying?" Raph chuckled bitterly. "I forget. Was it because you're a bitch, or because you got rejected by one?"

Leo's blood boiled. "I can't get this stupid knot!" he screamed, finally tossing his hands down in defeat.

Raph rolled his eyes and threw the magazine to the side before yanking Leo close and working the knot loose. The older turtle fumed silently for a moment, allowing his muscles to ripple with anger, watching his brother's fingers do what his couldn't.

"I liked you better when you were sleeping," he blurted out on a hot breath.

Raph scoffed, not the least bit fazed. "And I liked you better before you became obsessed."

"I'm not_ obsessed_."

"I'm sorry," Raph said, jerking the knot closer, allowing the fabric to burn the back of Leo's neck and ignoring his grimace. "What word would you prefer me to use? Infatuated? Attached? Predisposed? _Dominated_ maybe?"

Leo's jaw came unhinged and he glared with choked disbelief, but before he could stumble over an objection, Raph ripped the freshly untied mask from his throat and shoved it brutishly at his chest, keeping solidly narrowed eyes locked on his brother's. Leo clenched his teeth, suddenly so frustrated he couldn't find the words to retaliate.

"Why did you come in here last night?" Raph demanded.

Leo sat back, brow furrowed. He opened his mouth in a form of protest, but Raphael cut him off with the shake of his head.

"_Why_ did you come to me?" he repeated.

Leo hesitated, his heart skipping beats it shouldn't have. "I don't know. Why are you trying to hold me against my will?"

"I'm not holding you against your will. Get the fuck out, if that's what you want to do. It's your life. Maybe I didn't wake you up because I knew you'd do this, but who the fuck cares?"

"Oh," Leo exclaimed, crawling off the bed and backing away. "Now who's obsessed?"

"I am _not_ obsessed with you," Raph snapped, pushing himself up on his knees.

"Why did you _let_ me in last night?" Leo shot back. "Why are you so afraid of me walking out?"

"I'm not afraid. I just happen to know you. And, excuse me, but I thought I was doing you a favor by keeping you away from Karai. You know, since you screwed the fuck up and she completely trashed you for it. My mistake, but I thought she'd hurt you. But you know, if you want to go out there and be all buddy-buddy with her or whatever, it's totally cool," he sneered. "And by the way, I let you in because _you_ knocked on _my_ door, and I'm your brother. When my brothers come to me in the middle of the night on the verge of tears, yeah I'm gonna let 'em in."

"Oh bullshit," Leo said. "You dragged me in here to slap the crap out of me."

"You told me that you'd kissed Karai! Did you not think I'd flip my shit about that? I thought we had a deal."

"We _did_ have a deal. You gave me a choice, Raph. You told me you wouldn't put up a fight. But what do you do the minute I look in her direction? What do you do the second _anyone_ starts to rub you the wrong way? You give them a ton of crap and make yourself look like the victim."

"_I _do?"

"Yes, you."

"_I_ make myself the victim? You are so full of it! How many times a day do you go whining to Donnie about 'Oh, Raph's a jerk. Raph's unfair. Raph's _so_ mean.' He fell asleep on you didn't he? You had no choice but to come bitching to me about Karai, looking at me with those stupid I'm-so-wounded eyes to get me to soften up and let you stay. Why the fuck should I have? You've been treating me no better than I've been treating her. Why did I forgive you for that?"

Raph threw his hands up dramatically and let them fall by his sides again, glaring toward the door, far away from Leo, almost as though he'd forgotten his brother was still in the room.

"Why did I let you sucker me into breaking first? Yes, Leo, I was mad. I was fucking pissed. I've spent my whole life coming in second to you; I wasn't about to come in second to Karai. But that's exactly what happened didn't it? _You_ feel used?" he said, finally looking back, eyes hot.

"You feel used because some stupid girl who used to be your enemy confessed that actually she doesn't love you back? Well I feel used too! I feel used by a brother who turned his back on me, _knowing_ how I feel about him, running from place to place, getting pity from Donnie and kisses from Karai and then coming back to me only when no one else was available. And now you're about to walk out like none of that even mattered? _That's_ bullshit, Leo. Why should I have to put up with that?"

Leonardo pursed his lips, determined to stay his ground, stay composed. "I'm sorry, Raph," he said through his teeth. "Okay? I didn't mean to make you feel that way. But how can you expect me to come to you first about anything when every single time we try to carry out a conversation _this_ happens? It's not working, Raph. I can't say anything to you without you treating it like an insult. I can't talk to anyone else without you glaring at me like I've done something wrong—"

"Leo, you never gave it a chance!" Raph interrupted, getting to his feet. "Of course it's not working. All those months we sat there waiting for Karai, and you decided to drop me for Donnie and then promised you'd think about giving me a shot, but the moment Karai showed up you threw me to the side again. What am I supposed to take from that? How am I _supposed_ to feel? Am I supposed to be happy for you and the little tease?"

Leo stomped his foot with all the essence of a five-year-old. "You're supposed to accept her as a part of the family," he hissed, working his hardest not to shout. "Whether she and I work together or not, she's Splinter's daughter. That _has_ to mean something to you."

"Not when she steps into our life and twirls you around her finger like a fucking noodle. She snatched you away, Leo. She stole you. And you didn't do shit about it."

"I do _not_ belong to you!" Leo finally bellowed, getting close up in his brother's face, eyes cold and unwavering. "You'd better learn that fast, Raphael. You do not own me. You gave me a choice and I chose. It's not your call to make. It's my life, my decision."

"A fat lotta good that got you didn't it?" Raph sneered.

Rage swelled up from Leo's stomach so fast that he honestly thought he might puke. Instead, it rushed up through his arms and took control of his hands, forcing them to shove his brother back several feet.

Raph steadied himself quickly, fists tightening by his sides as his breath quickened with his own spike in anger. He bristled, and Leo watched a flash of something dangerous flicker across his bright, green eyes and it startled him. So much so in fact, that when Raph charged him, he felt a rush of panic and could only stumble back. Raph's hands caught him roughly by the shoulders, his grip so hard it was bruising. He slammed Leo up against the wall, and Leo's breath got caught somewhere in his throat as his brother's lips crashed into his own.

He froze, eyes wide, muscles tense, mind completely blank. It couldn't be called a kiss really. In fact, the familiar force behind it simply felt like Raph's decided method of keeping Leo from speaking right now. He pulled back after a moment, and Leo simply stared—not sure if he was frightened or just stunned.

Raphael was still glaring, but after a heavy moment of them just huffing on the same air, his green eyes dropped a fraction of a degree and he slowly leaned forward again. This time the point of contact was soft and it made Leo's shell shudder. Raph's lips began to move, pulling gently on his own and he found himself consenting. Not that he blamed himself for it; he was completely distracted by the fact that the other turtle tasted like pepperoni and jellybean pizza. He felt his muscles unraveling on their own and with it his eyes closed. His brother's grip loosened, yet Leo found himself leaning farther into his embrace without ever thinking to do so. In fact, he didn't _want _to do so. But he did. And he wasn't sure why.

Kissing was interesting, he decided. And he hated, rather than reveled, in the fact that he actually might have kind of just a little bit maybe—liked it…almost. There was only one thing that held him back from the full enjoyment of the sensation, and it wasn't even the fact that this was Raphael he was kissing. It was that Raph had kissed him first, that Raph had decided to act out and do what he wanted, that Raph had backed him into a corner and still had his shell up against the wall, and _never_ had the blue-banded leader allowed himself to be forced under Raph's thumb.

Becoming a little breathless now, he moved his hands up to the ridge of Raph's plastron, intending to push him away—however much his body didn't necessarily want the connection to break. But Raph seemed to get the idea and snatched his wrists faster than Leo could even make the move. He pinned them together between their bodies and pressed himself closer, shoving Leo's shell further back into the wall, his lips now working harder.

Leo's blood simmered hotly. He opened his mouth a little wider and sank his teeth into his brother's lip.

"Ouch! What the—" Raph jumped back immediately, bringing a hand up to the drop of blood that blossomed on his bottom lip. He looked back at Leo in astonishment.

They both stood glaring across the room at one another, panting slightly. Leo's muscles trembled and he clenched his teeth as he drew his back straight and made himself as tall as possible, as he did naturally when he and Raph fell into a battle of will.

After a moment, the red turtle's gaze softened until the corner of his mouth turned up in a smirk, though he lost none of his intensity. "Don't lie to yourself, Leo," he challenged, his tongue passing over his wound.

Leonardo swallowed.

Raph shook his head, his grin stretching. "Bet that lasted longer than the one you gave Karai huh?"

A sharp breath stung Leo's chest and he curled his fists so tightly that his hands shook. "Fuck you," he hissed.

He turned stiffly on his heel and marched straight for the door, yanking it open and slamming it back from the hallway without hesitation.

Raphael watched him leave and didn't move. It was only after the door had closed that his muscles softened and the corner of his lips turned down into a frown.


	15. Chapter 15

**Thank you writer's block for making life a challenge...*sigh* Let me know how this chapter goes for you guys.**

**Ermm there's some switching of POV's, but it shouldn't be too hard to follow.**

* * *

Attempting to ignore the restless kink in her stomach, she continued to shift her weight on the bench to find a more comfortable position. But it wasn't working. She pulled her knees up to her chest and folded her arms around herself, squinting at the TV with deliberation etched on her brow.

Michelangelo had insisted this was the best show on the face of the planet, and she felt inclined to allow herself to be forced in front of it, mostly because Mikey had the biggest, most excited eyes she'd ever seen and she'd rather not have to be subjected to their stare and his pleading any longer than she had to be. But it was also partly because she felt bad about how generous he was, especially seeing as she'd never done anything to deserve it. He seemed genuinely happy to be around her, and she didn't understand why. He was always insisting on making her food—and the most bizarre combinations of it at that—always eager to suggest an activity to keep her entertained, and he'd even casually referred to her as _onee-chan_ a few times. It was confusing, and at some points a little overwhelming, but she allowed it—mostly because she'd never been shown so much genuine, innocent affection.

But even as comfortable as she'd learned to become with Mikey, she couldn't convince herself to relax while sitting next to him now. She glanced in his direction. His eyes were glued to the television screen, wide, unblinking, and completely complimentary of his satisfied smile.

She looked away with an exhale, slightly envious of his complacency. She tried looking back at the TV, but she couldn't concentrate. Her focus glazed over instead and she could only see Leo's wounded blue eyes and the way they'd stared back at her the night before. Her stomach clenched, and she couldn't for the life of her understand why. She wasn't responsible for Leo or how he felt, and she couldn't help that she couldn't reciprocate his feelings. So why had it bothered her so much that he'd walked out of her room in so much pain? Why had it kept her up all night? Why was she still thinking about it now?

She glanced over her shoulder again, but Leo did not appear. It made her uneasy—slightly nauseated that she knew he could pop up at any moment. And how would he react around her? Would he be as embarrassed as she was? Would he confront her? Ignore her? Hate her? She could deal with anything so long as it wasn't the latter. He couldn't hate her; she didn't want him to. He never had and that meant everything to her. Out of all the new "brothers" she had acquired, his acceptance of her felt like the most genuine, even next to Mikey. He had always looked at her with fondness, always backed away when he had the chance to strike her down, always held onto the hope that she'd be on his side one day, and she was thoroughly afraid that last night she might have ruined that.

She rested her chin on her knees and let her ears fill with the din of the anime rolling onscreen with or without her attention.

"Oh, oh! This is the best part," Mikey exclaimed, jumping up to perch on his toes, absently resting an eager hand on her shoulder.

Karai sighed silently to herself, watching obediently as a cartoonish explosion sent flashes of orange through the common room and the team on screen thrust their fists in the air with triumph. Mikey let out a whoop of victory and plopped back down on the bench.

"You're really into this, aren't you?" she mumbled.

"Heck yeah. _Super Robo Mecha Force_ is like the best show ever boy! I can't believe you've never seen it."

Karai sent a sarcastic smirk in his direction. "I've been a little busy."

The comment seemed to fly right over the little turtle's head. "No problem, sis. We've got all five seasons on tape, and all day to marathon. I'll teach you TV if it's the last thing I do."

Karai tried not to grimace at the prospect. She opened her mouth to say that actually she'd rather spend the day doing anything else, but her response was halted on account of a door slamming to their right. They both snapped their gazes toward the archway leading to the boys' bedrooms and Leonardo emerged from the shadows.

Karai stood immediately, but for a moment couldn't remember what she meant to say.

He wasn't looking at her. Instead, his blue eyes were narrowed on the floor with a glimmer of frustration painting his irises, so bright that Karai could feel it's intensity even from where she stood. He walked swiftly - or more like stomped - in the general direction of Donatello's lab, and the way with which he went about it was very stiff and forced for him. She'd never seen him move with such rigidness before.

She and Mikey watched for a moment as he plodded his way around the pit, not once taking any notice of them. But before he could reach the steps leading up to the lab, Karai found herself stepping forward.

"Leo?"

He glanced up, almost as though for a moment he'd honestly had no idea there were other people living in the same world as him. But when he realized she had called his name, a flash of soreness flickered across his eyes and he held up a hand as though to ward off her approach.

"Karai, please. Not right now," he said stiffly, using a tone she'd only ever heard him use with his brothers when he didn't want to hear their argument.

Slightly taken aback by this, she closed her mouth and didn't move any farther forward.

"You alright, bro? You seem a little—"

"I'm fine, Mikey," Leo snapped, but the way he slammed his fist on the lab door said otherwise. "Donnie!"

"Uhh…I think he's with Apr—"

Leo didn't wait to listen to Mikey's statement nor did he stand around for permission to enter the lab. He yanked the door aside, walked in and slammed it shut.

Karai and Mikey exchanged glances.

* * *

It was taking everything he had not to throw up raw anger on every path he crossed. The fire in his gut was so intense by now that it made his limbs stiffen and shake, threatening to toss him off balance as he cut across the lair. He wouldn't hear it from Karai, and he wouldn't hear it from Mikey. And he was no further pacified when he closed himself in the lab and looked up to find Donnie and April giggling merrily from over by Donnie's computer.

They both looked up at him when he slammed the door, neither unhinged by his force. They seemed, for a moment, far too happy with one another to even recognize the rage seeping from his skin—which only made him all the more angry. Who on earth said it was fair for Donatello to have such an easy time finding something to smile about?

"Hey," said the purple-banded turtle, flashing that adorable gap between his teeth.

Leo stood there for a moment, seething. He knew if he opened his mouth too soon he'd start screaming obscenities that had nothing to do with Donnie and April. So he kept his teeth clenched. And it wasn't until his jaw rippled under the pressure that Donatello lost his smile.

"What's wrong?"

Leo shuddered. "How many Raphs does it take to make an asshole?"

Donnie sank back down in his chair. "Oh." His eyes flickered toward April and he gave her a weak smile. "Can you give us a minute?"

"Sure," April said slowly, eyes trained apprehensively on the blue-banded turtle. She placed a gentle hand on Donnie's shoulder, briefly gracing him with an affectionate smile of her own, then shuffled her way around the desk.

"Alright, Leo?" she asked as she walked toward the door.

"Fabulous."

She nodded once and said nothing more, then closed herself out of the room.

Donnie's eyes glanced away from the door and back on his brother. He leaned his elbows on the table and hid his mouth behind his fists. "What happened?"

* * *

"I'm sure it's nothing," Mikey said with little confidence. "He's usually pretty grumpy when he sleeps in."

He and Karai peeked back at the lab door as it opened again.

April stepped out. She gave them both a furrowed look and then cringed when Leo's voice burst through the tense atmosphere of the entire lair in a muffled rage. The three teenagers in the common room stared awkwardly between each other as they tried not to listen to him shout.

Though it was hard to miss any of it, Karai only allowed herself to catch a few words, mainly her name, Raph's name, and a variety of curse words. She felt Mikey and April's hesitation as it became obvious that Karai was involved with whatever had Leo dissolving so explosively, but neither of them got to inquire about it. Leo's rant—though it carried on without pause—was, for Mikey, Karai, and April, interrupted by a crash of cymbals and a series of thumps and crashes coming from Raph's room. And soon his door nearly flew off its hinges and the red-banded turtle himself stomped out, much the same way that Leo had, his fists curled tightly by his sides.

"Always my fault," he growled to himself, kicking a crate clear across the common room. "Nobody ever blames Leo but me right? I'm the asshole here…The hell are you guys lookin' at?!"

Mikey and April jumped and turned their eyes away quickly. Karai hardly blinked, but apparently staring directly at an enraged, hot-headed turtle while he was in the middle of a tantrum was dangerous. His eyes burned on her. He lumbered forward.

"You," he snapped, pointing an accusatory finger. "This is_ your_ fault!"

Karai's breathing hitched, but she stood her ground. It was Mikey who moved in front of her before Raphael could get too close. He spread out his arms protectively.

"Chill out, dude."

Raphael yanked the little turtle up by his plastron and threw him aggressively to the side. "Get outta my way, Mikey!"

"Raph!" April gasped, running over to help Mikey back to his feet.

Raph paid them absolutely no mind. He shoved Karai by the shoulders and she stumbled back until her calves hit the bench and forced her to plop down on it. She still didn't flinch, even when Raphael shoved his face hardly two inches from her own.

"D'you have any fucking idea what you did?" he bellowed, knocking away April's hand when she tried to reach out for him. "You've got a lotta nerve, princess. Who the hell gave you permission come in here and screw us up huh? Because it sure wasn't me!"

"Raph—"

"Don't you 'Raph' me," he shouted, shoving her back down the moment she tried to stand. She finally blinked once and gripped the edge of the bench.

"Dude, you can't—"

"Shut up!" Raph screeched, forcing Michelangelo silent. He whirled back on Karai within the next second, pressing a palm against the step and pointing another finger in her face so that she had no choice but to sit still and listen. "You gave me your word. You promised me you wouldn't hurt him. See, this is why I don't trust you!"

"Well it's not like I did it on purpose," she shot back.

"I don't care what you meant or didn't mean to do to him, Karai! You fucked him up, end of story. In fact, this isn't even just about last night. You've been screwing with him ever since the two of you met. And you know what, it's affecting all of us. So congratulations, you've just made it personal."

"Raph, I didn't think he'd actually come onto me—"

"Why not? Because it can't be that obvious that he's in love with you right? Who in their right mind would've seen that coming? I sure didn't."

Karai clenched her jaw and finally dared to shove him back, giving herself room to stand and meet his challenge with one of her own. She no longer concerned herself with letting Raphael be Raphael in order to gain his acceptance. She could've cared less about that now.

Neither of them noticed Mikey and April watching them with wide eyes. April had even taken it upon herself to pull Mikey back to a safe distance, keeping out of the growing, angry black cloud of tension.

"It was never my intention to hurt him," Karai shouted. "Leo's the first real friend I've ever had; I wouldn't dare—not anymore."

"You don't get it! That doesn't matter. You already did it; there's no taking it back."

"Don't you think I know that?! I feel bad okay? Is that what you want me to say? I feel bad. Yes, I screwed him over. I'm aware of that. I'm a horrible person; I'm sorry! Apparently I can't just disown the person I used to be so easily. That doesn't mean I don't want to. That doesn't mean I'm not going to try to make it up to him—"

"No," Raph snapped. "You _won't _make it up to him. In fact, stay the hell away from him. You've done enough damage, and you don't deserve him anyway."

"Oh and you do?" she scoffed. "Don't get pissy and try to blame this all on me just because you can't get him either."

Raphael made a noise—a growl of sorts that was natural neither for humans nor turtles, but completely animalistic. And that was all the warning she got before he became a blur of green aggression. She almost didn't have enough time to leap out of the way when he charged. She was so close to getting tackled, in fact, that as she dove out of the way she felt the wind from his fist just barely scrape by her arm. She stumbled, but scrambled to her feet quickly and leapt up to run a few feet along the bench and jump back down behind April who cringed and held Mikey tightly to her, as though staying as still as possible would keep them safe from the red-banded turtle who barreled past them after Karai.

"Raph, stop it!" Mikey shrieked.

But Karai knew the livid turtle would do no such thing. She made to leap out of the pit but didn't realize how close he was behind her. He snatched her by the wrist and yanked her back down. She grunted as her back hit the cement then rolled quickly out of the way before he could make a swipe to yank her back up again. She swung a leg out beneath him and he fell back on his shell.

They both managed to jump back to their feet at the same time. She reached back blindly and whipped a pillow at him as he charged her again, he deflected it without missing a step, and she prepared herself to tag him square in the jaw, but never got the chance to.

A jade staff lashed out from the side and whacked Raph's plastron so hard that it knocked him clear off his feet.

Karai didn't even have to look in Splinter's direction to take in the silent glint of authority in his eyes. She simply panted quietly to herself, unable to drop her fists or relax her stance. Her eyes were trained on Raphael who groaned and slowly rolled over on the floor.

A hand rested gently on one of her trembling fists and she glanced up at her father who bowed his head stiffly, wordlessly assuring her she had no reason to fear. Not that she had been afraid at all…not entirely anyway. She stared back for a moment before finally allowing herself to relax. She dropped her arms by her sides and took a step back.

Splinter turned away and directed his voice down to his son. "Raphael."

Raph grunted with an underlying whine and pushed himself to his knees. He gave no indication that he was aware of the rat standing over him.

"I will meet you in the dojo."

The turtle still didn't look in his sensei's direction. But he stood, nevertheless, and walked stiffly toward the dojo with a tight jaw, shooting a venomous glare in Karai's direction on his way out of the pit. Splinter watched him go, his amber eyes unyielding, and only once the young turtle had disappeared did his shoulders relax and he drew in a breath, as though forcing on another layer of composure. He turned his head to face the opposite direction.

"Leonardo."

Karai blinked and whipped her gaze over to where Leo and Donnie were standing on the steps before the lab. Donnie's eyes were slightly widened, as though he'd just witnessed something truly horrific, but the grip he hand around Leo's wrist was so firm that Karai could see the veins in his arm, and she imagined that he'd just had to struggle to keep Leo from intervening on the fight.

Leonardo's eyes were for his sensei only.

"You would do best to wait in the kitchen," Splinter said. "Perhaps Michelangelo will help you find something to eat."

Mikey immediately nodded.

"I'm not hungry, Sensei," Leo said in a very strained way.

"It was not a suggestion," Splinter replied, then to Mikey, "I think some chocolate would do nicely."

Mikey nodded again and rushed over to take Leo's hand and lead him to the kitchen. Leonardo followed reluctantly—but he followed. And Karai distinctly heard a soft exhale from the eldest turtle as he passed, still not looking once in her direction.

Once those two had disappeared, Splinter glanced at the rest of them in turn. "I strongly suggest that you do not partake in any more arguments today. I am afraid I would not be as tolerant."

Donatello bowed respectfully. April nodded her head. Karai gave no response. Her father's gaze hovered on her for a moment and in just that time she was given clear, silent instructions to leave Leonardo alone. She dropped her gaze and the great sensei disappeared, leaving no indication of his departure other than a lift in presence.

"Well," April sighed. Karai and Donnie both glanced toward her, watching as she rocked on her toes with her hands behind her back. "This has been an eventful morning."

Donatello's smile was soft, tender, admiring almost, but when his eyes shifted to Karai there was nothing to his face but quiet apprehension.


	16. Chapter 16

**Happy Almost-Easter! Have a chapter :D**

* * *

"_Kamaete!_"

Raphael clenched his jaw and kept his eyes narrowed on his sensei as the old rat bent his knees and held his hands up at the ready, prepared to engage in combat. Raph on the other hand, stood in the middle of the dojo with a hardened glower and kept his arms by his sides, though his fists remained curled.

"I don't feel like doing this right now, Sensei. I'm not in the mood," he said, not altogether respectively as might have been the smart thing to do. He knew he was in for it the moment his father had directed him toward the dojo, but his mind was reeling with so many other frustrations, that he could have cared less what his sensei had planned for him.

Splinter didn't break his posture. "You were in the mood to fight my daughter were you not?" he responded shrewdly. "I should think you would be grateful for a more challenging opponent…_Kamaete!_"

Raph muffled a growl in his chest and brought his fists up reluctantly. He set his lips and waited but not for very long. No sooner had his sensei given the word to begin than he found himself flipping over and landing hard on his plastron. His chin struck the cement, chattering his teeth, and he hissed at the pain, reaching up to rub his jaw.

"Again," Splinter ordered with a rotund roll to his voice.

Raphael gritted his teeth and pushed himself to his feet, quicker this time to face his father at the ready.

"_Hajime!_"

Raph just barely ducked a blindingly fast punch but choked as the next one struck him quick in the throat. He stumbled back a couple of steps and spun out of the way as the rat charged forward with yet another punch, only to have his foot yanked out from beneath him by Splinter's tail. His shell took the impact of the fall this time and forced the air out of his lungs.

"Again!" Splinter shouted.

The hint of anger in his sensei's voice only made the fire in Raphael burn brighter, almost as though he was feeding off of his father's energy. He pressed his palms against the floor by his head and propelled himself back onto his feet, not bothering to wait for the order this time. He ran forward with an audible growl and swung at his master with all the force he could muster. Splinter shifted effortlessly out of the way and pushed away Raph's foot when he swung a kick. The turtle used that momentum to spin around and swing with the other foot, just barely skimming the rat's chest with his heel. He ran forward again and Splinter caught his punch this time, gave one quick twist to his arm, and kicked him in the plastron, sending him skidding across the room.

"Again, Raphael. Get up!"

Raph gritted his teeth, glaring at the wall. He breathed in sharply through his nose before pounding a fist on the floor and jumping back to his feet. This time when he charged it was with a raging battle cry that bubbled up from his stomach and surged forward with anger. His punches were all deflected, his kicks all dodged, his spins and flips completely useless. But he continued to strike out at his sensei blindly, fueled with the blare of rage that only grew with every passing second that his fists hit nothing but air. His face began to burn and his muscles yanked and pulled, groaning as his momentum threw him toward absent spaces that refused to catch him. Those muscles longed to hit something and to make that something hurt, and he didn't care if that something was his father. Splinter could take it and Raphael knew that, and it only made him angrier that he couldn't get in one measly hit. This was stupid. The old rat wasn't even fighting back anymore.

He put everything he had into his fists, certain that Splinter would tire of dodging at some point. And when he swung out with a right hook for what felt like the hundredth time, Splinter disappeared yet again and Raph's knuckles slammed into the trunk of the tree. A cry of pain burst from his chest and he faltered back a couple of steps. A sting immediately attacked his eyes and he felt a pressure building up in his chest so intense that it turned every excess noise into a high-pitched whir and he didn't even realize that he'd yanked a shruiken out of his belt and flung it straight for his sensei's head until it hit the opposite wall with a thunk and embedded itself into the cement.

He paid no mind to Splinter's expression of surprise, but instead took advantage of his hesitation and barreled toward him. He fully intended to tackle his sensei to the ground, sink his fist into him somehow. But Splinter stood firm, and Raphael was completely taken aback when the strike completely missed the rat and his father caught him instead and folded his arms around him.

And just like that it was over, like a mouse halting a stampeding elephant by just barely lifting a whisker.

Stunned, it took a moment for Raph to realize that he was clutching his sensei around the middle, his fingers curled tightly around bunches of his robe, almost as though he had been the one to initiate the hug. He panted roughly, his face pressed against his father's warm chest, eyes wide and still stinging. He felt himself shaking, and Splinter closed his arms around him more securely and stroked the back of his head with a thumb. He said nothing, and it was exactly the fullness of his silence that finally made Raphael grimace and succumb to the embrace with the smallest of childish moans.

"Tell me what I should do for you, Raphael," Splinter said, his voice soft. And yet it almost held a note of desperation. "I know we do not talk often, but it has not escaped my attention that you are full of an alarming amount of turmoil for someone so young. I would like to help you. Your anger is so easily ignited, and I fear sometimes that you forget we are all here to support you…Tell me what is troubling you, my son."

Raph shuddered, torn for the briefest of moments between refusing to answer and telling his father the truth simply to keep him there. Splinter rarely hugged any of them like this and of course the red-banded turtle would never admit how much he sometimes longed for it. But he couldn't allow such tenderness to bully him into admitting to his father what was truly going on. Sure Splinter would be none too surprised to know that Raph and Leo were fighting, but Raphael was not at all inclined to enlighten his father on a secret he'd been harboring for years. Splinter must not know…Never.

So the turtle took in one last breath of his father's scent and then pulled himself away. He turned his shell to Splinter and crossed his arms, sniffing once. The sting in his eyes had gone, but now there was a knot in his throat the size of a golf ball, and the beat of his heart against his Adam's apple did nothing to help that. He sucked in a breath through his nose.

"Nothing's troubling me, Sensei," he said in a broken voice that was not at all convincing and sounded nothing like his usual tone of belligerence. He swallowed.

"Raphael—"

"You wouldn't understand," he admitted before he could stop himself. He hunched his shoulders to his neck and waited for his father to question him further, but he heard nothing but a lingering silence that made his arms itch.

"Then perhaps," Splinter spoke quietly, in a voice that Raph couldn't help but notice sounded slightly crestfallen. "You should talk to your brother."

Raph's nose twitched and he looked over his shoulder. "I don't think talking to Leo would make anything better, Sensei. In fact, I'm pretty sure it'd do the exact opposite."

"I was not speaking of Leonardo."

Raph blinked.

Splinter held his gaze for a moment then walked toward the entrance of the dojo and raised his voice. "Donatello, _koko ni kite!_"

"Just a sec!"

Raphael furrowed his brow as his sensei met his gaze again. "Donnie?"

"It is my understanding that he is an exceptional listener. And I should think that, if I am not to understand something, Donatello will."

Raph's stomach turned. "But—"

"Hai, Sensei?" Donnie poked his head into the dojo, his eyes immediately glancing toward Raph though the red-banded turtle could tell he tried not to do so.

"Your brother would like to speak with you," Splinter said, quite casually, considering the tone hovering around the room.

Donnie's eyes turned blatantly onto Raphael now who pursed his lips and dropped his gaze. He tightened his arms across his plastron.

"Oh…okay."

Raph caught a glimpse of his father bowing his head. "I think I will go and have some tea," said the rat, though neither of the boys was oblivious to what this meant. He might as well have just said, "I'm going to have a talk with Leonardo now."

Either way, he exited the room with all the usual silence, leaving Donnie and Raph to accidently meet awkward glances every couple of seconds as they fidgeted where they stood. Raph tensed.

He didn't want to talk to Donnie. They hadn't carried out an actual conversation since Raph had apologized for nearly getting him and Leo killed. They may have exchanged a "Pass me a slice of pizza" or "Where's Leo" or "Splinter wants to talk to you" on a number of occasions, but that had been about it for more than a month now. And it wasn't like they were intentionally ignoring each other. Raph was eighty percent sure Donnie had forgiven him. It just seemed to take more effort to start up a conversation between the two of them now, and they'd spent that effort on…other things.

He scratched at the back of his head, glancing toward the entrance again, and noticed Donnie peeking around the room and shifting his feet. His hand pulled on the strap across his plastron and the way he stood gave his shoulders a hunch that curved his back, almost as though he was leaning slightly forward. It was strange. Despite being the tallest of all of them, Donnie could make himself look so small sometimes.

"So…" said the purple-banded turtle slowly. "What did you want to talk about?"

"I didn't," Raph answered quickly, turning to plop down at the base of the tree. He pulled out a sai and pretended to pay more attention to balancing the tip of it on his finger.

"Oh."

There was silence for a while, and it seemed for a second that Donnie would actually turn to leave. But for reasons Raph would never be able to explain, he somehow found himself speaking before his brother could do so.

"What did Leo tell you?"

Donnie blinked back across the room. "I-I'm sorry?"

Raph clutched the sai in his fist and frowned. "You're his best friend now aren't you? He talks to you about everything. How much has he told you?"

Donnie stared and kept fidgeting with the strap across his plastron.

Raph sighed and leaned back against the tree. "Come sit down you dork."

He didn't watch as Donnie shuffled across the room, but was kind of surprised by how fast he closed the distance between them. He took a seat beside Raphael and crossed his legs with a quiet exhale.

"I'm not gonna pound ya cuz Leo snitched," Raph said. "I just wanna know that we're on the same page."

Donnie shifted, staring down at the rug beneath them. "I…believe we are."

Raph nodded and lightly poked his foot with his sai. "So you know…"

"How you feel about him? Yes."

The older turtle pursed his lips. "And he told you about last night and…this morning?"

"What he could get." Donnie shrugged. "He'd just finished ranting about the argument you had before um…we were interrupted. He didn't get to say how it ended."

Raph turned his face away, hoping his younger brother wouldn't catch the embarrassed blush in his cheeks. He sighed. "If I didn't tell you now, he'd tell you later wouldn't he?"

He turned his eyes back on his brother who stared at him with a very open gaze. "Yes," Donnie said.

Raph's stomach turned. "I uh…" He exhaled through his nose and rubbed at the back of his neck. "I kinda, you know…" He shrugged, then closed his eyes and sighed again, dropping his hands into his lap. "I kissed him."

Donnie said nothing. So Raph plowed forward.

"I don't know what came over me. I just thought that maybe if I did—he'd forget about Karai, you know? He'd stop worrying about her so much and realize that I…" He grimaced and swallowed, shrugging again. "I dunno, that I'm here. He doesn't need her. And all she does is mess with his head. Whether she means to or not," he added bitterly. "She's no good for him, and I…Yeah, I'm jealous, so what? I mean he should've known I would be. Hell, I was jealous of you just for spending so much time with him. It's just…It isn't fair."

His voice wavered and his eyes began to burn again. He turned his face away so that Donnie wouldn't see. Why was he even talking to Donatello about this? Wasn't Donnie on Leo's side? He was probably just sitting here thinking about how pathetic Raph was for thinking Leo might actually feel the same way he felt someday. It was ridiculous. Leo was supposed to be his older brother. This whole thing was taboo. Why bother?

Raph swallowed and rigidly got to his feet, keeping his head turned away from Donatello.

"You know what? Never mind, we don't need to talk about it."

"Raph—"

The red-clad turtle shook his head and swiped a hand behind him to ward Donnie off when the genius stood too. "No, forget it. You wouldn't understand anyway."

He began to walk away, wiping his face for good measure as he did so, but he stopped when he heard Donnie's voice respond quietly in a tone that wasn't very Donnie-esque. "Seriously?"

Raph turned around to see those brown eyes glaring at him in shameful disappointment. Donnie shook his head. "_I_ wouldn't understand?" he said.

Raph blinked but said nothing.

"I wouldn't understand what it's like to love someone who couldn't possibly love me back? Who has every reason not to give me a second glance? I wouldn't understand what it's like to be their best friend for what feels like years, never telling them how I feel because I'm afraid to lose them altogether? I couldn't possibly know what it feels like to be pushed into the background when someone new comes along, someone who would make so much more sense being with that person that _I'm_ in love with—that I've _been_ in love with, who doesn't seem to want to give me the time of day when that other person is around, even though I've always been there and I've put so much effort_ into_ being there. And why do I stick around? Why do I still love them? Apparently I don't know Raph, because I wouldn't understand."

Raph stared, unsure what to say for a moment because he was thrown off guard by the burn of frustration that blossomed across Donnie's beak. The purple-banded turtle didn't seem to acknowledge it, nor did he try to hide the fact that he was sensitive about certain things, and for that, Raph suddenly realized that maybe he'd been wrong about his younger brother for a very long time. He never thought he'd actually consciously admire something about Donatello.

"I…I'm sorry, Donnie," Raph stammered. "I forgot."

Donnie nodded, rubbing a fist across his cheek as though that could wipe away the blush. "Yeah, you would. Everyone has lately…I get that I'm not your favorite person in the world, and to be honest you're not mine, Raphael." He shook his head, his eyes shifting now. "I don't think you understand how much time Leo spends thinking about you. Yes, he talks to me—he talks _a lot_ and you're all that he talks about. Maybe he mentions Karai, but it's only in conjunction with you not getting along with her. It frustrates him. And what frustrates me is that he won't shut up anymore. I don't mind talking to him. I don't mind listening to him. But you know Leo as well as I do and it's no secret that he tends to get caught up in his own problems. He can forget that other people have feelings too. I'm jealous of _you_ Raph, because for you he's never forgotten that. He knows you're unhappy. He just doesn't know how to resolve that and be happy with himself at the same time. But me?" He shrugged. "Ever since we got Karai back it's been about you and her. So I wouldn't worry about me."

Raph furrowed his brow. "You don't talk to him about April?"

Donnie crossed his arms and shook his head. "Not much anymore. He's been very focused on you being an asshole."

Raph grimaced and glanced away, peering down at the rug beneath his feet for a moment. "So he actually calls me that?" he mumbled peeking back at Donnie through the corner of his eye.

"Yeah."

Raph pressed his lips together and nodded. His grip tightened around his sai and he swung out a kick at nothing before pacing a few steps away from Donnie. He stopped just before he reached the wall and tensed his shoulders. "He hates me," he muttered, more so to himself.

Donnie made a noise somewhere between a scoff and a groan. "God I swear you guys are so stupid sometimes."

Raph furrowed his brow and looked back over his shoulder. Donnie had his arms crossed and was looking more his actual height now.

"Leo doesn't hate you, Raph. In fact, he's afraid that _you_ hate _him_." Donnie shook his head in exasperation. "You guys spend so much time arguing that you don't even notice you have the same feelings. He wants you to be happy, alright? And it bothers him that you're not. So maybe he doesn't completely get _why_ it bothers him, but you could do him a favor by showing a little bit of patience Raph, and it wouldn't hurt if you cooperated every once in a while. I mean if you and Leo would just…"

He paused, baring his teeth and eyes shut with his hands by his head as though he was struggling with the fact that nobody else was getting what he was getting. He finally breathed out through his nose and tossed his hands down.

"Just sit down and shut up and try to understand each other for five minutes instead of whining about how unfair Leo's being to you or how unfair you're being to him. It would fix so many problems."

Raph frowned and grimaced down at his feet. "It's not that easy, Don."

"And why not?" Donnie exclaimed.

Raph clenched his jaw and turned back around. "It just isn't, okay? I mean come on, Donnie, you know us. We can't stand in the same room for five minutes, let alone sit down and talk. Look at what just happened," he exclaimed, waving a hand in the general direction of the common room.

"That happened because you have no sense of self-control, Raph," Donnie droned.

"That's exactly my point! I _am_ an asshole. It's not like I mean to be. I just don't know how to do anything else…" Raph sighed and closed his eyes, leaning back against the wall as he stuffed his arms back over his chest again. He swallowed past that knot that had never really left. "I wouldn't be surprised if Leo did hate me," he admitted quietly. "It's not like I've done very much to earn his affection or whatever—other than nearly getting him killed and refusing to get suckered by Karai. I pick a lot of fights okay, I'll admit that." He opened his eyes and pushed away from the wall restlessly. "I just…I don't know what else to do. If you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly good at being nice and understanding."

He locked his jaw and stared across the room at Donatello who stared back. The muscle in his chest whined that he was making himself too vulnerable—and in front of Donnie. He felt incredibly exposed talking to his brother about this, but he really didn't know what else to do. And who knew, maybe Leo was onto something. Maybe he actually gained a bit of insight from spending so much time with their nerdy younger brother. And Splinter wasn't all wrong. Donnie did tend to understand a lot of things. Point being, the moment Leo had stormed out of his room, Raph had realized he was getting nowhere with him…and maybe he could use a smidgen of advice—just this once.

Donatello's lips shifted to the side after a moment, as though in thought, and without blinking he turned on his heel and started toward the archway leading out of the dojo. "Come with me; I want to show you something."

Raph hesitated but followed.

April and Karai were still in the common room, actually carrying out a conversation with one another that paused when Raph and Donnie emerged. Donatello didn't acknowledge them, so Raph didn't either. It burned his insides to pass so close by Karai, but he forced his glare down at the ground and kept his arms wrapped around his torso. He practically held his breath as he and his brother silently passed through the common room, and only let it go when they were safe and secluded in Donnie's room.

Raph watched his younger brother kneel down on the floor and reach beneath his bed. He pulled out a dented tin lunchbox and gestured for Raph to come closer. The older turtle obeyed and hovered next to his brother over the bed as he opened the lunchbox and dumped out a collection of scrap pieces of paper. They made a nice-sized pile on top of the comforter, enough that Raph wouldn't have bothered to waste his time counting them. And it took him a moment of indifferent staring before he realized what he was looking at. He furrowed his brow and picked up one of the slips. On it was his own handwriting, sloppily spelling out the words_ I'm sorry._

Something in the red turtle's chest twisted uncomfortably and he knelt down and shifted through the pile of apologies. Donnie joined him and watched in silence as Raph checked each slip, as though to make sure they did indeed all contain his chicken scratch. He picked up one that looked particularly old, the letters written so horribly that he knew he had to have been young when he wrote the note.

"You kept these?" he said.

"Yeah." Donnie reached over and touched the slip in his hand. "That was when you gave me a nose bleed trying to take the controller for that toy car I put together. I think we were what like six?"

Raph shrugged, admittedly too stupefied to comment. Donnie shuffled through the pile and picked out a slip that the red-banded turtle could actually remember writing.

"This was the most recent one," Donnie said. "From when you threw that rock at my head." He looked down at it almost in fondness, his brown eyes tender, and after a moment set the paper down and looked to Raph, who stared back in astonishment and found himself shaking his head.

"I…I don't…Why?"

Donnie shrugged. "Because it's so easy to get mad at you," he said, a small smile touching the corner of his lips. "You can be an asshole, Raph. I won't deny that. But you're not all bad, and these remind me of that. And what's funny is I only remember that I have them when you're being a jerk. And it helps me stay patient with you and remember that you're just as flawed as I am, as Leo is, as Mikey is, but you're also just as good. And you have a commendable heart in there." He reached out and touched a finger to Raph's plastron. "I think it just gets buried under a lot of denial. You create a shell to protect yourself from pain and vulnerability and it makes you come off as hard-hearted sometimes, but you're not. You're a good guy, Raphael, and if you want my opinion, you and Leo deserve each other."

Raph blinked, but couldn't find the words to respond.

"You know him," Donnie continued. "You know how he works. You know what he likes. And despite how much trouble you give him, you can still manage to make him laugh. You keep him grounded, and you constantly remind him that he's not perfect, but that's okay to you. And you're a challenge that he can handle—but not without making him stronger first." He nodded confidently. "You're good for him. My advice to you is to allow him to see that without smothering him with it. And don't worry so much about how he feels about you. You're his brother, and he'll always love you because of that."

Raph grimaced as another burn came to his eyes. That knot in his throat seemed to have gotten bigger and he couldn't fit any words past it. Okay. He was a man of action anyway…He started to reach out to his brother, but stopped as his muscles contracted and made him stiffen. He pressed his lips together and his eyes darted around because he'd suddenly remembered that this was Donatello kneeling next to him, and for some reason that little detail made him forget everything he knew about how to show gratitude. His heart stuttered and he just sat there, unsure what to do with himself, his arms hanging by his sides dumbly.

"Raph."

Raphael looked back to Donnie whose lips were turned up in a dorky smile in one corner. He opened his arms, almost as though to remind his older brother how a hug was supposed to start, but the funny thing was it actually worked. Raph leaned into Donnie's embrace and wrapped his arms around his shell, allowing his chin to rest on his shoulder for a minute.

It was weird. Not necessarily that he was hugging Donatello, but that it didn't feel as strange as he might've thought it would. He suddenly couldn't remember why it had been so long since this happened last. And it quickly turned into nothing more than a much-needed tender moment between him and his younger brother - as though they'd simply gotten into a fight over a toy car and were making up for it now. And yet despite how modest the hug was, it made Raph's chest tighten and his sight suddenly blur over, just as it had when he'd embraced his father moments ago…Maybe this was a little too much hugging for one day.

He cleared his throat and pulled away, keeping his eyes to the side as he straightened his spine. "Thanks, Donnie," he mumbled quickly, hoping that it was too dark in Donnie's room for the brainy turtle to make out all the emotion that was so embarrassingly slathered all over his face.

Even if not, Donnie was nice enough to overlook it and get to his feet. He set the lunchbox down on the bed. "I'll let you put this away," he said, absently patting Raph's shoulder as he started for the door. He paused when he opened it and looked back. "Think about what I said okay?"

Raph nodded, and Donatello flashed him a gentle smile before leaving the room.


	17. Chapter 17

**Sorry this one took longer than usual to post - shouldn't be the case for the next one. My semester officially ends on Friday, so I'll be out for the summer and then updates will probably start happening quickly. As for now, read, enjoy, and as always, let me know what you think :)**

**Also, some more POV changes in this one.**

* * *

He stopped just a few feet down the hall and arched his back with his hands on his shell, grimacing as his bones popped and settled back in place. He had woken that morning with a sharp pain throbbing at the back of his skull and it had now successfully spread down his neck and through his spine.

He sighed and slouched against the archway, gazing left toward Karai and April who were still talking. It was an interesting sight, watching them interact with one another. Karai may have looked a little uncomfortable with her knees together and her back straight, hands clasped in her lap, but he was ninety-five percent positive that had nothing to do with April, who was sitting directly next her with her legs pulled up to her chest. Her arms were folded on top of her knees, and she was nodding with a sympathetic frown.

He didn't necessarily have firsthand observational experience with girls and how they acted around one another, but from what he knew through concept, April and Karai were being quite normal—almost as though they'd been friends for years. It was comforting, and not to mention nice, to observe people who actually had the sensibility to get along and carry out a nice quiet conversation.

His lips turned down into a small frown. He was so tired of all this.

He wouldn't admit it to his brothers, and least of all his sensei, but all of this fighting was stressing him out. He longed to wake up one day and find that the haze of tension that had spread across his home months ago was finally gone. He could even imagine himself breathing easier, moving easier, and not having to wait until his eyes began to slide shut on their own before he could get any sleep. He'd been foolish enough to hope for a while that when they found Karai everything would magically be okay again. But that had been a silly thing to hope for, let alone even consider. It wasn't just Raph that was making things hard, and every day that Leo came storming up to him to complain, Donnie wished that his older brother could walk away realizing that. He'd tried his best to drop hint after hint without blatantly screaming that Leo was being just as stubborn. He didn't mind being someone that his brother could talk to, but every day that Leo turned away after a conversation now, Donnie could feel himself sinking under a weight that wouldn't budge. He was willing to help Leo carry his burdens, but not by himself and definitely not for the rest of his life.

He was glad Splinter had forced him and Raph to have a conversation. Hopefully he'd enlightened his ill-tempered older brother in some way and they could be one step closer to diminishing this family drama. Donnie could swear sometimes he felt like he was a supporting character in a soap opera. And the story just wouldn't end.

_I need air_, he thought to himself.

He was about to quietly slide his way into the lab and let Karai and April finish their girl-talk, but he stopped at the corner of the pit, and instead ended up staring over at April as a warm fog spread throughout his chest. He felt a tiny twinge of sadness.

The first time they'd actually gotten to hang out in weeks was moments ago and that had been cut short when Leo busted down the lab door. April had been busy with school and exams, and none of the Hamatos had been allowed to run around the city at night like they usually did. Splinter was worried that the Foot was still prowling around for Karai, and had intelligently mentioned that very many problems could arise if they all went out together but couldn't get along while they did it. Donnie didn't blame him for worrying, but he had to know how crowded it got when they couldn't resurface at the very least when they found the need. Being stuck underground with his three brothers was enough to handle on its own; adding Karai to the mix hadn't exactly made it any better.

"Hellooo…Donnie?"

Donatello blinked, realizing that April had called his name multiple times. A blush ripened in his cheeks and he tried to shake off the haze.

"Hm?"

"Are you okay?"

Both girls were looking at him either with concern or disturbance, he couldn't tell which. Though, April's gaze was softer than Karai's.

He shuddered and brushed off the urge to blame Karai for the knot in his stomach, the way that Raph wanted to blame her for everything. But he had to remain sensible. It wouldn't be fair of him to do that.

"Yeah. Um…" He rubbed the back of his neck and glanced to the side. "I-I just spaced out for a second. It's a little hot. I think I need some air. Do you need some air? W-We should go get some air." His words stumbled over themselves as he blurted them out in a rush, and once they hung there in the air he didn't know what to do. So he just stared.

April graced him with a small smile, almost as though she found his bumbling cute. In fact, it was the same kind of smile Mikey sometimes gave Ice Cream Kitty…That was embarrassing.

"You want to go up top—maybe grab some pizza gyoza?" she asked.

He found himself nodding. "Y-Yeah, that'd be…I mean as long as it's okay with Splinter…I'll go ask him."

No sooner had he said this than he turned on the ball of his foot and walked stiffly to the kitchen as though the concept of putting one foot in front of the other was brand new to him.

Splinter was sitting at one end of the island, calmly sipping on a cup of tea with his eyes closed. Leo was sitting to his left, staring down into his own cup with his shoulders hunched and a frown pasted to his face. Mikey was humming to himself as he dumped an entire bag of chocolate chips into a mixing bowl.

Donnie's eyes twitched on the bottle of hot sauce sitting out on the counter, and he made a mental note not to eat whatever Mikey was making.

He wasn't sure what he'd expected to find upon entering the kitchen, but it sure wasn't silence. He shuffled his feet and clung to the curtain in the doorway.

"Uh…Sensei?"

Splinter opened his eyes and turned them on Donatello serenely. "How is Raphael?"

"He's fine," Donnie said, keeping his eyes from shifting to Leo. "Is it alright if I step out for a minute?"

Splinter's brow rose. "What do you mean?"

It was hard to meet his father's amber gaze. Splinter's tone was curious and innocent, but those eyes always made Donnie feel like there was nothing he could hide.

"I mean, is it alright if I go up top with April? Just for a little while," he added quickly.

The look Splinter gave him was none too reassuring, and Donnie's stomach clenched even tighter. "I understand you must be anxious, my son. It is not easy being confined to the lair. But I am afraid it is much too dangerous for you to spend time on the surface. We are safe here."

Donatello tried not to raise his voice in an act of desperation. He tightened his fist around the curtain. "Hai, Sensei. I understand, but I wouldn't be gone for long. And April would be with me. We'll be extra careful, I promise."

Donnie could've sworn he almost caught his father grimacing. "I am sorry, _musuko_. But it simply does not feel like the right moment."

Donnie tensed. "But you've been saying that for weeks. What are we supposed to do, go back to the way we used to live and hide out down here for the rest of our lives? I'm suffocating, Sensei. I can't take it down here. I know how to protect myself—"

"You are still weak, my son."

"I am not!"

"Donatello—"

"I'm not helpless, Sensei. I feel fine. You don't have to keep treating me like a wounded animal. I can—"

"Donatello!"

Donnie pressed his lips together and tensed his shoulders.

"Another time," Splinter said, his eyes glinting with a severity Donnie knew was final. There would be no arguing.

He couldn't stop the angry flow of hot blood that shook his fists and made his teeth clench, but he sucked in a breath through his nose and bowed, turning his glare on the floor.

"Hai, Sensei," he murmured before turning stiffly on his heel and leaving the kitchen.

He resisted the urge to kick something. He wouldn't allow himself to be driven down to his brothers' level of aggression. He wasn't like them. _No kicking boxes_, he told himself. _Such a childish thing to do_. Instead he allowed his feet to carry him back to the pit where April was standing, waiting for him to return.

"So what'd he say?"

He kept his eyes on the floor for a moment, allowing his mind to race through responses, come up with a solution. He had to get air. He couldn't breathe. He wanted to be alone with April. He wanted to forget he had brothers—and a sister—for five minutes. Didn't he have a right to that? After putting up with them for this long and keeping his mouth shut about how much they frustrated him?

He narrowed his eyes at the floor and then allowed himself to smile as he turned his gaze upon April. He held out a hand for her and she took it automatically.

"He said don't stay out too late," he responded as they walked toward the turnstiles.

* * *

It was hard to miss the bitterness in Donatello's expression, and it gave Splinter's stomach a twist of guilt. He hated limiting his children's freedom and he was far too aware that it had been much too long since they'd been allowed to resurface.

But even as Splinter watched him walk rigidly out of the room, he would not change his mind. Ever since his sons had come back from their last horrific attempt to save Karai from the Foot, his very soul had acquired an ever-present feeling of dread, and it made his fur stand on end. He had told himself that until it lifted, he could not allow his children to leave the sewers, however much it pained him to watch them struggle. He had to remind himself that to lose them altogether would invite a far worse amount of pain.

He let out a long breath, and it was a moment before he finally set down his cup and looked toward his eldest son. Leonardo had neither touched his tea nor looked up once since Splinter had entered the kitchen, and the young turtle had remained in a stoic silence all the while. Splinter's whiskers twitched, and he prayed for patience.

"I take it you know what is wrong with your brother," he said quietly, also electing to keep his eyes on Michelangelo, who was decent enough not to acknowledge the conversation.

Leo shifted slightly, but that was all.

Splinter allowed his shoulders to drop. "It is a very delicate thing, knowing when and when not to intervene. I have recently come to a very disturbing realization…Would you like to know what it is?"

With this he turned his eyes down on his son who peeked back meekly. Splinter took this as a yes.

"You have grown up," he said, a hint of sadness escaping through his voice that he did not mean to release. "You and your brothers have experienced much of life's trials and then some. You have learned a lot from these experiences and I know I can trust you all to make…fairly responsible decisions. You are practically young men. And as a parent at this stage in your lives—I admit it is difficult for me to know where my boundaries are, when I should step in and lead you by the hand, and when I should allow you to make discoveries on your own."

He tugged on his beard and stared deeply as his youngest dropped spoon-sized dollops of cookie dough onto a baking sheet. "With Raphael especially, sometimes I cannot be sure…"

He bowed his head in thought and then turned his eyes on his son. "He frightens me," he admitted, careful not to let his gaze falter as Leonardo's blue eyes scanned him for hints of weakness. He noticed too that Michelangelo peeked over at him upon this confession. "Do you know why?"

Leo shook his head.

"It is because he reminds me of myself."

"You were like _Raph_?" Mikey exclaimed.

Splinter graced him with a small smile and nodded. "I used to be—quite an aggressive man, determined, protective, proud certainly, and also very angry, most specifically when Oroku Saki turned on my family. My father was a very strict man. And whenever I lost my temper, he was quick to teach me a very harsh lesson, and I vowed I would not be the same with my own children. But it seems we all say this about our parents—are so determined not to be the way they were with us. But since I began raising the four of you, I have come to better appreciate my father and the way he and my mother raised me. I was very fortunate. And only now do I know the battles that they must have gone through to make me who I am today."

He shifted and glanced toward his eldest. "You see, my sons, for us fathers who only wish to see happiness in our children, it is very painful to watch you struggle. My duty to you and your brothers is to make sure you live your lives with purpose and are fulfilled and content, and seeing as there is not much else for me to do, you can imagine that when I see you are all unsettled and fighting with one another it makes me feel that I have failed you."

Leonardo blinked and straightened his back. "No you haven't, Sensei. You…You're a great father."

"Yeah," Mikey piped. "I mean, at least three out of four of us turned out alright."

Splinter smiled with admiration. "Everyone has their moments, Michelangelo. I ask you not to be so hard on your brother. But I thank you. I cannot tell you what it means to hear this from you both. But I am very aware that having such a title automatically makes it difficult for you and your brothers to speak to me about certain things." He watched his eldest son out of the corner of his eye as Leo's cheeks acquired a small blush and his eyes fell to the table.

"Of course," he looked forward again, "I would never force any of you to talk about anything you do not wish to discuss. But I hope you know that, when a certain amount of tension befalls this household, I must do something about it—even if it is very little. And in order to do this, I must know what is happening."

Splinter glanced back down at Leonardo whose blue eyes looked about as ready to speak honestly as Raph's had moments ago. Internally, the great rat sighed, but he kept his eyes focused and his spine straight, assuring himself that he was doing the right thing. Part of growing up was learning how to make decisions, and they could not do that if he insisted on making those decisions for them. So he waited.

"N-…Nothing's happening, Sensei," Leonardo whispered feebly, his eyes still staring uneasily at the table.

Splinter couldn't deny the rush of disappointment that hit his chest with a certain amount of pain, but he remained composed. He glanced toward his youngest, who quickly occupied himself with his cookies again. Splinter nodded.

"I see," he responded quietly, pulling on his beard. "Your brother had very much the same response. Though I should admit, after his actions this morning I find that rather hard to believe."

He peeked again. Leo tensed, but didn't respond. He almost found it humorous that his two rivaling sons were working so well together to keep their silence. He wondered if they were aware of this pact that they seemed to have created.

"I will not press you forward, my son," Splinter said. "Being a parent also entails a certain amount of faith, and from me you have earned that. I simply ask for your assurance that, should you find the situation becoming too overwhelming, you will not be afraid to ask for my assistance."

The young turtle bowed his head respectfully though he still did not look up. "Hai, Sensei," he muttered. After a shaky pause he added, "Thank you."

Splinter allowed himself a smile. Whoever said being a father was an easy job was a lair.

"Sensei?"

"Yes, my son?"

Leonardo's eyes shifted restlessly and he twisted his fingers together. "Can I go now?"

Again Splinter found himself sighing but let none of the exhaustion pass through his voice. "As long as you promise me one last thing."

Leo finally looked up at him, a glaze of anxiety flashing in his eyes.

Splinter's gaze shifted quickly toward Michelangelo who had begun to hum again, and he lowered his voice. "You must at least try one of your brother's cookies," he whispered.

The anxiety left Leonardo with a blink, but it was replaced instantly by a slight grimace of revulsion. The young turtle glanced toward his younger brother and lowered his voice too. "Sensei," he said. "Did you _see_ what he put in that stuff?"

The great rat held down his smile. He rolled his shoulders back. "Leonardo," he said sternly. "I held you in my arms for many years. I sang you to sleep, wiped your tears away, defeated every monster that hid itself beneath your bed. The least you could do is agree to my condition now." In a murmur he added, "Do not make me face the obscure trials of your brother's baking by myself."

At this Leonardo finally flashed a smile, and it released a few knots of tension from the rat's muscles. "Hai, Sensei. I guess I can stomach one."

"You are a brave warrior." He bowed his head. "You may go."

* * *

Mikey placed his cookie sheet in the oven and washed the flour off of his hands and plastron. Leo was gone when he turned around, but Splinter had pulled the turtle's untouched tea toward him and was sipping it himself now. Mikey pursed his lips to the side as he watched him.

"Can't you just lock them in separate rooms or something?"

Splinter looked up with a raised eyebrow. "Who?"

"Leo and Raph…I mean like, for a week or something."

The rat chuckled. "That would be very cruel of me, would it not? I could not imagine locking any of my children in their rooms for a week."

Mikey shrugged. "I guess not."

Splinter smiled and then murmured into his mug, "Why don't you go and make sure they are not starting anymore arguments."

Mikey beamed. He always loved it when Splinter entrusted him to be the one to spy in his brothers for him. "Hai, Sensei."

He bowed quickly and then bounced out of the room.

At this point, he wasn't sure what he expected to find when he strolled out into the common room—maybe April talking to Karai if Leo pulled Donnie away to his lab, maybe the four of them sitting in the pit watching TV, maybe just Karai and Leo having a quiet conversation. But when he stopped at the edge of the pool and stared uneasily toward the pit, none of those scenarios had come true. Instead, the worst of them - the one which he'd hoped by ignoring enough he could make an unlikely probability - had actually now unfolded itself right before his wary blue eyes.

Donnie and April were nowhere in sight. Instead, Leo, Karai, and Raph all took up opposite sides of the pit and had managed to build a thick wall of silence between them that spread a chill of impending doom all the way up the little turtle's arms and through his shell.

He considered for a moment, running to grab Splinter before anything could start, but found himself rooted to his spot, glancing nervously between the three of them as they glared between each other.

No one spoke and no one moved, and Mikey feared that if something didn't happen soon his lungs would bust. It was like they were stuck in an intense staring contest, waiting to see who would blink first.

Though Mikey was already standing outside of their triangle, he took a few hesitant steps back. His throat had gone dry now and his pulse was beating in his ears. It was like watching that part in a horror movie when you know the killer is lurking around but the characters can't seem to find him.

Leo was the first to speak, and his voice sent a violent chill through the air.

"Shouldn't you apologize, Raph?"

"Yeah," Raph said coolly. "Sorry our conversation got cut short earlier, Leo."

"I was talking about Karai."

Raph leaned his weight to the side. "I know. But I don't think you'd like the answer I have for that question."

"Leo."

"So you have nothing to say?" Leo said to Raph, ignoring Karai's call.

"Not to her."

Leo nodded bitterly. "Very classy, Raph. You're a real gentleman."

"I try. Maybe Karai has an apology she'd like to make."

"Not on your terms," Karai snapped, flashing a hot glare in Raph's direction.

Raph looked back at her casually. "I don't think this is about us, sweetheart."

"Of course it's about you," Leo jumped in. "It's always about you. And when it's not, you _make_ it about you. And you know what? I'm a little sick of it."

"Well why don't you just say so, Leo?" Raph shot back sarcastically. "I was pretty sure this was about _you_ to be honest."

"I'm pretty sure it doesn't matter," Karai said.

Raph looked up toward the ceiling as though that was where Karai's voice was coming from. "I don't remember asking for your opinion."

"And I don't remember asking for yours," Leo cut in.

"Thank you," Karai said.

Leo's expression hardened. "Don't."

"Leo…You didn't give me the chance to explain last night."

"Explain what? There was nothing to explain; I saw it all on your face. I'm just a toy to you. I'm just something you can play with, and I don't want to be a part of your game anymore."

"Burn," Raph jeered.

"Shut up."

"After all this time, Leo," Karai said, an actual look of pain crossing her eyes. "That's really all you believe I think of you?"

"Have you ever given me a reason _not_ to think that?" he shot back.

"Nope."

"Shut up, Raph! Karai, I want to believe that you actually care," Leo said, blue eyes shining. "I do. But every time I put my faith in you, you stab me in the back somehow. And sometimes I think maybe Raph's not all that stubborn, maybe he's just right, because trusting you just keeps getting harder and harder to do."

"I know that. I'm trying, Leo. I am. But the Shredder—"

"Stop blaming everything on that psychotic daddy of yours," Raph jumped in. "Carry some of your own damned weight for once. You were the one that rejected Leo last night, not the Shredder."

Karai wrinkled her nose at him. "Look, Raph, I get that you don't trust me, and I'm honestly pretty okay with that. But don't put your nose in places it shouldn't be. You're getting really close to crossing a line and you don't want to challenge me like that."

Raph rolled his eyes. "I'm shaking in my shell."

"You should be."

"You want a rematch, princess?" Raph threatened, tossing his arms out to the side. "Cuz I'm not afraid to go there."

Karai shifted an inch as though she'd actually take the red-banded turtle up on that offer, but Leo's voice jerked their standoff to a halt.

"If either of you makes a move I will finish this fight myself," he barked. "What you did was unacceptable, Raph," he added, switching cold blue eyes on his brother.

"Oh and what she did wasn't?"

Leo's expression faltered, but Karai spoke up before he could respond. "It's none of your business, Raphael."

"It is now," Raph scoffed. "I told you, you made it personal. I dunno if you've noticed, princess, but things work a little differently down here. You mess with one of us; you mess with all of us, end of story. When my brothers are concerned, it's all my business."

Leo bared his teeth again. "I told you, you don't own me."

Raph's eyes barely shifted. "I'm aware."

"Then I don't need your protection."

Raph wrinkled his beak at him and tossed his hands up. "Well by all means then, Fearless." He took a step back. "Handle it."

A moment of hesitation hovered over the room as Karai and Leo refused to make eye contact for a moment. Leo's cheeks were burning a bright red color. He looked like he might run from the room at any moment. Karai was the first to take a breath and sweep her gaze over to the oldest turtle.

"You misunderstood me, Leo," she said. "I like you…I just don't deserve you."

Leo glanced up at her. A small spark of obnoxious hope flashed across his gaze. He had completely softened within seconds. But he couldn't seem to find any words to respond with.

"What's weird is trying to treat you the way you deserve to be treated. We've already established I don't know how to do that. It has nothing to do with you being a mutant. It's just that you're a decent person…" She paused, her eyes grazing the scarred side of his face and then dropping to his arm where she'd bitten him weeks ago. "And I'm not," she muttered quietly.

Leo grimaced and opened his mouth to speak, but Raph's voice came out instead. "You've got to be fucking kidding me. Leo…You're _buying_ this?!"

Leo's eyes snapped back onto his brother. "Shut up."

Raph shook his head. "Unbelievable…You are such a sucker."

"You don't have to like her, Raph," Leo said coldly. "But I do. And nothing you say is going to change that."

Raph gazed across the pit at Leo with an expression Mikey never would've guessed him capable of, let alone that he'd ever allow his face to contort in such a way. He looked _hurt_—utterly betrayed, like Leo had just stabbed him in the chest with his katana, and the blade had gone straight through and out the other side.


	18. Chapter 18

**I have been waiting for this moment...**

* * *

Donatello closed his eyes and pulled a breath in through his nose. A soft smile turned up on the very corner of his mouth as the wind whipped the tails of his mask back behind him.

April watched, leaning against the ledge of the rooftop next to him. She smiled when he sighed. He already looked twice as energized as he had before they left the walls of the lair.

She had the ability to escape whenever she wanted to, to go home—a home that resided up on the surface in an apartment building by the street—and even she felt the tension and suffocation that had begun to fester from five teenagers being trapped underground for weeks. Donnie deserved to breathe, deserved to let his muscles unwind.

She glanced down toward Murakami's. The lit windows cast rectangles of warm light across the pavement. There was only one customer left and Murakami had already flipped the sign to CLOSED. He had promised April that she and Donnie could have the restaurant to themselves the moment the last person left. She was in no particular hurry though, and she had the distinct feeling Donatello was enjoying the air.

She grinned silently to herself as she glanced back at the side of his face and loosely crossed her arms. "So," she sighed. "Feeling any better?"

Donnie smiled and looked down at her. "Much…I'd have never thought I needed to get out this much."

April nodded. "Cabin fever gets to the best of us."

A length of comfortable silence passed between them.

She brushed a few loose strands of hair back, only to have them blown in her face again. She tucked them behind her ear and this time leaned her palms against the ledge.

"So—those theories you had, about Leo and Raph…Did you ever get to find out if they were right?"

Donnie stared straight out across the rooftop. He just barely nodded. "Yeah."

"And?"

He waited a moment, his eyes shifting in that way they did when he was far off in thought. Then he finally nodded and turned his brown gaze on her. "I was right."

She smiled. "You always are."

"Yeah…nine point five times out of ten, I'd say." He shrugged, trying to push back a little ray of pride, but she saw it.

She looked down and shifted her feet. "So…are you still hesitant about sharing these theories?"

They met one another's gazes again and his turned uneasy. She smiled.

"How about if I guess, and you tell me whether or not I'm close."

At this he softened and grinned again. "Okay."

She nodded, looking back across the roof. "Leo is in love with Karai, but Karai doesn't want a relationship—mostly because she doesn't know how to be a part of one. Raph is jealous of her because he's in love with Leo, but Leo doesn't want to acknowledge that he loves Raph back because they're brothers and he has Karai to consider. Which probably makes Raph even more pissed because he's a little embarrassed about loving Leo too, but he'd never run away from anything, and he feels like that shouldn't stop Leo either…"

She took a breath and looked toward Donnie. "Am I warm?"

Donatello stared at her, his expression one of the same warm admiration she constantly caught him gazing upon her with. She felt a strange urge to touch his cheek just then.

She curled her fingers and her palms remained pressed against the ledge.

"Did she tell you?" he asked.

"Who, Karai?" She couldn't help the snort that escaped her and covered her mouth quickly. But Donnie was smiling.

She passed her hand across her nose and shrugged. "I can't imagine Karai being the type of person to run around gossiping."

"Then what were you guys talking about before we left?"

April blinked. "Oh that? She was telling me how much she wished she could take back the past fifteen years - that she wished she'd never known the Shredder, that Splinter could have been there for her instead."

She turned her eyes on Donnie who gazed back with a distant film to his expression—thoughtful—as always. And maybe a little disturbed.

"I think she's really sorry, Donnie—about everything. She really wants you guys to like her, but she doesn't know how she should interact with you. And she says she doesn't care if Raph never trusts her, but I don't think she really means it. I think it bothers her. But with Leo being in the middle of them, I'm not sure how willing Raph's ever going to be to accept her, especially not if Leo still has feelings for her."

Donnie nodded faintly, his eyes grazing the cement beneath their feet. He took in a breath. "What do you think?"

"About what?"

He looked up. "Leo and Raph."

She tilted her head. "I think…it'd be nice if they could get along for once. I think if Leo gave it a chance, he could be really happy with Raph."

Donnie looked slightly taken aback by this. "Really?"

She nodded, smiling faintly. "Yeah."

"Even with them being brothers?"

"_Especially_ with them being brothers…I mean sure it's different," she shrugged, "but my best friends are mutants for crying out loud, who am I to judge anything? If Leo makes Raph happy and Raph can do the same for Leo then why _shouldn't_ they be together? It's love isn't it? I was always taught that love is never wrong, so why would it be for them?"

Donnie continued to stare at her, still with that glitter of admiration. The breeze caught her hair again, carrying it across her face, but it also cooled her cheeks, which was especially nice at the moment. Sometimes Donnie gave her certain looks that made her stomach feel all squirmy and anything to distract from that was appreciated. Though…she kind of liked that squirmy feeling sometimes.

"You really believe that then?" he said. "Love is never wrong?"

"Of course." She smiled.

He pursed his lips, eyes shifting cautiously, then lifted his hand.

He hesitated, almost as though trying to convince himself to let his arm fall back to his side. Instead, he seemed to ignore it. She watched him nervously bite on his lip, but he reached out without meeting her gaze and brushed her hair gently back behind her ear.

"What if Karai did want to be with Leo?" he asked, still not looking directly at her. He stared at the top of her head, as though watching to make sure her hair stayed where he put it. His arm made it back by his side and her fingers inched forward along the ledge. "Would their love be okay?"

"What do you mean?"

He shrugged. "I mean…She's human—and he's not."

"So?"

His eyes finally dropped to hers, and she kept her gaze steady on him. Another breeze passed between them and this time it turned her fingers cold. Her hair stayed in place, but she found herself wondering if he would tuck it behind her ear again if it didn't. She liked to think that he would. Then again, sometimes Donnie allowed his nerves to get the better of him, even after those brief moments of confidence.

"It doesn't bother you?" he asked finally.

"Of course not…Why should it?"

His eyes shifted again and he began to shuffle his feet. "It shouldn't…Or I mean, I don't want it to. It's just that…I know we're different, and it's a little difficult to—"

She gasped.

A familiar ice cold sensation had just hit her chest and was now ringing throughout her head, like an alarm shrilling and kick-starting her senses into a whole new level of awareness. She went still and her eyes widened as the sensation sent succeeding chills down the back of her neck and through her spine.

Donnie's gaze turned to one of concern, brow pulling down the middle.

"What?"

She glanced off to the side, her heart picking up in pace as she searched the horizon for movement. "Someone's watching us," she said quietly, her voice nearly brushed away by a new current of wind.

Donatello tensed and immediately adopted a severity that she was somehow always surprised by. He straightened himself to his full height and scanned the rooftops over her head, eyes slightly narrowed. She watched the buildings behind him in turn.

The chill intensified, and just before she could reach for the tessen tucked in the waistband of her shorts, Donnie snatched her arm and yanked her against his plastron. She stumbled forward and felt the familiar whiz of shuriken skim the end of her ponytail.

She snapped her eyes to the right as the sharp silver weapons embedded themselves in the door leading to the stairwell.

She hardly had time to look the other way before Donnie pulled her by the arm and started her feet in motion. She neither argued nor resisted but ran alongside him and waited to peek over her shoulder until they'd leapt across the adjacent alleyway and landed on the rooftop of the next building.

A small legion of Footbots was following directly in their wake, silent and quick on metallic feet, darting seamlessly across the ledges like shadows. Her throat closed.

"Donnie…"

"Jump!" He tugged on her arm and she reacted without question.

They made another leap but this time not nearly high enough to make it to the next building.

For one split second, April's heart froze with a gust of panic. But she gasped and squeezed her eyes shut as Donnie latched onto the railing of the fire escape on the opposite wall and jerked her momentum to a halt as his grip tightened around her arm. Her feet hung over empty space for all of two seconds before Donnie pulled her onto his shell.

She immediately wrapped her arms around his neck, trying not to divulge her fear with her trembling limbs. All this time she'd spent leaping over rooftops with him and his brothers and the prospect of falling still scared her.

Her skull buzzed and she looked around just as a Footbot leapt off the ledge two stories above them and reached out. Donnie released his hold on the fire escape.

They dropped.

April's knees tightened around his shell. But he landed with hardly an exhale, expertly taking the impact with an unyielding bend to his knees. His feet were hardly on the ground for more than a second before he shifted her smoothly back to her feet and they were running down the length of the alley and around the back.

"We need to get back to the lair," he said half a second before they skidded to a halt and took a sharp left down the next alley as a wall of moving shadows pressed toward them, throwing yet more shuriken into the cement just where their feet had been.

Donnie snatched up a silver trashcan lid and twirled on the ball of his foot to fling it back like a Frisbee. It ricocheted off the back wall and, by the sound of clashing metal and high-pitched yipping, probably took out about three robots.

"Where's the next manhole?" he asked, hardly breaking his pace.

"Across the street." She pushed her legs to run harder, though they were already whining about exertion with every pull of the muscles in her thighs.

Her eyes had already narrowed on the shadows in the alley yards away. She shot out of the nook and her foot planted itself on the edge of the curb ready to propel her forward.

"April, wait!"

Donnie's hand snatched her shirt and yanked her backward. She toppled back against his plastron and flinched when the ground shook. Rahzar's hulking figure landed just feet in front of them, cracking the cement beneath his boney heels. Donnie's movements were so swift she didn't even notice him reach for his belt before a cloud of black and purple smoke erupted between them and the wolf.

He tugged her to the right and she followed him into the next alley.

He had already dropped, slid toward the manhole on his kneepads, and was lifting the cover when Fishface plummeted down toward the back end of the passageway. The manhole cover gave off a loud clang as Donnie let it fall and sprang to his feet. He yanked out his staff as he ran toward Fishface, twirled it over his head, and swung with all his might. Xever ducked.

April's limbs shivered and she turned just in time to jump back and avoid being sliced down the middle by a pole arm. She whipped out her tessen and decapitated the Footbot before her with one swipe. It fell to pieces on the ground only to reveal a second and third just behind it.

She bared her teeth and sliced toward the one on her left. The edge of her tessen grazed its face, carving a gash that spit out frayed wires and pops of electricity. The second Footbot grabbed her arm with a steely grip and she whipped around, closing the fan, and stabbed it in the eye. It gave a loud yip that sent her ears ringing and waved its hands around blindly when she slipped from its grasp.

Another pinch of warning alerted her and she spun to the side as Rahzar's giant, clawed hand pounded the ground exactly where she'd been standing, smashing the Footbot to pieces instead. He threw its remains to the side and straightened his spine, leering at her.

"Little girl," he growled, the bare hint of a purr reverberating over the corners of his curled smile.

She scowled and fanned out her tessen again, striking a defensive pose.

"What a pretty little toy," Bradford mocked. "Too bad it won't do you much good."

She wrinkled her nose and lashed out with all her might, smacking him across his boney snout. His head whipped to the side and a threatening growl rumbled up from his chest. He slowly turned his face to look back at her, his yellow eyes glittering with malice. He cricked his neck and took one stomp forward before Xever's howl grabbed their attention. Rahzar snapped his gaze to the right and his eyes widened a split second before the beet red fish crashed into him and sent them both to the ground.

April leapt over them and ran to where Donnie's bo was a spinning blur and dropping Footbots left and right. His expression had donned a curtain of ferocity, eyes solid white and focused, lungs releasing bursts of sharp battle cries as he struck one Footbot to the ground and stabbed another in the chest with his naginata blade.

As he zeroed in on the next wave, another Footbot snuck around his back. April flung her tessen and it sliced its way through the bot's neck before returning to her hand. She sprinted forward to cut down another but was tackled to the ground from behind.

She grunted as the Footbot pinned her wiggling body to the cement with its own, its arms wrapped around her shoulders.

She searched the folds of its uniform and her hand locked around a shuriken blade. She yanked it out and stabbed it into the bot's stomach. It's grip fell away from her and she shot to her feet only to receive a blow to the chest half a second later that sent her flying backward.

Her back hit the wall, and her breath was snatched from her lungs. The back of her skull smacked against the blocks of cement just a second behind. She was caught blinking stars from her vision, feet rooted to the ground as she recovered with one hand pressed against the wall as the other clutching her tessen.

"April!"

She glanced up just in time to see a Footbot charging toward her, wielding two glowing white rods, charged and snapping with jagged flashes of silvery-blue electricity.

She only had time to cringe. Then Donnie jumped in front of her and lit up like a conductor.

Her voice stuck itself to the sides of her throat and her eyes widened, watching Donatello's body shield her own and absorb the pain. His shell was to the attacker, arms raised above her head, fists clenched against the wall, muscles coiled and spasming with the electric current popping through his veins, pushing strangled grunts through his bared teeth as though he was doing his best to hold back a scream.

She reached for him and received a super-charged jolt to her nerves that pulled a shocked cry from her lips. She drew back in horror, clutching her singed hand to her chest.

"Stop!" she screeched, realizing the pain he was in. "Stop, please! Stop it!"

She didn't think it would work, that the Footbot would actually heed her plea—it was a robot for crying out loud. But it didn't occur to her to be wary when Donnie gasped as the white-blue illumination of sparks shut off like a switch.

He tipped forward weakly, arms bent at the elbows and braced on the wall on either side of her head. His face was so close that his forehead was practically resting against hers, and she could feel his breath brushing across her face, warm and fast.

She couldn't say anything, couldn't even reach out to him anymore.

His limbs trembled and the smell of singed cloth rose up with the wispy streams of smoke clinging to the tails of his mask as they hung over his shoulder. He blinked and looked down at her with half-lidded eyes, brown irises glazed over and unfocused.

"April…"

His breathless moan evolved into a scream as the surge of electricity returned with a vengeance, illuminating the entire alley and arching his spine. She screamed his name, but it was lost in the current of sizzling and popping and enveloped in his cry.

When it stopped, the whole rim of his shell was emitting wisps of smoke. His knees buckled.

She caught him in her arms. But his weight was so dead she could hardly pull him up past her waist.

The Footbot with the rods raised the one in its left hand, prepared to strike again.

With one arm still looped around Donnie's torso, she whipped her tessen at its head. It implanted itself in the Footbot's skull and the force of the blow reeled it back. The rods fell loose onto its stomach and it gave out a metallic shriek as the currents blazed through its figure and it short-circuited.

Her arm shook and she lowered Donnie to the ground, glancing up as she did to the wave of Footbots flooding toward her, headed by Rahzar and Fishface.

She patted Donnie's cheek. "Donnie," she gasped. "Donnie, wake up!"

The stampede was only a few yards away and the turtle's eyes didn't even flutter.

Breathlessly, with a pulse that squeezed all feeling from her limbs, she jumped over his unconscious body and yanked her tessen out of the fallen Footbot, immediately flinging it in a curve. It took out four front bots and skimmed Rahzar's snout again before returning to her hand.

The wolf growled, and she ran forward to meet him and Fishface head-on.

She dodged their strikes and sliced wildly, ducked Fishface's snapping teeth and kneed him sharply in the gut, then turned while he was doubled over and skimmed Rahzar's throat with her fan. He yelped and clutched at his neck, leaving her space to kick out the back of his knee and bring him down to the ground.

She whirled around and chucked her tessen, lodging it in the back of a Footbot that had just turned to scamper toward Donatello.

As she ran to collect her weapon, a hiss bubbled up behind her back. She turned, threw herself down on her back, and thrust both feet up at Fishface who was pouncing toward her. The force of her punt sent him crashing into Rahzar and gave her enough time to scramble back to her feet and yank Donnie's bo staff from its sheath.

The naginata blade popped out and she squealed as it tore a rip through the thigh of her shorts, just barely nipping her skin. She whirled the bo around as Donnie had taught her, and punted the end into the stomach of one charging bot and swung it like a bat at the head of another.

She stood her ground, hovering protectively over Donatello as she used his staff to ward off any and all attackers that tried to surpass her. She knew what they wanted and she would not let them take him.

She snatched two shuriken from Donnie's belt and chucked them out at the Footbot coming up on her left then wheeled around to stab down one that had gotten close while her back was turned.

A burst of stars popped into her vision as something heavy struck the back of her neck with a pain so enveloping that it stole all motion from her limbs. She felt her breath stop and faintly heard the clatter of the bo staff as it dropped to the ground.

The world tilted.

Then she was on the ground, having no recollection of coming in contact with it. Her vision blurred in and out of focus, and she was just barely conscious enough to recognize Donatello lying on the ground beside her, eyes closed, a look of blankness to his face, arm stretched across the cement as though reaching for her.

She tried to call out his name, but couldn't manage it. She moved her arm, which felt as though it was made of lead, and caught a glimpse of her own pale fingers extending out and then falling on top of his before the tunnel of black surrounding her vision caved and she saw nothing.

* * *

"_So when do you think I'll be able to walk on it?" she asked, tilting her head as she watched him work._

_She was sitting on the edge of the table in his lab, palms pressed against the surface as she leaned back, feet bare and hanging off the edge. Donatello was kneeling in front of her, tongue poking out of his mouth as he cradled the heel of her right foot in one palm and used his other hand to gently but firmly wrap her ankle in a thick gauze._

"_It's a low grade sprain," he murmured. "You should be fine in about two or three weeks."_

_She sighed and winced slightly as he tugged tightly on the gauze. He noticed her tense and looked up with wide eyes._

"_Sorry."_

_She shook her head. "It's fine." She lifted a smile and added, "I'm tough."_

_He chuckled and returned to bandaging her foot. "Yes you are…It cost you a bit, but I've never seen anyone except Master Splinter take Raph down so fast."_

_Her grin widened. "Yeah, it was worth it."_

_He nodded. "You're getting really good, April. You're a fast leaner."_

"_Not as fast as you though," she said, swinging her free foot at his shell._

_A glimmer of a grin took his cheek. "We all have our strengths and weaknesses," he said passively. "I learn quickly and you're tough enough to take down Raphael in five point seven seconds. And you know what, one day maybe you'll be catching me when I fall from helicopters."_

_She smiled down at him warmly and he gifted her with a tender glance. _

"_You think so?" _

_He shrugged. "I wouldn't want anyone else to."_

_Her heart beat an odd, fluttery rhythm as they stared at each other. She wondered what was going through that brilliant mind of his, because for certain something always was. Maybe he was thinking of the day they'd met too, but he'd never know how often she thought of that day herself, and how she'd learned that as long as he was around she never needed to worry. He would catch her if she fell; he always did. Maybe she would get to repay the favor one day._

_She took a breath._

An immediate pain struck her head and sent a ripple through her body, making her muscles coil and her face grimace. The image of Donatello kneeling before her began to vanish and was replaced by black - by cold and pain. She rolled over from one side to the other and back, her limbs becoming constricted the more she moved, heat pressing in on her back and breaking a sweat over her forehead. She suddenly couldn't breathe.

"Donnie," she gasped, hoping he would appear and free her from her restraints, wipe the pain away and cut through the darkness like he always seemed to do so easily.

But he did not come, and she began to feel fear again, so intense that it jerked her eyes open and she bolted upright.

"Donnie!"

Her breath was shallow and loud, bouncing off of the surrounding walls. She was blanketed with shadows in a room that was familiar but for a moment did not register.

She blinked rapidly and whipped her head from side to side, taking in the desk and chair on the opposite side of the room, the window leading out to the fire escape along the wall that was closest to her. There was a map with lines and pins dotting its surface tacked on the wall over the desk. A backpack with an open mouth and homework sheets spilling out of it had been tossed carelessly onto the bench below the window. A purple lamp stood currently unused on the corner of the desk and on the other corner was a framed photograph of her and her parents when she was a baby. The restraints around her limbs were sheets that had been twisted around her body as she'd tossed in her sleep.

She was alone in the room.

But this wasn't right. She didn't understand. She thought for a moment that she'd been in Donnie's lab, safe under his protection and care, having a sprained ankle bandaged. But she in fact knew that that was neither true nor had it ever happened.

She could feel the darkness pressing in on her, her fear solidifying and turning into panic as she remembered where she'd really been, what had truly happened.

It wasn't just a dream. It couldn't have been. She could feel the post-battle ache in her muscles, bruises swelling up all over her skin, the throb of a good hit to the back of the neck. But how had she ended up in her room? Had Donnie woken up after she'd blacked out? Had he fought off Rahzar and Fishface and the remaining Footbots, saved her and returned her home where she could be safe?

"Donnie?" she called out softly, knowing better than to believe that not seeing something meant it wasn't there.

All was silent. So silent, in fact, that she could feel the stale air around her pulsing with an ill-omened weight. She began to breathe shallowly again.

"Donnie?" she called again, yanking the sheets away.

She turned to step out of bed and froze, staring down at the purple strip of cloth draped on the corner of her nightstand.

She slowly reached out to take the mask in her hand, fingers poking through the holes where Donnie's warm brown eyes were supposed to peek from.

Her heartbeat jumped to her ears and a sting began to creep across her eyes.

She jumped out of bed and stumbled to the window, throwing it open. She climbed clumsily out onto the fire escape where a cool wind whipped her hair across her face and brought with it a silence unnatural to her.

Her eyes scanned the empty street, the vacant rooftops, and the shadowed alleyway across the street. She saw nothing even closely resembling her mutant hero.

She opened her mouth as her vision blurred, clutching the purple fabric to her chest.

"Donnie!" she screamed.

Her wavering voice echoed through the city unanswered.

She could feel herself trembling with the effort it took to draw in another breath.

"DONNIE!"


	19. Chapter 19

Mikey kept his palms pressed firmly against his ears, grimacing now for what felt like hours. He didn't know an argument could last this long and still be in full heat, though now none of them really seemed to be listening to each other. They'd reached the point that they were all yelling at once, trying to be heard and too stubborn to back down. Even if he dropped his hands, all hope of following the argument would've been futile. And yet, he wasn't sure why he was still standing there. Probably the same reason Splinter hadn't yet intervened, though it was no question whatsoever that the old rat knew what was happening.

He'd been looming in the shadows under one of the archways to the dojo, the divider pulled back just enough to keep him concealed, for at least long enough that Mikey had stopped glancing over at him in hope that he'd put an end to this.

The youngest was quite unsettled. He never knew his sensei to stand so statically off to the side as an argument carried out before him. Usually five seconds in he'd break out his pressure-point intervention and paralyze everyone involved. But then again, Mikey and his brothers normally settled their arguments with a few punches and a little wrestling.

This time, for whatever reason, neither Raph, Leo, nor Karai had moved from their respective sides of the pit. It was rather amazing actually; especially considering how quickly Raph had been willing to attack Karai earlier that morning. This time he was staying his ground, and Mikey couldn't help but wonder if Leo's presence was the agent that kept that red-banded hothead from moving.

Mikey frowned as the volume of the argument bubbled around him like he was listening to it under water—only slightly dampened by the thump of his own heartbeat.

He shifted his eyes to the side and caught a glimpse of April shuffling toward the entrance. He almost ran to stop her, maybe tell her to go back home or something so she wouldn't have to sit in the middle of this too, but he thought Donnie would be smart enough to do that himself.

However, Donnie did not appear, and April's movements were slow, almost as though she was dragging her feet along the floor. No…almost as though she was limping.

Mikey finally let his hands fall away from his ears, but the uproar no longer bothered him. He trotted over to meet April at the turnstiles and rushed forward with alarm when she looked up at him and completely crumpled.

He caught her in his arms and gazed wide-eyed at her tousled hair and bruise-spotted skin.

"April, what happened?" His eyes glanced over her and then around her, taking in the continued absence of his brother. He met her gaze again. "Where's Donnie?"

Her eyes immediately glossed over, and her lips sealed themselves as if of their own accord. Her head shook. She held out her hand.

He looked down at it and the purple strip of cloth wrapped around her fist. A sharp inhale closed itself in his throat, and he slowly eased her fingers open to confirm what he was looking at.

His teeth came together behind his lips and he covered her hands with his own, as though to hide the evidence.

"Leo!"

He began to stand before he realized April was still in his grasp.

He set her down carefully, trying not to notice the tears that now freely fell down her cheeks. "Wait here."

He trotted toward the pit. "Leo…"

"Talk? You never talk to me, you don't even listen to me!" Leo was shouting at Raph, still fully engaged in their verbal war. "You're not even listening now!"

"It makes no sense!" Raph was barking back.

Though neither seemed to be paying her any mind now, Karai's voice still hovered over their spat, shouting, "You can't even go five goddamn minutes without fighting! I think I liked it better when I had no siblings."

"Leo!"

Mikey's voice was buried beneath theirs. Not a single one of them glanced in his direction.

He clenched his fists and stomped down to the center of the pit, filled up his lungs and bellowed, "Shut up!"

All eyes snapped toward him as the atmosphere hiccupped under the echo of his voice. Then Raph was next to him so fast, he didn't even get to flinch before his brother snatched him up by the ridge of his plastron. "Listen, you little weasel…"

"Raph, put him down! See this is what I'm talking about," Leo snapped.

Raph turned to glare at his older brother, and Mikey shoved him away before he could start the argument up again. "Forget about that," he said firmly. "Leo, Donnie's gone!"

Leo blinked and his eyes softened as they hovered on his little brother. "What?"

"Donnie's gone," Mikey repeated. He waved an arm toward April. "They took him."

All three of them glanced over toward the turnstiles where Splinter had appeared next to April and was kneeling beside her, his hand on her shoulder, eyes glinting with something that almost looked like fear. April was shaking her head in tears, Donnie's mask pressed against her mouth.

For a moment they all just stood there as though they weren't sure how to accommodate this wrench that had been chucked into the middle of their battle.

Raph seemed only able to breathe, his gaze confused. Karai stared over at April with pale cheeks and a troubled furrow to her brow. Leo's eyes were round and shifting, first taking in Splinter and April, then Mikey, then Raph. He looked back at Mikey one last time, as though to confirm the truth in his little brother's eyes. And then he was gone.

He moved so fast, Mikey didn't even get a chance to open his mouth before his brother was on the other side of the pit and running for the tunnel.

"Leo!" Raph shouted after him, his tenor caught between rage and surprise.

Splinter looked up just as Leo sprinted past and leapt over the turnstiles. "Leonardo!"

The young leader listened to no one. Mikey wasn't even sure he saw him enter the Shellraiser. One moment he was gaping at the back of his brother's shell and the next Leo was nowhere in sight. The Shellraiser started up with a rumbling growl and was taking off down the subway tracks two seconds later.

Mikey didn't realize he had joined everybody else in running toward the tracks, as though they could stop the hulking subway car with their bare hands. They were forced to skid to a halt at the edge of the platform as Leo drove away and left them all gawking after him in a stupor.

A frightening pause pressed in on the lair, and then all eyes shot to Splinter who had already put on a mask of severe composure.

"Take the go-kart, I will go on foot." He leapt down onto the tracks and began sprinting so swiftly that he became a shadow in seconds.

A knot formed in Mikey's throat. He didn't have time to glance around and remind himself why Donnie hadn't spoken up and corrected Splinter with something like, "It's a patrol buggy!" Raph was ushering him toward the little kart before he could even wrap his mind around what they were about to do.

He climbed numbly into his seat and strapped his helmet on his head with shaking hands.

"You're not coming!" Raph shouted to Karai. He roughly planted himself in Leo's seat and slapped the football helmet on his head.

Karai was already gracefully sliding into Raph's spot. "Yes I am." She picked up Leo's helmet, which Raph had tossed to the side, and placed it firmly on her head.

Raph growled but said nothing else as he started up the kart and gave April two more seconds to get herself settled in Donnie's seat. She wasn't crying anymore. In fact, the resolve with which she donned Donatello's helmet was so fierce, Mikey was almost afraid to look at her. She kept the mask clutched tightly in her fist.

Raph stomped on the gas and they shot down the subway tracks after Leo and Splinter.

Mikey tried to catch a glimpse of his father sprinting through the shadows as they whipped through the tunnels, but everything that flew by was a blur, and he didn't think Splinter would've made himself visible anyway.

They were zipping down the middle of the street, surrounded by cool breezy open air, before Mikey could take in a breath. "Do you think he went to Shredder's lair?!" he shouted up toward his brother.

"Where else would he go, Mikey?!" Raph snapped back.

Mikey frowned and sank back against his seat, gripping the seatbelt across his plastron. "Do you think Donnie's okay?"

"Don't ask me that right now!"

Raph jerked the wheel to the left and Mikey tensed as they whipped around the corner.

"Can't you drive straight?!" Karai exclaimed, her hand holding Leo's helmet in place as they barely avoided slamming into the back of a parked car.

"You, shut up!" Raph barked in response.

"Raph…"

"Mikey, if you ask me one more question, I will slap those stupid freckles off your face! Everybody just shut it and let me drive."

No one spoke for the remainder of the stomach-lurching ride to Shredder's lair.

Mikey thought that his brother would have stopped a few blocks away and parked the patrol buggy in an alley, but instead the wheels screeched to a halt directly across the street from the looming church building and Mikey was even more bewildered to see the Shellraiser parked three feet in front of them. But he kept his mouth shut and followed as his brother, Karai, and April all jumped out of the buggy and threw down their helmets.

Raph started leading the way around the alley where they usually climbed up to the roof and infiltrated the lair through the broken window—that was, when they had to. But April halted herself in the middle of the street and grabbed Mikey's bicep before he could continue on past her.

"Wait. Something's not right."

He looked over at her. She was staring up at the building with a disturbed glaze to her eyes.

Raph, who had already made it to the mouth of the alley, stopped and looked back. "What? Come on, April, we don't have time for this."

April moved, but not in Raph's direction. Instead she ran straight for the front doors.

"April. April, stop what're you doing?!"

The two turtles both ran to catch up, drawing their weapons, and shoved themselves in front of her as she pushed the doors open.

Mikey's eyes darted in every direction, fully prepared to see an army of Foot soldiers and mutants just beyond the threshold prepared to jump out at them. They'd probably already stuffed Donnie and Leo into cages suspended from the ceiling, or chained them up to the wall, or…worse.

Mikey's heart beat with panic, and for a split second he squeezed his eyes shut, suddenly afraid that he'd find his brothers speared through the middle, shells cracked, blood spewing out onto the floor.

But when he opened his eyes there was nothing, not even an army of Foot soldiers. The throne room was completely empty. Though, he didn't dare drop his stance for a second.

Fingers tight around his nunchucks, he followed his brother's lead, standing shell to shell, and inched across the threshold, turning in circles and scanning every corner, nook, and beam on the ceiling. It took maybe five more seconds than it should have for them to realize no one was going to leap out from the shadows, and they lowered their defenses. Though, Raph remained tense and hunched down, ready to spring.

"Where the shell is everybody?" he said under his breath. He snapped his gaze over to Karai as though expecting her to answer, but she said nothing. She didn't even look at him. Instead her gaze hovered unblinkingly on Shredder's empty throne, eyes almost mystified.

It was April who shook her head and spoke up. "Raph…There's no one here."

"What d'you mean there's no one here? This is—"

Everyone jumped as a loud echoing clang broke the silence to their left. They automatically moved toward each other, weapons ready again. The sound of footsteps moved quickly closer.

Mikey held his breath. Raph growled readily under his.

A handful of heartbeats passed and Leo emerged from the shadows, running straight for the opposite end of the room. Mikey didn't even get a chance to exhale before Raph left his side and ran straight for their older brother.

Leo didn't spare half a second's glance in their direction. He didn't even look as though he knew they were all standing there.

"Leo!"

Leo hardly flinched.

Raph intercepted him before he could disappear through the doorway on the right side of the room. They hit the ground with a grunt and Leo wiggled viciously beneath the red turtle's weight.

"Get off of me!" he shrieked. "They have my brother!"

"Leo, get a grip. Stop it!" Raph slung an arm around his neck, pressed his weight into his shoulders, and hooked his ankles around Leo's to stop his feet from kicking around. "You're out of your fucking mind! This is Shredder's_ lair_. You can't just bust in here by yourself! What the hell's the matter with you?"

"They have my brother!" Leo repeated, refusing to let Raph subdue him.

"He's my brother too," Raph shouted in his ear. "That doesn't mean I'm going to get my ass caught trying to save him. You're being ridiculous. What sense does that make?"

"Get off!" Leo wailed. "We have to find him."

"Leo, there's no one here!"

Leo finally stopped flailing around and dropped his forehead to the floor, panting against the cement.

"There's no one here, Leo," Raph said again.

Leo's head shook. "But Donnie—"

"I know." Raph's voice wavered slightly and he lowered his head, pressing his temple against his brother's. "He's not here."

Mikey watched them as they lay there in a heap, their breathing broken and rough. Leo stopped trying to buck Raph off of his shell. Instead, he turned his head to the side, away from Raph and everyone else and covered his face with his hand. No sound escaped him, but Mikey could see him trembling beneath their red-banded brother as Raph whispered something in his ear.

Then he lifted his head and turned a glare on Karai. "Where are they?"

Karai blinked. "I don't know."

Raph's nose wrinkled and he pushed himself up, still kneeling over Leo's shell, though now there seemed to be an air of protectiveness to it. "_Where_ are they?"

"I don't know! How am I supposed to know? I wasn't here."

"_You're_ the Shredder's daughter. You're the one whose been living with him your whole life."

"I am _not_ his daughter!"

"If you don't cough it up—"

"I don't know where they are!"

"Figure it out! Shredder's got my fucking brother with him."

"That's not _my_ fault."

"Enough!"

They all snapped their attention to Splinter who, after shifting his gaze around the throne room, calmly walked over to them. He gestured for Raph to stand and then tugged on Leo's shell.

The blue-banded turtle gazed at the floor with a gleam of hopelessness to his broken blue eyes as, for a moment, he just allowed himself to hang there while Splinter pulled him up, . It gave Mikey's stomach a twist of unsettled desperation. He grimaced and looked toward April who was also watching Leo. She could see that something was off kilter about him too, and her expression affirmed that she didn't find it very assuring either.

"_Tate_," Splinter said, quietly but clearly, gently shaking his son by the shell.

Leo finally obeyed and stood, rubbing his scarred cheek as he did so. Splinter tilted up his chin and inspected his face.

"Are you alright?"

Leonardo didn't meet his father's gaze, but he nodded.

"Good."

Splinter struck him so hard that it sent an echoing _smack!_ around the room.

Leo yelped and slapped a hand on his neck, gazing at his father with his mouth open.

"Do not ever do that again," the rat said firmly, eyes gleaming with maybe something more than just paternal sternness. "You are the leader of a team. You _never_ run off on your own. Understand?"

Leo pressed his lips closed and swallowed before dropping his eyes to the floor. "Hai, Sensei," he whispered.

Splinter rested a hand on his shoulder. "We will find your brother." His amber eyes glanced up at the rest of them. "Let us return to the lair and come up with a plan."

A hesitant pause settled itself around the room, but once Splinter began leading Leo toward the exit, no one resisted following.

Mikey walked alongside April, watching the backs of Raph and Karai who kept as far away from one another as possible, neither one looking in the other's direction.

They all crossed the street in silence and stopped when Splinter stopped. He lightly pushed Leo toward the Shellraiser and the eldest did no arguing.

"Raphael, you and Michelangelo take the go-kart home."

Mikey glanced off to the side and pressed his lips against interjecting that it was a "patrol buggy."

"No way!" Raph erupted. "Mikey can do that himself. I'm goin' with Leo."

He began stomping after his older brother, but Splinter struck the ground with his staff in Raph's path. "_Iie!_ You will take your brother and go in the kart. I will hear none of you and Miwa's arguing on the way home."

"Then make her go with Mikey!"

The fur on the bridge of Splinter nose bristled and he whacked Raph in the arm with his staff.

"Ouch!"

"Take your brother and go," Splinter ordered. "Now! And you will not say a word once we are home. Understand?"

Raph narrowed his eyes bitterly but said nothing. He turned instead and marched toward the patrol buggy, snatching Mikey's bicep with a bruising grip along the way. Michelangelo stumbled along and bit his lip against a comment as Raph pushed him into his seat.

He bowed his head to hide his face from his older brother and stuffed his helmet back on.

As the buggy hummed to life, Mikey turned his blue eyes back to the face of Shredder's lair. His throat began to swell as he thought of his brother, mask-less and alone, caught in a spider's web.

Wherever Donnie was, Mikey hoped he wasn't suffering too.


	20. Chapter 20

His eyes blinked open sleepily, and for a moment he saw nothing but blurred shadows.

He remained still for a while, eyes staring half-lidded at the floor, the cogs in his mind just barely turning with rusted rickety jerks. He was very tempted to go back to sleep and very briefly allowed himself to drift off again, head rolling over to the side.

But his mind didn't want to sleep anymore, now that it had been prodded awake. It never did. And sometimes he hated it for that.

_Just relax for a minute_, he whined, hoping frailly that it would listen for once. _Just let me sleep_.

But it wouldn't. It kept trying to tell him something was wrong.

His muscles ached and his nerves throbbed and twitched with a dysfunctional temper, running signals up to his brain with red flags.

_What's wrong with you?_ he asked himself, not necessarily expecting a full answer. He wasn't all surprised by the discomfort actually. His body hadn't been healthily operational for months and often decided it would be sore and tired and nauseous whenever the heck it wanted to be. _Stupid infection ruined everything_...Which was why it made more sense to sleep longer—just a little bit longer. But his mind said no, and it always had the final say. He might as well get up and take something for pain then.

He opened his eyes again and rolled his head back around, now staring dully at an unfamiliar door across an unfamiliar room. His brow furrowed.

Come to think of it, this wasn't his bed he was on either. And it was quite uncomfortable lying…upright? Weird.

He tried pushing away from the thing, whatever he was on—a flat top of some type—but he was immediately jerked to a stop.

He blinked, confused, and looked down at his wrists, both of which were secured down by metal straps.

His heart started beating an erratic rhythm as he tried to pull his hands out of the restraints. He couldn't lift his feet either.

His breathing became disjointed and his head slightly dizzy. He fought harder to free himself. But even as he tried, he knew it was useless.

He continued to wiggle and tug, his eyes burning at the corners.

"No," he moaned, shaking his head. "No, no, no, no, no, please no…"

He looked up and peered through the shadows, glancing around until his eyes rested on a table in the middle of the room. On it lay his holster, bo staff, T-phone, and belt, all dormant and waiting patiently for him to retrieve them and run home.

He fought harder, as though by willing his weapons to come to him, they'd magically appear on his person and he'd be free to escape.

His wrists and ankles were starting to hurt now, irritated by the metal rubbing against his skin, and it only worsened the more he moved, but he couldn't bring himself to stop trying.

"You are wasting your time."

Donatello stilled and snapped his eyes over toward the corner where the voice slithered out of the darkness.

He saw nothing, but it was there. He knew that voice.

A white light erupted throughout the room and he squeezed his eyes shut, head pounding from the disturbance. When he squinted them open again, he could just make out a figure coming toward him, and as his eyes adjusted, the silhouette sharpened and turned into the Shredder who stopped by the edge of the table.

Donnie clenched his fists, though he doubted that would stop them from shaking. He just hoped the Shredder wouldn't notice. He tried to keep his expression calm, not to let his breathing get out of hand, but he was sure he failed epically on all accounts.

For a moment, nothing happened. Shredder simply gazed at him, his expression a mystery. He might have been staring calmly, but then again Donnie wasn't sure he could ever imagine the Foot clan's leader going two minutes without a scowl.

As the silence pressed in around them, Donnie found himself becoming more lightheaded and was sure he'd either vomit or pass out soon. But Shredder moved, thankfully, and picked up Donatello's weapon.

"A bo staff," he drawled, his voice lingering through the air with no note of emotion whatsoever. He examined the wooden stick as though it was something very interesting to him. "Such a simple weapon for someone supposedly so intelligent."

The naginata blade popped out of the end of the staff and the Shredder looked back toward Donatello.

He spun the bo in a blurred circle and slammed the blade down through the screen of his T-phone and into the surface of the table. Donnie jumped, cringing at the sound of cracking glass and plastic. He forced his muscles to tense, begging them not to move and give his fear away.

He watched cautiously as Shredder's fingers poked their way through his belt and pulled out a smoke bomb. He held it up to the light and turned it slowly.

"So rudimentary."

An explosion of purple and black smoke filled the room.

Donnie held his breath, eyes darting around, trying to find the blade-coated figure again.

He nearly shrieked when Shredder appeared just behind him. Instead his surprise came out as a tiny hiccup, and he could feel himself trying to shrink into his shell as the Shredder walked calmly out in front of him, now inspecting a throwing star.

"Do you make these yourself as well?"

Donatello did not respond.

"The crest of the Hamato clan," Shredder mused, passing his thumb over the embroidered flower. "This is what led me to this godforsaken city in the first place—how I knew Hamato Yoshi was still alive."

He turned his eyes down on Donatello who forced his shiver of disgust to stay in his chest. He stared back, eyes probably wider than he meant for them to be, probably as obviously frightened as the Shredder wanted.

"You do not look like you are more intelligent than the imbeciles I have available to me. How old are you? Sixteen? Still only a child."

He paced a couple of feet to the right, never moving his eyes from Donatello's. "But as I'm sure you know by now, my men are all shambling buffoons and hardly of any use to me—with the exception of Tigerclaw maybe. But even he can't seem to eradicate my growing pest problem. Obviously…here you are, and your brothers and that rat you call a father are still hiding beneath the streets like bugs. But I keep my servants around because I need the muscle. Stockman has been trying my patience and I would have been rid of him long ago if he did not provide me with some of the information I need…Apparently, you know how to create a successful retro-mutagen."

Donnie tried to swallow. His throat was too dry.

Shredder rolled his shoulders back and an air of demand seemed to cloak his figure. "I will only ask you once. And I suggest you carefully consider your answer before you give it to me. To disagree will force me to take further drastic actions and I assure you, that is not something you are going to want. I need that retro-mutagen; and I need you to make it for me. I will allow you once to voluntarily agree to do so. What is your answer?"

Donnie clenched his back teeth. He stared into the Shredder's eyes as firmly as he knew how.

He said nothing.

Oroku Saki's milky blind eye gave an involuntary twitch, and the only thing Donatello knew next was pain.

The Shredder flew forward faster than he could comprehend and stabbed the point of his own shuriken into his arm. The pain that shot up through his shoulder unlocked his throat. He screamed. And uselessly tried to escape.

"Silence is not an acceptable answer," Shredder sneered, raising his voice over Donnie's cries. He twisted the shuriken deeper into his arm, carving through the strained threads of muscle and puncturing a vein that spewed blood down his forearm.

He still tried to tug his hand free, probably only inviting the point deeper. A tear broke free without his permission and slid its way down his cheek. His ears began to ring. He barely heard Shredder barking at him to respond. And then the man's five-fingered hand was around his throat, squeezing the air from it with a steel grip that only tightened with every choke that Donnie made.

"What is your answer?" Shredder demanded, dragging the tip of the star up his arm, ripping his skin apart.

Donnie allowed himself a sob, though his voice was strained now. His wrists twisted, trying absently to get a hold of the threat and push it away. But he was useless to himself at the moment.

"I am growing impatient," Shredder growled. "I will have no more of your childish whining. No one can hear you. Your brothers are far away from here. They have no idea where you are. The more you struggle, the more you will suffer. Give me an answer and I will make the pain stop."

Donnie turned his eyes on his father's greatest enemy and, just like that, he became quiet—almost as though the Shredder's haunting features cast a spell over his voice, silencing him with his dominant glare.

He sniffed and tried to swallow past the Shredder's grip.

"What is your answer?"

Donnie forced as much resolve into his voice as possible when he opened his mouth and choked out a "No."

The Shredder's glare tightened, but that was all it did. He released his grip on the turtle's throat and yanked the shuriken out of his arm.

Donnie gasped and blinked rapidly as his vision went in and out of focus.

"Very well," Shredder said calmly. And with that, he turned on his heel and stalked out of the room, shutting off the light on his way out and encasing the young turtle in darkness.

Donatello knew he should have worried, knew he should have feared what the Shredder was going to do next, should have been alarmed by how easily he'd simply walked away. But all he could do now was tremble violently as he peeked down at his injured arm.

All there was to see was blood that gushed copiously from his bicep and drained down his forearm to turn his fingers sticky. The metallic stench of it burned his nose and he gagged and turned his face away, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment.

Maybe when he opened them again he'd be home. Maybe it will have all turned out to be a horrible dream—a nightmare.

His lip trembled. A surge of bile rushed up his throat but he pressed his tongue against the roof of his mouth and refused to let it out. He wouldn't lose any more dignity today, not as far as he could help it.

But somehow, even the thought of staying strong seemed to take every bit of vigor out of him. Somewhere along the line he stopped resisting his restraints and reverted back to wishing for more sleep.

It was so silent in the room. Normally he'd give up an arm for this level of quiet. Now, however, didn't seem like a very fair time for irony.

His throat tightened as he watched the shadows blur out of focus again. For one fleeting moment, he could almost convince himself that he was staring at Splinter's silhouette, hovering in the corner of the room with his hands behind his back.

"Daddy?" he whispered into the shadows, observing as the shadows shifted into a younger version of himself peeking through the painted screens that separated his father's room from the dojo.

"_Donatello?" Splinter said after opening an eye. He was sitting on his mat, legs crossed, back straight, surrounded by guardian candles that fought the darkness away. "What are you doing awake?"_

"_I couldn't sleep," Donnie whispered, timidly ducking back behind the screen._

_Splinter gestured for him to enter and Donatello hurriedly scrambled over to him, climbing up into his lap. He allowed his father to fold his arms around him. _

"_Did you have a nightmare?"_

_The young turtle shook his head. "No…Daddy?"_

"_Call me Sensei, Donatello," Splinter said, brushing a hand over his head. _

"_Oh. Sensei?"_

"_Yes, musuko?"_

"_What does dying feel like?"_

_Silence flickered through the room. _

_Splinter ran a hand down the length of Donatello's tiny arm. The little turtle glanced up at his face and saw him staring straight ahead. Donnie nuzzled closer to his father's chest and let his eyes fall to the flames of the candles._

"_Why do you ask, my son?" Splinter said finally, his voice quiet._

"_I just want to know." Donnie shrugged. "So that when I die, I won't be scared."_

_Splinter shifted stiffly. "Who said that you were going to die?"_

"_Everybody dies. Don't they, Da—I mean, Sensei? I was reading a book that said, 'Death is Life's fraternal twin.' That means that they always go together; there can't be one without the other, right? They're inter…inter…"_

"_Interdependent?"_

"_Yeah, that's what it said. It means they depend on each other doesn't it?"_

_Splinter reached up and slowly stroked his beard. "I suppose…that is true. What book was this did you say?"_

_Donnie looked down at his lap bashfully. "Oh…just a book I found."_

"_Maybe you should show me this book in the morning."_

"_Okay," he mumbled. "But what does it feel like?" he asked again, looking up at his father with round eyes._

_Splinter sighed. "I do not know the answer, musuko. I have never died. But as far as I know, death itself brings about no pain. It is like falling asleep."_

"_Oh…then why don't we die when we fall asleep?"_

"_Because our bodies keep us alive. Even when we are not conscious, our hearts continue to beat on their own, our lungs continue to breathe."_

"_But some people die in their sleep don't they?"_

"_Donatello..." Splinter turned his son around so that they were facing one another. "Are you worried that you will die?"_

_Donnie pursed his lips and looked away again, his cheeks becoming very warm. He twisted his fingers together. "I just want to be prepared," he mumbled._

"_Musuko," Splinter said gently, tilting up his chin. "As long as you are here with me, nothing will ever harm you. I promise you that…Hai?"_

_Donnie nodded and Splinter smiled. He kissed his son on the forehead and stood him on his feet. "Now, go to sleep."_

"_Hai, Sensei." Donnie began to walk away and turned again once he reached the divider. "Sensei?"_

"_Yes?"_

"_Why don't you want us to call you Daddy anymore?"_

_Splinter's brow became furrowed, as though this question disturbed him. For a moment even, he almost looked confused. "Because I am your teacher now," he said carefully. "And when you are a student studying under a master of martial arts, it is respectful to refer to your teacher as Sensei."_

"_Oh." Donatello nodded. He looked down at his feet and shuffled them. "But you're still our daddy…right?"_

_He looked back up and his father was smiling again. "Of course, musuko. I always will be."_

Donatello blinked, involuntarily granting permission to another tear that made it's way down his cheek. He swallowed past the knot in his throat and ached to wipe his face. The pain in his arm was searing, almost to the point of numbness. He curled his fingers, just to make sure he could still move them.

His eyes glanced across the room toward the door again which sealed him away from the world outside, from his brothers and his sister, April and his father.

"I should have listened to you," he whispered, narrowing his eyes as they blurred over. He rested his head back and prayed that sleep would steal him away. "I'm sorry, Sensei."


	21. Chapter 21

**Well a couple of things happened, the first of which being a bad case of writer's block (*shakes fist* My arch nemesis). But I found a way to overcome it! This time anyway...Then there was a pacing puzzle to solve. This chapter was initially intended to be longer but I decided to break it up into two. So, the good news then is that you get two chapters instead of one this time. And I will try try try my absolute best not to be so long with the next one.**

**Whew, okay...Proceed, read, enjoy, and let me know what you think :)**

* * *

It had never been so difficult to remain calm.

It was taking twice the amount of focus and patience that life usually called for, which was saying something considering what he had to endure on a day-to-day basis. But his sons needed him now. His _son_ needed him now—to stay calm, to be brave, strong and resilient.

Splinter's nose twitched—a shift of movement that threatened his entire intricate mask of composure. He closed his eyes, drew in a deep breath and allowed it to flow out of his lungs, out of his blood, out of his spirit and his mind.

He opened his eyes again. The knot of nauseous panic remained.

He tried to narrow his focus on what his eldest son was saying.

"We can check, but I doubt they'd go there. If the Shredder wanted us to find them, they'd have stayed where they were."

"Why don't we just use the tracker thing to find the signal in Donnie's T-phone?" Mikey asked.

"We've tried that twice already."

"But maybe—"

"It's not going to work!" Leo snapped, shooting a glare at his youngest brother. "They don't. Want us. To find him. Do you understand that? They're not going to let his phone just sit around. They've probably destroyed it by now. Trying to track him would just waste time."

Michelangelo frowned and turned his attention to his feet as the older turtle hunched back over the map he was glaring at.

Splinter's nose twitched again.

On the ride back to the lair, Leonardo had placed himself in Donatello's seat while Splinter cautiously put his rusted driving skills to the test and guided the Shellraiser home. But he'd been aware of the air and the way it thickened in poison with his son's growing shell of bitter resolve.

The young leader may have come back to his senses, but Splinter wouldn't say his eldest son was fully collected emotionally—much like himself, with the exception that Leonardo's determination was cold. And Splinter could not help but slightly fear for him.

He feared for all of his children of course, most of all his missing son.

Splinter's religious practices normally did not involve monotheistic beliefs, but in desperate moments, sometimes he found himself whispering prayers to any god that would hear him. And he did this now, silently begging for the safety of his son, that this nightmare would end soon. But of course, there didn't seem to be much else that he could do. And this in itself made his stomach clench into an even tighter knot.

He closed his eyes again. _Please be well, Donatello. Please stay strong._

He peered down at the lab table he was standing over and ran his fingers tenderly along the edge, as though he was handling a cherished possession of a lost child.

He did not allow his eyes to wander around the lab. He knew where everyone was.

Leonardo was standing opposite him. Michelangelo was sitting cross-legged on the end of the tabletop. Raphael was leaning back against the wall behind Donatello's computer with his arms crossed—glaring and silent. Casey had joined them upon receiving their urgent call, and was now hovering casually with his arms crossed over the corner of Donnie's desk. April was huddled against the wall by herself at the far end of the room, lost in a daze. Karai was pacing back and forth between the lab door and Mutagen Man, glancing in every direction except for Raphael's.

Relatively speaking, they were all where they needed to be…There was only one person missing.

Splinter bowed his head and released another long breath.

* * *

Leo's voice was a muffled blur to her, and she hardly felt any other presence besides that of the purple cloth in her hands. She twisted and weaved it between and around her fingers, staring down at it in numbness.

She was trying to rewind and replay every moment of the fight before she'd checked out, attempting to find where she could have acted differently, how she might have been able to stop them from taking him. And actually, there was a lot she could have done—a lot she _didn't_ do. And it only made the buzz of numbness heavier.

She was only vaguely aware when Karai stopped pacing and walked over to her side of the room to slide down next to her. They sat in silence as Karai watched April's hands wrap and un-wrap the mask around her fingers.

"I've been meaning to thank him," she said after a while, surprising April for a moment with the volume and poise of her voice.

April glanced at her once-enemy with an expressionless gaze. Karai nodded almost imperceptibly toward April's hand.

"I never really got around to it…or I guess, I just didn't know how to say it. But he did a lot for me, and I should have said something."

April turned her eyes back down to Donnie's mask. She didn't like the way Karai was talking—as though Donnie was already past salvation. But she nodded in response.

"It's not just you," she mumbled. "No one ever thanks him enough, not even me. I suppose if we did, it'd get really tedious after a while." She shrugged. "He's saved my life more times than I really want to count."

She tugged on the end of the mask, tightening it around her hand and clenched her back teeth. "I had the chance to pay him back for that…but I wasn't good enough."

"It's not your fault, April," Karai said, her voice annoyingly flat. "You guys were alone. It's impressive really, how long you lasted before—"

"But I knew he was lying to me…I knew he was lying about Splinter saying it was okay to leave the lair, but I let him do what he wanted because I knew he needed it. If I had said something—"

"But you didn't," Karai countered. "It doesn't matter anymore. It happened."

April slowly turned narrowed eyes on Karai whose expression remained impassive. April sniffed and brushed her wrist across her face. "You care?"

Karai's brow furrowed slightly. "Of course I do."

"It doesn't seem like it," April muttered, looking away again.

She heard Karai exhale softly after a pause. "I'm not particularly talented at showing emotion. It matters to me, April. I can tell you that honestly."

April sniffed again and blinked down at her lap. "Can you answer me something then…while you're being honest?"

Karai didn't respond, but April could feel her eyes on her neck. For a moment the redhead was quiet too, watching as her own fist trembled slightly. She brushed her thumb across the mask and counted the pace of her own heartbeat as she silently whispered for her stomach to stay calm.

Once she finally built up the courage, she looked back up.

"Will Shredder kill him?"

Karai stared back with an unwavering gaze. "No…Not as long as he needs him."

"But he'll hurt him?"

The briefest flicker of discomfort might have crossed the kunoichi's hazel gaze then, but April could never be sure with Karai.

"Yes. Shredder's smart. He knows how to inflict pain without causing damage."

April grimaced, but she forced herself to nod. "And once he's done with him? When he has what he wants? He'll kill him then won't he?"

Karai stared back in silence. A silence that stretched on so long that April's chest began to ache with grief already, as though Donatello really was gone, really was past salvation. But Karai looked away and stated very firmly, "He won't get that far."

April swallowed. "You're sure?"

"I know Leo," she said gazing across the room where the blue-banded turtle himself stared down at the lab table. "He'd never allow Shredder to harm his family."

April furrowed her brow, staring across the room as well. "But Leo's out of balance," she said. "Something's off about him."

"Of course something's off. He's missing a brother. It's like losing an arm for him…But that only strengthens his determination it get that arm back. He's not going to rest until Donatello is home. None of them will."

April pulled in a breath through her nose and nodded in return. That, Karai was right about. There would be no rest under the Hamato roof until they were _all _safe and accounted for. And this maybe gave her the smallest breath of relief.

As long as Donnie could wait for them; he would be okay.

She pulled her knees up to her chest and pressed her fist under her nose. Donnie would be okay.

"Karai."

Both girls looked up to Leo who was staring firmly across the room. He was in full planning mode, with a crease on his brow and everything. His eyes might have given the atmosphere a frostiness that tightened a few muscles, but they were focused, and that was all anyone could really ask of him—or at least dared to ask of him.

Karai stood and walked over to the lab table.

"I need you to mark every possible place that you think the Shredder might be," he said, passing a hand over the map. "We've already put a pin by all the usual places. We need to know if there's anything missing."

Karai obediently hunched over the table, eyes scanning the map and grabbed a small handful of pushpins.

* * *

It took an hour for them to map out every area that needed searching. And after that there was no point in standing around any longer.

Once the teams were arranged, they set out in multiple directions.

Leo and Mikey took the Shellraiser. Raph and Casey took one half of the patrol buggy. April and Karai took the other. Splinter ventured out on his own again, and they all agreed to meet back at the lair at a certain time—unless of course they were successful, in which case they were to alert everyone else and wait to devise/revise an infiltration plan.

Not a single one of them believed they'd be returning to the lair without Donatello that night. Every pairing carried a determined silence that needed no words to fill it. Half of them kept one hand on their favored weapon and the other on a phone. They were ready—maybe even more than ready. A very thin line could have been drawn at 'begging for it.' They _wanted_ a fight.

But by the time the sun hit the horizon, a level of dread far more dense and subduing than the panic that had gotten them moving in the first place began to settle in the stomachs of each and every one of them.

It was six o'clock in the morning before Leo and Mikey, the last ones to return, dropped in exhaustion on the floor of the pit.

Splinter was sitting on the ledge over the waterway passage, attempting to force a deep spell of meditation on himself. No one could tell if he was actually mediating or just kneeling there trying not to look worried.

Raph was lying across the bench with an arm tossed over his face.

Casey was sitting next to April, a surprising look of disturbance to his expression. His hand glided gently up and down April's back as she sat with her face in her knees and her arms wrapped around her legs.

Karai was standing with her back to the pit, staring at the wall as though there was something interesting there.

Mikey had dropped himself across Leo's lap, and the older turtle sat staring blankly out across the pit.

There was silence.

And in that silence was a weight, a substance so foreign and heavy that no one knew what to do with it—not even the wise old sensei. So they sat there, and they waited, as though somehow that density might pick itself apart and evaporate on its own.

It did no such thing, of course. In fact, it only grew, expanded, became more tangible and breath-snatching until it was bending back as far as it could and finally snapped in half when Michelangelo burst into tears.

No one spoke.

Casey, Karai, and Splinter all glanced at him. April joined his sobs, matching them with her own. Raph turned his back to them all and clutched a pillow to his chest. Leo wordlessly stroked his brother's head and continued to stare.


	22. Chapter 22

She pulled back the lab door as quietly as she could, but the metallic groan it gave still cut the air in half with the jarring sharpness of an alarm.

She paused, glancing over her shoulder toward Mikey who turned over sleepily on the bench and resumed snoring. April resituated herself on the floor of the pit and rested her head back against Mikey's shell once he was still. Her eyes were red and glossy with exhaustion, but still she fought off sleep as though it might steal her heartbeat from her. Instead she continued to stare blearily out across the lair at nothing in particular, holding her phone in one hand and Donnie's mask in the other.

Karai turned back to the lab door and squeezed her way through the small gap she'd managed to make.

The lab wasn't as thick in silence as the rest of the lair had been for the past fifteen hours or so. There was a humming presence of electricity moving through the lights and computer and whatever other machines Donatello had left unattended. And also a faint rhythm of thumping accompanied by whispered chants that she couldn't quite make out yet.

For a moment, she stared across the room at Leo without moving any further, and just watched him as he sat behind Donnie's computer, bathed in a pale white-blue light, repeatedly dropping his forehead on the desk. He had his hands over his head and his arms pinned close to his temples as though he was blocking out any excess noise. But the only audible disturbance that existed at the moment was coming from him, the soft thuds, and his mumbling.

She inched closer—silently, though she didn't think he'd acknowledge her even if he knew she was there. She tilted her head, straining to hear the words he was repeating to himself. She didn't catch it until she was standing directly over the opposite side of the desk.

"What would Donnie do? What would Donnie do? What would Donnie do?"

She stared and wondered for a moment whether or not she should interrupt him, seeing as he already seemed to be having a hard time focusing.

In the end, she found herself scooting around the desk to peer at the screen of the computer.

Scrawled across a virtual map in harsh red letters were the words: Signal Not Found.

Her eyes dropped, and she suddenly decided she didn't like the turtle's mumbling.

"I thought you told Mikey that tracking him would be a waste of time."

Leo's forehead fell onto the desk again, but for a moment afterward he did not move. She watched him breathe and close his hands more securely around his head.

Waiting out the silence with him was even more uncomfortable than it had been when she was sitting with April and Mikey.

"I don't know what else to do," he whispered.

She released a long exhale through her nose and turned to push herself up on the edge of the desk. She clasped her hands together and stuffed them between her knees.

She didn't respond.

Eventually he lifted his head. His blue eyes were just as irritated and glossy as April's. But Karai knew he too was far from allowing himself even an ounce of sleep.

"There has to be something else," he murmured, shaking his head as he stared at the screen. "Karai, there's got to be a place we've missed, or maybe that you've forgotten about…"

"I told you everything I knew, Leo," she said. "It's been months since I've been with him. He could've easily found a new place to hide by now."

Leo's chest inflated. "Then we'll have to look everywhere."

"We _have_ been looking everywhere. It's a big city, Leo. He may have even left it by now, gone somewhere up state, or out of it."

Leo's eyes tightened. "Don't tell me that."

"I'm just trying to be realistic. It's a possibility. And if that was the case then—"

"Donnie's screwed."

The harsh matter-of-factness in his voice surprised her. For a moment even it gave off a bitter echo of defeat, as though he was staring into his brother's future and witnessing the imminent end it was going to meet.

She didn't say anything for a while, so they sat in silence again.

She wasn't quite sure why she'd come into the lab. Maybe originally she'd wanted to encourage him somehow, help him keep his hopes up, which was a weird thing to think. She'd never been that kind of person. But there had always been something about Leo and his determination that fed her assurances, that kept her, in a way, optimistic about the choices she had in life. Maybe she'd just wanted to return that favor…Except so far she was doing a terrible job.

She pulled in a breath and swung her feet. "So…What _would_ Donnie do?"

He shook his head. "I wish I knew. I wish I didn't even have to ask myself…I can't do this without him."

"But you have to."

He grimaced and let his head tilt forward in his hands, hiding his face. "You don't understand," he moaned.

The very corner of her mouth became slanted, but she decided not to challenge him. Opponents were no fun when they didn't have the motivation.

She pulled in another breath and finally tugged her eyes away from him, staring instead at that frozen jar of whatever it was standing against the back wall. She'd have to ask them about that one day.

She crossed one leg over the other and leaned back on her palm. Maybe silence was just the best way to handle this whole ordeal. That's what they'd all been doing so far. She couldn't say it was working exactly—it definitely wouldn't bring Donnie back—but at least it was better than the bickering they'd been entrenched in before the scrawny turtle's disappearance.

Then again, the silence might very well have been attributed to Raphael's current absence. And she couldn't say she wasn't grateful for that. Since he and Jones had gone off on their own to continue the search an hour ago, she'd found it ten times easier to breathe.

"I don't understand," Leo said suddenly.

She blinked down at him. "You don't understand what?"

"You."

"Me?"

He stared, his blue eyes steady and slightly chilling. They looked rather dead in spirit—certainly not something she was used to—and she couldn't exactly say that made her comfortable.

She shifted. "What_ about_ me?"

"What does all of this mean to you?"

She raised a brow and let her eyes glance around as she thought up an answer. She was fairly sure she knew what he was implying, but she decided playing coy had always been a useful tactic for her.

She shrugged. "It means that the Shredder has your brother and—"

"That's not what I'm talking about."

She met his gaze again, and his eyes became slightly narrowed, challenging her to the try the truth for once.

She pursed her lips. "What are you talking about?"

"I think you know."

She rolled her head back, looking up toward the ceiling and exhaled heavily.

"You were my first friend, Leo. And for a while you were the only person to ever make me feel like I actually had a choice, like I could do something better with myself. And obviously without you I wouldn't be sitting here so…" She turned her eyes back on him. "You're important."

His eyes tightened at the corners with a small hint of dissatisfaction. "Are you reciting words you think I want to hear, or do you actually mean it?"

Her shoulders dropped. She had to restrain her expression to keep any defensive scowls out of it. "I thought you knew me better than that."

"Yeah, so did I."

They held a staring match for a moment, and she didn't expect to falter. Usually she was so good at holding her ground, especially in front of him. But it seemed a high-strung Leo was also a very fierce one. The best she could do was narrow her gaze before looking away and repeating, "You're important."

"What does that mean?"

She clenched her teeth and stared down at her feet. "It means…you're important."

"To who?" he shot back. "To you?"

"I don't think now's the best time for this conversation—"

"What does it _mean_, Karai?"

"It means you're my best friend."

She looked back at him, though she knew it would mean facing a pain she'd promised herself she wouldn't force him to endure again. But she had to, because he needed to understand. She could only be so much for him, and what she was already amounted to more than what she was willing to be for anyone else.

For a moment he just stared back, trying his hardest to stay firm, stay cold. But beneath that shell, that wasn't who he was; they both knew that. And she managed to catch a flash of his grimace before he looked away and tightened his fist.

They sat in silence again, and she finally began to resent it. At least when there was bickering she knew how to respond, knew how to hold her own and fight back. With the silence there was nothing to attack, nothing to hit, nothing to smirk at. It was just…uncomfortable.

She curled her fingers around the edge of the desk. "I'm sorry, Leo," she said quietly, directing her voice toward the floor. "I have nothing else to give you."

Though she didn't look directly at him, she could see his head lift through her peripheral vision. He stared at the monitor for a moment and there was a lift in pressure as he opened his mouth to respond. But instead of words, the startling jingle of a ringtone dislodged the silence.

Leo's hand was a blur.

He snatched up his T-phone immediately, and Karai allowed herself to look back at him as he put it up to his ear, his eyes suddenly wide and alert.

"Casey?" The word came out as a breathless question, and it was layered with a pleading that Karai wasn't sure she wanted to hear.

She watched him as he listened, his blue eyes following Casey's response as though it had popped up in typed letters on the screen of the monitor. She could almost swear for a moment, she actually _saw_ his heart beating.

He suddenly stood, nearly knocking his chair to the floor. Karai's eyes traveled down his arm where he'd planted a palm on the desk. His elbow was shaking.

"Yeah? Okay…How many…No, don't go anywhere; we'll meet you there. Let us know if they move… Okay."

He stuffed the phone in his belt and immediately began trotting toward the lab door, scooping up his katana from where he'd left them leaning against the lab table.

Karai jumped down from the desk and followed. "What is it?"

"Casey and Raph spotted some Footbots heading east out of Little Italy. They followed them to an old warehouse on the LES."

Karai jogged to catch up with him as he noisily pushed his way out of the lab and headed straight for the turnstiles. He hardly broke his pace when he shot a glance toward the pit.

"Get up. We're on the move."

April bolted up immediately, wobbling a little when she shot to her feet. She shook Mikey's shoulder.

He popped out of his sleep with a squeal and fell in a heap on the floor.

"Wh-What? Shredder? Where is he? I got 'im." He stumbled to his feet, eyes half closed, and raised his empty fists as though his nunchucks were nestled in his hands.

"In a minute, Mikey," April said, latching onto his shell and pulling him out of the pit.

They all piled into the Shellraiser, Leo waiting to enter last.

Once Mikey had crossed the threshold, Leo stepped in, but was stopped from going any further by a hand that rested itself on his shoulder.

Karai peeked out at her rat father who gazed at his eldest son with a crease of clear anxiety to his brow. "Be careful, my son."

Leo gave his sensei a resolute nod. "We'll call you if we find anything."

Splinter's whiskers twitched, and for a brief moment his pause could've been interpreted as hesitation. But he stepped back, folding his hands behind him and stared anxiously at the four of them until the doors closed on his gaze.

Karai's stomach turned, though she didn't know with what, so she ignored it.

She sat herself in Raph's seat then glanced up at Leo who jerked the throttle forward and hardly flinched when the Shellraiser jolted into action.


	23. Chapter 23

**Hold on to your hats...**

* * *

They parked a block away.

He didn't need to utter a word to get his team moving, and he stood vigilantly in the doorway as Mikey and April skipped past him. But before Karai could take a step out of the subway car, he shot an arm out to block her exit.

"You stay here."

She blinked at him. A sweep of shock and something almost reminiscent of betrayal crossed her eyes. "What?"

He hopped out onto the curb and signaled for April and Mikey to wait for him. "Stay here. If we really need you, I'll let you know. Right now you're just a liability."

"A _what_?"

He sighed through his nose. There was no time for this.

He stepped forward and leaned a palm against the Shellraiser, staring up at her sternly as she gaped at him. "If Shredder's using Donnie to make the retro-mutagen, that means he thinks you're still a mutant. It really wouldn't give us the best advantage if he found out you've already been changed back. And it'd only make it that much worse if he knew you were with us. So just stay low and out of sight for now."

Her nose wrinkled stubbornly. "No…Absolutely not." She crossed her arms.

He gave her a warning look and began walking away. "I wasn't asking. Stay put; that's an order."

Though he didn't look back at her, he could feel the bubbling mix of anger and disbelief seeping from her scowl. But he heard the Shellraiser door close and allowed himself to breathe the tension out of his stomach.

"Come on," he said to April and Mikey.

They followed his lead up a fire escape and the three of them sprinted across darkened rooftops until they came upon two shadows hovering over the ledge of the warehouse in vigilant silence. Leo signaled for April and his brother to hold themselves at bay as he crept forward to get a closer peek.

The shadows soon became silhouettes and the silhouettes quickly morphed into Raph and Casey, both of whom were leaning back with their arms crossed.

Leo exhaled at the sight of them and motioned for April and Mikey to come out of hiding. They jumped down onto the rooftop and the three of them joined the other two.

"Have they moved?" Leo asked immediately, walking over to the end of the rooftop where Raph came out of his lean.

Leo peeked over the edge. Two Footbots stood guard at the entrance below.

"No…Where's your girlfriend?" Raph scoffed.

Leo ignored him. He directed his voice to Casey when he spoke. "Was it just the two that you followed?"

"Yeah," Casey responded. "I mean, we thought it was weird, but they haven't gone anywhere. So we haven't had a chance to look inside…Didn't want to risk it."

Leo nodded. "Okay. We need to get a look through one of the windows." He pulled a rope over his head and motioned his youngest brother closer. "Mikey, we're gonna lower you down to get a peek, but make sure not to make yourself obvious alright?"

Mikey saluted him and raised his arms to have the rope tied around his waist.

"And what about those guys?"

Leo jumped and whipped around to glare at Karai who was pointing down toward the two Footbots. Leo wrinkled his nose.

"I told you to stay in the Shellraiser," he snapped.

She scoffed and crossed her arms. "I don't take orders, Leo—especially not from you."

A heat quickly brewed up beneath the turtle's plastron. "And what happens when Shredder finds out you're human?" he shot back. "What happens when he realizes he doesn't actually need the retro-mutagen? What happens to my brother, Karai?"

She shifted her weight from one foot to the other, but didn't respond.

"The only reason Donnie's still alive is because Shredder thinks he needs him," Leo hissed. "And that's assuming they haven't already killed him."

Mikey gave a tiny moan that Leo ignored.

"Is that really the only reason you don't want me up here?" Karai challenged, cocking her head to the side.

Leo clenched his teeth and curled his fist, but as for words, he couldn't find them.

"Hey," Raph said, stepping up with a glare. "Just in case you weren't aware, we've got a life at stake here. I may not expect you to care about that, but he's my brother and I'm not gonna let you stand here and gamble his safety like that."

Karai rolled her eyes to herself before turning them on Raph. "Get off my back about this not-caring shit, Raphael. I want Shredder to go down just as much as you do; that's why I'm here."

"And what about Donnie?"

"Donatello will be fine, and I think we're past the point of his safety being compromised, which means it makes no sense for me not to be here rescuing him _with_ you."

"Nobody asked for your help," Raph grumbled the same moment that Leo said, "That's not the point, Karai! The moment Shredder finds out you're here, he's pulling the trigger."

"Shredder's got a gun?!" Mikey squealed.

April patted his shoulder. "It's just a figure of speech, Mikey."

"Not that it makes him any less creepy," Casey mumbled.

"You forget there are three other mutants there who don't exactly like being freaks, Leo," Karai argued.

"And you think _they'd_ stop that monster from doing Donnie in?"

"I _think_ you need to calm down."

"Calm down?!" Leo exclaimed. "What about this situation gives me any reason to be calm?"

"Leo, you're trying to go up against the Shredder here. You need me."

"No actually, I _don't_ need you," he shouted. "I've gone up against the entire Foot clan plenty of times without your help, and I'm going to do it again. I don't need _anyone_ here who's going to treat a threat against my brother's life as an invitation to exact some kind of personal revenge on her deranged, kidnapper of a father and put the rest of my team in danger. So go back to the Shellraiser where I told you to stay, and get out of the way!"

A bright flicker of rage crossed Karai's eyes as they narrowed. She snatched out a shruiken and flung it in Leo's direction.

His heart froze in his throat and he ducked, for a moment completely appalled, until the shuriken imbedded itself in the forehead of a Footbot that had been standing just a foot or so behind him with a _ninjaken_ raised above its head.

Leo jumped out of the way as it fell forward, his eyes wide. He dropped the rope and swiped both katana out of their sheaths then backed toward the ledge with the rest of his team who had all drawn their weapons as well and now stood at the ready facing a black mass of sprinting robots.

Karai crouched low on Leo's left. "Still think you don't need me?"

"I don't want to hear it," he said through his teeth.

Without another moment's hesitation, he shot forward and met the Foot army head-on. His teammates followed.

His blades sliced through two bots at a time, sending decapitated heads rolling in every direction. But the Footbots were nothing.

He bared his teeth when Tigerclaw glided regally out of the shadows and dropped on the rooftop with a rumbling growl. Both Rahzar and Fishface hopped over the ledge after him.

Fishface grinned mischievously and dove directly for Raph.

April was the first to charge for Rahzar, a vicious gleam in her eyes.

Leo headed straight for Tigerclaw, blades skimming the rooftop as he sprinted.

For the briefest of seconds, all he heard was his angry heartbeat, and he forgot about everything else—Karai, Raph, Shredder...even Donnie. The last time he and Tigerclaw had met face to face, the brutish cat had dared to take a swipe at him and leave a permanent mark, and the katana-wielding turtle was not about to let that fly.

He sprung up with a flip, avoiding the shot of Tigerclaw's laser gun, and planted his heel against the tiger's chest, sending him skidding backward. Leo didn't give him a moment to recover before he swiped out with his katana and sliced a few inches off of the cat's whiskers when Tigerclaw leaned out of the way.

Leo collected his stance and narrowed his eyes. "Where's my brother?" he demanded.

Tigerclaw cracked a grin and started to circle. Leo followed his movements, keeping his swords raised.

"In a place you will not find him," Tigerclaw taunted. "Writhing like a worm under a microscope."

Leo growled and began to leap forward when a smoke bomb hurled itself at Tigerclaw's face and erupted in white powder. The cat roared, and Karai hopped up and spun a kick that knocked his gun from his hand, then stomped on his foot and punched him in the throat before flipping away and landing next to Leo's side.

Tigerclaw blinked and doubled over for a moment, and Leo had to admit it was very satisfying to see him so stunned.

But he recovered quickly and flashed his carnivorous teeth as he snarled and whisked the remaining smoke away with his giant paw.

"Karai!"

He darted toward her.

Leo stabbed his sword into the face of a Footbot, yanked it up by its head and swung it at the stampeding tiger. It smacked him across the face, and as he stumbled to the side, Leo dove forward and drove his sword through Tigerclaw's shoulder.

His roar shook the entire rooftop and his fist whipped around and blew through Leo's plastron, snatching his breath away and sending him clean across the roof where he collided with Casey and landed back on his shell.

He couldn't move.

For a moment he just lay there trying to breathe but really only choking without pulling in any air. He blinked rapidly and the sky swirled around in dizzying circles.

"L-Leo," Casey coughed. "Leo, you're crushing me, man."

He felt Casey's hands struggling to shove him off, his legs kicking against his. Leo grimaced and forced himself to roll over. Casey gasped with relief, and they spent another moment panting before Casey pushed himself to his feet and yanked on Leo's arm.

"Fight's not over yet, dude. We gotta get back in there."

Leo swayed a little when he was back on his feet but shook the dizziness away. Casey took off, shouting his signature "Goongala!" along the way and Leo staggered forward in his wake.

A sharp punch shot out from nowhere and connected hard with his jaw, and though he stumbled, it felt more like a rousing slap in the face. His system kick-started with a rush of adrenaline and he barreled back and punted the Footbot clean off the roof.

He turned, eyes skimming the scene until they landed on one of his katana lying in wait on the rooftop. He ran for it, swiped it up and immediately shoved it through the chest of one Footbot, sliced off the arm of another, and chucked it at the back of Fishface's head before he could take a stab at Raph who was busy swatting away a clump of Footbots that had gathered around him.

Fishface whipped around with a hiss and took a swipe at Leo who ducked and gave him a clean skim across the tail with the tip of his blade. The fish shouted out a curse in Spanish as a trickle of blood and scales spotted the pavement. He raised an arm to backhand Leo in the face, but a chain shot out and wrapped itself around his elbow.

He was yanked to the side within the next second, and Mikey threw all of his weight into a spin that dragged Fishface across the cement and whipped him against the ledge.

"Booyakasha!"

No sooner had the victorious shout left his smiling lips then another Footbot zipped forward and punted him in the plastron with both feet. He flew across the roof and Leo lunged for the chain of his _kusarigama_ as it unraveled from Fishface's arm. He caught the end of it just as Mikey toppled over the ledge of the roof with a scream. The force yanked Leo forward and he planted his heel on the ledge and jerked his brother's momentum to a halt.

"Dude," Mikey exclaimed, a waver of panic echoing in his voice. "Pull me up! Pull me up!"

Leo's arm shook. He bared his teeth as he pulled.

A familiar yipping sounded behind his back and he ducked out of the way. A mace just barely skimmed by his arm and smashed into the ledge, breaking off chunks of cement. Leo used his leg to sweep the Footbot's feet out from under it then stomped on its face.

"Leo!"

"I'm a little busy, Mikey!" he shouted, releasing the chain with one hand to turn around and stab a shuriken into another bot's temple.

He stumbled back against the ledge again as Mikey's weight pulled him down. "Stop moving!"

He grabbed the front of another bot's uniform as it charged for him and launched it backward over his head. Mikey squealed and the chain swung as he avoided its fall.

Leo's shoulder groaned, threatening to pull his arm from its socket. He gritted his teeth and turned back around to grab the chain with both hands again and pull. "What have you been eating, Mikey?"

"I'm a stress eater okay!" Mikey's voice shouted back. "Leave me alone!"

Leo ignored the comment and dug his heels in, slowly working his way backward. His arms quivered, but he had a good grip on the chain now. He already had Mikey halfway up, when he glanced to his right at the sound of a grunt from Karai.

Her back hit the cement and for a moment she didn't move. Tigerclaw's eyes glittered as he advanced on her.

Leo's heart skipped a beat. He glanced between the chain and Tigerclaw, unconsciously measuring the distance. He pursed his lips then let out the sickle blade on Mikey's nunchuck and let his younger brother's weight pull him forward. He heard Mikey shriek, but couldn't be bothered with letting him down easy. He ran up to the ledge, stabbed the blade into the cement, took half a second to make sure it was sturdy then took off across the roof, shouting over his shoulder for Mikey to climb.

"Leo!"

He ignored the astonished call and promised himself he'd go back if Mikey couldn't make it up on his own.

For now, he charged forward and threw his shoulder into Tigerclaw's side, ramming him off balance.

Tigerclaw swiped at him with the turtle's own bloodstained sword. Leo threw himself backward to avoid the blade and kicked his foot up between the tiger's legs.

A high-pitched meow escaped the giant cat's throat and the sword clattered to the cement as he doubled over with his hands between his legs.

"_Kono yarou!_" he heard Tigerclaw hiss as Leo swiped up his katana.

He stuck the sword in its sheath and trotted back toward Karai who was just sitting up and blinking rapidly.

He grabbed her arms from behind and hauled her to her feet.

"I don't wanna say I told you so," he grunted.

"Good," she breathed, shaking her head with her palm pressed against her temple. She'd composed herself within the next second and crouched down in a ready stance with her fists raised. "Cuz you'd be wrong."

He held his breath against a retort as Tigerclaw straightened up and barreled toward them.

They sprang forward simultaneously.

Leo jumped slightly ahead, leaned over, and Karai hopped up on his shell, spun on her heel and sent a roundhouse kick straight at Tigerclaw's face. His head snapped around with a growl.

Karai leapt down and kicked out his knee, and Leo followed by kneeing Tigerclaw in the chin. The cat reeled back and flopped down on the rooftop, giving the ground a quake.

Leo and Karai both hovered over him with matching scowls, standing side by side and waiting for him to move.

It took a moment, but he eventually rolled over and rubbed his jaw. "Very good, cubs," he spat. "That almost hurt."

Karai lunged forward. Tigerclaw's massive foot shot out and punted her in the gut. Leo jumped behind her, his arms opening automatically. She hit his plastron hard and they both tripped backward and landed on their butts.

When Tigerclaw stood, he towered over them, but his glinting eyes glanced off to the side.

Leo automatically followed his gaze and saw a swarm of Footbots leaping away over the edge of the building. Fishface followed behind them. Rahzar was already gone.

"No!" Karai shouted, jumping out of Leo's arms. "Get back here, you gutless puss!"

Leo looked back around as Karai ran up to the ledge and shook her fist after Tigerclaw who glided away into the shadows and never looked back.

Leo furrowed his brow and shot a glance across the roof where Casey was helping April to her feet. They both grimaced with bruises and scars, but otherwise appeared to be in one piece.

Leo glanced back at Karai who bent her knees as though to spring off of the ledge.

"Karai!"

She froze and whipped a glare at him.

"Don't," he said, pushing himself to his feet.

"But they're getting away!"

He didn't respond. He looked out where Tigerclaw had disappeared and an unsettling twist squirmed in his stomach.

Why would they just leave?

He didn't get the chance to repeat the question out loud. A fist he knew all too well lashed out from the side and clocked him in the cheek. Stars popped across his vision.

"What the hell was that?!" Raph bellowed.

Leo rubbed his cheek, bristled, and turned a scowl on his brother. "What are you punching me for?" he shouted back.

"Why would you do that?"

"Do _what_?"

"You left Mikey hanging off the side of the building, Leo!"

Leo blinked and immediately looked over where he'd left the _kusarigama_ embedded in the ledge. It wasn't there.

His stomach dropped and he ran forward, nearly pitching himself over the ledge when he threw his weight against it. His wide eyes stared down but saw nothing but vacant sidewalk.

"Mikey?!" His voice echoed out through the city but came back to him empty.

His pulse jumped to his ears. He ran along the edge of the building, eyes searching for a strip of orange, a flash of green, anything. He rounded the building twice, but his little brother never showed.

His lungs began to panic.

"N-No," he murmured to himself. The ground tilted. He closed his hands around his head.

"…the most irresponsible, self-absorbed leader that ever walked the face of this planet!" Raph was screaming.

"Why didn't you grab him?!" Leo roared, rounding on the only brother he had left.

"Why did you _leave_ him there?!"

"Tigerclaw was going after Karai!"

"Who the fuck cares?" Raph bellowed. "Who else do we have to give up on her account, Leo huh? Am I next?! Is it gonna be Master Splinter? April? Casey? I hope to God it's you, you fucking asshole!"

"_You_ were the one who led us straight into an ambush!"

"How was I supposed to know?"

"You didn't even check the building!"

"You told us not to move!"

Leo threw his sword down. "Fuck you, Raph! Just fuck you!" he screamed, chest tightening, eyes burning. "You're supposed to have my back. I can't save everybody by myself. If you knew Mikey was there, you should have grabbed him!"

"I always have your back," Raph shouted. "It's _you_ who keeps ditching us for your stupid girlfriend. They should have taken her, but instead you just handed Mikey right to them—"

"I did not!"

"—so you could pay to keep her ass for one more night!"

Leo sprang forward. He threw his weight against his brother and tackled him to the ground then ruthlessly began showering punches down at his face.

* * *

"Stop! Stop it!"

Raph bucked Leo off of him and kicked him in the plastron before jumping up to his feet. They met each other like colliding freight trains and began striking at one another as though they had entered a boss fight against their greatest enemy.

"Leo...Raph…This isn't going to help anything!"

April started toward them, but Karai planted a hand on her shoulder and shook her head. "Just…let them," she breathed, her eyes following them across the roof.

April grimaced at her but stepped back when she turned her gaze back on the brawling turtles. Casey stood next to them and crossed his arms.

The three of them watched in silence as the two brothers tore at each other viciously. They tumbled and flipped across the entirety of the rooftop, determined to draw blood, break bones, or in some way or other shut up the turtle opposite them.

For a while, Leo appeared to have the upper hand. Compared to Raph, his fury was seamless and sharpened his skills to a point that actually had Raph spitting blood out of his mouth. But Raph was more resilient…and he hit harder. Leo was graceful enough to miss most of the blows, but as soon as Raph found his opening and got a hit in, Leo began to falter.

It was sad really, and Karai couldn't say she'd ever used that word to express her own feelings before.

Maybe she just felt bad. Leo really shouldn't have helped her. As much as it made her spine tighten to say so, she agreed with Raph. It should have been her not Mikey. But then again…they'd never really been after her to begin with, and that just made the feeling worse. Because now Raph and Leo were in an all out war, and neither of them seemed to realize that Mikey had been doomed to be snatched away the moment they'd left the lair. But she let them fight because she'd been tired of waiting for it to happen.

They stalked around each other every day, tense and burning on the inside, shooting glowers at one another but never striking. It didn't make sense to her, especially not from Raph. Their relationship in general made no sense. She didn't understand why Leo wouldn't just admit it to himself already. She didn't understand why he continued to deny it. All it was doing was making him angry—at his brother _and_ at her. And it wasn't like he was hiding it very well. And that was another thing she didn't understand. _Everyone_ knew what was going on between Leo and Raph, but no one wanted to bring it out into the open, and no wonder Raph was so frustrated. The only person Leo was hiding his feelings from was himself.

"This is so messed up," Casey grumbled, shaking his head. "The Foot's getting away with Mikey, and what are _these_ two doing?"

"Acting like animals," April scoffed.

Karai shuddered. April was right, but it was a disgusting comment to make. It was a good thing the turtles in question were too preoccupied to catch it.

"We're not going to get anywhere with them pretending nothing's wrong," Karai spoke up. "They need to get it out of their system. The sooner that happens, the sooner we can actually make some kind of progress."

April tensed, but her eyes eventually fell to the ground. Casey's gaze tightened. Neither of them commented.

Karai turned her attention back to the boys.

It seemed the battle with the Foot had taken a toll on them, because they were slowing down. Leo threw a punch that Raph ducked sloppily. And the blue-banded turtle hardly put any effort into getting out of the way before his brother pinned him to the ground. Leo heaved his weight over. They rolled around for a minute, trying to be the one on top, throwing years of ninjutsu training out of the window to revert to basic wrestling.

Eventually, Raph managed to throw Leo down and get his arms stuck in a hold. Leo gritted his teeth and kneed his brother between the legs. Raph's initial grunt turned into a groan, and he lowered his head but stayed where he was.

Leo dropped his head back against the pavement and took a minute to gather his last bit of strength to lazily push his brother off of him. Raph rolled over on his shell and closed his eyes.

Then they both just lay there side-by-side, panting, sweating, and bruised.

It was a long time before anything happened, and when it did, Leo was the first to open his mouth.

"I'm sorry," he said, shaking his head and staring up at the sky. "Alright? You were right…I've been a terrible leader—and an even worse brother. I've been so caught up in what I wanted…I forgot to look out for Donnie. I'd tried to push aside the way you felt. And I didn't even think about Mikey. I'm just…" His voice trailed away with a grimace. He closed his eyes and Karai watched what looked suspiciously like a tear seep into his mask.

He pulled in a breath. "I know you hate me right now…I'm not exactly fond of you either, but we're the only ones left, Raph."

He turned his face toward his brother. Raph cracked open his eyes and looked back at him.

"They need us," Leo said, staring at his brother with unblinking blue eyes. "They're expecting us to come and get them; we're their big brothers. We can't let them down. So…can you work with me for now, and just put everything else to the side?"

Raph was silent. He gazed back at Leo with a layer of doubt swimming in his eyes.

"I promise I'll do the same," Leo said. "And I promise you won't be next."

Raph's lips twitched as though he wanted to say something. But he didn't. Instead, he simply nodded. Leo sighed and nodded back. Then with a wave of effort, they both rolled away from each other and pushed themselves to their feet.

Raph cracked his neck. Leo stretched his arm out across his plastron.

"You guys done?" Casey said flatly, raising an eyebrow at them.

Leo gave him half a glance. "Yes. We need to get back to the lair, regroup…and tell Splinter," he added under his breath. He shook his head to himself then pointed to the body of a Footbot lying on the ground. "Grab that, we're taking it with us."

"Why?" Casey asked, though he obediently bent over to heave the robot up onto his back.

Leo shook his head. "Maybe there's a way to find out where it's been."

"Yeah except, Fearless, the smart member of the team is kinda MIA at the moment," Raph said, keeping his eyes on the robot.

"We'll just have to put our heads together," Leo responded. "If Donnie could figure it out by himself, then the five of us should be able to do it working together. We don't exactly have much of a choice…unless any of you has a different idea you want to share."

He looked around, but none of them answered.

"Okay. Then let's go."

He turned to lead the way off of the roof. Karai had the distinct feeling he might have run, but there was a slight limp to his stride, and she was sure he knew he wasn't the only one walking away a little battered. They all moved rather slowly.

"Damn fish scratched my arm," Raph grumbled to no one in particular, pressing his thumb against his bicep where a gash was dripping blood down to his elbow.

"I don't get it," Casey said, adjusting the Footbot on his back.

"What?" April mumbled.

"What was the point of that? I mean, they set us up for an ambush but don't finish off the job?"

"They only needed one of us," Leo said, his voice dark and directed at the ground. "Donnie's refusing to do what Shredder wants him to…He needs an incentive."

April exhaled and shivered. She rubbed her arms. "At least we know they're keeping him alive."

"Yeah but for how long though?" Raph said, a new note of anger bubbling up in his tone as he glanced in Karai's direction. She didn't look back at him.

"And why Mikey? Couldn't they have just kept April? I mean, they had her already. No offense," he added quickly to April who shook her head. "But why would they give her back if they needed someone else to make Donnie work?"

"They wanted to send a message," Leo mumbled, his voice growing quieter. "That's why they left his mask. They wanted us to know that they took him and weren't going to make finding him easy."

"That's sick," Casey said.

"That's Shredder," April commented.

"But it still doesn't make sense," Raph continued, his fists clenching. "They could've chosen any of us. Why not you? Why not Casey? Why not me?"

"Because Mikey will scream."

Everyone stopped. They all turned their eyes back on Karai.

She glanced between them before looking up at Leo whose expression twisted into a grimace. For the first time since she'd met him, his blue eyes glimmered with fear, and she was a witness to it.

He looked away and started walking again. "Hurry up."


	24. Chapter 24

He never realized how much he appreciated time—or, more specifically, the gift of knowing time.

He thought of the broken clock in his lab and the way it always taunted him by stopping time whenever it felt the urge to, playing games with him, pushing him to see how much he could really tolerate it (kind of like Mikey). There had been so many times he'd thought of trashing the thing, gutting out his parts to use for something a little less temperamental. But for whatever reason, he never had. And now…he'd give anything to have that clock in front of him.

There was no way to tell how long he'd been there. He'd tried counting the seconds, got as far as 16207, which was around four and a half hours give or take. But he knew he'd been cooped up in the shadows of the same room, strapped to the same table, lightheaded, nauseous, and dehydrated for much _much_ longer than that.

When he'd woken the first time after Shredder's visit, it had been with a heavy arm cocooned so tightly in a strip of gauze that he could barely feel his fingers. It turned his stomach to think that someone—probably Baxter Flyface—had sutured his wound while he was unconscious. And why hadn't he felt it?

Since then, he'd been in and out of sleep. Because that and counting were the only things he had to keep him occupied. Otherwise, his mind would roam to places he didn't want it to be—like the Shredder for instance, and what he was planning, because he hadn't come back once since Donnie had refused his demand the first time.

Or if he wasn't panicking, he was noticing himself wither away, which was maybe twice as frightening and might have been a mental issue more than a physical one. He probably wasn't _as _thirsty as he thought he was, even though he could hardly swallow and he couldn't get his tongue to unstick from the roof of his mouth. And he probably hadn't lost _as_ much blood as he feared he might have. Maybe it was the anxiety that was making him lightheaded. Maybe he was just stressing the nausea on himself.

Some water would have been nice though, and food of course. What he wouldn't give for a pizza right now. He'd even take a leftover slice of what was probably under Mikey's bed. Under-the-bed pizzas _were_ one of Mikey's top ten favorite pizzas…He had a lot of those—suspiciously more than ten, as a matter of fact.

While Fishface had been begrudgingly bringing him a sip of rust-flavored pipe water maybe every five hours or so, Shredder's Motel apparently didn't provide room service, and he doubted said service would be very friendly if it did. But the hunger pains had been getting so bad over the past hour that for a moment he allowed himself the tantalizing fantasy of screaming until Shredder came back with a cup of coffee and a slice of deep-dish pepperoni. Maybe they could barter. "Okay Shredder, here's the deal. You give me a five star four-course meal with all the fixin's and I'll personally hand over the retro-mutagen to you in the year 3022. Take it or leave it."

He actually managed to get a smile from himself at that. He wondered what it would be like to eat a meal with Oroku Saki. What was his favorite food? Maybe he should ask. That'd be an interesting conversation. He looked like a pie person. He probably had carvings for something weird like rhubarb. What if he had his own garden somewhere in New York where he grew rhubarb bushes and banana trees and had his Footbots go and pick them during the summers?

Donnie giggled, his voice bouncing back to him from across the empty room. His smile dropped when he heard it. Did he really sound that…weak?

He shuddered and squeezed his eyes shut, stretching out his neck as he hung his head. _I am not weak._

"You're okay," he whispered to himself. "You're okay. It'll be over soon. Just keep it together for a little bit longer."

The door opened.

He turned his face away when the lights blazed on. His head swirled. It took a lot longer this time for his eyes to adjust, and when they did his stomach clenched.

He stared across the room at Shredder who took up the entire doorway and simply stood there with his hands balled at his sides.

Two Footbots crossed the room and released Donnie's restraints. He fell to his knees.

His first instinct was to run, barrel past the Shredder if he could, but his arms were shaking. He hardly had the strength to push himself to his feet.

The Footbots grabbed his biceps with iron grips and hauled him upright.

He kept his eyes warily on Shredder who patiently waited for his minions to drag Donnie across the room before he turned with a chilling, "I have something I want to show you."

Donnie cringed, as though he could pull himself away from the Shredder's voice, but he was forced to stumble after it. And for the first time since he'd woken up in the Foot's clutches, he was allowed to leave the shadowed room and its empty, clock-less walls.

His eyes automatically darted around the hallway, peeking swiftly into the rooms they passed, narrowing in confusion on the remnants of notices on billboards, peeling wallpaper, vacant reception desks, and the occasional dusty wheelchair or rusted gurney taking up space in the hallway.

So maybe he'd never been inside of one, but he'd watched enough _Grey's Anatomy_ to recognize a hospital when he saw one.

His nausea intensified. His mind immediately jumped to needles, forceps, extractors, gags, probes…

He struggled against the Footbots who paid him no general mind.

His breathing quickened.

If Shredder was moving him out of the room, there was definitely something sinister up his sleeve. Donnie tried to calm himself, tried not to allow his quick-paced mind to bounce from one form of torture to another. He forgot about asking him what his favorite food was. Instead his arm throbbed with the phantom pain of his last discussion with the Shredder. How much more torment was he planning to inflict? How far was he willing to risk damaging Donnie's body? How much did Donnie think Donnie could handle it?

He pressed his lips against a moan.

He wished he was with his brothers, with his Sensei, at home, in his lab, researching chemiluminescence or something. So what if they fought? Who cared how loud they argued and how often they dragged him into their arguments? They were brothers. That's what happens when you have siblings; they fight and you fight with them. He'd take that back now—all of it. He didn't want to be here. He wanted to go home. He wanted to fight and argue with his brothers again.

But he held his tongue against begging the Shredder for such a thing. He could only shudder at the response he'd get.

Shredder traipsed down the halls with an intensive stride. It was amazing really how quiet his footfalls were for a man of his stature. The Footbots were just as silent, and Donnie staggered along with them, hardly even half as graceful, until they pushed him through a doorway and closed the door on both him and the Shredder.

Donnie straightened himself up and backed as far away from Oroku Saki as possible, a little baffled that they hadn't put him in more restraints until he realized that they didn't consider him a threat…not by himself.

His eyes darted around the room, searching for a way out, and his intestines twisted when his gaze passed over Tigerclaw standing in the far corner of the room, camouflaged by shadows. His cat eyes glinted at Donatello and a low growl cut the air in half.

Donnie tried to swallow.

"Come and look, turtle," Shredder said casually, gesturing to the window he was standing in front of.

Donnie hated himself for doing it, but he automatically stepped up and peeked through the window, which allowed the view of another room that was much bigger and filled with Stockman-looking materials.

A door opened to this room. Baxter himself then hovered inside and behind him trudged Fishface and Rahzar, holding between them a squirming Michelangelo.

Donnie's heart dropped into the pit of his stomach. "M-Mikey?"

"Lemme go!" Mikey grunted, pulling against the grips on his arms. "Don't make me go badass Mikey on you guys! I'll do it. You'll never see it comin'. One minute you're cutting off my circulation with your boney fingers, and then BAM! And your eye's gonna roll across the floor. And you—"

"Just shut up already," Fishface moaned. "_Jesús!_ You've been smack talking the whole way here and haven't gotten away yet. I don't want to hear it."

Rahzar groaned to himself. "…so annoying."

Donnie's throat tightened. Mikey should not have been there. Where had they gotten him? Where were the others?

"Maybe I was just waiting to see where you'd take me. Huh? Ever thought about that?" Mikey taunted, still wiggling around with no success. "Now tell me what you did with my brother, before I really…" He grunted and growled, working his hardest, but Fishface and Rahzar were dragging him along like he was a teacup puppy on a leash.

Donnie didn't realize how close he'd gotten to the window until his breath fogged up the glass.

Fishface and Rahzar forced Mikey down onto a table much like the one they'd had Donnie on, and his limbs were strapped down. He continued to wiggle and squirm, but that got him nowhere. His two captors stepped away and Baxter turned on a Bunsen burner sitting on the table next to Mikey.

"Let'z-z-z start off with something z-zimple."

Donnie's eyes widened, he snapped his gaze toward Shredder as though he was going to narrate what was about to happen, but the Shredder kept his eyes forward and unfeeling, hands now clasped behind him, shoulders back, breathing calmly.

Donnie looked back to his brother, his palms pressed against the glass as though it might somehow grant him permission to melt through to the other side.

"You don't scare me, Blockster," Mikey sneered. "Just wait till my brothers get here."

Rahzar snickered in the corner. Fishface's lips turned up into a grin.

"Z-z-zorry to diz-zappoint you," Baxter buzzed. "But your brotherz-z aren't coming."

Stockman picked up a thick iron stake with a pair of tongs, and held it over the blue flame of the burner.

Donnie's chest tightened. "W-Wait…"

"Want to know where I found thiz-z-z?" Stockman said to a wide-eyed Mikey who watched the flame like it was gun pointed at his head.

The corner of his mouth trembled, but turned up nonetheless, and he coughed a laugh. "In the pile of horse shit you had for lunch?"

The fly ignored him and rotated the stake like he was roasting marshmallows over a campfire. It began to glow bright red.

"It waz-z-z s-sticking out of the ground just outz-zide." Stockman chuckled to himself. "I hav-ve no idea what it waz-z-z doing there."

Mikey forced himself to yawn. "That's a very interesting story, Stinkbug."

Donnie couldn't tell for sure, but it seemed that Baxter actually smiled. His eyes gleamed excitedly on the stake, which was now a radiant white-yellow color and emitting waves of heat.

"It'z-z Stockman."

He turned and floated over to Mikey with the stake, and whatever grin Mikey had managed before vanished.

"No, wait…Wait!" Donnie banged on the glass, but the fly did not appear to hear, nor did his brother. Donnie's eyes shot back toward Shredder who didn't move.

"Dude, that's hot," Mikey exclaimed, his voice wavering slightly. His fists curled and twisted against the restraints as he tried to inch away from the approaching threat. "What're you doing?!"

Donnie watched a dawn of fear flood his brother's blue eyes. All of the fake machismo vanished from his features in just a short second. He shook his head, eyes growing wider as the stake hovered over his shoulder.

"Wait," Mikey gasped. "Wait! Okay, Stockman, I'm sorry. I know your name. I was just messing with you. Can't we—m-make a truce or something? Stop! I'm serious…Back up. Back up!"

Donnie could never explain what happened to his insides when Mikey screamed. But for half a second, he was paralyzed with revulsion as he watched the point of the stake touch his brother's skin and slowly melt through his shoulder.

Mikey flailed, but the vigor behind it felt involuntary this time. His body was trying to save itself because his mind had forgotten everything but pain.

Donnie's body shook, as though so mindful of said pain that he began to feel it himself. He finally found it in him to move and rushed back toward the door he'd come through. He yanked and pushed and twisted the handle, but it wouldn't budge. He rammed himself against it, kicked it, punched it, then gave up and ran back for the window. He threw his fist at the glass, but it only sent throbbing shots up his arm.

He held back a whine and turned to grab a chair, but before he could throw it at the glass, it was snatched out of his hands and Tigerclaw seized the ridge of his shell and nearly picked him up off the floor.

He kicked his feet.

"Stop! Please, stop it!" he shouted at the Shredder, who didn't respond.

Still Mikey's screams divided the air in waves that made Donnie cringe. His throat tightened.

"Shredder, _please_," he begged, yelling over the horrific volume of his brother's suffering. "You don't have to do this!"

Shredder didn't appear to acknowledge him, but he did lean slightly to his left and press a button on what looked like an intercom. "Stockman," he said, his voice echoing around the room on the other side of the glass.

Baxter pulled the stake away, and Mikey's gasp was immediately followed by unfiltered sobbing.

Donnie's eyes glanced toward him, which was a mistake. He couldn't see the wound very well, mostly because there was blood everywhere. But it was the tears on his little brother's face that made him hold his breath and look quickly away.

Shredder turned toward him. "Will you agree to make the retro-mutagen?"

It wasn't a question, but the Shredder expected an answer, and all Donnie could do was stare.

What a monster.

How vile, how evil, how disgusting of a man do you have to be to watch a child suffer and never bat an eye, to turn away from pain and anguish and demand recompense?

Donnie's brow furrowed with both fright and disgust. He wasn't even sure he was looking at a man.

Shredder's eyes tightened when he gave no response. He waited only a second longer before turning back to the intercom to press the button.

"Proceed."

Donnie flinched. "No!"

But Stockman had already reheated the stake, despite Mikey's desperate pleas, and stabbed it into the wound he'd already created.

Mikey's shriek sent a painful chill through Donnie's shell. He grimaced at the noise and covered his ears, unaware of the whimper that escaped him. His muscles ached to burst through the glass and punt Stockman to high heaven, but Tigerclaw wouldn't have any movement from him. He even yanked Donnie's hands away from his ears and forced him to face the window.

He watched his baby brother squirm against the table, watched his blood drip down to the floor, and could swear he already caught a faint whiff of burning flesh seeping into the room. His teeth clenched and his head shook on its own. He stomach threatened to push up a wave of vomit.

"_Tasukete! Tasukete!_"

Donnie's throat closed. He couldn't hear himself sobbing over his brother's cries. The ghost pain returned and he saw himself on that table, screaming, bleeding, aching for someone to appear and stop the pain.

He swallowed the bile that rushed up his throat.

"_Yamete kudasai_," he begged, ripping himself away from Tigerclaw to face the Shredder, who again didn't acknowledge him. "_Yamete kudasai!_" he repeated. "Shredder…He's just a kid!"

Oroku Saki didn't even blink. Mikey's screech reached a pitch that made Donnie's whole body coil and before he realized what he was doing, he found himself on his knees at the Shredder's feet, clinging to the end of his cape with his eyes shut and his head low.

"Okay!" he bawled. "I'll do it. I'll do whatever you want…"

He wasn't sure he heard the screaming stop. It was still ringing viciously in the back of his mind and he was trembling too hard to notice much else.

"Please let him go," he whispered.

He could feel the Shredder's eyes staring down at him, probably reveling in the fact that he was groveling on his knees. It made him sick, but he'd rather press his face into Shredder's boots than listen to his brother cry for help.

Donnie cringed when Shredder finally spoke. "Get up."

He put extra effort into swallowing then pressed his palms to the floor and gathered his breath before he shakily pushed himself to his feet. He could only tolerate staring up into Shredder's milky blind eye for half a second before he turned his face away and shivered as he watched his brother squint up at the ceiling, his expression warped with pain, tears still running down his freckled cheeks. He was trying not to look at his arm.

Donnie grimaced.

"Tigerclaw," Shredder said beside him. "Take the little _kame_ downstairs."

Donatello snapped his head back around. "Please let him go," he begged. "He's not—"

"That is not a request you have room to make," Shredder said shortly, his expression blank as ever.

Donnie whipped his gaze back toward Tigerclaw who left the room and appeared shortly in the other room. Shredder shoved Donnie toward the door before he could see what they were going to do with his brother. He tried to run to the next room, but Saki snatched him by the rim of his shell and pulled him in a different direction.

"Please…d-don't let him bleed out," Donnie said, looking back up at the man. "He has to be—taken care of. Some-Someone has to take care of him. You can't just lock him up and leave him—"

"Enough," Shredder said quietly, handing him over to another pair of Footbots, who took over the job of escorting him down the hallway again in the Shredder's wake.

This time Donnie spent the walk staring intensely at the floor and forcing himself to breathe.

It was taking all the willpower he had to stuff the ghostly echo of Mikey's screaming out of his mind, and even then he could still faintly hear it ringing between his ears. He couldn't even be sure it had actually stopped. What if they were still torturing him? What if they'd cracked his shell open the moment Donnie had agreed to make the retro-mutagen and left the room?

His heart jumped into his throat and he tried to run back, but the Footbots wouldn't allow it. They practically dragged him the remainder of the way down through the bowels of the hospital until they reached an empty morgue.

The Footbots walked Donnie to a table in the center of the room and forced him down into a chair.

He squinted through his blurred vision at the array of chemicals and equipment before him. Were he and his brother not being held captive by their enemies with their lives dangling over their heads, he might've actually had the heart to appreciate the spread of untouched materials. He'd have killed for a chemistry set like this when he was younger.

Now…it just made his stomach tighten.

"Should you find you are missing anything, you will notify me immediately," Shredder said. "Stockman will be monitoring your progress. If you decide to make anything that is not retro-mutagen, I will personally behead your brother in front of you…Do not keep me waiting."

Donnie kept his eyes on the table as Oroku Saki moved away and the Footbots followed. The door closed heavily behind them and the silence became so pressurized that for a moment he feared being crushed by it.

Chills rippled through his veins. It was freezing in the room. But he could hardly be bothered by it.

He knew he was being watched, knew there must be cameras set up in every corner, knew that the moment he tried to make a move they didn't approve of he'd suddenly become the baby of the family.

His body seized up at the thought, and he choked on a moan before burying his face in his hands.

He could feel the anguish swelling up within him quickly, tightening the muscles in his body until it couldn't take the pressure of it any longer and the silence was broken by his childish sobs.

Maybe if he'd been alone the thought wouldn't have scared him so much. But he wasn't.

They were going to die. And he was terrified.


	25. Chapter 25

**A nice long chapter for you, since you've been waiting longer than you should have ;)**

* * *

"NH2OH…If hydroxylamine is added to an aldehyde or ketone in solution…R2C=O + NH2OH∙HCl, NaOH → R2C=NOH + NaCl + H2O…the oxime should precipitate from the solution…heat it with inorganic acid and restore the original aldehyde or ketone. That's what I was missing."

Donnie furiously ran the eraser across the smudged and wrinkled page for the third time, brushed the shavings away and scribbled down the new formula. He glanced up to the solution simmering in the beaker in front of him and turned up the heat on the burner before finally taking his nose away from the paper and standing.

He paced in a circle for a moment, eyes squeezed shut, and tapped the end of the pencil against his forehead, mumbling to himself, reaching into the vaults of his memory to recall the twenty pages of notes that were sitting on his desk who knew how many miles away.

The knot in his stomach had gone from nauseating to grating. And now a stiff ache was spreading out from the base of his skull in all directions with sharp webbing fingers. He'd never thought he'd hate having to make himself think so hard…And it was Hard, with a capital H. No computer. No internet. No books. No notes. All memory.

It should have been easier than it was proving itself to be, seeing as he'd gone through the process twice already. But he theorized that his panic was putting up a brick wall between what biochemical knowledge he knew and his own basic instinct to think of an escape plan.

He couldn't get his eyes to stop glancing toward the cameras every ten seconds. He couldn't stop his ears from straining themselves to pick up on the minutest disturbance. He couldn't get his stomach to stop moaning. And he couldn't make his body stay still.

He rubbed his palms into his eyes then pulled in a long breath and walked back over to the table as he exhaled. He sat down and hunched over the paper again, his knee bouncing reflexively. He scribbled down a few more notes, glanced at the cameras, then turned the burner off and stuck the pencil between his teeth as he mixed another solution.

The door busted open. Donnie flinched so violently that half the sulfuric acid in his hand splashed out of its bottle and onto his notes. He jumped out of the way before it could spill into his lap and a flame of anger flared up in his chest long enough for him to slam a fist on the table.

"_Chikusho_," he hissed, turning to pace again as he caught his breath. He raked a hand over his head, fingers curling back into a fist on their way over beads of sweat.

"Getting frustrated?" taunted a voice behind him.

He turned to find Fishface smirking at him as he walked in with a small log of foil in one hand and a soda can under his arm. He pulled a chair up to the opposite side of the table, plopped down and propped his metallic feet up.

Donnie narrowed his eyes; the fish continued to smirk. He unwrapped what looked like a burrito, took a large bite, then popped the tab on his soda and gulped down half the can.

Donnie waited for Fishface to taunt him, give him a message from the Shredder, threaten him, explain why he was there, but he did none of these things. Instead, he simply ate as though he was on a thirty-minute lunch break.

Donnie glanced down at the tortilla bulging with meat and cheese and glimmering red chucks of tomato. His stomach snarled greedily.

He stopped breathing through his nose and turned his face away.

"Why are you in here?"

Fishface burped. "I've been put on guard duty."

Donnie wrinkled his nose. "I thought that was what the cameras were for."

He saw Fishface shrug out of the corner of his eye. "I just do what the boss says, okay? It's called a job. I do what I'm asked. I don't complain. I get paid…Plus, I wanted to tell you this is the best burrito I've ever eaten. Have you ever heard of La Lucha? Delicious."

Donnie's jaw tightened. He refused to look in Xever's direction. Instead he stomped back to the table and pinched a dry corner of his notepaper. He pulled it off the table and let it drip for a minute as it dangled over the floor. He glared at it then shook his head and dropped it in the trashcan next to the table.

He set to work on cleaning the mess and for a while he and Xever occupied the morgue in silence—near silence anyway. Fishface was determined to make a show of his meal and ate it in a very passionate and noisy way. It took all Donnie had not to leap across the table and strangle him.

He'd already rewritten his formulas and was starting to measure out his acid again when Fishface decided he was bored with the silence.

"You know, this is the most pathetic thing I've ever seen."

Donatello did not respond.

"You owe me twenty bucks you know."

Donnie hunched his shoulders and wrote another note before pulling the microscope toward him.

"I didn't think you were actually going to do it. Bradford bet that you would cave once we nabbed your brother."

Fishface shook his head and crushed the empty soda can in his fist before tossing it toward the trashcan. It bounced off the rim and hit the floor with a hollow clatter, rolling to a stop next to Donnie's feet. He resisted kicking it back.

"I thought you turtles were all about honor. I'd have rather died than do anything on behalf of my enemy."

Donnie's chest swelled. "I don't expect you to understand, Fishface."

"Don't call me that," Xever snapped, dropping his feet on the floor. "You're in no position to hold any cheek, so I'd just watch it—because I might take it upon myself to relieve your so-called brother of that arm of his entirely."

Donnie looked away and squeezed a little more than the drop of solution he needed onto a petri dish.

Another wave of silence broke upon the surface between him and the fish and he tried not to think about how disgustingly right Xever was about him being pathetic.

Sure he could make the retro-mutagen now and prolong the end for both him and Mikey, but how long was that going to last? And what if he _couldn't_ do it? What if he forgot a string of formulas, the correct temperature to heat a compound, a measurement, an ingredient?

He lowered his eye to the microscope and then cursed under his breath.

April's DNA.

He didn't have it. And he wasn't about to tell the Shredder he needed it. But without it there was no way to finish the retro-mutagen.

He pulled in a breath through his nose and straightened his back. His lungs filled themselves with the lingering scent of warm Mexican spices. He pressed his tongue to the roof of his mouth as eager saliva weaved around it.

He glanced back at the fish who now had his hands behind his head and was rocking his chair back.

Donnie ignored his stomach and swallowed past the desert dryness of his throat. "Do you have any siblings, Xever?"

Fishface's yellow eyes flashed across the table, but Donnie looked down before they reached him and casually continued to busy himself.

"That's none of your business."

Donnie shrugged. "It's just a question."

The atmosphere stiffened and for a moment tasted stale, but eventually Xever glanced toward the opposite side of the room and murmured, "I had a brother."

The minutest flicker of hope sent Donatello's mind on a scheming spree. He kept his expression neutral, though behind his eyes an elaborate web of ideas began to form. "What happened to him?" he asked conversationally.

Xever's scaly jaw rippled. "Why should I tell you?"

"No one said you have to." The turtle shrugged again. "You just seemed kind of bored. I was striking up a conversation."

"And what makes you think I'm interested in carrying out a conversation with you?"

"Nothing…You were the one who came in here."

The fish huffed through his nose and was silent for a moment, tightening his arms across his chest in a very Raphael type of manner. But just when Donnie thought he'd lost Xever's cooperation, the mutated man opened his mouth to speak.

"He was too sick to help…It had been just the two of us for a while. I was four years older than him. He'd become my responsibility after our parents died. We had nothing, so I took what we needed, but it wasn't enough."

Donnie glanced up. Xever was glaring out at nothing, no longer rocking on his chair. "How old was he?"

Xever's yellow eyes slowly turned back on Donnie and they held that gaze for a long, chilling moment. "He was eight."

Donnie finally looked away with a faint nod and asked no further questions. He pulled the petri dish from the microscope and cleaned it off. "I guess I should apologize then."

Xever tensed and Donnie caught him furrowing his brow.

"You do understand." He looked back up and those yellow eyes twitched before Xever was the one to look away.

He scoffed. "Understand what?"

"What it means to have a little brother who's counting on you to give him just a little bit more time."

The corner of Xever's lips turned down, but his gaze rotated further away.

"We do live by honor," Donnie continued. "And what's honorable to us is protecting our family—in any way we can. I don't like the Shredder, and I would _never _voluntarily give a second of my time to helping him…if I had a choice. But circumstances change when my brothers are involved. I have to do what I can to protect them, because I love them. You understand that, don't you?"

Xever's eyes rolled back over to the table and he glared to the side. "Love is an anchor. You'll never get anywhere."

"And who says I'm not already where I need to be?"

Xever finally faced Donnie squarely again. "You're in a morgue, Donatello, making retro-mutagen for your enemy—all for the sake of one stupid little turtle."

Donnie shook his head. "For my brother…What did you tell yourself when you started stealing?"

Xever blinked with widened eyes before he snarled and stood up. He glared across the table as though to make sure Donnie felt it, then turned on his metallic heel and stomped out.

Donatello exhaled for what felt like the first time since Xever had entered the room.

His limbs shook, probably more with exhaustion and hunger than anything, but he felt a slight bit more satisfied. He closed his eyes and fixed his breathing.

"All it takes is a seed," he whispered to himself.

Then he nodded, opened his eyes, and continued working.

All it takes is a seed.

* * *

"R-X + NH2OH → R-ONH2 +…"

He closed his heavy eyelids and rubbed a palm into his forehead as though this would massage the creases of concentration off of his face and provide him with an answer.

"Plus what? Plus what…Dammit."

He swam through the fog in his mind, pushing it away only for it to thicken. It grew harder and harder to press on, but he continued to drive his arms out from his chest, performing perfect breaststrokes, moving forward as though he was fighting his way through a field of wheat as tall as his sensei. There had to be something hidden there, something he was forgetting that would reveal itself at any second.

"R-ONH2 plus what?"

_Decreased alertness and excessive daytime sleepiness impair memory and cognitive ability…_

"No."

He shook his head. Opening his eyes was like trying to peel apart two pieces of duck tape.

"That's not it," he murmured, hardly aware that he was speaking aloud.

He passed the eraser across his markings and cringed when the metal ferrule scratched the paper instead, leaving silvery gray streaks over his notes. He squinted at the end of the pencil then down at the desk where the eraser he'd once been using was scattered across the table in a thousand bits of shavings.

He groaned and tossed the pencil over his shoulder, then pressed his palms against the desk and stood.

He stared down at the beaker in front of him. The solution it held was clear at the moment and he couldn't remember if it was supposed to be at this point in the process.

It swirled and circled around the table, moving out of his grasp when he tried to reach for it. The room spun and he was jerked back to semi-consciousness when he felt himself tipping over. His arms flopped and caught the edge of the table before he could land on his shell.

It took far too much effort to push himself back up on the chair, and when he made it, his shoulders sagged.

His neck groaned, complaining stridently about the weight of his head, but his body always seemed to complain about something now. It was rather annoying, and just to shut it up he allowed his forehead to fall against the table.

His eyes closed automatically, but he told himself he wouldn't sleep. He couldn't…Or could he? He wasn't sure anymore. He wasn't sure about much of anything actually. Everything had gotten a little hazy after the sixth, eighth, maybe it was the tenth hour in the morgue. He didn't know. There was no clock.

To be honest, he could've sworn he'd seen one floating around about an hour ago. It looked suspiciously like the clock from his lab. And at that point he'd started to doubt he really knew where he was. Maybe it_ was_ all just a bad dream and he was at home, working in his lab on a retro-mutagen he didn't need. Or did he need it? He wasn't sure.

He fought to remember why he'd even bothered to make it a second time. For Karai…It was for Karai. And he'd finished it right? That happened. And she was human again. Wait…then why did Shredder need the retro-mutagen?

"Shredder…What's your favorite food?"

_Pizza_.

"Pizza? No way, that's my favorite. That's—that's Mikey's favorite…Mikey…"

A familiar nerve-pinching scream attacked the space between his ears, and he jumped up with a gasp only to find the world tilting. He flailed his limbs, but it was too late. His shell hit the floor and his head followed. Stars popped across his eyes and he blinked rapidly and turned over to push himself back up. But before he could, something snatched the rim of his shell and yanked him up so fast that the room spun again and he stumbled forward.

He felt like he was floating across the floor, somehow never falling even though he couldn't stand up straight. His hands reached up behind him and he felt fur, but before his lethargic brain could process anything, his head was shoved down.

He woke up the moment his face hit water and was submerged up to his neck. It flooded his mouth and shot up his nose, rushed down his throat and suffocated his lungs. He tried to choke, but it only came out as pockets of air that shifted the cubes of ice floating around his head. Every nerve he had jolted and he tried to pull his face free, but the strength of that furry paw on his shell wouldn't allow him.

He waved his hands until they found the rim of the tub and put full force into trying to shove it away as his feet kicked and dug into the floor.

The water was so cold it spread a numbing twinge of pain through his skin.

He shook his head, pulled, pushed, and squirmed until Tigerclaw finally yanked him back up.

The moment the even colder air hit his face, the water in his system tried to gush out all at once. He choked on it, his chest squeezing so tightly that he thought it might pop a lung up his throat and out of his mouth. A burn stung his nose and traveled up to his forehead and he tried to rub it out of his face.

He was hardly sputtering for five seconds before he was thrust forward and submerged yet again.

His eyes popped open and met only the grey inside of the metal tub. He tried again to push it away from him, this time with more vigor, and Tigerclaw responded by latching onto the back of his head and shoving his face deeper. His forehead hit the bottom of the tub and stayed there.

His heart began a loud frantic rhythm in his ears and filled his chest to the point that there was no room for a reservation of oxygen. And for a moment he was grabbed by a flush of raw fear. Tigerclaw was going to drown him—right now. Retro-mutagen wasn't going to save him. Obviously Shredder no longer needed it. Maybe he'd found out about Karai. Maybe he just decided Donatello was useless. Maybe he was impatient.

And what about Mikey? Donnie's heart seized with a chill that had nothing to do with the ice water he was trapped in. If they'd decided to get rid of Donnie, there was no reason to keep Mikey.

He tried to scream, tried to yank his way out of the end he hadn't anticipated. They could kill him if they wanted, but he had to make sure Mikey got away first.

Tigerclaw's claws pinched the skin around his skull and wrenched his head out of the tub a second time.

Donnie gagged and water shot out of his nose. It felt like someone was stabbing him between the eyes.

Tigerclaw flung him back on the floor and he turned himself over on his hands and knees.

The giant cat stepped toward him and he scrambled beneath the table, still choking and spitting up water onto the floor along the way.

He just barely made it under cover before Tigerclaw slammed a paw on the table and growled. Donnie jumped so violently his head hit the underside of the desk. More stars met his eyes and he clamped his hands around his skull and shivered. He watched with wide eyes as Tigerclaw's face lowered itself to his level.

"The next time you fall asleep, your brother will get the punishment. Finish your job."

And with that the man-sized tiger stomped away, leaving Donatello trembling beneath the table as cold droplets of water snaked their way into his shell.

He wasn't sure how long he sat paralyzed like so, but at some point it dawned on him that they'd send Tigerclaw back into the room if he didn't come out from hiding. So he crawled out on shaky hands and knees, picked up the pencil he'd tossed to the floor, pulled himself back up onto his chair, and with rocky handwriting finished the formula he'd started.

R-X + NH2OH → R-ONH2 + HX

* * *

"Leave him alone!"

He beat and kicked at the door, tried to slam his weight against it, but of course it didn't budge. Mikey's screams continued to fill the morgue with an echo that chawed through Donnie's ears with savage teeth.

He felt his face turning red with the push it took to make himself heard over the noise. "I'm working as fast as I can; let him be! STOP IT!"

He kicked the door one more time, then streaked back to the table, snatched up an empty test tube and threw it up toward one of the cameras watching him. It shattered into a million glittering pieces and rained upon the floor with a feather light tinkling.

He grabbed a beaker and chucked it at the same spot. It too shattered and trickled to the floor. He grabbed a test tube rack, a bottle of ammonia, a handful of stirring rods and threw them all in close succession, wildly convinced that destroying the equipment he needed would somehow make the screaming stop.

He had the microscope clutched by the neck and reared back over his shoulder before Mikey's shrieks cut off like someone had pressed the pause button on a remote. It was followed by silence that rang about the room at an even higher pitch, and Donnie froze, standing in the middle of the room with the microscope hanging by his side, breathing as though he'd just run a 5K.

He gazed up toward the speaker as though both hopeful and frightened that something might come out of it. And as the silence dragged on, his heart seemed to beat a little louder. His grip tightened on the microscope and a tug of nausea hit his stomach all too intensely. He almost ran for the trashcan, but a small click stopped him. He held his breath.

"Get back to work," a callous voice spoke.

Donnie's jaw clenched.

For a split second he forgot the delicacy of the situation and how important it was to remain calm and obedient. He really didn't care. He heaved the microscope up toward the camera, and a satisfying shiver coursed through his veins at the crunching sound of destruction. The lens cracked and a hinge was knocked loose. The camera went limp, facing the wall upside down.

Donnie turned his glare toward the camera on the opposite side of the room and then stomped back to the table and plopped down in his chair.

* * *

"I want to see my brother."

Rahzar slammed his massive paws on the table, sending a trembling ripple through each individual beaker and its contents. "And _I_ want to be human again. But I have to wait don't I?"

Donnie gritted his teeth and dared to lean in closer to the wolf. "And you'll have to wait even longer unless you let me see my brother."

"How about we cut off his head and bring it to you on a plate?" Fishface sneered, a wide curve pulling up his would-be cheek. "Would that be sufficient enough for you?"

"That is not a threat you have the authority to make, Xever."

Donatello and the two mutant henchmen looked toward the entrance where a sharp figure emerged from the shadows, walking with a slow, empowered stride, almost as though the ground was moving beneath him. If his face wasn't obscured by his metal_ kabuto_, his voice suggested he might have been flashing a dark smile.

"Bradford, tell Tigerclaw to bring down the young _kame_."

Rahzar hesitated. "But, Master…"

Shredder shot narrowed eyes at his servant. "Do as I say." He turned his gaze back on Donatello, his one good eye as cold and scarred as the other. "I see no reason why this—_child_ should not be allowed a visit from his kin."

Donnie swallowed as sickening tremors latched onto his shell and stole the blood flow from his fingers. The Shredder's tone seized his voice from his throat and rendered him silent, holding his gaze and enforcing the intangible power that this malignant man had over him.

He just caught the movement of Rahzar bowing his head from his peripheral vision.

"Yes, Master Shredder."

No one watched him leave. All eyes in the room were on the ever-present Master, except for those of the lord himself. He continued to stare unblinkingly at Donatello with soul-corrupting eyes and walked forward slowly.

Donnie gritted his back teeth and tried not to make the stutter of his heartbeat too obvious, but he could still feel his plastron rising and falling in a rhythm unlike that of a self-controlled ninja. He forced his feet not to step back as the Shredder came uncomfortably close and stopped just before the mask-less turtle, peering down at him as though he was an interesting, and yet altogether disgusting, specimen floating in a jar. Donatello curled his fists to keep his hands from shaking.

"You are very brave," Saki drawled, glancing away to the table of chemicals to pluck up a beaker and inspect it with a well-played sense of false interest. "I wonder if you would be so defiant in the face of a real threat."

He turned his eyes back down on Donatello who said nothing. He couldn't have if he wanted to; his tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth. He kept his lips sealed and stared with as much of a glower as he could fix on his face.

It was either a smirk or a hateful grimace that narrowed the Shredder's eyes and he set the beaker back on the table with a low rumble of, "Interesting."

The doors opened again and Donnie finally found it in himself to tear his gaze away from the Shredder, and when his eyes rested on his little brother, flanked by Tigerclaw and Rahzar, looking particularly small and battered but alive, all of Donnie's fears were forgotten.

With a knot in his throat the size of a baseball, he completely disregarded the room full of villains and ran toward his brother.

"Mikey!"

Mikey's wide blue eyes finally found him and instantly glazed over with desperate joy. "Donnie!"

He too detached himself from the two henchman and started to run to meet his brother but fell weakly to his knees after hardly getting three steps forward.

Rahzar and Fishface both snickered, but Mikey gritted his teeth and managed to push himself up just enough for Donnie to reach him and throw his arms around him.

The older turtle forced down the knot in his throat as his little brother buried his face in his shoulder and trembled fiercely. He suddenly felt as though he'd been holding his breath for the past few days and could only now truly breathe. He squeezed his brother tightly in his embrace for a moment, deathly afraid that he'd be taken away from him, that the Shredder had only allowed him to be brought in so that they could torture his innocent baby brother right before his eyes.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Mikey. You shouldn't be here."

He pulled back only slightly, just enough to take a good look at Mikey's face. His bright green skin was plagued with bruises, one most gruesome threatening to push his left eye closed and underlined by a nasty gash over his cheek. His injured arm was poorly bandaged at the shoulder with blood-stained gauze and hung limply by his side.

Donnie's stomach churned with another spell of disgust. He gingerly rested a palm against his brother's face, just barely brushing his thumb over the bruise. A passionate sting reached his eyes and he tightened his jaw.

"I'm sorry, Mikey."

Despite it all the little turtle managed a small smile, his blue eyes shinning. "I thought they were hurting you too," he said, his gaze searching Donnie's face.

Donnie clenched his teeth. He didn't tell his little brother they _were_ hurting him…Maybe his face wasn't a mosaic of bruises and scars, but they were tearing him apart on the inside. He shook his head instead and tried to smile like his brother, but could only manage a grimace.

"How did they get you?"

The corners of Mikey's lips trembled. "Long story, bro. As soon as April came back to the lair and told us what happened we went all over the city lookin' for you. I didn't think that—"

"April's okay?" Donnie exclaimed, releasing a breath he'd never known he'd been holding for her. The smallest of knots unraveled in his stomach.

"Yeah. She's with Raph and Leo…They've gotta be on their way by now," he murmured under his breath, glancing toward the Shredder with wary eyes.

Donnie grimaced. "Did you get a chance to study the route here?"

"Nah, dude…D," he lowered his voice even more, his wide eyes now staring toward Donnie's workstation. "You're not making the retro-mutagen for them are you?"

He turned a terrified gaze on his older brother and Donnie faltered, shrinking back an inch.

"I—"

"Donnie, you can't!" Mikey hissed, suddenly latching onto Donnie's arms with a tight grip.

It hurt but Donnie was lost for a split second in relief that Mikey's injured arm still worked.

"Don't do it. They already know about Karai," Mikey whispered urgently. "They know she's not a mutant anymore."

Donatello just blinked down at him, stuck in a trance of sickened happiness, drinking up the sight of his little brother. In the back of his mind he knew they'd been standing there for too long. He knew the Shredder, and Tigerclaw, and Rahzar, and Fishface were watching and absorbing their every word. A prickle of anxiety crawled up the back of his neck. They were going to take Mikey away soon. He could swear he even felt them hovering closer and closer every second. Maybe if they were quick they could run, they could escape.

"Remember what you guys said, Donnie?" Mikey squeezed his arms, desperate for his attention. "Remember what you said? If we get hit with the retro-mutagen, we'll just turn back into regular turtles."

Donnie blinked and Mikey shook his shoulders hard.

"They're gonna use it on _us,_ Donnie! They're gonna turn us back into turtles!"

Something finally awoke in Donatello's hazed mind, and the full force of Mikey's fear punted him in the gut.

"I don't want to be a normal turtle, D," Mikey exclaimed, a heavy gloss building up in his eyes.

Donnie grimaced and pulled him back into his embrace, holding him firmly, protectively. "It's okay, Mikey. We'll be okay."

Mikey sniffed and panted against his shoulder, closing both arms around his shell. "You gotta ninja promise, bro."

Donnie opened his mouth to respond with that promise, but before the words could form, his little brother was ripped out of his arms, and with him they pulled Donnie's breath away.

"NO!"

He lunged forward, reaching out with empty arms, but he was yanked back by his shell and that wretched furry paw again. He squirmed, his heart beating so fast he thought it might successfully get away from him.

He watched in horror as Mikey was lifted effortlessly off the ground by giant wolf claws and Rahzar half dragged, half carried his little brother away.

"D!" Mikey cried, struggling against his own restrainer, terror flooding his eyes and shimmering on his cheeks. "I don't wanna be a turtle!" he screamed.

Donnie shook his head, petrified. "Y-You won't," he stammered. "You won't, Mikey. I promise."

"I'm scared, Donnie!"

Donatello's throat closed and he observed through blurred eyes as his brother was taken further and further away.

"It'll be okay," he choked.

"Donnie!"

"…It'll be okay."

And just like that, his one moment of confused joy had evaporated like a puff of smoke. Mikey was gone.

Shredder's dark, looming figure stepped silently up beside Donatello, his eyes carelessly gazing after Mikey too. Once the lingering echoes of his frightened voice finally dissipated, the Foot clan leader looked down at the turtle beside him.

"Do not keep me waiting."

These were the only words he spoke, but they rattled every bone in Donnie's body and when Tigerclaw finally released him, he sank down to his knees.

They left the room, Fishface tagging along behind them with one small glance back in his direction. The door closed heavily behind them. And then Donatello was alone again.


	26. Chapter 26

The slow rhythmic _shink_ _shink shink_ sounded deadly in Leonardo's ears.

He kept himself hidden, just barely peeking around the corner of the archway to the dojo, his blue eyes watching Splinter's careful hands slowly slide a file over the shining blade of his sword.

The silence that rang between strokes, however brief, was chilling and hit the stale sewer air with a spine-aching pitch.

Splinter's face was a mask of barely concealed fury. His amber eyes never blinked. They simply stared down hungrily at the blade as though waiting for the moment he'd be able to use it.

Leo swallowed then shrank away and walked briskly back across the lair to close himself in the lab.

Four pairs of eyes glanced up at him. He shook his head and resumed his place over Donnie's lab table and the Footbot lying on top of it.

"We have to figure this out," he said, pulling delicately on a wire protruding from the Footbot's exposed circuits.

They'd managed to remove its face and dig into what Casey was referring to as its "brain," but so far—with immense frustration—they weren't getting very far.

Raph shook his head, arms crossed. "This is stupid. Why are we still messing with this thing? We've gotten no closer to finding Mikey and Donnie. We should be out there looking for them."

"That could take forever, Raph—literally—not to mention energy that we're going to need. This is the best shot we've got."

"And what has it accomplished for us so far, Leo?" Raph snapped, slapping his hands on the table. "It's taking too long. Who knows what Shredder's done to Mikey and Donnie by now? At least if we're out there looking we have a better chance of running into the Foot again, and next time we won't let 'em get away. If we don't find them now, there may not be a Mikey and Donnie to save."

Leo shuddered and tightened his jaw but didn't look up at his brother. "Karai..."

"I don't know, Leo," she said for probably the millionth time. "I'm not a robotics engineer. Sure I worked with these things, that doesn't mean I know _how_ they work."

Raph made a noise between a growl and a groan. "What is the point of having you around then?"

Karai's eyes flashed on him like the lethal points of hazel shuriken. "I didn't make these things, Raphael, the Kraang did. Why are _you _not smart enough to understand alien technology?"

"Alright enough," Leo exclaimed. He sighed with more exhaustion than he meant to let on and ran a hand over his face.

"Raph's right, Leo," Casey said. "We're not getting anywhere on this; we should get back out there and keep looking."

"If we leave this room, I'm not coming back without Donnie and Mikey," April said, shooting a weary glare at Casey. "We need to know where they are and flouncing around the city like headless chickens is not going to get us that information any faster."

"And this _is_?"

"We shouldn't be arguing about this," Leo snapped. "We already decided we would figure this out. We're not going anywhere right now. So what do we know so far?"

"Jack shit," Raph huffed.

Karai pulled in a breath. "It has to work on a global positioning system, otherwise it wouldn't be able to find its way around."

"And it has to have a memory bank of some kind," April recited. "Maybe there's a micro chip or a USB hidden somewhere that we can put into the computer somehow."

"Yeah except we've been through this already and haven't found anything like that…This is such a waste of time."

"You know what would help, Raph?" Leo said, shooting cold eyes on his brother. "Research."

"I'm not sitting back in front of that stupid computer for another four hours! Get someone else to do it. Maybe Karai can put herself to good use and actually tell us something we don't know."

"When are you going to get it, _kusottare_? I don't know any more than you do. And at least I'm actually trying to help instead of standing around bitching about what isn't happening!"

"What did you call me?" Raph barked.

Karai leaned over the table as though ready to pounce across it, palms pressed firmly against the surface. "_Kusottare_," she spat. "It means 'piece of shit.'"

"I know what it means!"

Leo's breath hitched as his eyes swung around. He leapt out of the way just as Splinter slammed the head of his staff down on the lab table with a crack that made everyone jump.

"Enough," he hissed through his teeth, glaring each one of them down separately.

No one spoke. They all stared up at him with wide eyes, and just as quickly as they'd forgotten where they stood, they became children again and were fully aware of it.

Leo took another step to the side. He wondered if anyone else was as afraid of the look on Splinter's face as he was.

But the rat master said nothing more to them about their arguing. Instead he shot his eyes to April and held out his hand.

"Give me your T-phone."

April fumbled through her pockets and handed the device out to him obediently, nearly dropping it in the process. He took it without comment, stuffed it in the fold of his robe, then turned and stalked back to the door.

Every wary pair of eyes watched him.

"I am going to the surface," he said, his voice tight and nonnegotiable. "You will receive a call from me soon. I expect you to answer on the first ring. I will tell you what you need to do then. You will not leave this lair until I contact you. Is that understood?"

They all stared.

Leo wasn't sure if he should nod silently or scream, "Yes, sir!" His body wouldn't cooperate anyway. The glint in his father's eyes was one he had never seen before, and for the first time in his life he was afraid of being in the same space as the great rodent master.

Splinter faced them squarely, the fur bristling on the bridge of his nose. "Is that understood?" he shouted.

All five teenagers flinched and bowed. "_Hai_!"

The rat hardly softened. "No more arguing," he said stiffly, and with that he left, leaving them no further information about what he was setting off to do.

* * *

Leo paced, arms folded over his chest, stomach twisting into a hopeless web of knots. He felt his brother's eyes glancing up at him every so often, but Raph stayed silent. It was the longest period of time Leo could ever remember his red-banded brother keeping his mouth shut. He didn't even make any comments to Karai who was sitting on the floor with her arms folded around her knees, staring across the room. There was about as much internal unrest swimming through her hazel gaze as there was squirming around in Leo's stomach. And that was a first.

They were all worried. He wasn't sure why exactly the anxiety had grown so much stronger in the hours that Splinter had left them all alone. Maybe it was just the ice lingering from the glare he'd saddled them with. Maybe it was the fact that they knew nothing of what was about to happen. Or maybe it was actually the sureness in Splinter's voice when he'd ordered them to wait. Maybe they all, just as much as Leo, had taken the master's tone as one of resolve. Splinter was going to put an end to this anticipation, which meant they would very soon be facing their enemies and recovering the missing members of their team. And it couldn't possibly be soon enough.

He wasn't sure how long they hovered around the T-phone sitting on the edge of the lab table, glancing cautiously at it every few seconds at five different intervals. But it felt like both a lifetime and no time had passed when the phone finally burst with a ring and they all jumped up at once.

Leo could barely breathe when he picked up the phone and put it to his ear. It wasn't helping much that the rest of them were now crowded around him, pressing in on his shoulders and shell.

"_Moshi moshi_," he croaked, swallowing past the dryness of his throat.

He could feel Raph's breath skating warmly down his neck as he pressed himself so close his ear was practically leaning against Leo's hand.

"Meet me at Murakami's. Bring the robot."

Leo hardly had time to process the dangerously level tone of Splinter's voice before the line went dead.

He took the phone from his face and stuffed it back in his belt.

"What'd he say?" Raph demanded, sticking close to his shoulder as Leo reached for the Footbot and heaved it on his back.

"We're going to Murakami's."

"Murakami's?" April repeated.

"The blind guy's noodle shop?" Karai asked.

"Are we getting dinner?" Casey interjected.

Raph kicked the back of the vigilante's knee as he stalked past him. Casey stumbled to the floor.

"Ouch! What the hell, man?"

"Don't be an idiot," Raph snapped.

Casey grumbled under his breath and pushed himself back to his feet. "It was just a question. I'm starving."

Leo led the way to the Shellraiser and shucked the Footbot to the floor once everyone was in. He plopped down in the driver's seat and eased the subway car into motion.

"Splinter's got something planned. We're going to find the guys…tonight. Be ready for any and everything."

He didn't look back at his team when he said this, but by the solid tension that seized the atmosphere he knew they understood.

* * *

The air up top seemed colder than he remembered it being a few days ago. It only tortured his stomach with the very urgent reminder that so much time had passed since Mikey and Donnie had been taken…too much time. And with the thought, his knees nearly gave out on him as they left the Shellraiser and he had to pause and brace himself against a wall while April, Casey, and Karai ambled past him. Raph stopped and glanced back.

Leonardo had discovered something very important since the Foot had snatched his two youngest siblings and that was that the air in which Donnie and Mikey were not present was impossible to breathe. And a body without sufficient oxygen could not think properly, could not function properly, and worst of all could not find the minutest bit of light to cling to. If Mikey was still with them, maybe he could find it in him to stay hopeful. If Donnie was still with them, he wouldn't have to worry about what he didn't know. With them both completely absent, he wasn't sure what gave him the right to stand before the rest of his team and call himself a leader.

He lifted his eyes to Raph's and the air turned even colder as they stared at one another. Neither of them said a word. They didn't have to. Raph understood. And while he'd been spending as much energy as possible on trying to push every blame on Karai, it never failed during moments like these, his habitual tendency to make himself accountable for everything that had gone wrong. Leo did this too—always—and it was one thing he and Raph could relate to.

They were responsible. Neither of them had done or was doing their job as an older brother and this was why Mikey and Donnie were still missing. They were failures…together, and they knew it.

This was the understanding that passed between their gaze, and while Raph made no comment about it, the heaviness of it for him was all too clear when the corner of his lips turned down and he looked away. He silently turned his back on Leo and kept walking, and somehow, this gave the eldest turtle the strength to push on as well.

The five of them slipped through the shadows along crevices between the buildings until they reached the vacant opening outside of Murakami's place. The windows were black and the OPEN sign had been flipped about. The atmosphere was not only silent but eerie, as the breeze that passed through had nothing but concrete to touch.

What remained of Leo's team sent glances of hesitation in his direction, and he pulled in a breath of courage and stepped forward from the shadows.

"Sensei?" he called softly.

For a moment, he was only answered by a ripple of cold silence. But then his heart nearly burst from his chest when the door of the restaurant swung open. And by the collection of gasps from the rest of them he knew he wasn't alone in his surprise.

Murakami peeked his head out into the open and waved a hand for them to move.

"Come in quickly."

Leo swallowed and led the way to the door. The rest of them followed. Murakami closed and locked them all inside once they'd piled in. However, they all froze just across the threshold and stared in a stupor at the scene before them.

Though the lights were out, the glow from the outside world gave enough illumination to see that Splinter was standing just in front of the bar with one hand behind his back and the other holding up the tentacles of a squealing Kraang brain. Behind him the empty shell of a Kraang droid lay across the top of the bar.

Once his mind processed what he was looking at, Leo internally kicked himself for being so stupid. Why hadn't he thought of this before?

"Did you bring the Footbot?" Splinter asked calmly, not taking his eyes away from the squirming pink blob for a second.

Casey inched forward and dropped the Footbot on the floor.

Though Splinter hardly glanced at it, he acknowledged it with a stiff nod then dragged the Kraang droid off the bar and dropped it too to the floor. He held the alien brain out over the Footbot as though he was showing it a new toy he'd gotten.

"You know what this is," he said.

The Kraang hissed and squealed, but Splinter paid no mind to it. He brought it over to its body and pressed one foot firmly against the droid's neck and the other on one of its knees before he stuffed the alien into the belly of its shell and allowed it to get situated.

The droid bleeped to life and bathed the room in pink and blue flashes of light. Its pink eyes shuddered on and it immediately tried to jerk itself up off the floor, but Splinter held it firmly beneath his feet. He unsheathed his sword with that same deathly _shink_ and sliced the air with it in a flash of silver. The blob of brain winced but the tip of the sword stopped just before running it through and remained barely a centimeter from its forehead in silent intimidation.

Splinter's whiskers twitched the barest bit and Leo found himself gazing in rapt trepidation at his father's face as he very calmly, very venomously spoke to the Kraang.

"We need to know where this Footbot has been. And you are going to help us."


	27. Chapter 27

**Okay, lovies. Sorry about the wait - which only seems to be getting progressively longer between chapters - but this is for you :) I have no earthly idea when I'll be able to get the next chapter up, but it always finds a way to cross my mind so I will not be forgetting about it, that's for sure. Between school, work, and a new boyfriend, finding little spaces of time to devote to fanfiction has just proven itself to be rather difficult is all.**

**Anyhow, I'll do my best not to be entirely too long with the next update but in the meantime proceed, read, enjoy, and let me know what you think :)**

* * *

He brushed a drop of sweat from the end of his nose with his thumb and carefully slipped a tube of sodium hydroxide into his solution. The yellow compound fizzed along the surface for a brief moment and then went flat again. He wrinkled his beak against a stench that stung his nostrils and gently pushed the beaker toward the middle of the table.

No sooner had he taken his hand away from the glass then the doors to the morgue burst open so violently he nearly jumped a foot out of his own shell.

He thought for the briefest of moments that maybe Fishface was coming back to tease him, but instead his heart clambered up to his throat and clogged his airways as the Shredder stomped into the room with Tigerclaw right behind him.

Donnie's eyes glanced quickly toward the beaker sitting on the table before turning back on Shredder who had crossed the distance between them with frightening speed. The young turtle didn't even have time to back away.

He stiffened as the Shredder yanked him up by the rim of his plastron and extracted his titanium claws. The tip of each blade was so close to Donnie's throat that he could feel the cold callousness of them hovering over his skin like a frost. His heart gave a couple of startled throbs and he stared up at Oroku Saki with unblinking eyes.

"This is taking too long," Shredder growled.

Donnie's hand automatically fit itself around Shredder's wrist as though he could detach himself from the threat. He glanced warily at the blades and Shredder shook him when he didn't respond.

"I want that retro-mutagen now!"

"I-I…" Donnie stammered, eyes snapping back to his enemy's charred face. "I-It's a very intricate formula. And the compound takes months to synthesize—"

Shredder let out a snarl and threw Donatello back against the table. His fingers latched onto the edge as though clinging to it might somehow protect him.

"I do not have months, do you understand? I will not wait that long. You _will _finish it now, or else you can count yourself one brother short."

"I can't! Th-that's impossible. There are solutions that have to consolidate and re-liquefy, chemicals that need time to bond to—"

He was blinded by a backhand so fierce that it sent him sprawling to the floor. He landed flat on his plastron and choked on the wind that escaped him. His cheek burned and when he pushed himself up on his knees he stared for a moment as shiny crimson droplets dripped down to the floor.

"Bring him in," Shredder said.

Donnie's heart stuttered and he whipped around just in time to see Tigerclaw opening the doors. He made a gesture and Fishface filed in with three Footbots and a limping Mikey.

Donnie's eyes immediately procured a sting and he turned them on Oroku Saki. "Shredder," he pleaded, his heart stuck in his throat. "It takes time. There are all kinds of variables that have to be considered—that have to be tempered. I can't just pour chemicals into a beaker and make it poof into existence. It requires patience."

Shredder wasn't listening to a word. Instead, he strode over to where his little brother had been forced to his knees and held out his hand.

One of the Footbots offered over a handheld buzz saw that looked as though it had been yanked straight from the screen of a horror movie. Donnie's stomach roiled as his eyes grazed along the jagged edges of the circular blade and for a moment his arms were too wobbly to push himself up.

"I have no patience," Shredder said. He flipped a switch and a sickening whir curled through the morgue and made Donnie's muscles cringe the same way a manicured nail would dragging across a chalk board.

Mikey's eyes widened on the tool and even through the ear-grinding buzz Donnie could hear his whimper.

It was this that brought Donnie to his feet, faster than he realized he could still move, but of course the moment he got close enough Tigerclaw snatched his bicep and squeezed off his circulation.

"Shredder, please! I can get it done, just give me time."

Shredder never once glanced in his direction. His chilling eyes were for his brother only. "I have given you time. Lay him down."

Mikey moaned as the Footbots forced his chin to the ground and held him still. He tried to look up, his blue eyes glossy and round, but one of the Footbots shoved his cheek against the floor and instead his gaze shot up at Donnie. Tears very quickly pooled around the rims of his eyes but he bit his lip and squeezed them shut.

Donnie struggled. "Shredder…"

"I have always been curious," Saki drawled, "of what lies beneath the shell of a mutated turtle."

Donnie knew Mikey was trying not to appear frightened but that didn't stop the sob from escaping the little turtle's throat.

Donnie tried to lunge forward but all it rewarded him was a furry headlock. "Please don't!" He kicked his feet but his heels bounced off of Tigerclaw's shins as though he was swinging at tree trunks.

"I'll get it done. I can get it done!"

Shredder tilted his head ever so slightly to the side, as though to indicate that he was listening. "When?"

Donnie opened his mouth, but to his horror no words came out of it, and Oroku Saki proceeded to lean the saw closer to Mikey's shell. The blade spun so fast that the jagged points were a blur and the face of the saw gleamed with a sinister shine.

Donnie choked and words tumbled out of his mouth. "No! No, please don't do this. Please. I promise I'll get it done. I'll work as fast as I can. Please leave my brother alone. This has nothing to do with h—"

An ear-splitting screech punctured the atmosphere, and Donnie had no idea how much of it was from the blade grazing across the keratin of his brother's shell and how much was coming from Mikey himself who thrashed against the floor. The Footbots didn't give an inch.

"Mikey, don't move! Don't move."

He could hardly see anymore, let alone hear himself screaming over the noise. Tigerclaw's arm tightened around his neck the more he struggled, but however much he knew it was useless there was the smallest part of him that dared to hope if he fought hard enough he could stop this. But telling Mikey not to move produced about the same results as telling himself not to panic. Mikey's squirming only allowed the blade to drive a deeper notch into his shell. Soon there wouldn't be shell enough to protect him.

"I can do it, Shredder! Just give me a couple of days. I can—"

His words turned into gags as the very edge of the blade quickly went from silver to bright red and Mikey's shrieking thickened.

The room tilted and Donnie was sure his knees would buckle at any second, but before they could, the ground quaked with a thundering explosion that sounded from somewhere above their heads. The whir stopped and Mikey's screams quieted to breathless moans of pain that hardly lifted from the floor.

They all looked up toward the ceiling and paused as though waiting for something to burst from it.

Another explosion went off, this one louder than the first, and the force rattled the beakers on the table.

Shredder's glare snapped down to his right-hand man. "Tigerclaw!"

The morgue doors burst open and all eyes lifted to Rahzar who panted in the doorway and looked toward his master sheepishly.

"Uh…The um…They…They're here," the wolf muttered, hanging his head.

"What?!"

The saw was thrown to the floor.

Both Donnie and Mikey flinched as the blade landed half an inch from Mikey's nose.

Rahzar backed away, hunching lower as Shredder stomped over to him. The Foot clan leader grabbed the wolf by the ear the way a mother might her disobedient son. Rahzar gave a very dog-like yelp.

"How did they find us?"

Rahzar shook his head with a shrug and whimpered when the Shredder kicked him back out into the hall.

"Never mind," he growled. "Get back up there. Do not let them past the lobby. Tigerclaw, find Stockman and round up the Footbots."

Donnie gasped as Tigerclaw's arm uncoiled and slipped away from his neck. The tiger marched obediently out of the morgue.

"Xever," Shredder snarled, his voice so sharp it might have been a weapon of its own. "Do not let these two out of your sight."

He swiped a bladed hand through the air and pointed it at Donnie. "Finish the retro-mutagen now. Do anything to attempt an escape and Xever will slit your brother's throat."

And with that he turned on his heel and left, cape swishing fluidly behind him. The doors closed. Donnie, Mikey, Fishface, and the three Footbots were alone.

Xever's lips curled into a sneering glower. He yanked Mikey up from the ground and held him against his chest, whipping out his butterfly knife to hold over Mikey's throat.

The little turtle sagged and Donnie could see him struggling to focus on what was happening. Blood dripped from the bottom edge of his shell and began to puddle just beneath him. Xever was probably the only thing holding him up.

Donnie turned his eyes up to the fish and for a moment they just stared at one another. But there was a shift changing the atmosphere. The power, as far as who had the upper hand, began to flip and they both knew it. But Fishface narrowed his eyes and pressed the blade of his knife so roughly against Mikey's neck that it broke the skin and a small drop of blood rolled down over his collarbone.

"Finish the retro-mutagen, now!"

Donnie straightened his spine and obediently backed away until he reached the table. His eyes only fell when he was back in front of his workstation and even then he continually glanced up at the scene before him.

The three Footbots were flanking Fishface's back, ready and waiting either for orders or movement. Mikey had nearly sunk to his knees and Fishface had a grimace of discomfort to his expression, however threatening he meant for it to be.

Donatello pulled in a large breath and calmly proceeded to busy his hands. He pulled a rack of empty test tubes toward him. Overhead more explosions erupted and shook the framework of the building. Donnie was slightly surprised that the entire hospital hadn't fallen on top of them yet.

"You don't have to do this you know," he said quietly.

"Shut up! Finish the retro-mutagen or I'll finish little Michelangelo. Don't you say a word to me."

Donnie didn't respond for a moment. He added more acid to his solution and stirred it placidly. Then he set it over the Bunsen burner and let it heat up to a simmer before extracting a small amount with a dropper and filling a test tube. He corked the tube and waited for another explosion to draw Fishface's attention before he slipped it beneath his wristband.

He did the same with a second tube, this time holding it in his hand, and took the beaker off the burner.

"Don't you think you should be joining the fight?"

Xever snapped his gaze to him and hissed. "Don't taunt me, turtle."

"It was an honest question. Sounds to me like a pretty serious breech in security. I'm just wondering if they need the extra hand."

Xever scoffed. "How stupid do you think I am?"

"I don't." Donnie shrugged. His eyes glanced to Mikey whose body sagged to the left. Xever tightened his hold and stood him up straighter.

Donatello forced himself not to grimace. "Xever," he said. "I know you don't want to be in here."

The fish's eyes narrowed.

"Mikey and I are useless. He's in no condition to fight and neither am I. What could we possibly do?"

"You're standing on your own two feet; that's enough for me. I'm not going anywhere and you're delusional if you think I'm going to leave you alone to escape."

The muscles in Donnie's cheek twitched. "He needs medical attentio—"

"I don't care!"

Donnie clenched his empty fist and shot a glance toward the Footbots.

"He's going to die anyway," Xever continued, "unless you finish that retro-mutagen."

Donnie sucked in a breath and plucked the beaker off the table. He held it high over his head, displaying it before Fishface's gaze until he was satisfied with the desperate hunger that glimmered across his yellow eyes. Then he coiled his muscles and slammed the beaker down on the floor.

The glass shattered. Xever howled in protest. The Footbots charged.

Donnie clutched the tube he still held and braced his back leg. He ducked the first Footbot's swipe, palmed its neck and pushed it down to the ground then snatched a pole arm out of the hands of the second, stabbed the first in the back and punted the second in the stomach which sent it crashing into the lab table with a symphony of breaking glass. He yanked the pole arm back up, sliced the head off the last Footbot and shot up the fist holding the test tube. Xever's muscles twitched as his eyes stared fervently at the solution in the vial. The blade of his knife obtained a faint tremble.

"Retro-mutagen," Donnie said, sure to keep his voice as even as possible despite his loss of breath. Sweat rolled down his temples and he resisted wiping it away though it stung the corners of his eyes. He glanced toward his brother whose blue eyes gazed half-lidded out at nothing and slid out of focus. His knees slumped further toward the ground.

Donnie looked back at Fishface. "There's enough for one person and one person only."

Xever's eyes flashed as he met Donnie's gaze. He took a step back and reestablished the threat over Mikey's throat.

"Give it to me."

"Hand over my brother."

"_¡Jamás!_ Give me the retro-mutagen and I might consider letting him live."

Donnie's fist clenched around the pole arm and he aimed it directly at Xever's face. "If you kill him, I _will_ kill you."

Xever laughed. "You don't have the guts. I've seen the way you fight and I know how your kind works. You were not bred to murder. You won't kill me."

"Remember what I told you about our honor code, Xever? The rules change when you're standing in front of me with a knife over my brother's throat. I can be a threat when I want to be and you can be sure that I won't fall short on my promises. I _swear _I will kill you the moment his heart stops beating. I wouldn't take the chance, Fishface. Let my brother go and I'll give you the retro-mutagen. We all get to keep our lives and you can walk out of here on real legs."

Xever's brow creased but for the briefest of moments he said nothing, as though he wasn't sure whether or not to believe anything Donatello was saying. After a moment of hesitation his lips curled up.

"I _could _just kill him, kill you, and take the retro-mutagen by force."

Donatello shook his head. "You won't."

"What makes you so sure?"

"You would have done it already."

Those yellow eyes took on a flash of near surprise as though he'd only just realized that he could indeed have made a move this whole time. And still, he took no step forward or back, nor did the knife dig its way any further beneath Mikey's skin.

"Maybe I'm biding my time, waiting for you brother to die on his own. Makes things easier for me," Xever sneered.

"Or maybe you're second guessing yourself," Donnie shot back. "You don't want to kill him, and you don't want to kill me. If you'd ever had half as much the opportunity you do now, we would have been dead months ago. You haven't finished us off because you can't, not because you're choosing not to. You're a human being, and maybe you don't have near as much compassion as you should, but you know the value of life and you have no willingness to take it. Mikey is a child."

He paused, allowing this to sink into the forefront of Xever's mind before continuing. "He's just as innocent, debilitated, and vulnerable as your little brother was the day that he died, and I'm just as prepared to steal what I need to in order to save him, the same way I'm sure you were. Do. Not. Test me."

Xever's chest heaved and his expression wrinkled with hatred, but still he made no further movements.

Another bead of sweat dropped from Donnie's chin and he could swear he heard it hit the floor. But then again, maybe that was the leak of Mikey's blood.

He glanced at his brother. Mikey's eyes stared through him blankly. His foot slipped an inch across the floor, spreading a smear of red over the pale grey concrete.

Donnie swallowed and glared back at Xever who huffed and shook his head to himself.

"We'll trade at the same time," he said. "You toss me the vial, I give you your brother. On three…"

Donnie inched closer and steadied the pole arm, bending his knees at the ready. "One…"

"Two…"

"Three."

It was only with every drop of faith he had that he tossed the tube to Xever who, in return, shoved Michelangelo forward and forgot both turtles instantly. He caught the vial the same moment that Donnie dove forward and caught Mikey. The pole arm clattered against the floor, unheard, and Donnie wasted no time in lifting his brother onto his shell and running for the exit.

Xever neither followed nor said a word to him, and it wasn't until Donnie had one foot over the threshold that he felt a squirm of discomfort and stopped to turn around.

"Xever."

Fishface looked back over his shoulder.

"Don't use it," Donnie warned.

The fish scoffed, a grin curling up through his beet red scales. He uncorked the test tube and Donnie said nothing more.

He turned away and made his way down the hall as fast as his exhausted muscles could move.

He had already rounded the last corner and found the elevator before the echoes of Xever's anguished screams ricocheted off the walls and rang against his ears, and though his stomach twisted with a faint knot of guilt, he didn't turn back.

He pressed the button and waited, gripping his brother's legs securely beneath his knees.

"That wasn't retro-mutagen, was it?"

If Mikey's voice had been any farther from his ear, Donnie might not have heard the question.

He shook his head. "No."

The elevator doors slid open with a cheery ding and Donnie stepped in. When the doors closed again, the atmosphere in the little box was just quiet enough that Donnie caught what sounded like the faintest of chuckles.

"Booyakasha…"

Mikey's head lolled forward and he said nothing else.


	28. Chapter 28

**Sooo...I'm just gonna slide this chapter on the table and back away slowly. No points taken off for late work right? **

**Okay good. Proceed. (*Note: A lot of POV changes in this chapter)**

**Thanks for sticking with me lovies. **

* * *

He threw his shell against the vent shaft on the roof and waited.

His pulse accelerated steadily but he kept it out of his breathing. Silence was vital, and the breeze whistling past his ears and whipping the tails of his mask against his neck and cheeks wasn't helping.

He closed his eyes and pulled a long breath in through his nose. "Two…three…"

He slipped a small explosive out of his belt.

He extracted a match along with it and tucked it between his teeth on the right side of his mouth. "Shix…sheven…"

He yanked out a sai, slipped the tines through the screen of the vent and pried it off. He set it down on the rooftop next to him and took the match from his mouth, then waited again.

As soon as his internal timer hit twenty, an explosion went off below his feet that shook the building. He lit the match and began counting again.

"Three, two…"

He lit the fuse on the explosive and dropped it down the air duct then ran across the roof and crouched against the wall adjacent to the stairwell door just as the second explosion sounded off, this time making his ears pop.

He adjusted his crouch, maybe more out of restlessness than necessity, and pulled out his second sai.

The third explosion went off at exactly the second it was supposed to at the far end of the building, and his stomach twisted thinking of how long it had already been since Leo and Karai had blown up the entrance. How many Footbots were on top of them right now? Could Karai really be trusted not to turn on Leo and fight along with the Foot? And what if she did? There would be no one there to back Leo up. He, Raph, was on the roof. April and Casey were infiltrating through the left wing of the building, and Splinter was making a scene at the back.

A crease formed on Raph's brow and his foot took half a step toward the edge of the building before the door behind him burst open and a Footbot poked its head out.

Raph gritted his teeth, tightened his grip on his sai and threw himself out around the corner, spearing the Footbot's skull in the process. He kicked it in the chest and its head popped off of its body as easily as a bud could be plucked from the stem of a flower.

The body clattered its way backward down the stairs, but no other Footbots came to inspect the noise, so Raph tossed the head to the side and let himself in, closing the door behind him.

* * *

He weaved his way through the lobby with his head low and his grip tight on the handles of his katana. Near-black smoke curled around his torso as he decapitated one Footbot after another, spliced metallic limbs and shoved his blades through the chest of any Footbot that dared to get too close.

He couldn't see anything past a foot in front of him, but he didn't need to. Florescent white lights flickered on and off somewhere above his head, but they were too weak to cut through the smoke screen. He had no idea how many Footbots were charging them right now. He just knew he had to keep cutting them down. At least Karai was with him…somewhere. He could hear her own battle raging on the other end of the lobby, and that was all the assurance he needed.

What plagued his mind the most wasn't her for once. From the satisfying clatter of metal bodies hitting the ground left and right it sounded as though she was perfectly fine. What he wanted to know was where his brothers were.

They were close, so much so that he could feel his instincts itching to lead him to them, nearly perfectly willing to drop his swords and walk away at that very second. This was what they were here for, not to fight Footbots—not this time. But he had to stomach it. April would find Donnie and Mikey, and Casey would cover her back. That was the plan. The rest of them were just a distraction.

A wisp of movement shifted the smoke to his right. It was heavier than that of a Footbot's, though it moved just as quickly, and the threat level of what could be hiding in the smoke beyond what he could see suddenly made a significant leap on his radar. He glimpsed the faint silhouette of something bulky slinking around his back, and he slammed another smoke bomb on the ground. He turned and faced his opponent's presence, blades crossed in front of him, knees bent.

A handful of heartbeats went by, in which he heard nothing but Karai continuing to slice down Footbots what now seemed far away. He narrowed his gaze, eyes flicking back and forth, ears straining to find another shift of movement.

He heard the faintest rumble of a growl. Then Tigerclaw leapt through the smoke hardly a yard from his face. He jumped high, just barely missing Tigerclaw's swiping paws and planted his feet on the cat's giant shoulders before kicking off of him with a flip and landing in a low crouch behind the mutant tiger.

Tigerclaw straightened his stance with a pop to his neck and turned back around to face Leo with a grin.

Leo's beak wrinkled and his muscles tensed, prepared to spring forward. But just before he could, a boney force barreled into him and sent him sliding across the tile floor through the smoke. He shook his head to clear the shock away, and when he pushed himself up, not only was he facing a giant cat, but a giant dog as well. He huffed through his nose and bolted forward.

* * *

Level three seemed to be a safe place to stop. It was quiet, and if his memory served him correctly he'd spent his first few days of darkness on the third floor.

Still, he hesitated before openly jumping out into the hallway.

He first inched forward until his toes were aligned with the tile of the hall and just barely poked his nose out of the elevator. He glanced left, then right, but nothing came.

He took a deep breath then crossed the threshold and ran the opposite direction of the muffled explosions coming from floors both above and below them.

Mikey's weight began to sink. Donnie adjusted his grip and bucked his brother further up his shell. His eyes darted around the vacant hallway, searching for a suitable room, but he wasn't satisfied until he reached the most desolate and secluded chamber in the farthest corner of the hospital wing. There, he was relieved to find a dusty hospital bed. Though equipped with nothing more than a deflated pillow, it was more than most of the other rooms possessed. It would do.

He hurried across the room and slowly eased Mikey down onto the mattress, but even with as much tenderness as he used, Michelangelo still coughed out a small whimper. The bed echoed it with a rusty groan beneath his weight. A crease stuck itself to Donnie's brow, but he proceeded to turn Mikey over on his side, cringing internally as his little brother protested along the way.

"I know. I know," he whispered. "I'm sorry. Just hang in there. I have to take a look."

Though he hissed through his teeth, Mikey cooperated and became obediently still with his face pressed against the pillow.

Donnie rested a comforting hand on top of his brother's head and peered down at the young turtle's shell through the shadows.

His stomach convulsed, and a rush of pressure tried to burst up through his throat. He swallowed and squeezed his eyes shut, unconscious of the way his fingers pressed into Mikey's temple.

"Is…Is it bad, D?" the little turtle asked.

Donnie opened his eyes and blinked away the sting. "No…No…It-It's fine," he said, hoping his tone was believable enough to pass, though he had a hard time believing even Michelangelo could've missed the hesitation in his voice. But either Mikey was too disoriented to notice or he was simply aware that now was not the time to worry about it because he made no comment.

"I'm just going to wrap it up, okay?"

Mikey gave the smallest of nods, and Donatello went on a quick hunt for anything useful, which, in an abandoned hospital, was surprisingly very little. But he managed to dig out stale sheets and an old pair of suture scissors and set to work on cleaning up as much of Mikey's shell as was possible.

Mikey stayed amazingly still during this, which made Donnie think he might've lost consciousness a few times. He wished he was in his lab…or a real, functioning hospital for goodness sake. There should've been more available to him, more that he could work with, more time even. But the continuous rumbling of disturbances in the distance only persisted in reminding him that this wasn't over yet.

His hands shook as he bound Mikey's shell up in a cocoon of sheets, and he hoped it would be enough. He rubbed his eyes a couple of times, swayed, and shook his foggy head to keep himself present. It was not time to rest.

It was not time to rest.

When he sniffed, it was loud, and Mikey flinched as though startled out of sleep. He took a shuddering breath and turned his face to the side. Donnie could see the weakest of grins spreading across his little brother's cheek, and it was all Donatello had in him not to turn into a puddle right there, crawl up on the bed next to Mikey and simply wait until the fight was over and someone found them.

"Remember when I did this for you?" Mikey said, almost with a tone of fondness, as though the memory was a good one.

Of course Donnie remembered…Donnie remembered how excruciating a cracked shell felt, how tired and lifeless and vulnerable he'd been, how his busted carapace was sufficiently disgusting enough to have Mikey puking in the toilet. The little crack in Donnie's shell was like a chipped a tooth compared to this.

He squinted, but nodded, and finished securing the wrappings around his brother. "Yeah."

Mikey nodded too. "Doesn't seem like that long ago."

Donnie shook his head, unable to respond.

"We gotta stop getting our asses whooped like this, bro."

The corner of Donnie's mouth twitched and he was surprised to find himself chuckling, which only made the sting in his eyes worse. He didn't understand how Mikey did it. There was nothing to smile about.

"Agreed," he said, placing a hand on Mikey's shoulder, almost afraid for a moment to leave him.

He had one fleeting moment of panic, another phantom pain, only it wasn't physical this time. Something tried to tell him that to leave Mikey meant to subject him to yet more torture. A Mikey out of his sight was a Mikey being tormented and abused, as though if Donnie left the room, the Shredder would melt out of the shadows and finish sawing his brother's shell in half.

He shuddered, again without noticing the way his grip tightened on Mikey's shoulder.

Another explosion sounded, this time much closer and he forced himself to suck up the fear.

"Alright, Mikey. Don't leave this room. I'm gonna lock the door okay?"

"No!"

He was jerked to a stop the moment he turned to leave, and was caught off guard by how quickly Mikey flipped himself over and snatched his wrist—though it wasn't without a grimace of pain that made Donnie's stomach turn.

"I wanna come," Mikey said, attempting to get up from the bed. "I wanna fight too."

"No." Donnie shook his head as he gently urged his brother back on his side. "It's too dangerous for you. You have to—"

"I can do it. You guys need me. Just give me two seconds and I'll be okay."

He tried to push himself up but failed epically in concealing the whimper of pain that escaped him when he did. Donnie rested his hand back on his shoulder, gazing down at his little brother with a bittersweet kind of pride to his furrowed brow.

He remembered that too, being hindered by a weakness that kept him from protecting his family. But Mikey couldn't move, not at all, and Donnie was not about to let him make it worse for himself.

"You've done phenomenally already, Mikey," he said, this time purposely giving Mikey's good arm a light squeeze. "You need to stay here now. You're in no condition to fight."

"Neither are you. Look there's blood all over your face, and your tired…You haven't eaten anything. You don't even have your bo staff!"

"They need help, Mike. And I have to let them know we're okay. I'll come back for you, I promise."

At this Mikey sagged a little, his eyes a bit wider and glossed with a fear that seemed more real now than the smiling had a minute ago. He loosened his hold on Donnie's wrist.

"You promise," he repeated in a whisper.

Donnie nodded. "As soon as it's over."

Mikey swallowed and looked away, his eyes glancing at the door. "Okay."

Donnie gave him one last reassuring pat and turned to walk away again.

"Donnie."

He stopped and looked over his shoulder.

"Kick Shredder's ass for me."

Donnie smiled, a real one this time, full of as much anger, hurt, and hunger as Mikey's request. "I will."

Mikey finally nodded and lay back on his side, watching as Donatello left the room, locking the door behind him.

* * *

April's knees locked as the ground shook beneath her feet and a blast of hot wind rushed past the corner of the building they were hiding behind.

"Okay, I think that's enough."

"One more…for good measure," Casey said with a grin, lighting another one of his exploding pucks.

"Casey—"

He tossed the puck up and thwacked it with his hockey stick midair, sending it flying around the corner where it blew a little too close for comfort. The charred scent of burnt grass and bricks stung her nose. That particular blast was a little hot.

"Alright, come _on_," she said, tugging on Casey's sleeve. "I think they get it."

They sprinted around the back left of the building, opposite the side where they'd disposed of all their explosives—or at least all the ones April had been given, who knew how many pucks Casey was still harboring…and where.

After checking the area for Footbots, they broke open a window and climbed their way into an old lab.

April began to lead the way but Casey shot a hand out in front of her and crossed the room to the door first. He opened it a crack and peeked out into the hallway.

"Coast's clear," he whispered after a moment.

The two of them darted out of the room and charged down the hall, their footsteps leaving echoing taps along in their wake the way a ninja turtle would never allow.

"So this is like, the biggest hospital ever. How the heck are we supposed to know where to look for them?" Casey said as his eyes scanned each turnoff they passed.

April shook her head, but she knew. She could feel Donnie getting closer with every step they took. Maybe it was a perk of her super sensitive psychic alien powers, but there was something more to it too, otherwise she might've convinced herself that she wasn't sure which missing turtle she was tracking—it could've been Mikey. But it wasn't, and she knew that. It was Donnie she was being led to, and she knew that as long as they found Donnie, everything would be okay.

"This way," she said, opening a door to a stairwell.

Casey unquestioningly followed her up two flights of stairs and again ushered her behind him as he shouldered his way through the third floor door.

He peeked his head out into the hall and craned his neck to check the other side.

"Okay, I think we're—"

His eyes widened with alert and he dove out of the way, tackling April to the side and pinning her against the wall as a swarm of throwing stars planted themselves in the door. That annoying yipping followed immediately after, like a pack of Chihuahuas alerting the presence of a stranger.

Two Footbots charged the doorway the same moment that Casey flew at them from the opposite side. He hooked his hockey stick around the neck of one, and slammed it down to the floor with enough of a bend to his own back to give April room to chuck her tessen into the face of the second Footbot.

It fell back, and April squeezed her way past Casey banging his stick repeatedly into his opponent's face. She yanked out her tessen and held it up defensively as she moved along the hallway with her back to the wall. There was nothing worth mentioning in immediate sight, but she paused, her ears perking up at the faint whisper of what ninja footsteps were supposed to sound like coming from around the nearest corner.

"Casey."

Casey straightened up and kicked the same Footbot that had stopped moving a long time ago then barreled out into the hallway and ran directly for the approaching swarm.

He pulled another three pucks out of nowhere and shot them all in unison down the adjacent hall with his signature bellow of "Goongala!"

April wasn't sure why she insisted on running up to where he was, as though she should check to see how many Footbots were being blown to pieces. But the moment all three explosives went off, it sent both her and Casey flying backward with a blast of heat that stung her skin. Her back hit the wall and stars popped across her eyes. It took her a few seconds before she could do anything more than choke on smoky air and grimace at a shockwave of pain that climbed up her spine.

"Whoo!" Casey exclaimed, though his voice was muffled behind the ringing in her ears. "Those things got some punch!"

April groaned. "Maybe you should use less gunpowder next time."

She rolled over onto her knees and Casey came up behind her and pulled her up by her elbows. They both swayed a moment, Casey with a goofy, gap-toothed smile and his chest heaving a little breathlessly.

"Where's the fun in that?"

April rolled her eyes, though a tiny smile of her own made it to the corner of her mouth before she turned toward the adjacent hall to find about ten Footbots crawling and leaping over the flames and dead bodies of their Footbot kin.

Casey tapped the head of his hockey stick on the ground. "Let's do this."

He sprinted to meet the Footbots head-on, thwacking two or three down before getting tackled by a forth. April attempted to come up from behind, but before she could fling her tessen, another Footbot caught her wrist. She struggled against it, trying to wiggle loose, and shot a power kick at another Footbot's stomach as it charged up at her from the side.

She grabbed her tessen with her free hand and sliced the hand off of the Footbot holding her. Its eyes flickered red with a robotic groan, but its demeanor remained eerily in control. It dodged her second swipe aimed at its head and kneed her in the gut. All the air she'd ever breathed in was snatched out of her lungs that very second and another tremble of pain rattled her spine. The Footbot didn't let her fall back. It grabbed a fistful of her shirt with its remaining hand and rammed its titanium skull against her head.

The next thing she knew, the ground was at her cheek and the floor was swaying when she tried to blink her eyes open. She thought she heard someone calling her name, but she wasn't sure. All she could distinguish was the sound of her own pulse in her ears and the blurry sight of feet moving across the floor. Something wet was leaving a path from her forehead down over her nose, but when she tried lifting her hand to wipe it away, her arm moved so slow that she couldn't seem to control it. It was like trying to move quickly through water. Though water wasn't supposed to smell like rusted copper.

"Red…Red!"

She blinked again and felt herself turning over without meaning to, but then she realized there were hands on her. Casey's face suddenly appeared right in front of her. His nose was busted, right at the bridge. Blood was still leaking from it and she was pretty sure that it was dripping down onto her shirt, but she couldn't open her mouth to tell him to back up.

"April," he said, this time his voice a little clearer. "Can you hear me? Are you okay?"

Her brow furrowed, and suddenly her chest began to pull in gasps of air as though it had just learned how to breathe. "Y-Yeah. I'm okay…I'm fine."

She pulled herself up, aware of the hand that Casey held against her back. Her brain throbbed and the hallway rocked for a few seconds, but after squeezing her eyes shut and opening them again everything became still. Or at least she thought it did, until her eyes picked up movement behind Casey, and she lifted her gaze to three more Footbots coming up the hall.

"Casey!" she screamed as the Footbot in the lead raised a handful of shuriken.

It reared its arm back before Casey had time to move.

All April felt was his fingers tightening around her back and his body shifting closer to her, nearly blocking her view of the Footbot as he placed himself between her and the threat, turning his back to it.

She had a split-second's flashback of Donnie doing the same thing, his body shielding her as his eyes firmly assured her that he would not let anything harm her. Her heart skipped a beat and she flinched as something flew past her peripheral vision…her tessen.

It buried itself in the Footbot's forehead, sending it crashing to the floor, shuriken forgotten. The other two robots fixed their attention on something April couldn't see until a very familiar green shape shot forward from the shadows and met the Footbots face-to-face.

He dodged the blade of a sword that just barely skimmed by his shoulder and performed a beautiful high kick that took the Footbot's head off. Then he swiped up the fallen sword and slashed it at the second bot before it could lay a finger on him. The Footbot stopped, as though it could feel some kind of shock, and then it split in half at the waist and the pieces crumpled to the floor.

April and Casey stared across the hallway, both breathing as though they'd just walked out of afternoon training. They watched the back of Donnie's shell as for a moment he simply stood with his head tilted down and his shoulders heaving, as though he was staring down at the robot he had just murdered. Then his knees began to tremble, and April suddenly felt a rush of adrenaline.

She unconsciously pushed Casey away as she shot unsteadily to her feet and ran across the hall just as Donnie turned around. She threw herself against his chest, hardly noticing the pain of crashing into his plastron, and didn't even realize she was crying until he rested his cheek against her hair with his arms closed tightly around her back.

"Are you hurt?" he whispered, his voice suspiciously unstable.

She shook her head, despite the way her skull still throbbed. It didn't matter.

She leaned back enough to take Donnie's face in her hands and plant a kiss on his lips. His body tensed for a second before he pulled her closer and kissed her back, his lips warm, saddened and eager against hers.

It didn't last long, but it didn't need to. He was there and she could feel his heartbeat, that was enough for her to breathe for now.

He hugged her again, his arms surprisingly strong for how much they shook, and she distinctly heard him sniff this time.

"I'm sorry we took so long," she mumbled into his shoulder.

He ran his hand down her back. "I'm just glad you showed up at all. I didn't think that…" He swallowed, and his arms finally released her.

When she finally got a good look at him, her chest tightened and brought another grimace to her face. His skin was pale, his forehead glossy with sweat, his eyes red-rimmed and teary and plagued again by those bruise-like shadows underneath. There was a nasty gash across his cheek, and a blood-stained bandage wrapped around his left arm. He looked severely gaunt and sleep-deprived…But he was alive, and his hand was warm when he reached up and gently touched her face.

"You're bleeding."

"I'm fine."

"Me too," Casey said.

They both looked over at him as he stood and arched his back. He made a face as his spine popped then straightened up and cracked his neck. Though there was blood smeared all over his face, he seemed still as Casey Jones as ever, except maybe for the tiny flicker of an unidentifiable emotion in his eyes when his gaze met Donnie's.

"Ouch," Donnie said. He walked over to Casey and grimaced slightly as he took a closer look at his nose.

Casey shrugged. "No biggy. I got my nose busted way back in like middle school before, took twelve stitches to patch it up."

"Congratulations."

Casey cocked half a smile. "But I should be congratulating you right?" He gave Donnie a slap on the shoulder and his eyes flicked to April for a split second. "Guess if I really wanted that kiss I should've gotten myself kidnapped huh?"

Donnie's lips turned up into a tiny smile. "You should definitely try it some time. I'll even let them keep you a while to make it more dramatic."

Casey shook his head and this time gave Donnie's shoulder a punch. "Good to have you back, D."

They shared a grin that was affectionate in its own unexplainable kind of way, and April let out a breath of relief. She poked her fingers into the pocket of her shorts and pulled out the purple fabric of Donatello's mask.

"Donnie," she said, walking up to tie the mask around his face for him. He bent his head forward so that she could reach and she kissed his forehead. "Don't ever leave us again."

Though there was a hint of sadness lingering on the corner of his mouth, Donnie smiled and rested his hand on April's wrist.

* * *

He yanked the head off of the Footbot in his arms and it ceased its struggling. He let if fall to the ground then gazed over the bodies of lifeless robots scattered over the backyard of the hospital.

His whiskers twitched and he glanced up to see a silhouette of a figure hovering over the ground in the near distance. He pressed himself close to the back wall of the building, blending with the shadows, but the flying thing seemed only preoccupied by its own hurry to get away.

Splinter squinted and sniffed the air. The faintest scent of his youngest son's favorite candy bar tickled his nose.

He watched Baxter Stockman until he disappeared into the night, probably never to be seen again, and hardly felt any pity for his enemy. Even Saki's own men cared little enough about him to abandon him. In fact, Splinter almost felt a warm flutter of bitter satisfaction knowing this.

But the moment was over as soon as an explosion went off overhead at the far left end of the building. He glanced up toward the disruption and furrowed his brow. There weren't supposed to be bombs going off above the first floor unless they were from Raphael, but Splinter knew his second eldest was in fact nowhere near the left wing. Which meant something was wrong. And April and Casey were drawing far too much attention to themselves.

Splinter turned from the noise. He quickly found a way into the building and started for the third floor.


	29. Chapter 29

He gave staying awake his best effort, but his eyelids were getting increasingly heavier by the second. He tried counting the tiles on the ceiling, but his vision blurred their corners the more he squinted. He tried monitoring his breathing, but he was disturbed by the way it rattled weakly past his ribs. He even tried pinching himself, but that only added unnecessary discomfort to the pain he was already swimming in.

Unrelenting waves of shock continued to pulse across his shell, reminding him that it was damaged—as though he would forget. And his arm had long since begun to feel heavy with numbness. He'd been making sure to curl and uncurl his fingers every so often for the past few days just to make sure it still worked. And though it did, that didn't necessarily make the lack of feeling in his fingertips any less scary.

He did it now, lying on his side to keep any pressure from his shell. He held his hand in front of his face and bent his thumb down at the joint. He curled his hand into a fist, and then gave himself a thumb's up.

"Phenomenal," he whispered, letting a smile grace his cheek.

He wished Donnie hadn't left him. It was frightening, being separated from him now. What if Donnie ran into the Shredder in the hallway and they stuffed him back into that musty morgue? What if they found Xever and figured out Donnie hadn't done what they'd demanded? What if they killed him?

Before it really registered, Mikey found himself slowly rolling over as though ready to push himself off the bed and run after his brother.

He curled his fists around the bloodstained sheets beneath him and shook his head. "No, Mikey. Donnie said stay here."

He glanced up at the door and the sensation of a thousand bugs wiggled around in his stomach.

He couldn't leave. He couldn't sleep. He couldn't get up to find or help his family.

He twisted his face and stuffed it into the pillow. It smelled like death.

A single high-pitched yip echoed its way into the room and he lifted his head to stare back at the door. His heart crawled up to his ears and he could feel the stale air reaching into his eyes, making them dry.

There was a crash, like someone had kicked in a door, and it sounded as though it had come from just a few rooms down.

Mikey's breath hitched. He waited.

There was a pause, and shortly after, another door was broken in.

Mikey's body tried to jerk itself up, but it only caused a gasp as pain shot all the way up from the bottom of his spine to the top of his skull. He bit his tongue against a groan and squeezed his eyes shut on the stars that swirled around his vision.

Another crash.

He pressed his lips together, but that only allowed his quickened breathing to shoot loudly out of his nose. His eyes darted around the room, searching for a weapon, an escape route, a place to hide, anything…What kind of hospital room didn't have a bathroom or a window?

For one delirious moment he started to reach toward his belt for his nunchucks, then cursed under his breath when his good hand found a naked plastron.

A hiss of air pushed its way through his teeth. His chest tightened, blocking a groan that threatened to come out as he rocked himself on his shell to scan the room behind him. His eyes landed on the suture scissors that Donnie had used, lying on the corner of a little table just out of his reach.

Another crash came, this time uncomfortably close. He could just faintly hear the swift movements of what he guessed was a Footbot searching one of the adjacent rooms. He began to hyperventilate.

He stretched his arm out as far as he could, gaze zeroed in on the point of the scissors. He watched his fingers shake with strain and fatigue, and tried to push himself to the very edge of the bed. It groaned beneath him, but his pulse was far too frantic to remind him to be quiet. As far as he knew, it wouldn't matter anyway.

His tongue poked its way out of his mouth through his teeth. The scissors were only a couple of inches out of his reach.

He dared to shift his body a tiny bit closer and could feel half of his hip wobbling over the edge of the bed. A bead of sweat dripped down his temple.

"Come on," he groaned, as though the scissors might magically jump into his hand because he asked.

The moment the door directly next to his room folded in with a loud crash, his body tipped off of the bed and he gave a yelp. His hand brushed the corner of the table. His plastron hit the floor and his chin followed. His body was enveloped with a blinding flash of pain and his lungs sucked in air as though he hadn't breathed in days. He choked, blinking away the spots of white popping up around the room.

The Footbot knocked something over in the neighboring room, and Mikey found just enough adrenaline to raise himself off of his chest and reach back up toward the table.

He squinted against the blur in his eyes, he wasn't sure if from pain or fear, but he cursed under his breath as he realized he was trying to use his senseless hand to find an object he couldn't see.

He frantically began to brush his hand across the table, hoping that he'd simply swipe the scissors off, as the sound of footsteps moved across the room on the other side of the wall. His back teeth came together when he heard a heel step over the fallen door.

He flinched as a flash of silver dropped to the floor and then snatched the scissors in his fist. They were rusty, dull, and far too flimsy to do any real damage, he knew that already, but he tried to remind himself of Splinter's "Anything Could Be a Weapon" lesson. He really wished he'd taken that one more seriously now.

He managed to push himself to his knees and cling to the edge of the bed, the scissors trembling in his fist right in front of his nose.

He realized after a quick moment, that there had been a significant pause in the Footbot's searching. It hadn't tried to kick in his door yet, and it was eerily silent now. But he didn't trust that silence. He tried to make his heart go back down into his chest with a swallow but it refused.

He knew it hadn't left. There was something on the other side of the door and it was going to get in. He thought for a moment about threatening it, but he doubted very much that a robot would take a threat seriously. He wasn't even sure they had ears. It didn't matter much anyway. He was disabled, cornered, and only had a dull pair of scissors to protect himself.

He bit the inside of his cheek and quickly wiped a fist across his eyes. "You can do it," he whispered. "It's just a Footbot. It's just a Footbot."

But what if it wasn't? What if it was something or some_one_ else?

The edges of his vision faded and became clouded with smears of red and black. His muscles twitched with shocks of fear and anticipation, waiting for pain, waiting for suffocation, waiting for the coppery stench blood. He was briefly blinded by a vision of Baxter Stockman's giant collage of eyes reflecting his own screaming face. His heart gave a stuttering palpitation and he tried to blink away the image only to see Tigerclaw stepping threateningly out from a wall of black. He could suddenly feel himself drowning. He could feel fresh lashes cutting across his skin. He could feel his throat burning, every blow that had ever hit him funneling into fists that refused to let him fight back, blindness, fatigue, hunger, burning, suffocation…His body shook.

A deafening blow split the door in half and ripped it off its hinges.

He couldn't even scream. His body only hiccupped and every muscle seized.

But no Footbots or villains darted into the room. Instead, he nearly choked when his lungs shuddered and began trying to inhale and exhale at the same time as his eyes recognized the dim figure of his father standing in the doorway with his hands raised at the ready, as though he'd expected to find a threat. Mikey didn't notice the decapitated Footbot behind Splinter's feet.

There was a tense moment of hesitation in which nothing could be heard but Mikey's chaotic wheezing. He and his father just stared at each other across the room, neither able to let down their guard until the realization slowly lifted a weight from the space between them.

Splinter's knees must have lost their nerve for a second because he nearly fell against the doorframe when he finally dropped his stance.

Every bit of fear that had built up in Mikey's chest since the day Donnie had been taken popped behind his ribs like a water balloon and he somehow managed to make his body stumble across the room and into his father's arms, bringing them both to their knees.

Splinter was warm and familiar and sturdy and smelled very much the opposite of the stale, musty, sickly air he'd been breathing in for much too long. And his arms were strong. They held Mikey so tightly it almost hurt, but this time the pain was welcomed.

They sat in the middle of the floor, holding one another, and Michelangelo's body seized with trembling that refused to cease no matter how far he pressed his face into his father's chest or how tightly his fists gripped Splinter's robe. But he figured it was okay for now, because there was finally no one in the room with him that would belittle him for showing weakness, which of course gave him the freedom to cry without consequence.

Splinter said nothing at first. He simply rocked his youngest son in his arms and pressed his warm, furry cheek against the crown of Mikey's head. Mikey wasn't sure how long this lasted nor did he really care. Eventually, though, his father took a breath that sounded oddly uneven for him, but all he could manage to say was, "Michelangelo…"

Another loaded heartbeat passed and then Splinter pulled himself back. His amber eyes searched Mikey's body. A deep crease formed on his brow and a shudder of emotion Mikey had never seen before crossed Splinter's eyes and stiffened his body. It was angry, and it was heartbroken, and it was red. And for a moment, Mikey was frightened by it, though when Splinter's hands took his shoulders they were gentle.

"Where is your brother?" he said. His voice sounded severely fragile and yet somehow fierce at the same time, as though if he spoke any louder something might break.

Mikey wiped his face, but this didn't stop the tears that continued to leak from his eyes. "He went to find you guys."

"Is he alright?"

Mikey nodded, rubbing his fists tenderly against his cheeks.

Splinter reached up and used the corner of his sleeve to dry Mikey's face. "I am sorry, my son."

Mikey blinked, staring past Splinter's sleeve as the fabric brushed across his chin. "Sensei?"

Splinter's amber eyes glanced over Mikey's injuries and he shook his head. "I should never have allowed this to happen."

Mikey hesitated with a response, but eventually whispered a faint, "It's not your fault," as his eyes glanced off to the side. He forced himself to swallow and cracked half a smile before meeting his father's gaze again. "Are there any cookies left?"

Splinter grimaced and rested a hand on his son's forehead, and for a while this was all he did before stretching a tiny smile. "I'm afraid I have no idea. Let us leave here and see."

Mikey nodded, though it made the room sway. Splinter gripped his elbow and started helping him to his feet.

"Can you walk?"

Mikey's knees shook under his weight and he blinked as a dizzying blur blinded him for a second. Splinter hooked a firm arm around him and tried walking a few inches forward. Every time Mikey put pressure on his foot, pain hammered against the back of his head. He felt he might vomit, and he expressed this very blatantly.

Splinter nodded, his eyes darting back toward the bed Mikey had tumbled from. The young turtle suddenly found himself snatching his father's sleeve and yanking on him urgently while his heart pumped double-time.

"Don't leave me in here."

Splinter, after staring down at him with wider-than-normal eyes, shook his head. "I will not, my son."

He then took a knee and Mikey climbed onto his back.

After carefully adjusting his brace under Mikey's knees, Splinter did much the same thing Donnie had in poking his head out of the doorway and checking both ends of the hall before sprinting to the right on silent feet. Though he moved quickly, it was with fluid motions intended to keep Mikey from jostling around on his back. Impressed, but too exhausted to express so, Mikey looped his arms around his father's neck and rested his cheek on Splinter's shoulder. He closed his eyes and allowed himself to imagine that they were flying away to safety and that there was now nothing in existence to prevent them from doing so. This wasn't true of course, any number of things could have stopped them on their way out of the hospital…Mikey was just glad that what did wasn't any part of the Foot clan.

They were in the midst of rounding a corner when Splinter jerked to a halt and a collection of gasps and a tiny scream nearly ran into them.

Mikey peeked over Splinter's shoulder as his father, April, Casey, and Donnie all breathed out a sigh. April even placed a hand over her chest as though to reassure her heart it had no reason to jump out of her chest.

Mikey noticed Donnie's contorted expression first as his round brown eyes met Splinter's, but his only thought about it was that he was happy Donnie had his mask back—it covered up the depletion and emptiness that Mikey knew was still there because he had seen it in his brother's face before they'd parted ways. Donnie didn't move though, and neither did Splinter, they simply stared at one another over the heads of April O'Neil and Casey Jones as the two human teenagers noticed what Splinter was carrying.

"Mikey!" they chorused, both instinctively reaching out for him.

Splinter slowly lowered Michelangelo to the floor and April and Casey kept him supported as they surrounded him with tender embraces. April even kissed his cheek, tears building up in her eyes - Mikey was sure - not for the first time. She didn't let him go, even after Casey had.

"You are unharmed?" Splinter asked, his eyes searching Donatello the way they had done for Mikey.

Donnie's chest expanded as though he was unsure whether to nod or shake his head. He decided to respond with, "I'm alive."

Splinter nodded once, and it wasn't until then that he opened his arms and Donatello accepted the invitation. He walked over to his father slowly and even the way he wrapped his arms around Splinter's waist was cautious and deliberate. But Mikey noticed Donnie's fists curl around Splinter's robe the same way his had. There was desperation to it and Mikey understood completely. He had no idea how long they'd spent under the Shredder's thumb, but every second had felt like a lifetime being drawn out by the sickening weight of loss. And he'd only been with the Foot half as long as Donnie had, which meant there was no doubt in his mind that Donatello had convinced himself, at one point or another, that he would never see his father, his brothers, his friends, or sunlight again. And now, being held by Splinter himself, Donnie just wanted it to be real.

Mikey let his chin rest on April's shoulder and encouraged his arms to hold her tighter. The pain was convincing. They could probably relax now, but he knew neither he nor Donnie would do such a thing…maybe not for a long time.

"Where's Leo and Raph?" Donnie asked as soon as Splinter released him.

"And Karai?" Mikey added.

"Holding off the Foot," April said, glancing up as though one of the three of them would jump down from the ceiling.

"Casey and I will collect them," Splinter said. "April, take Michelangelo and Donatello to the Shellraiser. We will meet you there."

"No." Donnie shook his head. "I'm coming too."

"My son, I cannot ask you to—"

"I'm coming."

"Donnie."

Donatello met the crease on April's brow with a firm gaze. She pressed her lips together and said nothing more. Splinter stared down at Donnie with his own concerns though he hid them well. The only reason Mikey knew he was struggling on the inside was because that glimmer of foreign emotion he'd seen in Splinter's eyes moments ago returned for the briefest of seconds. And then he inhaled through his nose, whiskers shivering, and nodded.

"Very well." He looked to April. "If it takes more than an hour, bring Michelangelo home."

April stiffened against Mikey's body, her eyes again peering at Donnie with trepidation but she nodded and whispered an, "Okay."

Mikey didn't protest when they turned to leave. As much as his trained, warrior spirit would have loved to splat a certain horsefly, and kick a certain cat in the balls, and dismember a few hundred Footbots, he knew he'd be of no use to his family right now. He curled his numbed fingers and didn't feel a thing.

He let April support his left side as she and Donnie shared a glance before he walked off after Splinter and Casey. Then Mikey and April were alone in the hallway.


	30. Chapter 30

He was genuinely surprised that he hadn't met more resistance on his way down to the lobby—not that this gave him any comfort. He knew that any Footbots and cronies he wasn't seeing on his own path were more than likely bothering his family…He just prayed to God that Leo could handle it. He and Karai had to have been getting the brunt end of the onslaught. Raph had tried to put his foot down when Leo was making the plans earlier that evening and had immediately volunteered himself to take on the most risk by attacking the very face of the building. Damn martyr, always looking for the opportunity to play sacrifice like he was a throwaway chess piece.

Raph cursed under his breath, recalling the conversation he'd had with Leo once while staring into his watery blue eyes as Leo childishly asked, with a vulnerability Raph had never seen in him before, if that was their only purpose—to be pawns. Raph had assured him that was a lie, but he hadn't realized how serious Leo was about it. It hadn't crossed his mind that Leo actually believed such a thing, that he would go all-out and play the part.

Stupid. If Leo got himself killed because of this whole heroic idealism, Raph was going to murder him.

He jumped the last few steps to the ground floor and paused with his hand reaching out toward the doorknob, fingers just barely twitching once before he dove out of the way and hid himself beneath the shadows of the staircase.

The stairwell door burst open and a parade of metallic feet sprinted up the stairs just over Raph's head. He held his breath, waiting. He should be stopping them; he knew that. His part was to draw as much attention away from everyone else as possible, but he couldn't bring himself to jump out of his hidey spot. His mind was geared toward getting to the lobby, and that was it. He didn't trust Karai, and he knew Leo needed help—and both concerns sat so poorly in his stomach that it was enough to avoid a fight for once. Leo might get onto him for that later…and he was counting on that.

The door folded itself closed after the Footbots filed through, and Raph waited until he was sure they were long gone before he slipped out of the shadows and left the stairwell behind.

The hallway was initially empty, but he could hear the familiar clash, clangs, and struggles of a fight coming from his right. He ran close to the wall and drew out his sais, gripping them so tightly in his fists that his knuckles paled. A haze of pastel smoke began to curl around his feet the closer he got to the lobby and a chill ran through his shell with the presence of evil growing ever closer.

When he finally reached the opening, the fog was wrapped around his waist and he could only see the top half of the fight. For a moment, there was only Karai decapitating a horde of Footbots that were backing her into the last standing front corner of the lobby. Tigerclaw and Rahzar had their backs to him, both with their knees bent as though ready to pounce, but there was no heroic blue leader in sight.

Raph's heart jumped up to his throat and he immediately charged for Tigerclaw's back, but before he could drive his sai through the cat's shoulder blades, Leo dove out from beneath the fog with a graceful twist and kicked Tigerclaw in the back of the neck. Rahzar leapt out of the way. The giant feline fell forward like a tree, and Leo almost landed on top of his brother.

They stumbled into one another. Leo shoved his hands against Raph's shoulders to steady himself. His palms were sweaty and cold and his entire body shook with a rush of adrenaline. He gaped at Raph for a second before narrowing his eyes.

"You're supposed to be upstairs."

He and Raph both snapped their gazes to the right and leapt out of the way as Rahzar swung a boney fist. Raph pivoted on the ball of his foot and punted him in the jaw. Leo followed it up by thrusting a knee into his chin. Then they both threw a fist at his face, sending him arching backward into the sea of smoke.

"What," Raph said, turning to his brother. "So you don't need my help? Is that what you're saying?"

Leo scrunched up his nose. "Yeah—"

His denial was cut short when he tripped forward as though someone had pulled his feet out from beneath him. Raph advanced as Tigerclaw emerged, and he rammed the cat in the gut with his shoulder. Tigerclaw stayed his ground, heels planted firmly. Raphael ducked his swipe and pitched a throwing star at his face. It lodged itself into the tiger's cheek and he roared, yanking it out with a spray of blood.

Before the red-banded turtle could take advantage of the moment, his arm was snatched up by a Footbot and a second jumped on his back, locking its arms around him. Raph bared his teeth and growled, struggling to shake them loose. Tigerclaw unsheathed his sword and wrinkled his nose, pulling back his lips in a snarl to show carnivorous teeth.

Raph twisted, but the movement only pulled the joint in his shoulder out of place. He squeezed his eyes shut as Tigerclaw's blade made a slash toward his face, but the bright, spine-pinching sound of clashing metal stopped the impact short.

Raphael blinked at the back of his brother's shell as Leo crouched under the intersection of his and Tigerclaw's blades. His heel slipped back an inch as Tigerclaw made himself taller, baring down with more weight, but while Leo's arms shook, his stance was solid, and within a moment of gritting his teeth he mustered up enough force to push Tigerclaw back and punt him in the gut. The edge of their blades skimmed across each other and Leo lunged forward, pushing Tigerclaw back as they began a deathly spar.

Raph bit the inside of his lip and jerked forward, putting everything he had into yanking one of the Footbots over his shell and stomping on its face. He ripped his arm out of its grip and threw himself onto the second bot, pulling it down into a headlock and manually tearing its head from its body. He tossed the pieces to the side and recovered his sais.

He heard the familiar grunt of a struggle and glanced toward Karai who had a crease of weakness to her brow. Three Footbots were attempting to hold her at bay. Two were pulling back her wrists and the third had a fist clamped around the back of her hair. And though she delivered a perfect axe kick to the Footbot charging her, her eyes gave away a realization that Raph almost wished he hadn't seen.

"Raph!"

The red-banded turtle looked back toward his brother whose wide blue eyes also shifted away from Karai. He leapt back to avoid the tip of Tigerclaw's blade and made a similar swipe toward the tiger's chest.

"Help her!" he said, throwing his katana up to save his neck from being sliced open.

Raph's nose twitched. He began to obey, but when Tigerclaw landed a slash across Leo's shoulder and then kicked him to the ground, Raph's muscles coiled. He began to run for the cat, but halfway there was tackled from the side by Rahzar who pinned him to the ground and snapped his teeth at Raph's face. Raphael swung up a foot that missed and jerked his head to the side to avoid another bite.

"Goongala!"

An eruption of red-hot smoke exploded by Rahzar's head and Raph used both feet to punt him in the chest. Casey was a blur as he skidded through the dissipating smoke and leapt over Raph to bring his hockey stick down toward Rahzar's neck.

Raph's lungs breathed an inaudible sigh, and he allowed Casey to have his moment, ducking around his and Rahzar's tussle to run for Leo again. But he stopped in his tracks when he found his father now fighting by Leo's side, using his freshly sharpened blade to expertly and savagely drive Tigerclaw farther back.

Raph glanced around at a familiar voice and just caught a glimpse of his younger brother darting past him, the last wisps of smoke ribboning his muscles as he ran for Karai's corner and used a borrowed hockey stick to hack down one of the Footbots holding Karai at bay, leaving her room to pull out her juji ken and stab the one behind her in the gut.

He couldn't explain what he felt, seeing Donnie alive and fighting. He wasn't even sure the thought was being fully processed. But in a second's time it didn't matter, because a chill suddenly dropped down his spine as a presence entered the room and he turned to find the Shredder strolling around the corner, blades out. A swarm of Footbots darted in from behind him like possessed shadows.

Raph blew out two full breaths, then sucked in a third through his nose and readied his stance.

It was like picking off flies. He stabbed one, kicked another, pounced, ripped, and shredded his way through more Footbots than he ever remembered facing. And he only had a spare half second each to notice Splinter sprinting toward the Shredder, Leo being swarmed, Donnie running up to join their father, Casey disappearing from sight, and Tigerclaw pushing himself up from the floor. His cat eyes glinted as he leered at Leo under the mass of Footbots he was fending off.

Raph tried to brake through his own flock, but couldn't find an opening. Every time he tried to make one, another Footbot took the place of the one he'd just dismissed. He couldn't get through to his brother, and Tigerclaw was raising up his laser gun.

"Leo!"

Leonardo's blue eyes glanced up as three throwing stars lodged themselves in Tigerclaw's shoulder. He roared and fired involuntarily, missing Leo and instead shooting one of the Footbot's in the head.

The tiger's growl rumbled the floor of the lobby. He threw down his gun and yanked the stars out of his flesh, shooting a glare across the room toward Karai who sliced off a Footbot's arm and then pointed her juji ken at him readily. Tigerclaw charged.

"Karai, no!" Leo shouted, his face barely visible through the crowd of Footbots surrounding him.

Raph bared his teeth and pushed his attack ten-fold, taking down Footbots left and right, faster than even he could process. The number circling him finally began to diminish and pile up at his feet instead and he forced his way through them.

Karai managed to dodge a number of Tigerclaw's assaults, but she eventually missed a step and ended up meeting his giant heel with her open ribcage. She flew back with a pained grunt and collided with a Footbot, landing with it in a heap on the floor. As she blinked and huffed and tried to push herself to her feet, Tigerclaw pulled something out of his pocket.

Raphael didn't know what it was, and he didn't know why every instinctive bone in his body pushed him to get to Karai before Tigerclaw did. He was vaguely aware that he was turning his back on Leo to save the girl he still swore he hated, but he couldn't stop himself either. Maybe he knew he couldn't ignore her anymore. Maybe it finally clicked that, for Leo, losing Karai meant embracing pain and befriending an unhappiness that Raph just didn't feel like witnessing. Not that he only had these few seconds to think about it. It had been bothering him since the day she'd gone missing months ago, and now, finally, he simply decided to stop fighting himself and acknowledge that he could and needed to do something about it.

So when Tigerclaw reared back his arm and threw the device in his hand the same moment that Karai stood and opened herself up as the perfect target, Raph let all of their past transgressions go and shoved her out of the way just in time to be enveloped by a burst of flames and smoke that knocked him off his feet. The back of his head hit the ground and he didn't think about it anymore.


	31. Chapter 31

"Raph!"

He didn't recognize his voice screaming his brother's name. In fact, it sounded as though it had come from far away, a faint whisper of someone else's dread reaching his ears too late to register. But the force of the scream tightened his stomach and snatched the oxygen from his lungs. He didn't know how he managed to cut his way through the Footbots surrounding him. It was all muscle memory, all unconscious defense, and then before his brain could acknowledge moving from point A to point B, he was sliding to his brother on his knees and raising him up in his arms.

"Raph."

He shook Raph's shoulders. His eyes examined the non-responsive expression on his brother's face, his half open mouth, the charred patches of skin lining his temple and cheek, shimmering underneath with a coating of blood, and the singed mask that eventually broke away from his eyes and rested itself on the floor when Leo shook him again.

"Raphael, don't you dare."

"Leo!"

The turtle in blue flinched when Karai's juji-ken clashed with Tigerclaw's sword as it came down toward his face. He instinctively wrapped his arms around Raphael and hunched over him to shield him from harm. Karai pushed Tigerclaw back and blocked his attack when he tried to get past her. But her eyes were wide and uncertain when she glanced back at the leader.

"Leo…"

"Just hold him off. Please, just hold him off," Leo said, turning his eyes away from her and lowering Raph back to the floor.

He did his best to slow his breathing as he leaned forward and pressed his ear close to Raph's face. He couldn't feel Raph's breath, but he wasn't sure if that was just because he was beginning to panic or not. He checked the side of his neck, but couldn't get a pulse either. He wrinkled his beak and slapped Raph's plastron.

"Hey! You don't die, understand? You don't die, Raph."

He tried performing a few chest compressions before he realized it was useless. He couldn't get past Raph's plastron. So he tried punching, unsure what else to do. Sometimes if they were hit hard enough in the right spot it would give their insides a jolt, but Raph was showing no response.

Leo's breath huffed in and out of his nose as he gritted his teeth and ignored the heat that spread across his face. For a moment he forgot there was still a fight going on. He forgot that Karai was struggling to defend him. He even forgot that he'd seen Donnie across the room a moment ago. Instead, everything was muffled by a rage that overwhelmed him. How dare Raph sacrifice himself like that? How dare he think he was being some kind of heroic by taking on a bomb? Did he think Leo would appreciate it? Did he think he'd get brownie points for giving up his hatred and saving Karai's life?

"It doesn't work like that," Leo said aloud. "You understand?"

He leaned in close to his brother's face as though this might get through to him. "Do you understand me, Raphael? You can't do that, you fucking bastard!" His voice broke as he said this and he pounded both fists against Raph's plastron, as though he was trying to punish his brother rather than wake him up.

"You can't leave me, Raph!"

He slapped a palm with full force across his brother's face and tears immediately began to gush out of his eyes. He hiccuped a moan and surrendered to the panic, uselessly wiping an arm over his face before he lay across Raph's plastron. He folded his arms around him and buried his nose in his neck.

Raph still faintly smelled the way he always did—except with a stomach-lurching scent of burnt skin mixed in with sweat and blood this time. It twisted a knot in Leo's stomach that brought forth a wave of fear he wasn't ready for. He'd always been afraid of meeting moments like this, not just for Raph, but for all three of his brothers. It haunted him, more frequently than he ever wanted to admit, the very real possibility that he could lose any one, if not all, of his brothers' lives before having the chance to prevent it. Like letting water slip through his fingers when he'd most surely perish without it. This couldn't happen.

It took a weightless moment, that Leo did not have, to pull himself together before he sat up, wiped his cheeks, tilted Raph's head back, pinched his nose and pressed their lips together. He pulled every once of breath he had in him out of his gut and gave it up willingly, praying that Raph's body would take it, that it would accept it and come back to life. He pulled away only to fill his own lungs and try again. The longer it took, the harder he blew, the more his chest began to hurt, though he wasn't sure that was just because of his breathing.

He pulled away again, sniffed, and checked for a pulse. When nothing changed, he could only shake his head and try again.

He would not accept that Raph might be beyond saving. That wasn't an option. He knew his brother was stubborn, but this was going too far. Raph had to know this wasn't okay, and Leo wasn't going to let him die before he could get his brother to understand that.

Again he punched his plastron, shook his shoulders, slapped him, then took his face in both hands, raised him up until his shoulders had lifted off the floor, and blew air past his lips one more time.

Raph's body jolted and the moment he yanked back with a gasp, Leo's fist instinctively coiled and punched him in the jaw.

"Ouch! What the—"

Leo's arms threw themselves over Raph's shoulders and tucked him close to his plastron. There was so much relief trying to escape him that his body didn't seem to know what to do with it and so it shook. He panted against Raph's skin and shook his head.

"Jackass," he said, hardly able to keep his tears at bay let alone speak. "I hate you so much."

Raph was stiff for a moment, but when it was clear Leo was not going to let him go, his muscles relaxed and he folded the blue-banded leader in his embrace. Leo was comforted by the strength in his arms, by the way his chest moved as he breathed, by the now very obvious pulse in his neck.

"Did I win?" Raph said after a while.

Leo pulled away from him and grimaced as a fresh blur crossed his eyes. He rested a palm against the unblemished side of Raph's face and smiled.

"Okay!"

They both snapped their gazes to Karai who was still warding off Tigerclaw.

"I think we get it," she said, ducking out of the way as Tigerclaw threw a punch. "Fight's not over, guys."

Leo wiped his face again and pressed a hand against Raph's shoulder when he tried to get up. He stood and pointed a stern finger at him. "You stay," he demanded, picking up his swords.

He heard Raph scoff as he turned away to help Karai. "Like hell."

* * *

Across the room, Donatello found himself blocked by Footbots, only able to catch glimpses of the battle between his father and the Shredder. And even still, they were blurs of brown and silver quickly darting toward and away from one another, slicing, stabbing, ducking, and performing katas Donnie was sure would be impossible for anyone else to attempt.

As much as he was rooting for his father to prevail, he desperately hoped that Splinter wouldn't get carried away and put the Shredder out for good. Donatello, as opposed as he was to the idea of snuffing out a life, wanted that privilege so badly that it ached and turned his stomach in every possible knot. He could lie and tell himself that he only wanted it because getting rid of the Shredder would mean a certain level of safety and security for his family, that they would no longer have to check over their shoulders for a threat almost too overwhelming to continue protecting themselves from, but he couldn't do that. He knew if he got the chance to kill the Shredder it would be out of pure retribution for what he'd done to him and Mikey. Call it stooping to the villain's level, he didn't care; he wanted Oroku Saki gone…for good. And by now, he was aware his father did too.

The first words Splinter had hissed upon confronting his old enemy had sent a chill down Donnie's spine that he wasn't sure he'd wanted to feel.

"How dare you take my sons away from me," he'd said. And maybe it wasn't so much the words as it was the rage behind his voice and the tone that made it clear he'd had enough of this game. Splinter would kill Shredder if he got the chance this time. And they weren't going to be leaving until that happened.

Donnie hooked the hockey stick Casey had lent him around the neck of a Footbot and yanked it to the floor where he crushed its head beneath his heel as he swung the stick like a bat and smashed in the temple of another. He continued different variations of this until only a few Footbots remained in the lobby. As much trash as he'd given Casey's choice in weaponry before, he was grateful Jones had a few sticks to spare. Nevertheless, let it not be said that he didn't miss his bo staff. That was another thing he owed the Shredder for.

He had noticed Raph go down a moment ago, but hadn't gotten the chance to contribute any aid, and by the time he punted a hole through the gut of the last Footbot, Raph was back on his feet and charging Tigerclaw alongside Leo and Karai. He took a certain amount of pride in knowing his brothers were resilient, but the thought also made his stomach clench for Mikey, and this only rejuvenated his determination to end this fight.

He turned and for a moment was rooted to his spot as Splinter blurred around Shredder's side on all fours and snapped him the back with his heel. Shredder was forced to take a knee, but he whipped around the moment Splinter got close enough and took a slice at his ribcage. The tips of his blades skimmed across Splinter's side and tore through his robe, but while the motion was followed by a spray of blood that speckled the floor, the rat hardly changed the pace of his breathing. He swiftly dodged another swipe and kicked out Shredder's knee when he tried to stand. Within the same second, he had his sword redrawn and was diving in with the point aimed straight for the Shredder's skull.

Shredder rolled out of the way just in time, used one palm to support his weight, and twisted his hips so fast that Splinter misjudged the attack and was kicked in the same spot that he'd been cut. Shredder hopped to his feet as Splinter stumbled sideways, and before the old rat could gather his senses, Shredder was bombarding him with more jabs to his ribs. Donnie hardly had time to blink within the moment that Shredder kneed his sensei in the gut and then hammered him in the temple with his fist.

With his heart in his throat, Donnie finally found it in him to move and released a bellow as he sprinted forward and rammed Shredder in the side before he could slice open Splinter's neck. The blow took the Shredder off guard, but it hardly deterred him, and he was sending a fist across Donnie's face before the turtle even registered him turning back around.

"Stupid child," Shredder said, advancing slowly as Donnie blinked the stars out of his eyes. "You're just as foolish as your supposed father. Your entire family is nothing more than a stain on this wretched planet."

Donatello was still too dizzy to defend himself against the kick that the Shredder landed on his plastron. His lungs choked as the fall to the floor snatched the air out of his chest. The room spun and refused to steady itself as he tried to get back on his feet.

"Pathetic," Saki grumbled, picking Donnie up by his plastron. "You can't have possibly gotten past Xever like this. What did you do with the retro-mutagen?"

Though his head throbbed and a bead of sweat dripped down his temple, Donnie sucked in a breath and wrinkled his beak. "Go to hell."

Shredder growled. As he raised his gauntlet to strike, Donnie slipped the vial out of his wrist guard and smashed it through the opening in his helmet. The moment the glass shattered and the substance inside splashed over Oroku Saki's face, he howled and shoved Donatello away. His hands shot up toward his face and streams of steam curled out through his fingers.

His screaming worsened as he ripped the helmet off of his head and stumbled back, trying to keep his balance, and Donatello could only watch with wide eyes, disgusted, despite how many times he'd pictured this moment since he'd tucked the tube away. He knew the compound was dangerous but he hadn't been prepared for the sizzling hiss of Shredder's skin burning off of his face, nor was he prepared for the stench of acid eating away at his flesh and the metallic waft of blood that joined it. Drops of red peppered the floor like rain, and Donnie couldn't help but grimace. He was so sickened, in fact, that he hardly noticed Shredder's screams of pain turn into growls of rage.

He took his hands away from his face, revealing black and red bubbling skin and white bits of bone where the acid had already peeled his skin and muscles away. If his face had been horribly mutilated before, there was hardly anything recognizably human to warrant even calling it a face now. But he somehow managed to bare his teeth and glare at Donatello through what was left of his eyes. He snarled incoherently and charged with his blades raised.

Donatello was too stunned to get out of the way. His only reaction was to stumble back a step and recoil, throwing his arms up over his head, as the Shredder came within a foot's distance and then was stopped by a blade that stabbed him through the back of the neck and punctured his throat. His body froze and he gave a choked gurgling sound as a bubble of blood erupted from his mouth and speckled Donnie's face.

The turtle's knees gave out the same moment that the blade was yanked out of the Shredder's neck and they both slumped to the ground. Donnie, eyes wide, stared at the dead, unrecognizable man before him still with his arms over his head. His body shook and he almost didn't recognize Tigerclaw's voice.

"Master Shredder!"

Donatello looked to the side just in time to see Karai hurl her juji-ken with all her might. It whistled through the air with impressive speed and lodged itself through Tigerclaw's back, just under his left shoulder blade. His cat eyes widened and he took a few more steps before he crumpled to the floor, landing with his giant paw just out of reach of his master.

The entire lobby was then blanketed by silence.

No one moved. They all just stared at the bodies—human, mutant, and robot—littering the floor as though not a single one of them could fully process what had just happened.

Shredder's blood began to pool out from beneath him and reach across the tiles toward Donnie who scooted away until his shell touched the wall. He'd wanted the Shredder dead, but he hadn't expected the level of violence it took to get him there.

The weight of shock wasn't broken until Raph spoke up. "Casey?"

They all tensed and snapped their gazes toward the center of the room as Rahzar's body shifted. A moment passed of them all collectively holding their breath, muscles tightening around their weapons, and then Casey's hand poked up and he wiggled his way out from beneath Rahzar's prone form, pushing the mutant away with his foot to yank out his hockey stick and finally wobble to his feet. He leaned forward, propped a hand on his knee, and let out a long breath.

"Whew…I think I need to puke." He looked up, glancing around at the rest of them. "Is it over?"

"Yeah," Leo said, his voice cracking a little, eyes unblinking with half disbelief. "I think so." He glanced toward Karai who was staring across the lobby at the man lying face down in a crimson puddle. Something glinted across her golden gaze that Donnie wasn't sure he understood. But Leo seemed to get it, because he reached toward her with a cautious arm and gently pulled her close to his side, urging her to look away.

Donatello glanced up in front of him to see his father callously cleaning the blood off of his sword before he tucked it away and then looked toward his son with warm amber eyes. He reached out a hand and Donatello took it, allowing his father to pull him to his feet. What he wasn't prepared for was the way Splinter immediately encased him in arms that were almost suffocating. Donnie exhaled until his lungs were completely empty and buried his nose in his father's chest.

"_Koko ni kite,_" Splinter said over Donnie's head, in a voice that sounded dangerously close to breaking. "All of you."

He lifted a hand and everyone obeyed—with the exception of Casey, at first, who only seemed to get it after Raph gestured for him to follow them across the lobby. Donatello felt his two older brothers close in on his shell while Splinter tucked Karai under his left arm and Casey under his right. Leo's arm slid its way around Donnie's waist and pulled him as close as possible. Donnie didn't move, but he allowed his oldest brother to rest a kiss on the side of his face, though the warmth of the gesture burned his eyes.

"My children," Splinter said, pausing for a moment to hold them all as tightly as possible and swallow. "I am sorry."

Karai burst into tears, and it shocked Donnie more than it did when a drop of something cold and wet splashed onto the crown of his head. It unsettled him, and he wanted to stay in the comfort of their huddle, encased by the arms of his brothers and his father, but Splinter released all of them except for his daughter who he held even closer. He passed a hand over the damp fur beneath his eyes and tenderly guided Karai's face into the cushion of his robe when she tried to look back at the body of Oroku Saki.

"Let us go home," Splinter said, leading Karai toward the gaping hole that she and Leo had made in the entrance of the building.

The boys followed, Casey slumping after Splinter and Karai with his hockey stick dragging across the floor behind him. Leo still had an arm around Donnie's waist and Donatello didn't mind, neither did he say anything when he glanced to the side and saw Leo's free hand reaching for Raph. They laced their fingers together without so much as a glance at one another. Donnie swallowed the knot that floated up to his throat and draped an arm around Leo's shoulders.


	32. Chapter 32

**Alright, we're gonna get this done...We're in the epilogue-y part of this whole process now. I decided not to label it as such just cuz *shrug* I dunno, didn't feel necessary. But anyhow, I promise we're almost there, and I'm determined to have it finished, if not by the end of this week, then by the end of next. So, proceed, read, enjoy, and let me know what you think.**

* * *

If there had been a faster way to get the food from his plate and into his body, Donnie would've taken it. His stomach, at this point, was so angry with him it growled in disapproval with every bite he took, whilst at the same time greedily begged for more and somehow convinced his brain that he wasn't scarfing his pizza fast enough. His cheeks were so full of cheese and tomato sauce he could hardly breathe. And no matter how many times he swallowed, he couldn't get the lump in his throat to disappear. He was fairly certain it wasn't a piece of pepperoni lodged in his esophagus, because it was somehow connected to the sensation that made everything he put in his mouth incredibly tasteless. But he ate it, and with gratitude, and all the while was wildly amazed that just the night before he'd been convinced he would never get to eat another slice of pizza again.

The sun had made its way over the horizon just as the Hamato family had driven away from dropping April and Casey off at a hospital. Casey had tried to put up a fight and argue that his busted nose was no big deal, but once Donatello had very firmly stated that April would not be walking into the hospital alone—because she _would be _going in—Casey had gone quiet and nodded cooperatively when Leo spun him a cover story about crashing his bike. And that's where they were now. The only word the turtles had gotten since then was that April had a mild concussion and Casey was going to be sporting a new facial accessory the next time they saw him. April's dad was with them now, and that was all Donnie needed to allow his shoulders to drop a fraction of an inch.

Unfortunately, the Hamato family didn't have as much accessibility to medical aid and assistance. They had rushed themselves back to the lair as soon as possible and had all immediately crowded in Donnie's lab as he and Splinter first did what they could to patch up Mikey, while Leo carefully tended to Raph's burns and any lacerations that Karai had acquired before treating his own. Splinter had allowed about as much of a fuss over his own wounds as Donnie had for himself. They had both stubbornly stuck up their noses and, Splinter at least, had refused his eldest son's insistence. Donatello, however, wasn't allowed to be as prideful. Though he would say it was less pride than it was anxiety.

He knew the danger was over. He knew the fight was done. He knew he and Mikey were free and home and safe, but no matter how many times he tried to convince himself to relax, he couldn't shake the need to check over his shoulder. He couldn't shake the way his muscles tensed every time someone moved in his peripheral vision, and he could not for the life of him get himself to stop eating.

He and Leo were the only occupants in the kitchen at the moment. Splinter had suggested that they all get some sleep, but so far none of them had managed to except for Mikey, who was only asleep because he'd been heavily sedated. Donnie had no idea where the rest of them were, and at the moment he surprisingly didn't much care, as long as he knew Mikey was tucked away in his bed and not likely to disappear. So he continued to eat his flavorless food without so much thought as to how many slices of pizza he'd plowed through so far, and as he chewed and hiccupped and chugged down as much water as his body could hold, Leo watched him with an unblinking gaze.

Donnie felt his brother's stare, but he didn't acknowledge it until the moment his stomach felt as though it would burst through the crevices of his plastron. This too was when Leo shifted for the first time in a twenty-minute time span. He took his cheek out of his hand and folded his arms on the table, straightening his back, though his shoulders were sloped.

"Do you want anymore?"

Donnie shook his head and pushed another empty pizza box away from him. He felt like he was going to vomit now.

An awkward silence engulfed the room, during which Leonardo's eyes again stared straight at his brother as though attempting to bore a hole into his soul using every ounce of pity, guilt, and sorrow as possible, while Donnie did everything turtle-y possible to avoid such a gaze.

The weight of the silence didn't lift until Leo finally took a breath. "Donnie—"

"You don't have to say anything." Donnie lifted his gaze and shook his head. "Seriously, Leo."

A crease formed on Leo's brow. "But I can't…" He grimaced and exhaled, his eyes glancing off to the side. "Donnie…I can't even begin to…" He shook his head and pressed his fingers into his forehead. "This was my fault," he whispered toward the table.

Which was the last thing Donnie wanted to hear. "No it wasn't."

"Yes. It was. I should've—"

"Should have what?"

The muscles in Leo's face dropped as he looked back up at his brother, and this time Donatello stared back with just as much intensity.

"I don't know...I should have paid more attention to you. I shouldn't have been so selfish and—and stupid. I put too much pressure on you again."

The statement came out as more of a question and the blue in Leo's eyes suddenly turned sadly hopeful, as though he was searching for Donnie to tell him this was a lie. Maybe a different Donnie, a nicer Donnie, a more gracious Donnie, might have told him he was being too hard on himself, but this Donatello did not respond. Instead, he watched a greedy parasite of guilt crawl across Leo's expression and feed off of every fear he had…and Donnie didn't flinch at it either.

Leo's eyes found the table again and he hunched his shoulders, this time staring at his hands as he curled his fingers around themselves. He swallowed. "How bad was it?"

Donatello was now the one who stared, his mind numbing itself over and going blank the way it never did when his brothers asked him questions. He had no answer, and he had no desire to give an answer, and so he didn't until Leo looked back at him with a crease to his brow.

"I'd rather not say," he responded, his expression and tone alike as flat as he'd ever made them.

Leo frowned. "Sorry. I know you're probably…" He exhaled before screwing up his face and asking, "Is Mikey going to be okay?"

Donnie shrugged. Again, he didn't know how to answer such a question. He wasn't even sure if he himself was going to be "okay." Physically he wasn't too badly damaged—exhausted, sick to his stomach, with a few bruises and cuts here and there, but he could stand on his feet. He'd live, but the weight of grief and panic that had still yet to completely disappear was unnerving and sat behind him like a ghostly shadow waiting for him to turn around. Sure, Mikey would live too, but if he'd suffered any amount of the emotional toll that Donnie had, the purple-donning turtle couldn't definitively say whether or not he'd be "okay" either.

This lack of response didn't seem to pacify Leo, but he didn't ask again.

"Can we talk about something else?" Donnie said.

Leo nodded and gazed back at his hands. "I screwed up."

Donnie exhaled through his nose. "How?"

"I stopped appreciating you," Leo said, picking at a blister on his palm. "I stopped acknowledging how much you contribute to the team, how much I need you—as a brother. I forgot to say thank you." He looked up again.

Donnie's stomach twisted into a knot as he watched a gloss coat his brother's eyes. Leo didn't shed any tears and maybe that was more discomforting because he didn't blink either, and Donatello felt a little suffocated by the desperation in his eyes.

"I took advantage of you and didn't recognize how essential you are. And when you were gone…I couldn't do anything. I didn't know what to do. I forgot everything I knew. I couldn't lead, and that's why we lost Mikey too. It _was_ my fault."

Donnie wasn't sure Leo fully understood what he'd meant when he said he'd rather talk about something else, but he didn't feel mean enough at the moment to dismiss his older brother's gratitude. Though, he didn't feel nice enough to try and repeat that it wasn't his fault either. A part of Donatello was just a little bit bitter with, not just Leo, but Raph, Karai, and Splinter too - surprisingly - for not getting it until he and Mikey were hanging by a thread. Did he blame them for what happened? Not outright, but a tiny bit of him definitely wanted to put all responsibility in their hands. Maybe it was his own fault for going to the surface when he knew his safety was an issue, when his father had told him no. But whose fault was it for keeping him cooped up in the lair to begin with? And who was driving him so far up the wall that he ever felt the _need_ to get out? They hadn't kidnapped him. They hadn't tortured him and dangled Mikey's life in front of his nose. But they had demanded as much from him as the Shredder had, and he was reluctant at the moment to be forgiving of that.

He stayed quiet.

Again, Leo seemed disturbed by his silence, almost as though he knew what was going through Donnie's mind. "I'm sorry, Donnie."

"I know."

Leo bit the inside of his lip. "Is there anything I can do?"

Donatello pinched his lips together, turned away and stood. He stretched out his limbs and stared toward the far end of the kitchen, taking his time to respond, mostly because he didn't know how again.

"Take care of Raph," he said after a while.

When he looked back at his brother, he finally caught Leo blinking. Acceptance filtered through the older turtle's expression, and Leo stood as well, marking the end of the conversation. "As long as he lets me."

Donnie felt a knot of tension release at these words, one that had been throbbing in the recesses of his stomach for months. He exhaled through his nose again, this time not as heavily, and placed a hand on Leo's shoulder.

"Thank God."

Leo mirrored the gesture. "You were right."

"I know."

"You always are."

Donnie cocked his head. "That's mostly accurate…Just don't ever put me through that again."

Leo's lips slanted, and the crease came back to his brow. "I won't, Donnie."

Donatello nodded, now very aware of a migraine beginning to form at the back of his skull. He leaned forward as Leo wrapped his arms around him and hugged his neck. A confused mix of emotions rose up to join the knot in Donnie's throat and he suddenly felt hot, but he didn't want Leo to let go of him. Buried beneath everything else was a sense of relief he didn't want to lose. It was faint, and yet somehow still had the umph in it to pull on his chest and make the world the saddest place to live in. Overwhelming was not a word he would've used, but it was the only one that fit. He curled his arms more securely around his brother's waist and let the sorrow finally flow out of him in a mess of tears and sobs that he had no control over.

He knew his brother so well he practically felt Leo's grimace, but that was all the reaction Leo gave, and Donnie was okay with that.


	33. Chapter 33

**Sooo...obviously just being determined doesn't get the job done. Oh well. We're still close. I'm pretty sure we've got like one more to go, but don't hold me to that. It could be two. The fact of the matter is, nothing is certain ;) **

* * *

He watched her eyes stare at the reflection in her mug. The steam from her tea just barely touched the tip of her nose, but she didn't seem bothered by it.

She was so like her mother, with eyes that could see the world through something as simple and minuscule as a teacup, and it was a sensory gift that would always and had always been a mystery to him. He remembered glancing up at Tang Shen as they strolled through the park, as they ate at the dinner table, as they settled in for bed or sat down to enjoy each others' company, and he would always catch her, at least once, gazing off into space, reading the world the way he never could, understanding its pain and smiling, sometimes sadly, as though she were sympathizing with it.

Miwa…Karai had that same look in her eyes, except that he could see a deeper pain in the gold painting her irises. It was a personal pain, a pain he could very much relate to this time. And he felt sorrow for her, for the loss no girl her age should ever have to feel, for her confusion, for her longing, for her stubbornness.

He looked down at his own tea and realized he could not encourage his daughter to drink if he did not drink himself. But he too could only stare, until the waft of aromatic steam made him sick. He pushed his mug away and blinked at the table.

His stomach tightened and dropped, as though re-experiencing the rage that had consumed him when he stabbed his enemy of nearly twenty years through the throat. And even acknowledging that they had indeed been enemies, even reminding himself that it was a choice between his son and a monster, he could not shake the sickness he felt now, the sudden and aching loneliness, the guilt. He had scrubbed soap between his fingers and through his fur for a long time, but he would never be able to get the stain of Oroku Saki's blood off of his hands.

He looked back up at his daughter and grimaced yet with more guilt. She had not spoken to him. Her silence, in a strange way, reminded him of Leonardo's silence, and he feared for a moment that he would have to experience the same failure he had months ago when his eldest son had woken from a four-day sleep only to be full of anger, and anguish, and hate.

The fur on the back of Splinter's neck stood and he tensed his shoulders.

Leonardo had spoken four very true, very heart-breaking words to him that day that haunted him in his sleep even now: "I am not yours." And Splinter could feel those words climbing up his spine this very moment. This may have been his biological daughter sitting before him, but she was not his, just as much as he was not hers, and she had every right to remind him of that. They had only known each other for a short time, and so far, had had even less time than that to rekindle their relationship. He was not the man who'd had the privilege of caring for her, of loving her, of watching her grow. That man was dead now, because Splinter had killed him.

"Miw—Karai…I cannot begin to tell you the immensity with which I am sorry."

She continued to stare into her mug, unblinking and silent. His chest tightened.

"I—understand what you must be feeling right now."

She shook her head, distantly, not so much in disagreement as to acknowledge that she heard.

He waited. And after a moment she finally took a breath, though her eyes never lifted.

"I'm just confused," she said, in a voice more honest than he had ever heard her speak. "I didn't think that…" Her shoulders tensed and then relaxed again as she breathed. "I thought I wanted him gone."

Splinter dropped his gaze. "None of us deserve death—no matter the trouble we have caused throughout our lives."

"But he didn't just cause trouble, Father. He was evil."

Splinter glanced up again to find his daughter looking him now, her eyes round and just as unsure as they were confident.

"He deserved every bit of it." As she said this, a gloss sprung to her eyes and she looked off to the side. But there was no hatred in her voice. "I wish that I had grown up here—with you, with Leo, and Mikey, and Donnie, and even Raphael."

She grimaced. Splinter fought off the urge to round the table and fold her in his arms. She was not his baby anymore, and he wasn't sure if the gesture would comfort or disturb her.

"I wish…I wish I had never known him. I wish I didn't…"

She pressed her lips together as though forbidding herself from speaking of any remorse she might have. But though the words did not pass her lips, he saw the grief in her face and in the tears that escaped her notice and slid down to her chin.

"Karai."

She looked at him, and every muscle that was holding her expression together did its best not to crumple. Her cheeks even began to redden.

"What has happened is what is. Oroku Saki was…a vengeful, unfortunate man. He was a man that cared for you and loved you fiercely. Even I cannot deny him that. Just as I cannot deny that I loved him, very much the way you loved him. His heart may have darkened and harden over many years of anger, but he was family. He was a father and guardian to you. And as much as I may wish to detach myself from the memories that we shared, I cannot deny that he was my brother, and is still my brother to this day. That has never changed, even as we grew apart, even as he began to hate me, and even as that hate turned on my entire family. He may have taken many things from me, but he loved me once too, and for that I could never fully hate him."

She grimaced again, then her expression loosened to one more fitting of a saddened child's. "But why did it have to be that way?"

More tears found their way over her cheeks and he found he could not statically watch them without every single one stinging his soul. He had never been able to watch his children cry without at least attempting to wipe their tears away, not his boys, and not his daughter.

He allowed himself to kneel beside the table and opened his arms in invitation and was surprised when she not only complied but did so as though she had been waiting for the opportunity. She clung to him the very same way that his sons did when they were in pain, and for some reason, the fact that the fists bunching around the back of his robe were so much smaller than his sons' rose a knot in his throat.

He wrapped his arms around his daughter and stroked her hair. It was all so different, and yet so much the same. His body instinctively carried through all the motions of consoling his child as it had learned to do over the past sixteen years, but the child in his arms this time was one that his body did not recognize—and yet it still felt so natural, which all pained him as much as it was a comfort to him.

"My daughter," he said. "If everything had happened perfectly and differently—I would not be able to hold you as I am now, because I would not be the man I am now, and neither would you be the woman that you are."

He tilted her chin up and brushed a thumb across her cheek, finally whisking those tears away.

"I have not told you this. But despite the upbringing you endured, I am very proud of the young woman that you have become, and you became that woman on your own. You may have gotten lost along the way, but—very much unlike the Shredder—you were able to find your way back. And I could not be happier."

Her expression finally became distorted beyond the point of masking what weaknesses she felt, and she hid her face in his chest, shoulders shaking as she cried.

He passed his hand over her hair again and kissed the top of her head. "I love you, Karai."

She whined into his chest and said, in a very muffled voice, "Miwa…I like when you call me Miwa."

The old rat exhaled and stroked his daughter's hair again.

"Miwa it is then."

They sat in silence after that, holding one another for what felt like the first time in sixteen years, and maybe that was true. At least, holding her had never felt so real before, so achingly desperate and comforting at the same time, not even when she had first been retrieved from the Shredder's lair as a prisoner and brought home…his home, their home. They were a family now—a whole family. And that suddenly hit him very hard.

He inhaled deeply as he looked up. His expression softened when his eyes caught the shift of his second eldest son ducking back behind the archway to the dojo, just enough to leave one bright green eye staring out across the room at his father. Splinter could see just the barest hint of embarrassment in his son's expression, but Raphael stood his ground—as he was well known to do—and he made it known through his silence that he had something pressing on his mind, not, Splinter was intrigued to realize, for his father to hear.

The old rat took one last moment to appreciate his daughter's presence then gently pulled her out of his arms and brushed her hair from her face. Then, in his most secretive voice, he whispered, "I believe he wishes to speak with you."

Karai's brow creased and her eyes followed the tilt of Splinter's head. He did not look upon the exchange of expressions between his son and his daughter, but after an initial moment of hesitation, Karai filled her lungs with a breath of air and exhaled as she stood, taking care to clear her face of whatever tears may have lingered. Splinter did not watch her walk away, but instead looked back at his tea and the reflection it provided him.

He picked up his mug and took a sip.

* * *

He couldn't help pinching his lips to the side as he backed out of the archway and waited for her to join him. His hands wrung themselves together and the charred skin beneath the bandages on his face burned even hotter. He was so tempted to scratch at it, but in his experience nursing injuries, the moment he lifted a hand to relieve an itch under gauze, bandage, cast, or sling, Donnie would be there to swat at him with a ruler. So he resisted—not that he believed Donnie had the will in him at the moment to care or fuss over Raphael's petty injuries. Even Raph himself didn't much acknowledge his battle wounds, besides gritting his teeth at the sting.

Karai emerged from the dojo, her hazel eyes already staring directly into his soul, and his throat went dry. He would never get comfortable with that stare, and he wasn't sure he wanted to. In fact, he was half a step away from turning on his heel and saying never mind, but he stood his ground. The only thing that kept him there was his incredible distaste for awkwardness, which was ironic. He knew if he didn't confront her now, they'd be sashaying glances at each other and producing pregnant pauses for as long as it took to finally get the night's events—and every event previous—out of the way.

So, he allowed his eyes to gaze off to the side as he filled his chest and coughed.

"Look, Karai, I uh…I just…I wanted to…" He rubbed at the back of his neck and wrinkled his nose at the stupidity of saying nice things. He'd pretty much taken a bullet for her right? Wasn't that enough?

"I have to just…"

"Thank you, Raphael."

He glanced up, finally meeting those eyes, and was surprised when he found they were still unwavering. She neither smiled nor frowned. Her eyebrows didn't rise, her lips didn't twitch, her breathing stayed perfectly even, and yet he could tell—somehow—that those were probably the hardest words for her to say.

"I know you didn't do it for me," she continued. "But I probably wouldn't be standing here now if it weren't for you so…I appreciate it."

He tilted his chin up, eyeing her as though searching for the lie. But somewhere along the line his defensiveness loosened and he dropped his shoulders.

"Well…" He cleared his throat and looked away again. "You're welcome, I guess. I just uh…" He wiped his palm across his plastron and sighed. "I'm not very good at—apologies."

He peeked at her in just enough time to see her blink and tilt her head. But her expression remained blank.

She shrugged. "I used to say that about saying thank you." Her gaze dropped. "But then I came here, and there were suddenly a million things to be grateful for." She crossed an arm over her chest and squeezed her bicep, then sucked in a breath. "You know, Raph, I'm kind of tired of fighting."

Her eyes met his again and his jaw slackened. He nodded.

"I mean, we just spent, what like three hours killing robots and stuff? I really…just want it to be over."

"Yeah," he mumbled. "Me too."

"And it's kind of stupid isn't it? I mean…Leo loves you. He can continue to deny it all he wants to if that's his choice, but that's not going to change how he feels. I can pretend I'm good at handling relationships—doesn't mean I ever will be, which is why I turned him down to begin with. I just wasn't built for that kind of thing—emotionally, I mean. I'd just be a disappointment to him…"

A snicker burst through Raph's nose. Karai's eyes tightened on him. He coughed into his fist and let his gaze roll once around the room before coming back to her.

"Sorry, it's just…" He bit the inside of his lip as a swell of emotion rolled over in his gut and left a bitter taste in his mouth. His teeth didn't want him to go any further, but for the sake of getting it all out now, he knew it was for the best. He sighed. "Leo loves you too."

He didn't watch her face, but he could feel her eyes still staring.

"He kinda always has, I guess, and I—never liked it. Still don't, but…I know that's not something I can change about him. You're important to him."

He finally looked back up at her and was surprised to find a glimmer of tenderness to her gaze—a small one.

"That's why I…That's why I pushed you out of the way. I guess I realized it didn't matter whether it was me or you. As long as I could do something about making him happy…" He shrugged. "Then I had to do it. It's my job as his brother, as his…because I…I love him too."

He matched Karai's gaze and for a moment they got stuck staring at each other with something Raph would almost call understanding. For the first time since they'd met, Raph wasn't seeing his mortal enemy, but instead he was looking at someone who shared the same sense of stubbornness, care, and determination for Leo and his well-being as he did. For the first time ever, he and Karai were eye-to-eye, were on the same page, were _agreeing_. And it was totally weird.

"Look, I don't want to make this complicated or anything. I just wanted to say I was sorry—_am_ sorry. I was a jerk, and—well I'm not sure I'd go as far as taking everything back but—I want you to know that I'm…o-kay with having you as a sister."

Karai's nose finally twitched and she straightened her head. "Yeah?"

He shrugged. "I mean, siblings fight right? They don't have to like each other. I'm just saying you can have some of my air. I'll share it, I guess. Don't really have a choice, but it's whatever now."

Karai coughed a chuckle and shook her head. She looked down as she shuffled her feet. "_Kusottare_."

Raph waited until her gold eyes met his again before he let his lips curl up into a smirk.

"Well that's not what I expected to see."

Raph jumped. He and Karai both looked toward Leo who was just walking around from the kitchen.

The corner of Raph's mouth turned down and he sniffed, rolling his eyes away. Even still, he could practically feel the tender teasing in Leo's smile, and it made his stomach tickle.

"How's Donatello?" Karai asked.

Raph peeked back in time to see the strain on Leo's face though he kept the smile going. "He's—home…That's what matters at the moment. I'm glad you two aren't fighting."

Karai shrugged. "Doesn't matter anymore."

"Not like it means we're besties," Raph mumbled in the same moment.

Karai smirked, but kept her eyes on Leo who's expression became even more strained until it ate away his grin. His blue eyes gazed up at her in a kind of way that Raph wasn't sure he was even meant to see. And he didn't know how he felt about that either, but he kept his mouth closed.

"Karai," Leo said, over a breath of air that sounded serious.

But Karai held up a hand before he could go on and walked down the steps. Both boys followed her with their gazes and both were as equally surprised when she strolled straight up to Leonardo and yanked him into a hug. Leo was so surprised, in fact, that his arms remained frozen halfway between sticking to his sides and hugging her back for a long while. His eyes glanced to Raph almost as though to ask what he should do, but Raph just crossed his arms and shrugged. He still didn't say anything. And it was strange, whatever it was that he felt when he watched his brother give in and close his arms around Karai's back with a new softness to he expression.

Karai whispered something to him in Japanese that Raph didn't catch, but he could practically see Leo's heart hit a special kind of beat behind his plastron. His smile returned, and he firmly squeezed her once before he let her go. She started walking toward her room, and instead of watching her leave, Leo pulled in a long breath and looked up at Raph again.

"I'm gonna check on Mikey," he said, flicking his eyes toward their brother's room.

Raph took the hint with relief and followed.


	34. Chapter 34

**Alright lovies! After almost two years of loving and struggling through this story we are finally closing the book. I have the last two chapters for you guys all ready to go. This is the first and I'll give the last one to you tomorrow. And that's a promise for sure. Thank you for sticking with me for this long (literally the most time-consuming piece of fanfiction I've written so far, but I had a lot of fun). I have another project in mind that I'd like to get your opinions on, so I'll leave a note for you when I post the last chapter. **

**But for now...proceed, read, enjoy, and let me know what you think.**

* * *

They spent a while watching Mikey breathe in silence.

Both sat on the end of his bed, Raph facing Mikey with his legs crossed and his shoulders hunched as he leaned his elbows on his knees. Leo faced the opposite direction though he angled himself with his palm on the bed to allow his gaze both to stare over his shoulder toward Mikey and glance periodically at Raph's profile.

The older turtle scratched at his cheek where the scars from Tigerclaw lined his face as his eyes traveled for a moment along Raph's patches of gauze, under which Leo knew his brother would be sporting his own collection of battle scars. He sighed to himself and looked back at Mikey whose freckled cheeks were swollen with bruises and whose body was so cocooned in strips of gauze that he looked like the meal of a spider who had tenderly wrapped him in a blanket of webs.

"Do you think it'd be different if we'd gotten there sooner?" Raph spoke, voicing the very concern on Leo's mind.

He shivered as his thoughts automatically jumped to the flatness in Donnie's voice, the emptiness in his eyes during their conversation and, not only his silence about his experience with the Shredder, but his avoidance of the topic. Leo wanted to know the answer to that question, but he was also afraid of the answer to that question.

"I don't think it's smart to think about it," he said, as much for Raph as for himself. "It already happened."

Raph nodded, but his green eyes were considerably duller in color as he gazed down at their sleeping brother. "Leo…" he said after a while, his voice so quiet that it just barely touched Leo's ear.

Leonardo gave him his full attention, but Raph kept his eyes sloped.

"About everything I said—"

"You don't have to go there, Raph."

The red turtle's nose scrunched up indignantly and for a moment he became himself again as he flashed a glare on the older turtle. "I know I don't," he snapped. "Let me apologize dammit, before I lose my nerve."

Leo couldn't help but smile. He folded his hands in his lap and nodded his brother on. Raph sucked in a breath and cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry for trying to get under your skin about Karai, and for not letting you decide things on your own, and for punching you in the face—even though you deserved it that time—and for saying all those things I said about Karai…"

His face twisted as though he didn't know how to continue. Leo fixed his shoulders and decided to help.

"Are you saying this because you know you won?"

Raph raised a brow. "_Won_? What, were we playin' chess or something?"

Leo grinned.

"Well it's not like I suddenly like her or anything. Could you see me apologizing if you'd picked her instead? I mean really, it's like you don't know me at all…And just so you know, I wasn't worried."

"Oh really?"

"Not for a second."

Leo nodded, simultaneously turning his body to face Raph's. He caught Raph stiffening a little with a flicker of a glance down at Leo's knee as it brushed against his shell. "Is that why you were trying so hard?"

Raphael smirked as he met Leo's gaze. "You think you're so goddamn irresistible don't you?"

Leo shrugged. "Well that's what started all this isn't it?"

"Jesus Christ. I can't believe I fell for you."

Leo's only response was a smile. He reached toward his brother's lap and took his hand, changing, in an instant, Raph's entire demeanor. The hot-headed, hard-shelled turtle in red softened completely, and for the first time that Leo could ever recall didn't try to hide it. He simply stared with a shallow crease to his brow as Leo turned his palm face up and inspected his calloused fingers as though he'd never seen them before.

Raph's hands were warm…the same kind of warm he'd expected to find. Though his skin was rough and the muscles in his palm tense with the instinct to fight, there was tenderness to the strength in Raph's hands, such that promised always to protect and care for anything he decided to cherish. That had always been a quality about Raphael that Leo had known was there, but it ached his chest to admit that he hadn't acknowledged such a quality until the night he'd slept in Raph's room.

Leo traced an invisible line along Raph's palm then placed his hand in his brother's and curled his fingers around it. Raph's hand closed out of instinct, but his grip was sure—confident. Leo's chest filled with a fog that was so earnest it actually hurt and even brought a grimace to his face.

"I have to apologize too, Raph," he said to his wrist.

"I know," said the other turtle. "After all that, the _least_ you could do is say you're sorry…"

Leo lifted his head with an open mouth, but Raph cut him off with his free hand.

"But first, I gotta know."

Leo let his shoulders relax. "What?"

Raph squeezed his hand. "Is this temporary or what? Cuz I'm not gonna commit to anything if you're not serious."

The blue-banded turtle pinched his lips together. "Of course I'm serious."

Raph shrugged. "I'm just sayin'. It's not like you've explicitly said you want to be in a relationship. I'm just making sure, for my own sanity."

"Yes, Raphael, I would like to be."

Raph's eyes studied Leo's for a long time, waiting for him to blink maybe, to fidget, to lose eye contact, or maybe he was simply looking for a hint of anything that might say Leo didn't mean it. But he did, and so he allowed Raph to study him, because he deserved that. The older turtle knew he hadn't made the process easy up to this point—not that Raph had either, but still—he owed it to his brother to be as transparent as possible, no more tiptoeing around the issue, no more pretending like he didn't share the same feelings, no more arguing…at least not about this.

"Okay," Raph said after a satisfied nod. "Since I think you're telling the truth, I have another question…What made you decide? And please don't tell me you suddenly had a realization that you couldn't live without me _after_ I took an explosion to the face."

Leo hiccupped a chuckle. "I've always known I couldn't live without you, Raph," he said honestly, but it shivered his spine to think of what might have happened if his rebel hadn't woken up.

The image of Raph being blown off of his feet from the tiny window Leo had had through Foot limbs and hazy air flashed back into his mind for an instant and it shook his stomach. His muscles tightened, inadvertently making his grip stricter around Raph's hand—not that the red-banded turtle seemed to notice. Leo realized there was still a small part of him that was mad at his brother for nearly dying. He shook his head to himself and forced the discomfort to leave through his nose as he exhaled.

"I'm still mad that you did that."

"But I saved—"

"I know. And you still did it for me, didn't you?"

Raph's gaze flickered away, but they both knew it was true.

"I think that's what did it," Leo said. "Not that you went all heroic and sacrificial or anything, but…You're always there, Raph. You always have my back—I mean you said it yourself, and you were right. I think what you did just reminded me how stubborn, and hard-headed, and backward, and stupid you are."

Raph's expression flattened. "Thanks."

"Yeah," Leo said. "It also reminded me that I love all those things about you, and you wouldn't be Raph without them, and that because of that you're also loyal, and strong, and fearless. And I trust you with my life—with _anyone's_ life. Because when it really matters most, you do what you can to protect all of us, no matter what's going on. You'd never let me fall."

Raph sniffed nonchalantly as though Leo's words had no affect on him, but the older turtle knew better. "I just don't feel like watching you hit the ground."

Leo smiled. "I love you too."

"Well shit…took you long enough."

They shared a grin this time and Raph's thumb just barely passed over the back of Leo's hand. Leo glanced down and used a free finger to scratch at the tape around Raph's knuckles.

"I really am sorry, Raph."

"I know…and I'll forgive you, but you have to answer another question."

"Geez, you're just full of them tonight." Leo rolled his eyes, but nodded his brother on. "What is it?"

This time Raph's smile disappeared on his skin. His eyes acquired a peculiar glimmer and he tilted his head slightly to the side. "What did Karai say to you?"

A swell of heat grazed the tops of Leo's cheeks, but he knew it was in Raph's best interest that he respond truthfully. It was going to take a lot of patience and cooperation to feel like he'd made up for screwing with Raph's emotions...It was going to take a lot of honesty too.

"She told me she loved me," he said.

Raph's expression again flattened, but Leo went on before he could make a comment.

"And that I made the right choice."

At this Raph looked a little taken aback—which was more adorable than Leo expected it to be. The turtle in red glanced to the side with a furrowed brow, as though he wasn't sure what to think of this information. Leo could see him trying to fit uneven jigsaw pieces together in his mind. Obviously his perception of Karai and the reality of Karai didn't add up for him, and after a moment he seemed to let it pass, but he pinched his lips together at the corner first and shook his head.

"Damn."

"What?"

"That means she's not that bad."

Leo chuckled. "I told you."

Raph rolled his eyes. "Whatever. More importantly, we have one more thing to talk about."

Leo sighed through his nose. "Is this ever going to end?"

"That kiss."

"What kiss?"

"At the hospital," Raph said pointedly, his back straight, "when you suddenly came to the realization that you were desperately in love with me."

Leo scoffed. "First of all, that's not even close to what happened. Second—dumbass—that was CPR."

Raph rolled his eyes up toward the ceiling. "Are you sure about that?"

"It was not a kiss."

As he said this, making sure his voice was loud enough and clear enough to make a point, Raph's eyes slid back to his face with a hidden smirk peeking out behind a new shine of confidence. It was infectious and reached out to share a bit of that confidence with Leo. He was comfortable, for the first time in what felt like years upon years of fighting, and tension, and miscommunication, and strain between him and Raphael. He could breathe with him without feeling suffocated, stare at him without looking away, hold his hand without flinching. He could kiss him, and he did, deliberately and slowly, taking all the care to cushion Raph's jaw in his palm and tenderly pull him forward—just a little bit. It was short and it was soft, but it was intentional. It was something he wanted and it made every knot in his being unravel like the coils of a snake releasing its grip.

"That was a kiss," he whispered hardly an inch from Raph's lips.

Even this close he could see the blush in Raph's dark green skin. The red-banded turtle didn't say anything, but that was expected of Raph. His response instead was to take the leader by his shoulders and yank him back in.

Raph wasn't nearly as tender about kissing, but Leo didn't mind that at all. He finally decided, very definitively, that Raph's strength, and Raph's passion, and the typically rough way about which Raph did things was something he enjoyed very much, because it was very distinctive to Raphael. That was how he operated. So Leo would balance that out when he needed to. For now, he closed his arms around Raph's neck and reveled in the feeling of being encased and held as tightly as possible. It was electrifying, like someone had rubbed a dry sock all over his body. He didn't have any hair, but he was sure if he did it'd all be standing up right now.

He liked kissing, he decided. And the fact that it was Raph made all the difference.

"This room is rated PG."

The two turtles broke apart and, still holding each other, glanced down toward their baby brother, who peeked at them with one sleepy eye.

"You guys are disgusting."

Leo laughed. Raph gently slapped Mikey's foot. "Go to sleep, you little turd."

A shadow of a smile graced Mikey's cheek for a moment and he let his head sink back into his pillow, closing his eye obediently. His lungs filled themselves with a big breath of air and as he exhaled, Leo faintly heard him sigh he word "finally."

They sat still for a moment, both waiting until they heard Mikey's breathing change into a soft snore, then they looked back at each other.

"Well," Raph sighed. "What now?"

Leo pressed his lips together and gazed at his brother seriously. "I think you know."

Raph's eyes shifted. "I do?"

Leo nodded. "We have to tell Splinter."


	35. Chapter 35

"You _know_?"

Leo shared a glance with Raph, but the red-banded turtle looked just as confused, shocked even.

"W-What do you mean 'you know'?"

Splinter took his time responding. Both boys stared at him, watched his every move as he calmly took a sip from his new cup of tea without glancing at them once until he had quenched his thirst. They were trying to find a hiccup in his movements, a bit of hesitation or pause, a shift of his eyes, a twitch of his whiskers, anything that might indicate he was at all anxious or bothered by this news his sons had just shared with him. But he did no such thing. In fact, he acted as though this didn't surprise him in the least.

"I have been aware of your feelings for each other for a long time," he said finally, folding his paws in his lap and looking up at them with those intuitive amber eyes.

"You have?" Raph said, leaning fully forward. His eyes were wide, and he had gone back to blushing—for completely different reasons this time.

Leo was just as baffled. "But…how long have you known? When did this happen?"

It was funny. They had decided to start a romantic relationship and tell their father about it and yet_ they_ were the ones demanding answers as their father took in their questions calmly, and even _smiled_ about it.

"_Ido no naka no hitori-goto mo san'nen tateba shireru_: Even a lone mutter in a well is known after three years."

Leo blinked. The crease on his brow deepened with confusion. Raph's mouth hung slightly agape.

Splinter pulled on his beard and directed his gaze toward his eldest son. "I heard you and Donatello talking about it."

Raph made a noise, exhaling as Leo inversely inhaled and dropped his head with embarrassment. If he had a normal skin color, his face would be entirely red right now.

"Nice going, Fearless."

"I thought you were meditating," Leo said, looking back to his father, his eyes pleading as though he could somehow hope that Splinter wasn't exactly telling the truth.

Splinter's smile grew. "I was. And I can assure you I was doing my utmost not to eavesdrop. But it is challenging, when you are a master of all five senses, not to hear a conversation going on in the next room."

Raph punched Leo in the arm.

"To be fair," Splinter continued. "It did nothing more than confirm my suspicions."

"Suspicions?" the boys chorused, both with tentative questioning, as though they didn't quite want to know what their father meant.

"It is also challenging," Splinter said, "not to notice certain manners in my sons after_ many_ years of experience observing the behaviors and patterns of people in both social and intimate spaces. The two of you have always had a peculiar relationship, even when you were young boys; you were attached to each other in a way that reached beyond mere brotherhood. And as you grew older and your emotions became more complicated, I realized your relationship resembled specific qualities I had only ever experienced in my relationship with my wife."

Raph hiccupped, and Leo could swear he caught the undertones of a gag beneath it. He had to admit, he didn't want to hear that either.

"While it concerned me at first," Splinter continued. "It quickly became obvious that neither of you were initially aware of these things, and so I thought I would allow it to take its course and see if it might end up where my suspicions thought it might and…" He spread his arms out toward them. "I was right."

Leo's head tilted to the side. "And you're okay with that?"

Splinter raised a brow as though he didn't understand. "Are you not?"

"W-Well yeah but…"

"I'm sorry," Raph said loudly, shooting his hand up into the air. "I'm just a little confused. So you're saying you knew about _everything_ that was going on over the past few months?"

"Yes."

"And nobody told you anything?"

"No."

Raph's hand fell back into his lap. He paused for a moment, biting on his bottom lip as he thought. "Even when you were talking to me after I picked a fight with Karai?"

"Yes."

The turtle sat back on his heels. His green eyes met Leo's and he shrugged. "Well I have nothing more to say."

Leo looked back at his father, still unsure. "And you're okay with this?" he asked again. He felt like a worm was wiggling around in his stomach and eating at his insides. This was about the weirdest conversation he'd ever had with his sensei.

Splinter gazed back at him patiently and folded his fingers together. "I was under the impression you came to notify me of this new step in your relationship so that I would not be in the dark. But it seems to me as though you are seeking my permission to be a part of something that is more intricate than your bond as brothers."

Leo faltered. "Well I…"

"No?" Raph said, though it was more of a question than a statement.

They glanced at each other. But whatever silent bit of communication they had didn't seem to end anywhere cognizant so they looked back to their father.

"Would you like my permission?" Splinter asked.

Raph twitched as though the very question was an insult to his being. Leo, on the other hand, found himself nodding.

"It might make me feel better," he admitted, "about this conversation."

Splinter again smiled and bowed his head once. "My only wish is for you to be happy, my sons. If being together is what makes you happy, then I am more than willing to give you my blessing on that. But you must promise me something first…"

Both boys stiffened.

"All this fighting had best be behind us now."

They exhaled. Raph held up his hand in salute. Leo sighed a, "Hai, Sensei."

"Good," Splinter said over a chuckle. He leaned forward a little to place a hand on each of his sons' heads.

Leo watched his amber eyes glance between them and noticed a glimmer of emotion he wasn't sure he quite understood. It almost looked like sadness of some kind, but he was still smiling, and it was genuine, a smile that fully reached his eyes and left no part of his expression empty. But beneath his fur, hiding in the center of his forehead was the smallest of creases, a crease of concern maybe? Of pain?

He didn't have to wonder about it very long because his father's hand slid gently down his face and tilted up his chin. He did the same with Raph and said, "Sometimes I wish you would stay young forever."

He didn't go on, but Leo heard an unspoken "so that you could stay with me" in his tone, and he knew Raph heard it too. He met his father's smile with one of his own.

"We're not going anywhere, Sensei. I promise."

Splinter pulled in a long breath, gazing down at his oldest in admiration. Then, without saying anything else, he pulled his sons into his embrace and held them tightly. Leo allowed the left side of his face to sink into his father's chest so that he could inhale the familiar blend of incense and tea and smile at Raph, who grinned back at him and, for a brief moment, closed his eyes and let his body relax, allowing himself to absorb the comfort of being held by their father.

Leo wasn't sure how long they knelt there shrouded in Splinter's hug, but it didn't really bother him. He didn't mind it at all. In fact, he loved this side of his father. And he had missed it.

Eventually though, the old rat did let them go and then shooed them away with his hands. "Now, for the last time, get some sleep, both of you."

The boys bowed in unison and left the dojo after bidding their sensei a goodnight.

As soon as Raph's foot crossed the threshold into the common room, a sloppy breath fell out of his mouth. "That was _way_ easier than I thought it was going to be." He glanced at Leo with a glint of fear to his eyes. "Should we be worried?"

Leo chuckled. "No. I don't think so."

"Okay," Raph sighed. He sniffed then rolled his shoulders timidly and mumbled, "Do you wanna sleep in my room?"

The corners of Leo's lips pulled up and he gave Raph a side-glance without responding. He reached out and found his brother's hand, lacing their fingers together, and pulled him closer to his side as he guided them both toward his own room.

"Your room is filthy."

The red turtle scoffed. "Is not."

"The sweat rags, Raph? First off, gross. Second, they're all over the place. I mean do you ever add anything to the laundry?"

"We don't wear clothes!"

"April brings a basket down here every week so she can wash our sheets and towels and stuff. Did you even know that?"

Raph rolled his eyes away.

"Also, the drum set."

"What about it?"

"It takes up _way _too much space. You don't even play. Why do you have it?"

Raph sniffed indignantly. "I have my reasons. What's it to you?"

"Well if you want me to be comfortable in your room—"

"I wasn't asking you to move in with me!"

Leo intentionally ignored him. "Oh, and that collection of shuriken on your ceiling? That needs to go."

Raph huffed through his nose, looking Leo up and down with those invigorating green eyes of his. "Am I gonna regret this?"

Leo laughed. "Hell yeah."


End file.
